Jason Liao <jasonl@hun.k12.nj.us> wrote:

Well, didn't find any glaring grammer errors...  ^_^

There were a few spelling typos, but I think Cindy caught all of them.
Note to myself, always run spell-chack before posting. :-)

Pretty good.  I was a little dissapointed in the fact that the 'changed'
Kuno isn't really seen, since you gloss over his Amazon training days, and
most flashback space is devoted to baka-Kuno.  However, since this *is* a
prelude, and not the main fic, I'm guessing that you'll fit Kuno's
development into new-Kuno in the main story somehow (flashback, old Amazon
crone telling a tale, whatever). 

In any case, I feel that it'd be a mistake to 'drop' new-Kuno on everyone
without explination. 

You raise a good point here. There's a lot that needs to be told about
Kuno's development over the years, and I don't know how much of it I'll
be able to do in the main series. It really ought to be a side story. In
fact, if you (or anyone else out there) would like to write such a
thing, please let me know.

I liked how you merged the flashbacks into the fic, helping to reinforce
the story, instead of blatantly writing ***FLASHBACK!!!!!(WARNING!!!)***
and disrupting the reader's train of thought.  I really wish that more
people would do that.

Yeah, I agree with you here. Megane 6.7 made good fun of this sort of
thing in his latest MST.

I normally write C&C when I've the time, but I figure that the 'big names'
on the FFML usually get tons of C&C,

Some of 'em might, but my luck is pretty variable. My last two
stand-alones got a bunch of response, but the HaM stuff has been
hit-or-miss.

so I try to devote most of my
critique to those who wouldn't normally get as much notice.  I'll do the
rest of the preludes as well, if you want.

If you could, that'd be great. I'm not trying to badger anyone into
anything, but I do depend on reader feedback for the stuff I write, and
I do spend a lot of time myself doing C&C and pre-reading for other
people on the FFML.

Thanks for your comments!



Gary Kleppe <kleppe@execpc.com>
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html