Well, here is the rewrite of my first darkfic.

I didn't mark it lime but there are a few sexual references, but
no graphic descriptions. They are not at all gratuitous.

If you've read this before and do read it again, I'd really like
some ffedback on the ending (the last 3 paras esp, what do you think? I'm
not sure if it works or not let me know, please). Ans, as always,
all C&C, MST, flames or whatever will be appreciated (although I'll
probably just ignore the flames).

Well, enjoy, or whatever!


As always, Rumiko Takahashi created the original work and all characters.

The Death of Love
==============

Death
*****

It's funny, how not having something good can hurt more than having
something bad. If you'd told me that last week, I would've laughed. I
mean, it sounds stupid, right? That's what I thought anyway.

It's even funnier that I didn't know I had something good until it was
gone. I had it good, better than I ever will again, and now, no matter
what happens, no matter how well I do, that something will be gone,
and its absence will cause me pain for as long as I live.

When Ranma was hurt, I realized I loved him. His insults, his
arrogance, his fiancees, none of it mattered. I loved him. I loved him
more than anyone I've ever known. May the gods help me, I think I
loved Ranma more than I loved my own mother.

And now that he's gone, I know I did. When my mother died, I got
over it. Sounds horrible doesn't it? To say 'I got over it' about my own
mother's death? Makes it sound like I failed a test or something. But I
did. The scary thing is that I don't think I will ever get over Ranma's
death.

When Ranma lay dying in my arms, his life blood spilling out of that
gaping hole in his chest, I felt my heart breaking.  It was actually a
physical pain. Not some imagined ache in my mind, not some arcane,
magical agony, but real, physical pain.

Thinking back, I believe I felt Ranma die. I could tell you the exact
moment when his heart stopped and his soul left his body. It hurt so
much that I thought I was going to drop dead right there. Sometimes I
think I did.

I woke up in my bed. Kasumi was sitting with me, wiping my forehead
with a damp cloth. She had her sad smile #2 on -- the one that said
that she was really sorry that the man you loved just died and that you
were feeling bad, but dinner needed to be cooked and she needed a few
ingredients from the store, and would you mind getting the items on
this list for her?

I was shocked too. It was a thought I hadn't thought myself capable of.
I'd never thought anything like that about Kasumi before. I just told
myself that I was still upset over Ranma's death. I was the bereaved,
damn it, I had a right to think a few unkind thoughts!

Anyway, Kasumi smiled, and hugged me. She said she was so sorry. I
think she was expecting me to break down and cry. The fact that I
didn't should have told me something was wrong. Instead I just
nodded, thanked her, and asked if I could take a bath. Kasumi seemed
a little shocked about my attitude. She wanted me to stay in bed, she
said she'd bring a little bit of soup up for me. I just stood up and left
the room. No point in wallowing around in bed moping.

As I walked down the hallway, I could hear weeping coming from
Ranma's room. The door was open just a little bit, and through the
crack I could see Ranma's mother on his bed, sobbing. For a woman
ready to have her son commit suicide over his manliness, or lack
thereof, she sure was a wimp.

I didn't enjoy the bath as much as I thought I would. It was nice and
all, and it did freshen me up, but it sure didn't improve my attitude
any. By then even I was starting to notice that maybe my feelings were
a little. . . off.

I ate dinner with the rest of the family. Dad was at his usual place,
sobbing into his newspaper, the bastard. He'd pulled this crap every
day since Mom died. I got over my mother's death just fine, why the
hell couldn't he? I could sympathize with him, I'd just lost the love of
my life, after all, but did you see me crying into my food? And what
was Ranma to him anyway? Just a complete stranger he picked to give
his youngest daughter to. He might as well have picked a bum off the
street, for all he cared.

Nabiki sat at the table, looking perfectly normal. Every now and then
she'd look at the space next to me. Sometimes she looked a little
crestfallen, sometimes she sighed a little sorrowfully. Some people
might think she was showing her grief as well as she could. Me, I
figure she was just starting to miss the yen she used to make off
Ranma. She even sold pictures of me, her own sister, the damn money
grubbing bitch.

Ranma's father sat in silence. The son of a bitch. If I hadn't known
before, I knew now that he really didn't care about his family. If he
did, he'd be up comforting his wife instead of down here feeding his
face.

About then Kasumi walked in, carrying the last plate. She sat it at
Ranma's place. Everyone at the table, even Nabiki, gasped and looked
at me. Kasumi immediately started to take the plate, apologizing for
her mistake. I just shook my head and picked up the plate.

I told Kasumi not to worry about it. I took a pair of chopsticks and slid
the food off the plate and onto Mr. Saotome's. I smiled at him.
Everyone knew he wanted it anyway. As I started to eat I heard Dad
crying into his paper again.  Bastard.

After dinner I went upstairs to my room. I guess the events of the day
left me a little tired. As I passed Ranma's room I noticed that his
mother had cried herself to sleep. Good. At least she wouldn't keep me
up with her spineless sobbing.

When I got to my door I found P-chan waiting to be let in. I picked the
little  porker up by the bandanna he always wore around his neck. I
tried to take it off once, but there was just another one beneath it, and
another one beneath that. Weird, huh? Anyway, I'd only let him sleep
with me because he made Ranma jealous. I took him outside and
dropped him on the ground.

Finally I was back in my room, in my pajamas, and in bed. I suffered
through the visits by Dad and Kasumi. Nabiki didn't bother to come,
which was fine with me. After Kasumi left I locked my door.

And that's when it hit me. The pain. At first I was relieved. Finally I
could cry and grieve and get over it. Just like with Mom. Like I said
before, even I had seen that my emotions weren't normal. But the tears
still wouldn't come. I lay in my bed, on top of the covers, and the tears
*still wouldn't come*!

Even now, when I close my eyes I can see Ranma's dead body, cradled
in my arms, and I feel the moment coming when my heart will stop,
and I know that I'm going to die, and the moment comes and I can feel
the tension in my chest now as I relive it and it's here and. . .

Nothing.

I feel nothing.

And the nothing hurts more than *anything* I have ever felt because I
should feel *something*. I want to feel something, but I don't, oh god,
why don't I feel anything?

That's what made me realize that I don't love Ranma anymore. Or Dad
or Kasumi or Nabiki or the Saotomes or my friends or. . . or even
myself. It's just gone. And I know I should, I know I did, I know I
want to. . . but. . . I don't.

And that's how I know not having something good hurts more than
having something bad.

Ambivalence
**********

It's been a while now since Ranma died, and I guess I'm handling my
new feelings, or lack of them, better. That first night, I thought that
surely I was imagining things, that after a while I'd remember how to
love my family.

Well, after three months, they still sucked.

I say that in the kindest possible way. They did their best to try and
support me -- to help me through that difficult time. They did seem to
worry about me.

I didn't really care.

The Saotomes left the dojo. Mr. Saotome said that it was just 'too
difficult' for his wife to stay with the memories of Ranma in the house.
I think they left because she couldn't face me anymore.  I thought
someone with her sense of honor would have killed herself by then.
She evidently found it easier to hold others to her standards than
herself. She took it pretty hard when I told her Ranma would probably
still be alive if she weren't such a poor excuse for a mother. "How does
it feel," I asked her, "to know that your son died afraid of you?"

If you ask me, it was a comment worthy of Nabiki. Nabiki, the
hypocrite, was pissed when I told her so. A few weeks later I heard
that she was shutting down her operation and forgiving all interest on
her loans. The rumor was that she just wanted her own money back
and then she was out of the business for good. I wouldn't know, she
quit talking to me. That was probably a good thing. She always
charged too much to talk anyway.

School was easy deal with. Easier than I thought it would be. Most
people were smart enough to just leave me alone, especially my former
friends. I'm glad I didn't have to hurt any of them like I hurt Kuno.
Despite being an idiot, and blind to reality, I really thought he'd take it
like a man. I was rather surprised to see him crying when the
ambulance took him away. I think he was over reacting. After all, they
told me he should be walking again in a year or so. Come to think of
it, I think that was when Nabiki stopped talking to me.

Without Ranma around to provide excitement, things got pretty boring
around the dojo. To start with, none of the bimbo fiancees dropped by
to poison, drug or kidnap anyone.

Kodachi wasn't heard from.

Shampoo and Mousse returned to China with Cologne. I understand
Shampoo let Mousse beat her the very day she found out about
Ranma's death. She finally showed her true colors. The Chinese slut
better hope she never runs into me.

Ukyou is keeping her restaurant going. I guess she doesn't have
anything else to live for. I dropped by one afternoon, curious to see
how she was doing. I always thought that under different
circumstances we might could've been friends, back when I cared.

When I walked in the door, our eyes met, and we knew.  I left without
talking to her, and I suspect that I'll never see her again. I know I'll do
my best not to. The truth is hard enough to deal with without looking
it in the face, much less talking to it.

That encounter made me think about the direction my life was going
to take. I might have had ambitions before I met Ranma. To tell the
truth, I really don't remember. To fill my time I began to train again.
Not the usual self-righteous violence I used to call training, but
serious, dedicated training.

I asked Dad to train me, but after the Saotomes moved out he dropped
all pretense of living. All he does is go from the bed to the table and
back to bed. I figure he'll die within a year if he keeps acting like that.

I trained myself for a while, but of course I didn't get very far. You just
can't do that and expect to improve at my level of experience. That was
one of the few benefits of my current 'condition' -- I was finally being
honest with myself about my skills and abilities. I think that part of me
was sorry I couldn't have done this earlier, when I could have shared
my new found honesty with Ranma, but since I don't feel anything for
him anymore, it's hard to say.

It sure wasn't enough to keep me up at nights wondering.

Ryoga showed up a little while after I started to train. He was in an
odd mood. Cheery one minute and depressed the next. In hindsight, I
guess he was pretty much normal. He trained me for about a week
before he got lost.

Ryoga showed up again about two days later -- his fastest trip to the
store yet. When he got back he had a ring and asked me to marry him.

I laughed in his face. Then I told him I liked him better as P-chan, at
least a pig couldn't ask me stupid questions.

I don't know when I realized that Ryoga was P-chan, except it was
sometime after Ranma's death. It just didn't seem important. I'd even
let him sleep in my bed after I knew the truth. I just didn't have any
feelings about the issue one way or the other.

Anyway, Ryoga seemed to be pretty upset that I knew. He kept raving
about Ranma for some reason. Even though I didn't give a damn about
Ryoga (and remember, I don't give a damn about anyone anymore, so I
don't mean that in a bad way), he used to be a friend, and I prefer to
try and avoid hurting my former friends, so I felt like I should say
something to him. Besides, he looked like he was ready to Shi Shi
Hokudan himself and half of Nerima into oblivion.

So I asked him if he wanted to fuck me.

That brought him up short. He even forgot to have a nose bleed. He
didn't say anything, so I stripped my bottoms off, turned around and
bent over. That flexibility training really comes in handy, huh? I heard
him leave about five minutes later. Haven't seen him since. I did hear
that he drops by Ukyou's every now and then, they also say he's going
to school in his old district. Maybe one of the old gang will have a
normal life, after all.

Kasumi and Dr. Tofu finally got together. The result is that she's
expecting her first child, even though she already broke up with Dr.
Tofu. It's all her own fault, really. She should have learned more about
life than how to cook and clean. Maybe having another kid around the
house will help shake Dad out of his depression. He should enjoy
having another life to ruin.

Nabiki left home for good. She packed up and left for college. Didn't
even leave a forwarding address or phone number.

I guess that just about brings me up to the present. Oh, except for what
I plan to do with my life. I guess old ambitions are best after all, or at
least the most convenient, so I'm going to continue on as heir to the
Tendo School of Anything-Goes Martial Arts. Of course, I won't be
inheriting the dojo anymore. The last I heard Dad was still raving
about what he was going to do to me for leaving with Master
Happosai.

So right now I'm sitting across the fire from the Master. He's reading
some cheap porn magazine I dug out of a garbage bin for him, and I'm
cataloging the new additions to his collection. He lets me keep one or
two every now and then as a treat.
I'm a little surprised that he still hasn't tried to grope me, or worse. I
really don't care -- I was willing to sleep with a pig just so it wouldn't
walk away sad, after all. But he hasn't yet, and sometimes, when he's
sober and we're not running for our lives from the locals, I look in his
eyes and I can see my own staring back at me.

I hope I die soon. I don't want to think about living with the
ambivalence for as long as he has.

Acceptance
*********

It's been five years since Ranma died. I'm twenty-two, and the
undisputed Grand Master of the School of Anything-Goes Martial
Arts. When I leave Nerima today, I'm not coming back. I look down at
Ranma's grave and think to myself that today is the last time I will
visit him. Nerima holds nothing for me anymore.

I didn't come back to see my family, although I did, and I didn't come
to rekindle old acquaintances, although they tried. No, I came to bring
Father and Saotome back into the fold.

I was all the way over in Bangkok when I found out they broke with
the School. If there was one thing Happy taught me, it's that you never
let your inferiors think they can cross you and get away with it.

Once I asked Happy why he'd agreed to train me. He told me that he
could tell I had 'transcended the petty morality which had imprisoned
my will'. It was one of his typical bullshit answers. Sarcastically, I
asked him when he knew.

He looked me in the eyes and told me he knew I was ready when I
offered to screw that pig just because it was easier than not. Of course,
he probably just figured that meant I'd be willing to screw him. As if.

Looking back now, it's obvious why Happy taught me. It was my
ambivalence. After Ranma died, I just didn't care. And that's what he
was looking for. A disciple who would do anything, without a second
thought, just because he said to and they didn't give a damn. And for
four years, I did.

In those four years I learned as much about martial arts as Ranma did
in ten. It wasn't because I was better than Ranma. He was a faster
learner and a better fighter. Hell, he'd probably still beat me most of
the time. If he'd trained with Happy he'd have learned all I did and
then some. If he'd had the proper attitude. But he never did. He always
had too much honor, too many scruples. As amazing as it sounds, even
Saotome had too many. My father, well, he was probably the weakest
student Happy ever had. I, on the other hand, was a very good student.

The most important lessons he taught weren't about fighting. They
were about life. How to manipulate people. How to crush a person into
submission. How to take away everything a person holds dear and not
give a damn about it. Nabiki would have been even better than me, if
she hadn't caught a sudden case of morals right before she left.

My first encounter with old an acquaintance came as I walked down
the streets of Nerima. Mouse jumped off a roof and attacked. I was half
expecting it. After all, you can't just kill fourteen amazons and expect
them to stop coming after you. Then again, most of them have given
up -- a mounting body count has that effect, but Mousse took
Shampoo's death pretty hard. I once said that the Chinese bimbo had
better not cross my path. It was too bad for her that she did.

It's too bad for Mousse that he still hadn't learned to put on his glasses.
I guess that's the last time he'll ever make that mistake. I wish he
hadn't attacked me.

Actually, I didn't mean to kill Shampoo either. I was willing to walk
away. But she wasn't, and she paid the price. That was my first fight,
as opposed to a sparring match, since I started training with Happy.
Even so, I was more than a match for her. Happy didn't exactly take
me to the established dojos. He liked to hock my virtue to the bookies
for credit when I sparred.  It was a good incentive to win, and, after
all, I'm still pure. In that sense, at least.

Happy said I was blooded when I killed Shampoo. After that there was
no turning back.

We were training at Jusenkyo at the time. I spent about a year running
between Jusenkyo, the Amazon Village and the Musk Dynasty. I never
did meet Herb during that trip, which is just as well. Even Happy had
a lot of respect for him. I managed to avoid picking up a curse. There
were a couple of close calls, but somehow I avoided the pools.

I spent several days meditating at the Spring of Drowned Girl. Even
without love, I found it comforting to be near Ranma again, even if it
was just the pool that changed our lives forever. It was something.

The last time I saw Happy, I was standing at the side of that pool. I
had just learned that Happy was involved with Ranma's death. I didn't
know why, or how, and to tell the truth, didn't care. The old man was
getting a little afraid of me, of how quickly I was learning. I was a
danger to him, and that made him a danger to me.

So I did the only sensible thing I could. I dunked him in the spring,
and carried the wet, young and very female Happy off to the Musk
Dynasty. Happy was still too ugly for Herb, but Lime and Mint weren't
as picky. Happy didn't last the night.

I passed Ryoga and Ukyou on the street, and tried to ignore them. It's
better for them not to be around me, and besides, it's easier not to get
involved with people I used to know. As usual, I didn't get what I
wanted.

Ryoga grabbed my arm, I looked at Ukyou, none of us said anything.
After a minute she pulled Ryoga away. He looked like he was going to
cry. No wonder he could never beat Ranma. At least Ukyou seemed to
be doing better. Maybe she found something more than the restaurant.
I hope so.

Tofu's clinic was gone. The quickmart there has good slurpees though.

The Kuno Mansion seems to have grown barbed wire and a multitude
of security guards. They way it was setup, it looked like it was more to
keep people in, than out.

The school was the same as it always was.

And finally, the dojo. It was worse than I expected. Trashy pictures of
Saotome and Father in action poses. Panda action figures with rotating
battle-action arms. And emblazoned across it all, in flashing neon
lights: "The Tendo-Saotome School of Anything-Goes Martial Arts".

Kasumi answered my knock at the door. She never said a word, just
stared for a second before she closed the door in my face. She never
even dropped her smile. I guess she was still pissed about me leaving.

I walked around to the dojo. It seemed mostly the same, but the
mirrored ceiling was incredibly tacky. Some 'person' wearing a black
belt and teaching the class asked if he could help me. I guess he didn't
know any better, but if I'd gone easy on him I'd have had to go harder
on the rest. I asked him where Father and Saotome were. He seemed to
take offense at my tone of voice, so I was forced to get a little physical
with him.

Anything-Goes, my ass. More like a game of duck-duck-goose if you
ask me.

Afterwards I sat in the middle of the floor and waited for the two
owners to return from the bar. Apparently that's where they spent
every afternoon.
Soon enough they arrived. Saotome, at least, recognized Happy's mark
in my expression, and immediately started groveling. Father appeared
to have grown a spine, which was okay too, it just meant I got to have
a little bit of instructional fun. I'm sure the students all appreciated the
exposure to several new and painful submission holds which I
demonstrated on my very willing assistant.

After kicking the students and instructors out, I ripped into the two
groveling men. I don't give a shit if they run a crappy commercial
dojo, but they damn well better not put the name Anything-Goes
Martial Arts anywhere near it. I gave up a lot for the Art (or at least I
like to say I did, I really don't care enough about anything for it to
matter if I give it up), and I won't have it sullied by them.

After personally supervising the two of them while they pulled down
the signs and burned all the pamphlets they could find, they invited me
for dinner. At least they remembered their duty towards their Master.

Kasumi wasn't too pleased at my staying for dinner. To tell the truth, I
wasn't too pleased to eat it. The food wasn't as good as I remembered it
being. Probably had something to do with the pack of cigarettes
Kasumi inhaled while cooking. Either that or the cooking wine she
kept 'testing'. Now I guess I know how Ranma felt, trying to eat my
cooking.

There was a little boy and girl running around, Kasumi's kids.  She
still hasn't married. I knew the boy was Tofu's, but when I asked about
the girl Kasumi gave me a strained smile and took another sip from
her specially fortified tea. I looked at Saotome, but he just shrugged,
and refused to meet my eyes. Father read the paper. At least the
bastard doesn't cry anymore.

Later Father told me that Saotome's wife committed suicide last year,
after she walked in on him and some girl. He sold their house and used
the money to finance the dojo.

Father also told me that Tofu and Kasumi tried to get back together
after their son was born. It didn't work out. I don't figure it's such a
bad thing, though. With the money Tofu sends every month, it's easily
the most profitable investment Kasumi will ever make.

My room had been left alone. There was a padlock on the door and an
inch of dust on the floor. I slept downstairs rather than sneeze all
night. Besides, my room was just another dead memory to me. I was
under Kasumi's room and the noises coming down through the ceiling
kept me up all night. I left before sunrise. Even if I didn't care, it still
hurt. As stupid as it sounds, it's true.

So here I am now with you, Ranma. I still can't grieve for you, but I
promise that the day I can is the day I join you.

Grief
****

It has been seven years since I came to Nerima to discipline Tendo and
Saotome. I never did have any more trouble from them. They died
about a year ago. Some fight in a cheap bar.

But that's not why I'm back in Tokyo today. Today is my son's fifth
birthday, and the first time I will have seen him since the day he was
born. I guess some part of me needs to see how he's doing, even if I
can't find it in my heart to love him.

Some people think I can't love him because his father is some
unknown foreigner who disappeared with all my cash the morning
after. That's not it. No, I don't love my son because I just don't give a
damn. And I haven't for twelve long years. Not since the day Ranma
died.

That's not entirely true. I do give a damn about a few things. The
School, the Art. But not people. The day Ranma died I found out that I
just couldn't love anymore. Like he took it all with him when he left.
But I can't blame him for that. I can only blame myself for not telling
him he owned my heart before he got in that stupid fight.

Years later I found out that the resident pervert had actually set the
fight up for some plot of his, and I killed him. But not because he'd
killed Ranma. Just because he became a danger to me. That bothers
me sometimes. I should have killed him for Ranma.

Sometimes I lie to myself that I did, but I know it's not true. That part
of myself that died stays gone no matter what I do. Not even my own
child can fill that loss.

To my surprise, when I placed the baby up for adoption I found out
that Nabiki was taking him. I wouldn't have thought she could have
found out about my pregnancy in a foreign country, but I guess Nabiki
is Nabiki, even if she isn't.

She really changed when Ranma died and I left. I think when she saw
that I was becoming what she had become after Mom's death, she got
scared. Did a complete one-eighty and headed off as fast as she could
in the other direction.

Nabiki and her husband have two kids of their own, plus mine. They
live a comfortable middle class life just outside Tokyo. She's as far
away from Nerima as one can get and still be able to commute to
central Tokyo for work. She does a lot of volunteer work there now.

I understand that Nabiki quietly makes sure Kasumi has enough to get
by, and keep the dojo up, even if it is a little difficult for them. I hope
the dojo will hold happier memories for Kasumi and her children than
it does for me.

Anyway, here I am, walking up the street towards the small house
Nabiki lives in. It's not nearly as big as the dojo was, but I can see that
it's well maintained, cozy and cheerful. In the yard I can see two boys,
maybe nine or ten, playing with a dog. The door opens and I see
another boy run out. My son.

He seems to be a happy child. He runs and plays with the other two.
He screams and hollers and chases the dog until a woman comes to the
door to scold him for the noise.

Nabiki is older and heavier than I remember her. She was always so
adamant about her figure. Now she's put on a little weight, but looks
comfortable with it. She wears a loose sweater over a long flowing
skirt, and has an apron tied around her. Her hair has grown out a little,
but she still keeps the same cut. As she scolds the smallest boy the
other two catch the dog and all four go back into the house.

Now that the time has come, I find myself nervous, for the first time in
so long that I don't even recognize the emotion when I first feel it. As I
walk up to the house I can feel my stomach constricting tighter and
tighter into a small, hard knot until I can hardly stand up straight. I
see Nabiki open a window in their living room, and briefly look out.

I don't think she sees me.

Forcing back my uneasiness, I sneak up to the window and glance
inside. I see her and my son sitting on the couch looking through a
photo album. The boy sits against Nabiki, and she has one arm around
his shoulder, her other hand balancing the large book while the boy
turns the pages and asks Nabiki questions.

"Who's this?"

"Me, when I was in high school."

"Wow! You were thin!"

"What? Are you saying I'm fat?" Nabiki tickles the boy until he rolls
off the couch. I smile. The boy climbs up next to Nabiki again. He
turns the page.

"Who are they, Auntie?"

Auntie? I wonder why Nabiki has my son call her auntie. I guess she
doesn't want to take my motherhood away, even if I don't want it.

"That's me again."

"You're pretty."

"Thank you. And that's your Auntie Kasumi. That's Grandpa. And see
the girl there? That's your mother."

"Yeah! Akane's my mom!"

Now I can feel the knot in my stomach growing larger. I hate this. I
don't care. I don't care, I tell myself. Damn Nabiki! Why is she making
this so hard?

"And who's next to your mommy?"

"That's my daddy! Ranma!"

Oh god, what is she telling him? Damn it hurts, I think I can feel a
ball of fire where my guts used to be. I have to clench my teeth and
strain to keep from doubling up.

"Auntie?"

"Hmm?"

"When are Mommy and Daddy coming back?"

I start to stumble back to the gate. I hope I can get out before anyone
sees me. This was a mistake. As I reach the gate I hear Nabiki's
answer. Her voice is too clear to have carried out the window from the
couch. I know she must be watching me, crawling away like a
wounded animal. I can't look back.

"I don't know, Ranma."

Later that afternoon, I finally lay my head on the grass over you,
Ranma. Why, oh god, why did Nabiki do this to us? It hurts so damn
much. Listening to her and my son, why did she name him after you?
Why did she tell him you were his father?

I could see it, this afternoon. I could see my life the way I wanted it to
be, just me and you and our  family and, oh god, it's coming, I can feel
it coming, I can finally, finally, feel it coming!

When I close my eyes I see your dead body, cradled in my arms, and I
feel the moment coming when my heart will stop, and I know that I'm
going to die, and the moment comes and I feel the tension in my chest
now and it's here and. . .

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Steve Pardue
spardue@zebra.net