Once upon a time, in a place that may or may not have ever actually
existed outside of my own head, there was a man who had far, far
too much time on his hands, and he was becoming rather bored.
Fortunately, this man commanded a rather large and powerful Fanfic
studio, based in a complex that was almost but not quite a complete
rip-off of the Biles' Story Command Center. And one day he was
surveying a room in his complex. It had a large movie screen that was
readily adapted for fic viewing, big, comfy plush couches, snack-filled
refridgerators, and two of the man's lackeys were in it at the time,
arguing over which one got the good couch.

The man had just finished watching a certain show featuring two
bickering robots and a human reviewing movies.

Suddenly, he had something to do with his spare time.

And just for the record, HE gets the good couch.

Submitted for your approval....

LST1/2K: Lunatic Science Theatre 500.

Starring, in no particular order....

Mercutio: The internationally recognized Bane of Tybalt. (tm)

Mackie Stingray: If anyone asks, he was never here.

Hikaru Gosunkugi: Yeah, yeah, whaddya want. He's actually kind of
intersting to talk to.


Mercutio: Introductions aside, let's move right along to......

>  --------------------------------------------------
>  ^_- I L L	M E T	B Y	S T A R L I G H T ^_-
>  --------------------------------------------------
>  by Susan Doenime and Mike Loader
>  -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>  Previous chapters at: http://www.humbug.org.au/~wendigo/imbs.html
>  -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>  Chapter 11 - Heart of Darkness
>
>  Such a muddy line between
>  The things we want
>  And the things we have to do
>  - Sheryl Crow

Mercutio: Sheryl Crow?

Hikaru: Don't ask me. I listen to Tom Jones.

>  A boy, black school uniform spotless and impeccable, sat
>  underneath a tree near Furinkan High School. He was, on the
>  whole, very average looking; slender build, black hair,
>  pleasant, slightly absent smile. Could have been anyone.

Hikaru: Could be me.

Mercutio: We already established the fact that you won't get a part
in this. Let it go, Gos.

>  But the eyes were chips of hot ice, and the gauze bandage
>  on the side of his head was still fresh.
>
>  He sat, and for a long time no-one came to disturb him.
>  No-one even came near him. His part of the field was empty,
>  and this was because it was, indeed, his part of the field.
>
>  So when the footfalls sounded and a blue dress
>  registered in his peripheral vision, he knew immediately who
>  it was.
>
>  "Well, Asa?"

Mercutio: AACK!!! A-ko tribute!! Bad! Badbadbadbad!!!!!

>  The girl in the blue school uniform fidgeted, and he
>  noticed with forced dispassion that she seemed upset. "Tendo
>  Nabiki is in the hospital, and they say she's going to die."
>
>  His eyes hardened, and a slight frown replaced the smile.
>  "And 'they' are?"

Mercutio: The ubiquotous "they," of course.

Mackie: They are all around us.... watching out every move.....
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!

Hikaru: (sweatdrops) Ummmmmm....... sure.

>^_-
>
>  "Fooled you, didn't he?"
>
>  Ukyou glanced over at Akane. "Huh?"
>
>  The other girl shrugged. "You were absolutely sure he
>  was going to kill Shampoo. Shan Pu. Whatever. He was about to
>  shove that knife through her throat, and you were surprised as
>  anything when he didn't."
>
>  Ukyou blinked, and stared at Akane. "Yeah. That's it
>  exactly. He was gonna cut her throat..."
>
>  Akane smiled, a bit sadly. "I thought so too, even though I
>  knew better. He's done this before. We're reading him all
>  wrong, and I don't know if he does it on purpose or not."
>
>  She frowned. "He might not of killed her, but he did cut
>  her."
>
>  Akane turned away. "I don't think he enjoyed doing it. But
>  he had to be sure she was telling the truth. And if she would
>  keep her oath even as he slit her throat, then she can be
>  trusted up to a point."
>
>  Ukyou's frown turned troubled. "So do you think she really
>  can be trusted?"
>
>  Laughing sourly, Akane sat down on the sofa. "No. I don't.
>  But I think we can trust her not to kill us while we sleep, or
>  stab us the minute we look away."
>
>  She mulled this over in her mind. "It'd be nice if she was
>  telling the truth."
>
>  "It would, wouldn't it?" Akane chuckled wryly. "Who
>  knows, Ukyou, maybe you've started a trend by showing up and
>  not wanting to kill him. As it is, this just leaves Tsen, Mariko,
>  and her brother. Four of us, three of them. Much better odds."
>
>  Ukyou nodded. "I'm gonna see if I can get Shan to set up a
>  meeting between me and Tsen. With a bit of thought, maybe we
>  can come up with an alternative to killing Ranma."
>
>  Shuddering, Akane eyed her dubiously. "Much as I like the
>  idea, I wouldn't want to be alone with Tsen."
>
>  She blinked. "Actually, he kinda struck me as an okay guy.
>  Mariko was the one who gave me the creeps."
>
>  "Heh. You're frightened by the girl, and I get all nervous
>  about the guy. I suppose that makes a twisted sort of sense."

Mercutio: This entire STORY makes a twisted sort of sense.

>  "Tsen seems to have a sense of honor," Ukyou pointed out.
>  "It's there, even if it isn't pointing in the right direction at the
>  moment. Mariko... Mariko just hates him, and she wants to kill
>  him. Tsen's forced to by his culture's code of honor, but
>  Mariko's going to enjoy doing it."
>
>  Akane nodded, looking unhappy. "She really isn't that bad
>  a person, you know. It's that hate... I thought I almost got
>  through to her a couple of times, but then it all came boiling
>  back up. It's like she's convinced herself that killing him will
>  make everything okay again."
>
>  And here was a question Ukyou had been turning over and
>  over in her mind, and there was no easy way to ask. So she'd do
>  it the blunt way. "Did he really kill her brother?"
>
>  For several seconds, Akane said nothing; she just stared
>  at the far wall. Finally, just as Ukyou was beginning to worry
>  that the question had been a major mistake, she looked up.
>  "Yes. He did."
>
>  Ukyou slowly nodded. "Why?"
>
>  "It was a fight. He... he was hurt very badly by the other
>  boy, and he thought he was going to die, and he snapped." The
>  other girl's agonized look made it clear just how often this had
>  gone through her mind, what it meant about him. "By the time
>  he came out of it, his opponent was dead. It's been tearing him
>  up for the past few years."

Mercutio: A cut that barey leaves a noticeable scar does NOT count
as being hurt very badly.

Mackie: She's rationalizing. You really think she'd going to paint Ranma
in anything BUT the most promising light? She DID almost sleep
with the man, after all.

Hikaru: You were just using that as a cheap excuse to mention sex,
weren't you.

Mackie: You can prove nothing.

>  "Mariko made it sound like..."

Mercutio: ...like he brutaly smashed Ryoga's throst into a bloody
pulp? Gee, can we guess why?

>  ^_-
>
>  Shan Pu hopped nimbly across the stepping stones of the
>  lake, feet barely touching the surface. A thin trickle of blood
>  still wound its crimson way down her neck, vanishing between
>  her breasts like a river cutting into deep hills. She paid it no
>  mind. Her mission had succeeded.

Mercutio: Damn. It would appear that Shampoo doesn't scab as fast
as normal peo- Mackie, stop that.

Mackie: What? I wasn't doing anything.

Mercutio: You were trying to look down her shirt, weren't you?

Mackie: (sweatdrops) I was simply.... admiring the hills. Yes, that's it.

>  For a few terrible seconds, she had been sure she was
>  going to die. So had everyone else; as Ranma's knife had driven
>  toward her throat she had dimly glimpsed Ukyou's horrified
>  face, a scream about to well up from it. Akane's had held
>  surprise, apprehension... perhaps regret. She was his creature.
>
>  But it had been a test, which was lucky. Because her
>  word was her bond, and she was held by honor to it. Even if
>  that meant letting him gut her like a fish.
>
>  She cleared the stones, pushed aside the island's light
>  trees, and trudged into the camp. The Hibikis sat there,
>  expectant looks on their faces. On Koji's face, anyway. Mariko
>  looked more sour than anything else.
>
>  Striding over to the cooking equipment, she poured a
>  glass of cool water and doused herself.
>
> Tsen straightened, and smiled.
>
>  "Was success. Shan go to them, give oath not to hurt or
>  give you information. They test, Shan pass."
>
>  Smiling, Koji leaned back in his seat on the log.
>  "Excellent. Can you sketch a plan of the house interior?"
>
>  "Can do that. Also, is good news. Ranma hurt, bad
>  shoulder. Think is broken."

Mercutio: Yes, Ranma's shoulder was bad, so he hurt it.

Hikaru: Ah, the wonderful nuances of Shampooese.

>  Koji nodded. "If we know where he and the others sleep,
>  we can launch a raid on the house, kill him while they slumber.
>  If he's got a broken shoulderblade, Marichan and I can take him
>  down with ease, especially if he's wrapped in blankets and half
>  asleep."
>
>  Tsen nodded. "Shan see you, she honor-bound stop you. Is
>  oath."
>
>  "So we arrange for you to be asleep while it happens. We
>  go in, break his neck, and run like hell. And the world is a
>  better place." Koji smiled like a shark. "I can just picture the
>  expression on his face when he wakes up to find a hand
>  crushing his windpipe. It's a fun sort of mental image."
>
>  ^_-
>
>  It was early afternoon when Akane quietly made her way
>  into Ranma's room, slowly pushing aside the door.
>
>  He lay curled on the futon, half covered by a blanket, his
>  face oddly clear and untroubled. Almost peaceful. He looked
>  strangely vulnerable like that, she thought tenderly.

Mercutio: That would be what Koji and Mariko are counting on, yes.

>  For almost a minute she just squatted by the futon and
>  watched him, occasionally sending an absent glance at the few
>  furnishings in the room. A chair. A wardrobe. A low table, upon
>  which sat the vase of cherry twigs and the picture of the
>  woman in its silver frame. His mother? She could see an echo
>  of his face in the woman's features, and a determined look she
>  knew very well seemed to be hidden just beneath the surface
>  of the smile she gave the camera.
>
>  Ranma, she suddenly realized with a rush of excitement,
>  had never so much as mentioned his mother. Why? Was she
>  dead? Could that be...?
>
>  No. She knew what it was like to have your mother die. It
>  was horrible, and it changed you forever, but it didn't drive you
>  to snap and kill your friend. Accidentally kill.

Mercutio: Oo, slip! Freudian slip!

>  "Hey," she softly called, knowing better than to shake
>  him. "Wake up, you."
>
>  Slowly, his eyes opened, and he smiled slightly. "Hey,
>  Akane. Naptime over?"
>
>  "Yup. Up and at em."
>
>  He casually flipped into a sitting position, still smiling.
>  "Shan Pu back yet?"
>
>  "I think so." She frowned slightly, a question coming to
>  mind. "Why did you stick her in with Ukyou?"
>
>  His eyes flicked downward. "It's still Nabiki's room," he
>  said quietly. "For a little while, at least."
>
>  They sat for a while in silence, and then Ranma smiled
>  faintly. "Besides, it's not as much of a problem as you think."
>
>  She raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"
>
>  "Ukyou ever hit on you?"
>
>  She blushed a deep scarlet. "What? No! Of course not!"
>
>  "What, no flirting? No hidden sexual tension?" His tone
>  was amused and sardonic.

Mercutio: Uh-oh.

Hikaru: He knoooooo-ooows.

>  She shook her head, baffled by the turn in the
>  conversation, and a little uneasy at it. "None. Not a bit. He
>  treats me just like one of the guys, really."
>
>  "Bishonen, ain't he?"
>
>  "Yes, he's..." What Ranma was getting at suddenly dawned
>  on her. "Oh. Oh my. You think Ukyou-kun's..."

Mercutio: A girl?

Hikaru: A chick?

Mackie: A babe?

>  "...gayer than a tree full of monkeys, yup." He smirked. "I
>  knew there was something off, but I didn't realize what until I
>  offered to fix him up with a date. You shoulda seen him look
>  awkward, fumble... yeah, he definitely prefers men."

Mackie: Uhhhhhh.....

Hikaru: Then again, maybe he DOESN'T know.

Mercutio: Err.... well, he's right, but he's..... well, damn.

>  Akane nodded, certain mannerisms and behaviors
>  suddenly making more sense. "That... you're not uncomfortable
>  with that, are you?"
>
>  "Nah. If he were straight, he could be attracted to my
>  girl-body, ya know? It's not like he's gonna come on to me or
>  anything. What he does in bed is his own business." He winked
>  at her. "Besides, he knows the competition's too much for him."
>
>  She blushed. "Well, I guess rooming with Shan won't be a
>  problem for him, then."
>
>  ^_-
>
>  Nerima was busy; hordes of people flocking along the
>  streets and byways. She quickly sensed that Shan didn't like
>  this, was set on edge by the crowds. When they passed under
>  the trestle of an elevated train, the nervousness seemed to
>  increase. The girl obviously wasn't a citydweller.
>
>  They passed out of the shopping districts, and into the
>  areas by the docks. The language grew rougher, the faces more
>  sullen, the looks more guarded. Now Ukyou was the
>  uncomfortable one; Japan was a safe place, but this area
>  looked like a crime zone if ever Tokyo had one.
>
>  The voices now spoke in Chinese and Korean, with other,
>  stranger accents mixing in. She was out of place here, and
>  knew it.
>
>  Shan Pu strode down the street like she owned it. From
>  the respectful berth she was being given, perhaps she did.
>
>  Somehow sensing her line of thought, the Amazon turned
>  and smirked. "They know Joketsuzoku, know we sent
>  Kuomintang running, Triads smashed. They know. Not worry.
>  Our vengance that of gods, but so much more reliable."

Mercutio: Who cares about the Kuomintang? They got toasted by
Mao, and ended up cowering on Taiwan. I'd like to see
how well the Amazons stand up to the commies and the
People's Liberation Army.

>  "How can the law's obligation end, Tsen? I'm sure not every
>  Joketsuzoku who's run afoul of this has had to marry or kill..."
>
>  He shrugged. "Joketsuzoku women very desirable wife;
>  smart, beautiful, much spirit. Marriage usually common."
>
>  "What if the man's already married?"
>
>  "Is failure, then. Great loss of face, warrior return home
>  with much bad honor for failure."
>
>  "But it's better than dying, ne? Or marrying Ranma?"
>
>  "Is moot. Ranma not married."
>
>  Ukyou smiled. "Ah, but what if he were?"
>
>  Tsen stared at her, eye crinkling in amusement. "You
>  want set up Ranma and Akane, marry them."

Mercutio: Wow. Ukyo is TRYING to fix up Ranma and Akane.

Hikaru: Ya know, in any other story she'd be incredibly OOC for
trying that.

>  "Why not? They're practically drooling over each other.
>  Probably have been sneaking into each others' rooms at night
>  for weeks now."

Mercutio: Not a word, Mackie. Not.... one.... word.

>  ^_-
>
>  Kasumi arrived home at six, and once again Akane's heart
>  curled into a ball the second her sister walked through the
>  door.
>
>  Akane sighed. She was worried about Kasumi; her older
>  sister had always been so... untouchable. Panics would come
>  and go, disasters would strike, life would deliver its petty
>  insults, and through it all Kasumi would wade with an
>  oblivious smile, seemingly secure in the knowledge that
>  everything would be okay. Until now.
>
>  She dimly remembered a time when Kasumi had been a
>  reckless, snide girl with a wicked sense of humor and a
>  fondness for slipping rubber snakes in the beds of her two
>  little sisters.

Mercutio: My mind literally cannot hold that image of Kasumi.

> That was before Mother died. After that...
>
>  After that, her memories of Kasumi and Mother started
>  to blur together, because it was hard to tell where the one
>  began and the other left off.
>
>  In fact, she realized, she didn't know what Kasumi
>  wanted out of life. She didn't know if Kasumi liked anything
>  besides cooking. She didn't know if Kasumi had ever been upset
>  or happy or sad or disappointed or had even felt anything at all
>  in the last ten years.
>
>  She didn't know anything about Kasumi, except that she
>  cooked and cleaned and tidied and was nice to her. The old
>  Kasumi, before mother died, liked playing cards and insects
>  and was the world champion at junken pow and thought 'Hello
>  Kitty' was stupid. The old Kasumi had opinions and feelings and
>  emotions, and had more personality than the 19-year-old
>  housewife who had been her surrogate mother.
>
>  It's our fault, she thought guiltily, trudging down the
>  stairs. The new Kasumi had been so much easier, so
>  convenient, so easy to call when you needed her and ignore
>  when you didn't. So easy to assume that she really was happy
>  and normal, when in fact she was probably a more than a little
>  disturbed from so many years of repressing herself behind that
>  mask. All the little things - the compulsive quirks (she'd stare
>  at someone eating for hours), the 'accidental cuts' (like Kasumi
>  would ever be careless enough to cut her arm with a pairing
>  knife, always the same arm, always the same size cut), the
>  'afternoon naps' (but she wasn't sleeping, because you could
>  hear her pacing and throwing things), and above all the
>  smiling, content, placid, happy face (the car ran the light and
>  missed Kasumi by maybe an inch, and even when it looked like
>  it couldn't possibly miss she just kept smiling, and didn't bat
>  an eye as it almost killed her just like mother)...

Mercutio: Once again, I reiterate: That girl ain't right.

>  Dinner that night was quiet and subdued. Ukyou and
>  Ranma and her exchanged idle conversation. Shan Pu ate.
>  Kasumi smiled vaguely at nothing, and stared at the walls.
>
>  After the food was gone, Kasumi brightly informed
>  Ranma and Ukyou that they could help her with the dishes.
>  They, of course, replied that they would be delighted to help,
>  and the three of them vanished into the kitchen.
>
>  Akane stared across the table at Shan Pu, and forced a
>  smile. "Er, hi."
>
>  The Amazon nodded, watching Akane with interest.
>
>  "Um. Thanks for helping me. Back in that, uh, building."
>  Real smooth, she told herself sourly. Next ask her about the
>  weather, or baseball.
>
>  Shan Pu shrugged. "Was nothing." A gleam appeared in her
>  one good eye, and she smiled slightly. "You martial artist,
>  yes?"
>
>  "Yes. I'm the heir to the Tendo-ryuu," she replied. Months
>  ago, she would have been very proud of that. She still was, but
>  now she knew just how far she had to go.
>
>  The smile grew. "You spar with Shan Pu?"

Mackie: YES! Chick-

Mercutio: Chickfight, yes, we know. You finally get your wish.

>  ^_-
>
>  Ukyou carefully closed the door to the changing room, and
>  gratefully stripped off her clothing. She had forgotten how
>  grimy dishwashing could be, and the dirt of the city was still
>  on her.
>
>  Off came the shirt and pants, then the tight bandage she
>  wore wrapped around her chest. It was always a relief to take
>  that off, although slightly painful. The first year she had worn
>  it had been agonizing. Now, well... her breasts were slightly
>  flattened, and would probably stay that way. Not unattractive,
>  she supposed. She hoped.

Mackie: Ya know, I'd ordinarily ogle, but for some reason I'm not
turned on by cross-dressing women with gender identity
crises.

Hikaru: (not without sarcasm) Amazing.

Mercutio: I'll say. There's something that DOESN'T turn Mackie on.

>  Picking up the small washcloth, she entered the furo
>  room. Fairly standard; a sunken tub, a shelf with a faucet for
>  pouring the cold water, and a bucket and stool. She had never
>  really enjoyed the cleaning process, but the soak afterwards...
>  ah, that was the true pleasure of the bath.
>
>  Filling the bucket, Ukyou squatted on the low stool and
>  doused herself, shivering slightly at the temperature. Icy, she
>  thought critically, scrubbing with the washcloth. The Tendos
>  must like to freeze themselves before they entered the hot
>  tub.
>
>  Idly, she wondered how Akane's match was going. It
>  would be nice if the girl could win, but somehow she didn't
>  think that was going to happen. Akane struck her as sturdy and
>  competent, but Shan Pu was as sharp and dangerous as the
>  Chinese knife Ranma had pierced her throat with. Still, you
>  could always...
>
>  A hand brushed lightly through her hair, almost
>  inperceivably.
>
>  Instantly she leapt to her feet and spun, in the process
>  crashing into the person standing behind her. She tottered for a
>  second, almost falling, and then hands firmly reached out to
>  seize her upper arms in a tight grip.
>
>  Ranma smiled slightly.

Mercutio: This can't possibly be good.

>  "Boy, Ucchan. You've filled out. Too many upper body
>  exercises?"
>
>  He was nude, her mind noted in shock. "I... I was..."
>
>  "Shouldn't have bent your arms like that, washing the
>  dishes. Guys' elbows are hinged all different from women. You
>  learn these things." She stared at him, transfixed by the light
>  burning in his eyes, boring into her. "So, my old friend turns
>  out to be a rather attractive girl. How about that."
>
>  Dear God, she thought dazedly, I'm right against him and
>  that thing pressed against my stomach is...

Mercutio: Thus begins the lemon portion of our show.

Mackie: About friggin time, too.

>  The stare blinded her, sucked her in, and she knew that
>  even without the grip on her arm she wouldn't move. Didn't
>  want to move.
>
>  A fingertip danced lightly along her breast. "Who ever
>  would have thought it." The hardness pressing into her stomach
>  seemed to be burning into her skin, molten...
>
>  She wanted this, she suddenly realized, she had wanted
>  this ever since he had cast her aside all those years ago, had
>  wanted this even as she had hated him for leaving her. All that
>  hurt, all that rejection, she needed him to be hers and hers and
>  to love her, and the reason she had come as a boy was because
>  she had been scared to death of this very moment, which she
>  wanted so badly...
>
>  Leaning forward, she kissed him savagely, pushed into
>  him, felt her breasts press into his chest as his length slid
>  against the smooth skin of her lower body...
>
>  And then he shoved her, sending her sprawling on her
>  backside upon the smooth tiles.
>
>  "Do you try to screw all your best friends, Ucchan?" His
>  voice was sardonic, slightly amused, and suddenly she felt
>  filthy.

Mackie: And not in that good way, either.

>  "Bastard," she spat, struggling to a sitting position,
>  ignoring the dull pain in her buttocks. "You're my fiancee,
>  asshole. You don't know how much I wish you weren't."
>
>  She had the slight satisfaction of seeing shock move
>  over his face. "What the hell are you talk..."
>
>  "You father engaged us," she snarled, furious with him,
>  furious with herself, feeling sick and dirty and used. "Why'd
>  you think I was so upset that you left? You asshole! You
>  destroyed me, ruined my reputation, and my nutcase of a father
>  made me his 'son'! Eight years of this, eight fucking years, and
>  you have the gall to... to..." Fury choked the words off. Shaking,
>  desperately trying to avoid crying, she stumbled to her feet.
>
>  The sardonic expression vanished. "I didn't know that."
>
>  He did look... no. He looked awkward, stiff, like someone
>  who'd just done something terrible in front of a crowd of
>  witnesses.
>
>  "So?" she choked bitterly. "You still... you came in here,
>  and you touched... you were supposed to take me with you..."
>
>  "I thought it was all another part of the game," he said
>  slowly. "Part of the net they have for me, all of them, and you
>  lied to me..."
>
>  "Asshole!" she screamed, enraged. "You enjoyed that! You
>  enjoyed it!"
>
>  He sat down, heavily, and his face contorted. "Yes."
>
>  Ukyou stared at him, pity and disgust warring in her. "I
>  should leave. I should get the hell out of Tokyo and just go back
>  to Kansai, but I'm not, for three reasons. One, because I like
>  what you and Akane have, and I don't want to see it die with
>  one of you. Two, because you're my friend. I should have my
>  damn head examined, but you're my friend."
>
>  He stared at the floor, hands twisting. "What's reason three?"
>
>  "Your father told me what happened when you were
>  eight."

Hikaru: Insert dramatic minor key music HERE.

>  Ranma looked up at her, fear and shock and terror running
>  through his eyes. "You don't know. You can't. He doesn't know all
>  of it... I chose to do it... he asked me and I CHOSE..." His voice
>  was a ragged snarl, hysteria running through it like an electric
>  current, and Ukyou almost drew back in sudden fear.
>
>  "You need to tell Akane, Ranchan."
>
>  "No... no, I can't, never, I chose... I can't get out, Ucchan,
>  I've tried..."
>
>  "She can help, Ranchan." All the anger and shame ran out
>  of her, replaced by pity and horror at what she was seeing.
>  "You've got to. It's the only..."
>
>  "NO!" he screamed, jumping to his feet, violence seeming
>  to suddenly surround him like a cloud.  For a second he stood
>  there, hands balled into fists, fear and rage and horror and fury
>  written across his face. And then, shaking, he turned and left.
>
>  Ukyou sat back down on the stool.
>
>  She needed a bath. She still felt filthy.

Mercutio: Ya know Mackie, there's no GOOD way to be filthy.

Mackie: You aren't doing it right, then.

Hikaru: I did NOT need to hear that!

>  ^_-
>
>  Akane slammed into the wall face first, blinked, and
>  passed out.
>
>  Panting, Shan Pu slumped to the ground. That had not
>  been as easy as she had expected. Nowhere near as easy. If the
>  training her great-grandmother had given her in the Bakusai
>  Ten-Ketsu hadn't boosted her stamina to superhuman levels,
>  Akane might well have won. Useful technique, that.
>
>  The Kashuu Tenshin Amaguriken wasn't proving nearly as
>  helpful. Oh, her speed was now better, and she could do the
>  clever multiple punch trick... but it was like driving a fast car
>  with bad steering. She couldn't control the movement at top
>  speed, and she slowed down just enough when male so that the
>  Amaguriken punch wouldn't work.

Mercutio: Shampoo's driven a fast car with bad steering?

Hikaru: It's called poetic liscence.

>^_-
>
>  Shan smiled, and quietly slipped into the room she shared
>  with Ukyou. He lay stretched on his futon, asleep, a slight
>  frown on his face.
>
>  A soft sigh escaped her lips. She wondered if she had
>  done the right thing.
>
>  "Your brother's cute," he had told her, then chuckled. "But
>  don't tell him I said that. Don't want to scare him."
>
>  "Oh," she had said, heart pounding, "no worry. He like men
>  too."
>
>  Ukyou had stared at her, and she thought she had seen
>  either dismay or hope there.
>
>  Why the hell had she told him that? Did she really want
>  him flirting with Tsen?
>
>  She wanted him flirting with her, she told herself
>  stubbornly. She liked him. A lot.
>
>  But then what? He liked men. She wasn't a man. Well, she
>  was, sort of, but... Shan wasn't.
>
>  The whole thing gave her a headache.
>
>  Still, no harm in a little innocent flirting, right?

Mackie: I'm not touching that one.

>  Sighing, she took one last look at his sleeping form and
>  curled up on her futon. Silently she damned Ranma, and drifted
>  off into sleep.
>
>  ^_-
>
>  And finally, on a door, a push-pin with the very tip sliced
>  off. She signaled to her brother and he nodded, bracing himself.
>  Quietly, slowly, they opened the door and slipped inside,
>  closing it after them.
>
>  The dim light inside illuminated a sleeping figure in a
>  corner futon, curled slightly, a thin sheet covering it.
>
>  Koji motioned to her, flashing three fingers. Plan three.
>  On his mark.
>
>  Koji's left hand clamped down over the sleeper's mouth,
>  pinning the head to the futon and muffling any shouts, and his
>  right slammed into the chest to hold him to the mattress. As
>  the sleeper burst into struggle, Mariko savagely thrust her
>  umbrella down to crush the monster's skull...
>
>  "No, don't!"
>
>  Her umbrella continued down, and she wondered what
>  Koji meant, and then his hand flicked away from the sleeper's
>  chest to knock her weapon off line.
>
>  She stared at him in shock.
>
>  "It's not Ranma!"
>
>  "Wha... bullshit!" She stared down at the figure, seeing
>  the ponytail dimly through the black. "Are you nuts? Of course
>  it's..."
>
>  The sheet fell away, revealing a bare and very female
>  chest.

Mercutio: Sleeping in female form, apparently.

Hikaru: Thank you, Captain Obvious.

>  Mariko gaped. "What the...?"
>
>  The girl had stopped struggling, and now stared up at
>  them, her eyes wide with terror.
>
>  "I'm going to remove my hand," Koji said, his voice still a
>  low whisper. "We're not here to hurt you, but if you scream... Do
>  you understand?"
>
>  The girl nodded, shaking slightly. Slowly, Koji removed
>  his hand from her mouth, and the girl shrank back against the
>  wall, panic in her eyes. She was smaller than Ranma, Mariko
>  noticed absently, and barely fit those boxers she was
>  wearing... who the hell was she, and what in the name of the
>  Christian Jesus was she doing in Saotome Fucking Ranma's
>  goddamn room?
>
>  "Please don't hurt me," the girl whimpered. "I won't be
>  bad. Don't hurt me. Did he send you?"
>
>  "We aren't going to hurt you," Koji said soothingly. "Who
>  are you?"
>
>  "I'm... I'm Saotome Miyabi. Please don't hurt me, I'll be
>  good, really I will, please...."

Hikaru: 'Miyabi?'

Mercutio: A little tribute to Caroline Seawright, apparently.

>  "You're his sister?" Koji said, incredulous. "You're
>  Ranma's sister?" Mariko just stared.
>
>  Miyabi flushed, and huddled into a ball, turning her face
>  away. "I didn't want to," she mumbled wretchedly. "I didn't
>  want to. He made me."
>
>  "Made you?"
>
>  The girl whimpered, and seemed to try to press herself
>  through the wall. "I was 11. He told me he would kill me if I
>  didn't do what he told me, and then he took off my... it hurt... I
>  washed all day but it didn't help, and then he did it again, and
>  again... and then he gave me to his friends... are you his
>  friends?" She looked up at them, eyes dull and empty, and
>  reluctantly began to undo the drawstring waistband of
>  the boxers. "I won't fight, honest. I'll be good. Don't beat me."

Mackie: Ah... ugh. Yow. I'm all for sibling.... relations... but...
well, yow.

Mercutio: Mackie Stingray has been grossed out by incest.

Hikaru: If you'll excuse me, I have to go look for flying P-Chans.

>  "Oh my God," Koji breathed, a sick look of horror moving
>  to cover his face. "Oh God, that... he..."
>
>  He nodded, a tear glistening in the dim moonlight. "Where
>  is he?"
>
>  "He's... he's in Akane's room... I wanted to warn her, but
>  he'd punish me, I'm punished when I'm bad... I tried to kill
>  myself, but he made me throw up the pills and then he...." She
>  clung to his shirt, shaking uncontrollably. "Please don't hurt
>  me..."
>
>  Aghast, Koji gingerly patted her on the shoulder, and
>  turned to Mariko. "Akane... oh God, we'd better hurry before
>  he..."
>
>  Mariko watched the girl wince in pain at the light pat.
>
>  'Ranma hurt, bad shoulder. Think is broken,' Shan Pu
>  whispered in her mind.
>
>  A picture. River water splashing over Tsen, his form
>  shrinking, breasts appearing, but the eye still covered by the
>  patch, oh my God...
>
>  "KILL HER, IT'S RANMA!" she screamed, leaping for the
>  girl.

Mackie: Houston, we have comprehension.

>  Koji hesitated for a split-second, eyes widening.
>
>  "Surprise," purred Miyabi, and brought her knee up into
>  his groin as her fist slammed into his stomach. She dived to
>  one side, Mariko's thrust clipping her as she did, and came up
>  in a spinning kick that sent the Hibiki girl staggering.
>
>  Gasping, Koji staggered backwards, folding at the waist.
>  Mariko howled, and swung her umbrella in a vicious arc at
>  Ranma's legs. It missed, but as Saotome leapt, a thrown stool
>  hurled through the air to crash into his injured shoulder,
>  bringing a snarl of agony. Koji grinned through the pain, still
>  bent double, and looked for something else to heave.
>
>  Mariko's next few attacks slammed past Ranma, but the
>  smaller girl was obviously in trouble. The dodges were slow
>  and jerky, the shoulder wound clearly crippling her. Mariko
>  gave a fierce grin, snarled, and pressed the attack. He was
>  dead. It ended tonight, she would end it here and now...
>
>  The door exploded inward in a sudden shower of wood
>  shrapnel. With a howl of rage, Akane burst through the shattered portal
>  and leapt for Mariko's throat like a jaguar.

Mercutio: The yell. She didn't do the yell.

Hikaru: Yell?

Mercutio: BAKUSAI TEN-KETSU!!!!! <SMASH>

Hikaru: Hey! I loved that coffee table!

>
>  "I'm really sorry, Tendo-san..."
>
>  To her horror and surprise, Kasumi weakly tried to rip
>  away, crying. "No.... no, don't kill me..."
>
>  "I'm letting you go now! I just said I was sorry, really!"
>  The girl was clearly terrified. She didn't blame her; if a
>  psychopath with a shotgun had tortured her and put a gun to
>  her head...
>
>  "They always say sorry before they kill them... in the
>  movies.. that's always what happens... please, don't kill me..."

Mercutio: Actually, they rarely apologize. What they do is let you
go, and after you've run a couple steps, they shoot you
in the head.

>  Sick at heart, Mariko let go of her. "I hope you can manage to
>  forgive me some day, Kasumi-san. God only knows
>  how."
>
>  Then she darted into the fog, and ran, and ran, and ran,
>  knowing with a horrible despair that the thing she was fleeing
>  from was running just as fast as she was and would always
>  keep pace with her.
>
>  Koji followed, his face expressionless except for the
>  tears, and then the mists swallowed them up. And then all that
>  was left was a sobbing figure kneeling by a gate, weeping in pain
>  and terror.
>
>
>  -< End of Chapter 11 >-

Mercutio: Well, that was pretty cool. Mayhem, murder, romance,
torture, and death.

Hikaru: All the things we've come to expect.

Mackie: Nabiki's really hanging in there. I wonder when she'll finally,
y'know..... die.

Mercutio: Hey, perhaps she'll pull through after a long agonizing
and awake from her coma to find out that Ranma is dead,
ane knows everything, and Hikaru has almost tripled her
organizations profits.

Mackie: And perhaps monkies will fly out of my butt.