Rod M. & David Tai present...

The next installment of their cavalcade of bad taste....
  

 A 'Blame Mike Loader' Productio

Don't we all? ^_^

 
 It shook the walls of Hell, echoing through its seven
 levels, shattering brittle bones and nearly knocking Charon
 off of his boat.
 
 It sent a dread chill through all that heard it, this alien
 sound that did not belong in the land of eternal flames.
 
 The noise of it could be heard through even the land of
 Faerie, the Mortal Plane, and even the fringes of Heaven.
 
 The First of the Fallen was laughing his ass off.

Why yes, as I matter of fact I AM laughing my a-   oops.

Perhaps I've said too much. ^_^;;
  

 "In the name of love," said Calcite slowly, "fuck off?"
   
 Also, Calcite didn't quite recall those Sailor Scouts ever
 being quite as... vulgar.  She thought it over. 
 
 Moon Stick Up The Ass?  Jupiter Thundering Ass-whipping?
 Venus Ass-Whooping Chain?

I just got a disturbing image of John brandishing the wand in a later chapter
and saying "Bloody 'ell! That's it! Time ta bust out my whooping stick!"

Then again, maybe not.
 

 Nope, none of the other Sailor Scouts ever said anything
 like THAT.

For which we're all VERY grateful.
  

John felt instincts bubbling up in his mind, mostly cheezy
phrases and nify action poses with her rod.  She was sick of
those instincts.  Because of them she was no longer a he and
she'd just said a really stupid battle phrase.

Be damned if she'd listen to THOSE instincts again.

With some effort, she shoved down the instinctual urges and
tried to do things her way.

~o/ My WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!! ~o/

*Ahem.* 

I'm sorry. That just slipped out.

 *MEOW*
 
 Gemma blinked and looked down, where a rather ragged and
 battered cat was rubbing up against her leg. 
 
 "Hello there, kitty-cat," she said, bending down to scratch
 it behind the ears.  The cat purred, seemingly pleased at
 the contact.  "You poor thing," said Gemma, "looks like
 you've had a rough time of it."
 
 The cat meowed and nodded, followed by a few *ACK*s and
 *Pthppth*s.

Uh-oh....... please say it isn't....
 

 Gemma wondered if Uncle John would mind having a cat in the
 house.  She didn't know why, but she felt it was important
 to have the cat around.
 
 "C'mon then, kitty.  Least I can do is give you some milk."
 
 The cat meowed enthusiastically and followed.  It didn't
 know who the girl was, but she seemed somewhat familiar.  It
 liked the girl, definitely, and felt it was very important
 to be near her.
 
 "Now," said Gemma.  "What are we going to call you?"
 
 *Meow*ack*hss*ack*pthppth*ack*

Please, PLEASE say it isn't.....
  

 She smiled.  "I know. We'll call you Bill."

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know, up until now I've always held Mike responsible for the Opus cameo in
CS seven.

I might owe him an apology.

 Bill?  The cat thought it over.  Bill didn't seem quite
 appropriate, no, but it would have to do for now.
 
 "C'mon, Bill.  Let's get you that milk."

Right about now I wouldn't be surprised if Berke Breathed's head suddenly
exploded for no apparent reason.
  

 The elevator passed several levels.  The moonlight orchestra
 played the flute and violin version of The Clash's 'Should I
 Stay or Should I Go' on the elevator speakers.

Ah, WIRY, the ironic radio station. Providing amazingly timed background and
image music for all your fanfic needs.

 Time to calm down, she told herself.  Get your head
 straight, think it over, get some facts on the matter.  Now,
 who to see?  Dr. Occult knew about this male/female
 weirdness, so he might be able to help.  He was in America,
 though, so that would have to wait for a while.  Zatanna was
 in town as part of her tour, but she wasn't sure if she
 wanted Zatanna to see her like THIS. 

Heh. I can see it now:

"Ladies and and gentlemen, the great Zatanna is pleased to introduce her
lovely assistant, Joh- er, Joanne Constantine!"

 Chas froze.  The monkey incident.  That was something which
 would scar his soul forever.  Any time he heard or saw a
 monkey after that, he was rendered impotent for weeks after.
 
 It was a truely ugly incident.
 
 And this woman knew of it.
 
 Possibly.
 
 "I don't know what you're talking about, lady," he grumbled.
 
 "C'mon, Chas!  I KNOW you don't want me to talk about the
 details!"
 
 "Wot details?"  He eyed her dangerously.
 
 "Two words, Chas.  Anal probe."

Either that story took place outside my relatively skimpy collection of
Hellblazer comics, or Rod's sick, sick mind has been working overtime again.
  

"And Chas?" 
 
 "Yeh?"
 
 "Got a cig?  'Cos I _really_ need a smoke right about now."

I could make SOOOOOOOOOOOO many jokes in poor taste right now.........
  

 Oh, but there was more than one way to skin a sailor, and
 the First of the Fallen was in a mood to play.
 
 Still snickering and walking unevently as laughter shook
 through him, he stood tall posed as dramatically as he could
 while snickering and snorting.
 
 "RELEASE... aheheheh.... HA!... RELEASE THE HOUNDS!"

Swarm! Swarm!
  

 Maybe John would die.  Maybe not.  Either way, he hoped
 Constantine would put up a good show.

Well, that's kinda why we're reading, isn't it? 
  

 - - -
 
 //And in the news today-//
 
 -click-
 
 //Look out, Serena!//

ACK!!!! DIC version! BAD!!! BADBADBAD!!!!!!

YOU, Rod M, are an evil, evil man.

That's all I have to say.

-Mercutio
"A plague 'a both your houses!"