(Scene:  Scott's apartment living room.  The computer is on 
(remember, this is the alternate world of "Sauce" where Scott *has* a 
computer) and Scott is busily typing a message.  Ranma stalks in from the 
kitchen.)

Ranma:  Scott, what *is* it with you?  "Worst Case Scenario", "But That 
Way Lies", "Half a Conversation"?!  Do you have any idea how emotionally 
traumatic it is to be the star of that kind of thing?

Scott:  No.  But you liked "Fulfillment", didn't you? 

Ranma:  Well, yeah.  Looks like Kunou is getting everything that's coming 
to him.  (grins) 

	(Akane storms in.)

Akane:  Scott you jerk!  How could you kill my sister! 

Scott:  Calm down, Akane.  It was only a possible future you know.  

Ranma:  And when are you going to finish "Worse"?  I really don't like 
cliffhangers. 

Scott (indicating computer):  I was just talking to Blade about that.  

Blade (via words on monitor screen):  Hi guys. 

Ranma:  It's been two whole months!  Maybe you need a little incentive.  
Tell you what, if you don't get cracking on Worse right now, Akane and me 
will fetch a bucket of variant Nyanniichaun from "But that Way Lies..."  

Scott:  You wouldn't!

Ranma:  Oh, wouldn't I?  Gosunkugi really needs a girlfriend.  

Blade:  *snicker*

Scott:  Besides, it's not my fault!  I'm still waiting for the fight 
choreography from Blade! 

Blade:  Hey, I've been busy.  Besides, why should I care what fem-boy 
there does to you? 

Ranma (clearly irritated):  We know where you live too.  And Tsubasa 
could use a new girlfriend himself. 

Blade:  *gulp*  Hey, no way!  Tsubasa would *never* give up on Ucchan! 

Ranma:  As dumb as you write him?  We'll just tell you and him that you 
*are* Ukyou under a curse. 

Blade:  Okay, okay, I'm working on it right now, satisfied? 

Ranma:  For the moment.  Meantime, I see it's time for another chapter of 
"Twilight Existence".  The one I'm not in. 

Blade:  I haven't seen that one yet.

Akane:  Well, it's an alternate world where the Jyuusenkyo Springs change 
minds as well as bodies, so Ranma's female form is a whole other person 
called Ranko.  

Ranma:  And Ryouga turns into a nearly identical boy named Shinnosuke.  
Last time, Akane and I soundly defeated the Golden Pair after that Mikado 
creep forced a kiss on Ranko. 

Blade:  What about Ucchan?

Ranma: She ain't shown up yet.  But someone else is about to...

				TWILIGHT EXISTENCE
				by Scott K. Jamison
				(Takahashi disclaimer)
				    Chapter Nine

	I woke up in the toilet, feeling nauseous.  There was a smell of 
vomit in the air, and I was in Ranma's clothes.  Someone was pounding at the 
door. 
	"You done yet, Ranma?" came Ryouga's (or maybe Shinnosuke's) 
voice.  "You're not the only one with problems, ya know." 
	I rinsed out my mouth, still tasting something awful, and called, 
"Coming!" 
	As soon as I opened the door, Ryouga (or Shinnosuke) rushed in, 
muttering "good idea" as he passed me.  I heard retching sounds as I 
closed the door behind me.
	The rest of the family was looking at me worriedly.  I smiled 
weakly and waved to show I was all right.  Then I noticed Akane was 
missing. 
	It was in the first week of the "make-up time" Ranma had promised 
me when he needed to practice ice skating.  But Akane had begged me to 
let Ranma stay awake this evening, as she had a surprise planned.  I was 
beginning to suspect something had gone seriously wrong with the 
"surprise." 
	The family looked at each other nervously.  Obviously, none of 
them wanted to be the one that broke the news. 
	Finally, Kasumi admitted, "Akane cooked dinner tonight." 
	That came as a bit of a surprise.  Akane had never once indicated 
an interest in cooking since I'd met her.  In fact, she'd been the one to 
show me you didn't necessarily have to be "Little Miss Homemaker" to be 
feminine.  But then, she might well have been holding back because Kasumi 
was so fond of cooking, and didn't want to cut in on her big sister. 
	"Is there any left?" I asked.
	"All you can eat." assured Nabiki, with that deadpan expression 
that meant trouble ahead.  She had a nasty habit of not lying, but not 
quite giving you all the truth either. 
	I looked at the table.  I didn't recognize any of the dishes, but 
Akane certainly had gone all out for quantity.  I picked up some 
chopsticks and took a portion of the meat dish.  It looked all right if 
unidentifiable, but the scent seemed a little off.  I noticed no one else 
was breathing.
	I took a bite--and spat it out.  It tasted awful!  Somehow Akane 
had found the world's worst combination of spices and herbs.  Plus the 
meat was charcoal on one side and raw on the other, and I could swear 
she'd used vinegar rather than white wine.  But no one would do that, 
right? 
	She had to have done better on the rest of it.  I decided to try 
what looked to be some form of fried rice, but Father caught my wrist.  
"No, Ranko, you've punished yourself enough."
	"It's...all like that?"
	Kasumi nodded.  Mr. Tendou burst into tears.  "My poor baby 
girl!" 
	"I gotta admit," said Nabiki, "Ranma and Ryouga are pretty gutsy 
guys.  The rest of us knew to quit after a couple of bites, but they just 
kept gulping down mouthful after mouthful.  Kept glaring at each other 
too.  Looked more like a competition than a meal." 
	A voice came from the bathroom.  "Ryouga you jerk, I don't know 
what you've done to us, but I'm gonna *kill* you for this!"
	"Ah, Shin-chan has joined us."  Nabiki went to talk to him while 
I climbed the stairs. 
	I knocked on Akane's door, making the duck nameplate sway 
slightly. 
	"Go away!"
	"Akane, it's me, Ranko.  Can I come in and talk?" 
	She opened the door.  Akane's eyes were all red and puffy from 
crying.  I hated seeing her like this. 
	"Oh, Ranko, what am I going to do?  I can't cook and Ranma's 
going to hate me for trying to poison him and I'm never going to make a 
good wife!"  She started crying again, and I led her back to her bed. 
	"Um, Akane, since when do you care about being a `good wife'?"  
Admittedly, not the most tactful thing I could have said, but I was 
honestly curious.
	"Ranma always teases me about being unfeminine, so I thought I'd 
show him that just because I like to be active doesn't mean I can't do 
girl things too.  I don't want to be a wife right now, but I do want to 
have a family some day, and what good will I be if I can't even cook for 
them?"
	"You know perfectly well Ranma doesn't mean half the insults he 
uses.  Besides, cooking isn't the be-all and end-all of a marriage.  At 
least I sure hope it's not." 
	"But you and Kasumi make it look so easy!  All my stuff turned 
out horrible."
	"Akane, have you ever cooked before?" 
	"No, but I've watched Kasumi plenty of times."
	"Did you get her to help you tonight?"
	"Of course not!  This was supposed to be *my* big surprise for 
Ranma." 
	"Did you taste the food while you were cooking it?" 
	"Well, um...no.  I was so busy, there was no time to taste." 
	"Akane, I didn't start cooking my first day by making a whole big 
dinner all by myself.  And if you ask her, I'm pretty sure Kasumi will 
say the same.  We both started with simple things, being guided by 
somebody else who already knew how to cook.
	"It's not that you're a bad cook, it's that you're not a good 
cook *yet*.  Remember when you told me about ice skating?  It's like 
that.  It takes time and practice."
	She'd pretty much stopped crying.  "But won't Ranma be mad at 
me?" 
	"Maybe he will, but Nabiki tells me both he and Ryouga really 
tried hard to finish their meals, so I think he understands some of how 
you feel." 
	"So I should ask Kasumi or you for help next time?"
	"It couldn't hurt." 
	Downstairs, Shinnosuke was utterly failing to get Nabiki's "Mr. 
Elephant" jokes.  Naming him after a manga character was probably not the 
brightest thing I've ever done either.  But I assured myself almost 
anything was better than "Daremo". 
	"Hi, Shinnosuke."
	"Hiya, Ranko!"
	"You ever manage to get home?"
	"Sure.  Unfortunately, Ryouga's parents have the same problem 
with wandering off he does.  Place was deserted, maybe for months.  Best 
we could do was leave notes and get some laundry done."
	"The way you said that, it sounds like you don't have the 
tendency to get lost Ryouga does."
	"Well, not as bad, I guess.  I'm usually lost when I wake up, but 
if I cover the distance from one place to another, I can find my way 
back.  Say, how are you and Ranma getting along?" 
	"Okay, I guess.  As well as can be expected.  Though waking me up 
so he didn't have to deal with the aftertaste of Akane's cooking was a 
dirty trick."
	"Yeah.  Ryouga 'n' me, we're not getting along well at all.  He 
doesn't want to give me my fair share of time, and he's dead set against 
us going back to school."  Shinnosuke looked a bit glum. 
	"School?" 
	"Yeah, he hasn't been in school since he left to chase down 
Ranma.  Ryouga says we don't need an education, but I think he just 
doesn't want the embarrassment of having to be dragged to the school 
every morning." 
	"Why don't you stay here for a while?  I can show you where 
Fuurinkan High is, and maybe they can arrange some sort of extension 
classes or something for you two."
	"Sounds good to me, Ranko.  So, what's happened since I saw you 
last?" 
	I told him about the Golden Pair and how Ranma had challenged 
Mikado over the skater's stealing a kiss from me.
	"That's pretty...amazing.  But that kiss shouldn't count as your 
first.  Kisses only count if you both want to do them." 
	"You really think so?"
	He blushed.  Suddenly I was glad Nabiki had wandered off.  "Well, 
sure." 
	I looked at Shinnosuke.  He was kind of cute, and we had a lot in 
common.  And I was feeling jealous of Ranma because he at least had the 
beginnings of a relationship.
	"Would you like to kiss me?"  I asked.
	Shinnosuke's eyes went wide.  He hesitated for a long time.
	"What's the matter?"
	"I-it's not that I don't think you're pretty, Ranko, and you mean 
a lot to me.  You were the first person who cared enough about me to find 
out what was wrong, the one who helped me understand what had happened to 
me.  But...I'm not sure I'm ready to be more than friends."
	"Friends can kiss." I told him. 
	"Okay."  He smiled and leaned towards me. 
	I brought my face near his and closed my eyes. 
	I was *not* expecting a sharp pain in my ear and being dragged 
from the room.  When Father released me, I turned angrily on him. 
	"What did you do *that* for?!"
	"What the hell were you thinking of boy?  No son of mine--" 
	"I AM NOT YOUR SON!" I screamed. 
	His fist was a millimeter from crashing into my face when he was 
stopped by a calm but chilly voice.
	"Mister Saotome.  Think."  I had no idea Kasumi could sound 
so...so commanding.
	Father looked at me, then at his fist, then at Kasumi's disapproving 
face.  He lowered his arm and his gaze.
	Kasumi smiled again and the world seemed to grow brighter. 
	"Ranko, I--I am sorry.  I forgot the implications of your change, 
and saw only Ranma.  My son, about to kiss another boy.  But you know I 
haven't given you permission to date."  Trying to change the subject, as 
always uncomfortable with apology.
	"A little kiss isn't dating.  Besides, I think I've learned 
enough about boys and how to handle them to start dating now.  I won't 
learn any more unless I have some practical experience."
	"Not quite yet, please, Ranko?  You may be ready, but I'm not.  
Besides, Ranma hasn't really been on a real date with Akane yet himself.  
Come to think of it..."  He drifted off, musing on whatever he thought 
about when he started to scheme.
	Back in the living room, I apologized to Shinnosuke, but we 
decided that kissing was out for tonight anyways.
	The next afternoon, Akane and I were met at the door by an 
excited and happy Mr. Tendou.
	"Good news!  Our dojo will have a distinguished visitor next 
week!" 
	"Really, Daddy?  Who?"
	"See for yourself, Akane!"  He thrust a newspaper in her face. 
	After we got it spread out a bit, we saw the headline, "Princess 
to Visit Japan."  Apparently, this Chinese princess wanted to find a 
strong husband, and was visiting several dojos in Japan to see if there 
were any suitable warriors here.  It didn't mention the princess' name or 
where exactly in China she was from.  Come to think of it, hadn't the 
Communists gotten rid of all the old nobility? 
	"Our dojo has been chosen to be the one to host her while she's 
in Tokyo, a signal honor.  I'm sure you'll do your best to make our 
visitors happy, my daughter!" 
	"Um, but do you know anything about her, Uncle Tendou?" I asked.  
	"There's a picture on page 23, Ranko.  She seems to be quite 
pretty!" 
	We opened the paper to the appropriate page, and sure enough 
there was a picture of a beautiful girl in formal Chinese robes and a lot 
of jewelry.  Somehow she seemed familiar to me.  I put my hand over her 
dress and hair, and concentrated on the face.  Then it came to me. 
	"Shampoo!"


	TO BE CONTINUED...

SKJAM!
"There's a reason for the rain, a purpose to the pain"