Has anyone ever seen "Clerks"?  I just saw it again (for the
thirty-seventh time ^_^), and was hit by this idea.

Seen it?  I live about 20 minutes from the Quick Stop they filmed in...

I don't really have time to write it myself, but if anyone else wants
to, it's up for grabs.
Clerks
Ranma Saotome as Dante

Dear gods.  I can't decide if this is genius or dementia, or both...

Actually... all of Randal's antics.

Ryoga as Randall is hard to see -- except for his one line to Caitlin (and
I'm sure you know which one).

Try Mousse or Taro as Randall

Psycho Sam