Dark?  Me?  Dark?  No, not really.  Ok, I admit it.  It's not dark, but
it is the kind of twisted story that will give you horrid nightmares.
Well, maybe not, but the idea has kept me up at night.  That counts,
right?


                      Magical Girls Nightmare Team
                         by Pyae, the Dark Elf


   Mr. Kotobuki put the video into the VCR.  His finger hovered over the
play button.  Glancing toward his wife, he mouthed 'ready?'

   Mrs. Kotobuki grabbed her purse and their coats.  She looked up the
stairs nervously.  Nodding to her husband, she called out, "Shiiko!
Sailor Moon is on the TV!"

   A bundle of cuteness in the shape of a young girl bounded down the
stairs cutely.  She cutely skipped from the entryway of the house into
the den and cutely flopped in front of the TV, becoming cutely entranced
by the images on the screen.

   As soon as it was obvious that Shiiko's attention was on the screen,
Mr. and Mrs. Kotobuki raced for the door, making sure not to slam it on
their way out.

                                 *****

   What they hadn't counted on was a power outage occurring.  The power
came back on after a couple of seconds, but the damage was already done.

   Shiiko blinked at the screen.  Just moments ago it had been showing
her most favorite show in the whole wide world.  Now the screen was
filled with dancing black and white dots.  This managed to entertain her
for a couple of minutes, but she really wanted to watch the rest of the
program.

   Shiiko got up and walked to the TV.  She poked at the blinking light
on the box on top of the TV, but nothing changed.  Sitting back down,
Shiiko thought about the problem while watching the static.

   After a few minutes, she had an inspiration!

   "Eiko will know what to do!"

   Shiiko raced to the entryway of her house and picked up the phone.
She began to dial Eiko's phone number, but got lost after the fourth
button.  She continued on resolutely, punching numbers until she got a
ring.

   "Goddess Relief Hotline."

   "Eiko?"

   "Please hold, a representative will be with you shortly."

   "Eiko?"

   A mirror began glowing and a beautiful woman stepped out of it.  She
stumbled as the mental link with her client activated, but managed to
give the girl a forced smile.

   "Who are you?  That's neat how you came through the mirror.  Can I do
that?" Shiiko babbled and then promptly hit her head on the mirror as
she tried to skip through it.

   Belldandy managed to refrain from wincing.  "I am the goddess
Belldandy and you have been chosen for a wish."

   "A wish?"

   "Yes, a wish.  Any wish.  Whatever you want."  Belldandy realized that
she was starting to speak a little faster than she normally would and
tried to calm herself.

   Shiiko put 1 and B together and came up with what any five year old
would in this situation.

   "I wish I was a magical girl who triumphs over evil with the help of
my magical companions!"

   A whirlwind formed around Belldandy, throwing small objects about,
and a bright beam of light shot skyward out of her forehead.  The
effects of the wish died down and Belldandy breathed a sigh of relief.
Normally, granting a wish really drained her, but this time it felt like
a weight had been taken from her.

   Dumping a number of magical artifacts at the girl's feet, Belldandy
explained, "Here'syourtransformationsticksandyourcommunicators.That's
everythingyouneed.Havefunsavingtheworld.Byebye," and promptly
disappeared through the mirror.

                                 *****

   Shiiko wasn't sure what to do next.  In the animes, the girl was told
a powerful incantation to call out when she wanted to transform.  No one
had told her what to say, however.  *Oh, well.  I'll just have to make
my own, I guess.*

   Shiiko held up one of the transformation sticks and called out her
phrase of power, her voice reverberating magically, striking fear into
the hearts of all who heard.

   Property values in the area would never be the same again.

                                 *****

   Belldandy didn't want to do this, but the alternatives...

   She walked into the central Yggdrasil office and spotted Skuld,
slumped in front of a terminal, eating out of a gallon container of
rocky road ice cream.

   "Skuld?"

   Skuld looked up and smiled, her sister had come to visit her!

   "Yes, big sister?"

   "Would you do a favor for me?"

   Skuld's smile increased.  Her sister had come to her for help!

   "Of course!"

   Belldandy smiled pleasantly at Skuld in response, increasing Skuld's
happiness.  Skuld loved her big sister.

                                 *****

   Downstairs, Shiiko was thinking hard about what to call herself.

   Upstairs, a bathtub faucet turned itself and the tub began filling
with hot water.

   Skuld walked down the stairs, still not sure what she was going to
find.  All her sister had said was that she was supposed to watch over
some human girl.  How much trouble could watching over a human be?

   Skuld entered the den, where she sensed the girl to be and was
surprised to find her dressed in a typical 'magical girl' outfit.  A
green skirt and yellow gloves and boots blended well with the girl's eye
and hair color, but why were those flowers in her hair?

   Shiiko's eyes widened as Skuld entered the den.  Looking at Skuld's
outfit, Shiiko made an intuitive leap.

   "I know who you are!" Shiiko exclaimed.

   "You do?!"

   "Of course!  You're Sailor Candycane!  And I am Sailor Sweettooth,
protector of the innocent!  Let's go find some evil to triumph over!"

   Using her new-found energy as a magical girl, Shiiko grabbed Skuld by
the arm and ran out the door, helping her new friend along like Eiko
always did with her.

   Belatedly, Skuld blinked.

                                 *****

   Sometime else, a secret meeting was occurring.

   A decision was reached and a solution to a problem found.

                                 *****

   Shiiko continued dragging Skuld along the streets of Graviton City,
looking for evil doers to thwart.

   Skuld finally managed to break free of Shiiko's grip and forced them
to a stop.

   "What's the matter?" Shiiko asked.

   "Everything's the matter!  I don't even know who you are, yet you've
been dragging me around the city for the last ten minutes!"

   Shiiko opened her mouth to reply, but luckily for Skuld, she was
interrupted.  A portal opened above their heads and a small girl with
short pink hair fell out, landing atop Skuld.

   Shiiko understood what was happening.  Surely she couldn't be the
only one.  It was obvious that her fighters for good and truth and such
were being assembled.

   Looking at the girl with the odd hairstyle, Shiiko came to the only
logical conclusion.

   "Sailor Snowball!"

   "What?  I'm Sailor Chibi-Moon!"

   This didn't agree with Shiiko's mind.  She knew what kind of names
her warriors would have.  The poor girl must be slightly messed up in
the head.  But it wouldn't do to say that out loud.

   "Sailor Moonpie!"

                                 *****

   Shiratori Azusa rolled out of the skating rink, slightly depressed.

   The match had been fun at first, but then some fight had started in
the crowd and Mikado had been distracted.  To think, all of that over
some girl dressed in battle armor.  He was even slobbering.  Boys could
be so disgusting.

   The fight was quickly over once half of her team was effectively out
of commission.

   She would just have to find something cute to cheer herself up.

                                 *****

   In a shadowy corner of a mattress store, the forces of darkness were
gathering.

   General Biter looked at his troops.  They had been training for this
day for decades.  All of the preparation came down to this.  Soon, the
humans who had ignored them, mocked them in their poetry, and generally
treated them as jokes would pay.

   The general raised a fist to the sky.

   "Bedbugs of the world, unite!"

   They would march soon.  And the world would tremble.

                                 *****

   "For the last time, I am Sailor Chibi-Moon.  Not Sailor Moonpie, not
Sailor Snowball, and certainly not Sailor Twizzlers."

   Before she could continue her rant, however, her oxygen supply was
cut off.

   "Michelle!  Michelle!  You are sooooo cute!" Azusa squealed as she
hugged Chibi-Usa.

   Shiiko studied Azusa momentarily, then crowed, "Sailor Snowcone has
arrived!"  Her party was almost complete.  Their group was up to four
sailors now, so there was only one missing.  Since everyone knows that
magical girls come in groups of five.

   Shiiko began dancing for joy.

   Chibi-Usa gasped for breath and tried to pry Azusa's arms off.

   Azusa continued to tell Chibi-Usa just how cute she was.

   Skuld pulled out a tri-corder and started taking readings of the
strange humans.

                                 *****

   Sasami was following Tenchi and the others around Graviton City.
They'd come here as a vacation, but as such things usually go when
Ryouko and Sasami's sister were involved, it wasn't any more relaxing
than being at home.

   She felt something call to her and slipped away from the group.  They
usually didn't pay much attention to her anyway.

                                 *****

   The Society of Bedbugs (SOB) was in agreement.  It was time.

   Glancing at the horde of bedbugs, General Biter couldn't help but
feel proud.  Rows of millions of warriors, all equipped with the most
sophisticated weapons, were at his command.

   "Forward!  March!" the General ordered.

   The columns of soldiers moved toward the door of the mattress store.

                                 *****

   Sasami found them a few minutes later.

   She wasn't sure what she had found, however.

   There were two girls dressed in what seemed to be 'magical girl'
outfits.  Another girl dressed in a skating costume.  And a fourth, much
younger, girl dressed in a normal school uniform.

   The girl in the green skirt noticed her and began crying tears of
joy.

   "Sailor Gumdrop!  I knew you would come!"

   Sasami found herself being pulled toward the group by an irresistible
force.  Namely, Shiiko's death grip.

   "Uh...," Sasami said eloquently.

   Moving with an incredible speed, the girl in the green skirt attached
a communicator to each of the other girls' wrists.  She then shoved a
transformation stick into their hands.

   "Now repeat after me: 'SWEET PRETTY CUTEY SAILOR WARRIOR SCOUT
TRANSFORMATION FROSTING MAKE OVER, ENGAGE!'"

   Three girls shrugged and did as they were told.

   Bright flashes of light and some sound effects later, the three were
wearing their own magical girl costumes.

   *Of course.  It makes sense now,* was a thought shared between the
three.

   One girl, or goddess to be precise, stuffed the transformation stick
into a pocket for later study.

   Shiiko giggled and the other three magical girls joined her.

   "Now, it's time to hunt down meanies and show them what for!"

   The four magical girls took off down the street, passing the door of
a mattress store.

   Skuld sighed and followed after them.

                                 *****

   Biter looked at his forces with a feeling a bitterness.

   Over half their strength lost in the first battle, just after
crossing the Great Divide.  Obviously, the humans knew of their plans
and were playing hardball.

   If that's the way they wanted it.

   "I shall return," General Biter squeaked at the top of his voice.


                                The End?

                                 *****

[A male elf with greyish skin, red-brown eyes, and dark brown hair comes
on screen.]

Pyae: MWAHAHAHA!  I shall continue to write this unless you surrender
   all your material goods to me!  MWAHAHA!  The first stage of my plot
   to take over the world using horrible fanfics is complete!  MWAHA-

[Another elf, looking identical to the first except normal skin and
hazel eyes sneaks up behind Pyae with a hammer.]

*BONK*

Pi: Sorry about this.

[Pi slings Pyae over his shoulder and walks off screen.]


---------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Josh Green, aka Pi -- SORT@BUCKET.UALR.EDU
       http://bucket.ualr.edu/~sort/fanfic/
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