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NEON GENESIS EVANJELLYDONUT: M S T 3 K / C & C (New-Style)
Written By:
James Grabowski
Part II : Neon Genesis Evanjellydonut 1
Revision: 2.02
Date: August 4, 1998
Time: 12:29:00 AM
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Author's Notes:
Well, here we go again...
~~~~~~~The most important point I have to give is: I think this is a
weak piece of writing. NOTE: I am talking about MY writing, NOT Andrew
Huang's. I have enjoyed every one of the Evanjellydonut series very
much. However, I found myself having somewhat of a difficult time
writing this chapter.~~~~~~
That's what I had to say about revision 1.00. How quickly our
minds change. =) I was able to turn what I believed to be a piece of
garbage writing on my part and bring back the humor (and hilarity?) of
Part I. I feel much better about this. Truth is, I thought 1.00 was so
bad I didn't even bother to keep a copy of it on my computer. (yes, I
thought it was THAT bad, and no one will ever see my flaws,
HAHAHAHAHAhehe.. ahem)
NOTE: READ THE FIRST PART, "I", BEFORE YOU READ THIS.
Why? So you know what's going on of course! This isn't your
average MST here. This is a series in itself. It has its own
internal plot, it has situations running over from one fanfic to
the next.
READ THEM FIRST OR YOU WILL NOT ENJOY OR FULLY UNDERSTAND THIS.
Where can you find the latest versions? My page of course!
What's the address? It doesn't matter, the page isn't up yet.
Request it via e-mail until it is.
(see the bottom of this document for e-mail address)
NOTE: BEFORE READING THIS PART, "II", OF THIS MST SERIES,
READ "NEON GENESIS EVANJELLYDONUT" ALL THE WAY UP TO 3.5.
(1, 2, 3, 3.5)
You need to know what's going on before you understand why the
characters are doing what they do. Where do you find it?
Andrew Huang's page of course. What's his address?
<http://www.hcs.harvard.edu/~alhuang>
For a direct link to EVA, add this:
/anime/fanfic/myfics/evafics.html
So, what's so different about this MST/C&C compared to a regular
MST/C&C? Simple! Rather than take the traditional approach of using
the self and another anime character (or more) from another series to
to make comments, this includes characters from Evangelion making the
comments (Shinji, Asuka, Rei, Kensuke, Touji, Hikari). This is more of
a MST than a C&C really, because what I'm doing is sharing the thoughts
and feelings of those involved, rather then my own. All you need to
know is that I love this series. =) However, not everyone from
Evangelion might agree. <g> Of course, I've had to make this
humourous like Evanjellydonut, so sometimes I'm stretching the limits
on characterization. <g>
Well, I hope you enjoy reading this, because I know I did
(probably had something to do with me writing it...). For all Asuka fans
out there, she gets to have some revenge in this part (of course, not as
much as you all may want). Oh, and no complaints on what happens with
Rei near the end. She's still in character, and the script of
Evanjellydonut was leading up to it (in fact, everything happens there
first, so...). Whether you like or don't like what is in the end, you'll
probably find it funny anyway. I had it to dark in 1.00... to much
violence, and not enough humour. Sad really. This is much better.
BTW, I was watching episode 15 and 16 of Evangelion about 10
minutes ago. I had forgotten that Rei HAS blushed before. I just
thought I would point that out.
Enjoy! (This is not an order, but I'm sure you will anyway.)
James Grabowski
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LEGAL INFORMATION:
All characters contained in this MST3K are copyright GAINAX, Project EVA,
and any other company and/or division associated with the creation and/or
production of Neon Genesis Evangelion.
The fanfiction "Neon Genesis Evanjellydonut" is a production of Andrew
Huang, and may not be tampered with (except to do a MST3K / C&C obviously)
This MST3K is a production of James Grabowski, and may not be used in any
way, shape, or form without prior permission of the author. Distribution
is subject to prior approval by the author. (i.e.: ASK before putting it
on a web page if you wish to do so, no posting on a newsgroup w/o
permission, etc. etc. etc.)
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(The 15 minutes have passed quickly, like a mere 15 minutes.)
Asuka was the first to return to the room.)
ASUKA: Aaaahhhh... cracking up a wall does wonders for one's sanity.
(She collapses into her chair and sighs...)
ASUKA: Nothing can possibly go wrong now.
(Kensuke walks into the room and takes his seat, not noticing Asuka.)
ASUKA: (evil grin) Case in point. Let's have some fun Asuka!
(she puts her mouth up to his ear, and screams) KENSUKE!!!!!
KENSUKE: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!
(He huddles in the corner, scared, mumbling words no one can understand.
Asuka returns to her seat and sighs.)
ASUKA: (smiling) Nothing can possibly go wrong...
(Touji and Hikari returned from wherever they had been and took their
seats.)
TOUJI: Where's Kensuke?
KENSUKE: Ma..... ma..... wh.....
(Touji sees Kensuke in the corner, and than turns to Asuka.)
TOUJI: (angered) What did you do to him?
ASUKA: (innocently) Me? I was just sitting here...
TOUJI: (mumbling) Yeah right...
(Touji goes to retrieve his friend, who is still in a state of mental
shock.)
HIKARI: Why did you do that Asuka?
ASUKA: I don't know. To let out some stress I guess.
HIKARI: I wonder what brought that on. *chuckle*
ASUKA: (annoyed) Hikari...
HIKARI: (smiling) Hai, hai. It's alright Asuka, don't think about it.
Just try to let my friends live... without fear of pain...
alright?
ASUKA: (smile) I suppose...
(Touji returns with an obviously frightened Kensuke.)
KENSUKE: NO! I don't want to sit there! Help! Please!
TOUJI: *sigh* Kensuke, come on...
KENSUKE: (whining) I'm scared!
ASUKA: (evil grin)
HIKARI: Now look what you did. Here, you can switch with me Kensuke.
KENSUKE: Th... thank you Hikari.
(Kensuke takes Hikari's place on the end of the row of seats, while Hikari
takes Kensuke's place next to Asuka. Kensuke is visibly more relieved
after this.)
TOUJI: Anyway... when are we going to start? We're all here aren't we?
HIKARI: Hold on. No... we're still missing... (nervously glances at
Asuka, and then meekly replies) Rei and Shinji.
ASUKA: (standing and yelling) GET DOWN HERE NOW SHINJI OR THEY'LL NEVER
FIND YOUR BODY! YOU TOO FIRST CHILDREN!!!
KENSUKE: (covering his ears) I think they heard that in Tokyo-2.
(A laugh spreads through the theatre. A female laugh.)
ASUKA: (grumbling) Please tell me that was you Hikari...
HIKARI: No.
ASUKA: Grrr...
(A terrified Shinji appears out of nowhere and is back in his seat. A
visually calm Rei appears a moment later and takes her seat next to
Shinji.)
ASUKA: WHAT THE HECK WERE YOU DOING?!
SHINJI: Um... er... ah... oh... (thinking) Death, I welcome thee...
REI: (softly) Nothing.
ASUKA: Do you think I'll believe that?
REI: What other choice is there?
ASUKA: (blink) Damn... That actually made sense.
(Shinji begins to breathe again.)
ASUKA: (laugh) Well, I guess you're right. I doubt you could laugh
anyway. But where did it come from then?
(Luckily for Rei, Asuka didn't notice a very slight blush on her face.)
TOUJI: Well, we can either continue arguing over who's doing what with
who, or we can show you guys what's led you to your... ummm...
current situation.
SHINJI: That'd be a good idea. Who has the controls?
KENSUKE: I do.
SHINJI: Let's start then.
KENSUKE: Alright.
(Kensuke presses the play button, and the beginning of the story...
begins.)
The Sound and the Furry Productions, copyright 6 BC
Andrew Huang, nutcase, headcase, briefcase, member
begun July 9, 1997
ASUKA: Wow, 1997... That's a long time ago...
SHINJI: Why is everyone still the same age, 14? Or is it 15, it's hard
to tell...
REI: It may be... wait...
SHINJI: Rei? What's wrong?
REI: Th... th... this is old. Prior to the 2nd Impact. We're in 2015.
None of us were even alive yet...
(Everyone realizes the horror of the statement.)
TOUJI: That's scary.
ASUKA: Did he survive the 2nd Impact?
REI: Unlikely. How did he do this?
KENSUKE: Let's just leave it for now.
WARNING! There are spoilers in this. Kind of. Yes, definitely.
SHINJI: Familiar ceili--- I mean warning.
Evangelion is the property of Gainax (great bunch of people, they
are). ADV Films has the rights to the English translation. The
metasyntactic variable "wossname" was, I believe, coined by Terry
Pratchett.
SHINJI: Wossname?
HIKARI: Yes. It's a metasyntactic variable.
*GROAN*
SHINJI: That REALLY helped Hikari.
Author's squawk: I like Evangelion. I like it a lot. A LOT. I love how
it makes me think. It's action packed, and yet it's deep, on many
levels. But some days, you just feel so damn silly....
Umm, timelinewise, this just doesn't fit in, really. Touji's joined up
by now, but Bardiel never showed up. Or something like that. In other
words, he's still intact and piloting EVA-03. And other things...are
rewritten. Ignored. I'm making things up, kind of, now. Hey, this is
supposed to be a spoof, and you're asking about continuity?
See? Spoilers. I warned you.
TOUJI: It didn't turn out to be so much of a spoof in the end...
(Silence.)
TOUJI: Well, yes it did actually...
There was a computer. Its name was Oddzilla.
There was a writer. His name...wasn't important. But he did own
Oddzilla.
There was a bunch of anime otaku nutcases. They were called The Sound
and the Furry, consisting of three writers (the aforementioned writer
being one of them) and one artist.
The writer (that is, the aforementioned owner of Oddzilla who was a
member of this anime collective) decided to write. Having seen a goodly
amount of Evangelion--which, by the way, started to get really
depressing as it went towards the end--decided to write about
Evangelion. He sat down at his computer named Oddzilla.
The writer rubbed his hands gleefully.
"Wait'll they get a load of me." He paused. "Damn, that's probably
copyrighted." Shrugging, he began typing. "Neon...Genesis...Evanje--"
He looked up, embarassed. "Silly me. Writing out loud. I mean, reading
my writing out loud as I write it." He considered his words for a
moment. "Right." He returned to his work, not quite realizing that his
lips were moving as he typed.
ASUKA: Isn't he from Harvard?
HIKARI: What were they teaching in school back then?
TOUJI: The meaning of "wossname".
The four children climbed out of the entry plugs in the test area,
where their EVAs stood. As usual, Asuka and Touji were verbally poking
each other's eyes out. As usual, Rei was silent. As...er....
ASUKA: *sigh* Finally, something normal...
"Shinji-kun, you look a little pale...." Ritsuko looked at the plug-
suited lad.
"I...I don't know...I feel...kinda strange. Like...you remember...."
Misato smacked her hand to her brow.
"Baka! Did you forget your soul AGAIN!? You're supposed to hold down
the 'RESET' button while you turn the power off!"
ASUKA: HAHAHAHAHA!
SHINJI: (mumbling) It's not funny Asuka...
ASUKA: Yes it is! HAHAHA! RESET button! Hehehehehe...
***
Neon Genesis Evanjellydonut, part 1:
I Left My Soul in Tokyo-3
by Andrew Huang
written for The Sound and the Furry Productions
***
SHINJI: I just realized... there's no part 0, or a 0.5.
KENSUKE: Part 0 doesn't exist. It can't. 0 is nothing.
REI: But there's an Evangelion UNIT-00. By your logic, it shouldn't
exist either.
KENSUKE: Well that's... ummm...
REI: Let's continue.
"You mean, you've done this before?" asked Kensuke.
ASUKA: Not a word Kensuke.
KENSUKE: There's nothing to say Asuka.
The four Children sat in a lounge near the NERV offices. Hikari and
Kensuke had been allowed to join them there--not as if there was all
that much so top-secret about this anymore.
TOUJI: Well, at least you got in...
KENSUKE: (grumbling) I still didn't get to pilot...
"Yeah. Just a few weeks ago, the wonderful Third Child pulled the same
one." Asuka smirked at Shinji. Hikari smirked at Shinji too, following
the female pilot's lead.
SHINJI: Since when are you like her Hikari?
HIKARI: I guess it was in the spur of the moment...
"Must have been before I got here.... But--I don't have any special
shutdown procedures." Touji glared at the two more vocal girls in the
room in defense of his friend. Hikari blushed as she saw him staring at
her, and turned away. Asuka rolled her eyes.
ASUKA: (rolls her eyes)
Rei spoke, which sent a chill through just about everyone else. "It's
because Unit 01 is so unstable. It's a wonder, sometimes, that it can
even be reliably piloted."
"And of course, I'm the one stuck with it," muttered Shinji.
ASUKA: Complain complain complain...
SHINJI: Be quiet.
ASUKA: Make me.
Kensuke turned towards Shinji. "You know, for someone who's missing
his soul at the moment, you seem pretty normal."
Shinji shrugged. "No, it's not like my mind or feelings are gone. I
thought it would be like that too, but...eh. What it _is_, though, is
this really empty feeling...you know, like the exact opposite of how we
felt after eating that _thing_ that Asuka's American aunt sent us for
Christmas...you know...that...that 'fruitcake' wossname. Thingy."
Kensuke's eyes widened. "That was FOOD!? I could have sworn it was a
brick!"
ASUKA: Fruitcakes ARE bricks. They don't belong to any food group.
HIKARI: Except maybe the gravel-and-cement group.
The other three EVA pilots nodded and groaned in unison (although Rei
did so only almost imperceptibly).
ASUKA: That's strange. Wonder Girl is more like herself here than she is
later on. What happened?
TOUJI: (snickering) You'll see...
"Must be rough," commented Touji.
"I mean, it was so heavy!"
KENSUKE: That's me!
TOUJI: I know.
"It's very...uncomfortable. Like missing your liver. Not that I would
know exactly how that feels, but I think Misato might." Everyone nodded.
SHINJI: I told her to stop drinking so much. She said she would.
ASUKA: Now THAT is funny Shinji.
Hikari spoke. "Well...what are you going to do about it?"
Shinji shrugged again. "Get it back. Wasn't too hard last time. Just--
kicked Unit 01's processor a few times, hard, in the right place, and
bang, I'm a whole person again. It was kind of a tingly feeling, like I
suddenly got carbonated."
ASUKA: I didn't know an EVA was just like a TV set...
"I should know, I held it in both of my arms when Asuka got it...."
KENSUKE: That's me!
HIKARI: I know.
"I'm afraid it's not going to be so easy this time, Shinji-kun."
Misato jogged into the room, taking Touji's eyes along for a ride. "You
see, it doesn't seem to be in Unit 01 anymore. We checked. No visual
electrical formations, no sensor readouts."
(Hikari sees Touji staring at the screen.)
HIKARI: I'm over HERE Touji.
TOUJI: Yeah, I know.
*SLAP*
"Visual? You mean, you can see it? What does it look like?"
"It seems to be different for everyone, but Shinji-kun's looks like,
um...." Misato trailed off a little uneasily. She glanced at the
recently de-souled boy.
"Like?" Touji scratched his head.
"A winged anteater," muttered Shinji.
There was a measured silence, broken by a snicker from Asuka. Hikari
blinked.
(Asuka snickered. Hikari didn't blink because she'd already seen this
part before.)
"A _what_?"
"Don't ask me, I didn't design my soul."
"That thing was definitely as solid as Mount Fuji, man. Well, at least
before Suzuhara here sneezed in the cockpit and EVA-03 blew off the
north side of it."
KENSUKE: That's me!
SHINJI: I know.
"An anteater."
"Yes."
"With wings."
"Yes."
Touji scratched his chin thoughtfully. "It must be symbolic," he
declared.
"Heck if I know how. I've never mucked around an imaginary anthill for
a metaphysical lunch."
TOUJI: An anteater will be your guide to the self.
HIKARI: ... That made no sense. Why'd you say that?
TOUJI: It sounded important to me.
"So where is it?" asked Asuka.
Misato hesitated. "As far as I know, it went somewhere into the Magi
system. And you know how big _that_ is. What's more, it could have left
it somehow, through some interface. Whether or not it's--"
"I could have hammered nails with that thing, I KNOW it was that
hard!"
KENSUKE: That's me!
REI/ASUKA: We know.
"--still within an electronic system, or maybe...well, never mind
that. Anyways, we're still looking. In the meantime, until he recovers
his soul, he shouldn't try to operate an EVA."
SHINJI: They finally gave me an excuse? I could've used that so many
times! Why wasn't Huang working with NERV?
"A distended soul," murmured Rei.
"I can't begin to imagine how that would feel like," wondered Hikari.
"It's not horrifically bad, but you'd probably not want to know. I
sure feel hungry, though, and I just ate before the test," complained
Shinji.
SHINJI: I'm hungry now.
HIKARI: I have enough food for everyone later.
SHINJI: (to himself) I wonder if she'll be a chef when she gets older...
"I bet it would have made good armor plating."
KENSUKE: That's me!
"Shut UP, Kensuke."
ALL: Shut UP, Kensuke.
The EVA cage was warm this evening.
Misato stared at the giant purple robot. If she didn't know any
better, it seemed like it was thinking. Or maybe it was scratching its
posterior; she wasn't quite sure which.
SHINJI: That's just sick.
"What _are_ you? What?"
A voice spoke behind her. "A creation of man, in the form of a man. It
was built to fight the Angels...and perhaps, it was built from something
we know far too little about."
"What is the link? The Evangelions. Us. Angels."
"You may as well ask what the human soul is. No one knows, one can
only guess."
"The soul," breathed Misato. "We've seen...we know that the very
spirit of a person can exist inside the EVA. What was it that they said?
That it's an 'artificial human'?"
"Though its form only vaguely resembles a human, and in scale is far
larger, yes, that is right. It has blood, nerves...on occasion, even a
soul...."
"Yes." Misato paused. "A frightening thing, isn't it?"
"Yes, it is. Piloted by a few select children, who were conceived on
the night of an awful destruction visited upon Earth. The power of the
EVAs is simply unparalleled.... It alone can truly fight the Angels. It
withstands enormous blasts. It tears steel apart like paper. The product
of the finest human technology. It slices, dices, and makes julienne
fries."
SHINJI: It what?
ASUKA: That made sense up until the slices and dices bit.
SHINJI: It probably would make a good kitchen utensil...
Misato blinked. She turned around. Her jaw fell open.
"Pen-pen?"
REI/SHINJI/ASUKA: Pen-pen?
The spa penguin was just coolly standing there, holding a can of beer.
"What, you didn't know I can talk? Hey, I was on the design team for
that baby." He drank a gulp of beer. "She's a beauty, that one," he
stated proudly.
(The 3 pilots collapse on the ground.)
SHINJI: My EVA was made by a penguin? Why can't it work in water?
ASUKA: He probably didn't design the equipment for it.
Misato sat up in her bed.
"That's it. No more ham-and-wasabi pizza before I go to sleep."
SHINJI: You might want to cut down on the Yebisu too.
A pile of books was dumped in front of the four pilots.
"We figure there might be something about this in here. Since you're
the ones most directly affected, you should take a look for it. The rest
of us will also be searching through other texts and resources." Ritsuko
adjusted her glasses, then yawned and stretched, giving a gratuitous
bounce.
TOUJI: Wow, a contender for Misato.
HIKARI: (grumbling) You didn't say that the last time. You were smarter
the last time.
TOUJI: But you're more beautiful than the both of them.
HIKARI: Oh Touji...
ASUKA: Oh please...
TOUJI: (Death Trap Avoided.)
"WHAT?! You have to load me down with _his_ incompetence?" Asuka
turned to stick out her tongue at Shinji.
"Well, the thing is, although the other models are more stable, you
never know what might happen to _you_." Ritsuko turned towards the door.
"If you need anything, just give us a call." She exited.
"This really sucks. Stupid Third Child, loses his soul, and _we're_
stuck doing some studying. The world just isn't fair." Asuka slammed her
fist down on the table.
SHINJI: Well the Lord (how ironic) knows you don't do anything at home.
ASUKA: Quiet baka.
"As she said--it may happen to any of us. We never know." Rei lowered
the room temperature by a few degrees.
REI: (softly) I don't see what honesty has to do with room temperature.
Asuka just grumbled some more. "Stupid anteater boy." Shinji scowled
back at her.
ASUKA: Anteater boy! I've got to remember that one...
Touji spoke up. "Say, what do _your_ souls look like, then?"
"Don't know, _I_ always know to keep it with me. Never had to look for
it." Asuka again stuck her tongue out with a great big "BEEEDA!"
Shinji attempted to pick up his stack and failed. "What is all of this
anyways?"
SHINJI: I didn't know NERV even had books! Just that "Welcome to NERV"
pamphlet...
Pausing a moment, the writer carefully chose some words to speak.
"I have a healthy respect for Jews and Judaism. In fact, I have many
Jewish friends. I am NOT making fun of Judaism here, but rather just
making up some silly translations. And that's all it is."
But just to be safe, he put on his nuke-suit, identical to Misato's in
Evangelion ep 7.
"Buggrit...flippin' hard to type with these thick gloves on...."
ASUKA: Why does the author keep popping into the film?
HIKARI: Ever here of a "Director's Cut"?
(Everyone groans from the bad pun.)
"Hmm...the _Dead Sea Scrolls_, 'Japanese translation including
detailed footnotes, annotations, and various things you don't really
need to know unless you're piloting a huge robot with the tendency to
suck out your soul'. The book of Psalms, 'In Japanese with sing-along
melodies'. Book of Isaiah, 'Complete Abridged Japanese Version'. A copy
of the Kabbalah, Dabbler's Edition, 'With detailed instructions on golem
creation using simple household materials in forty-two easy steps;
please read the safety section first'. Where do they get this stuff
from?" Touji dropped one of the books. "And what does this all have to
do with us?"
SHINJI: Are they the same ones you pick up at the tourist booth in
Palistine?
REI: I didn't even know Palistine still existed.
"These are ancient Jewish texts. Apparently, they relate very strongly
to what the Evangelions are, as well as the Angels themselves, and why
they are here. Gendou-san has done a lot of the research already, I
think." Rei reached for one of the books and started to read the
indicated sections.
"Jewish texts? My father? Funny, I can't see him getting involved with
religion, even if it's just a strictly scientific thing."
SHINJI: Of course, that may explain most of the plotline for
Evangelion...
*WACHOOO*
"Rabbi, are you feeling all right?"
Ikari Gendou adjusted his yarmulka. "Just some allergies, I think. Now
then, turn to page 202. Read carefully over Moses's words riiiiight over
here...."
SHINJI: What kind of twisted family do I come from?
ASUKA: I bet 26 episodes and 2 movies couldn't explain that.
SHINJI: Who'd want to document our lives anyway?
(The GAINAX camera continues to roll... far away, not here.)
Shinji stumbled out of the room. This sudden migraine really wasn't
helping things, and he needed a break. Bad. He ripped off his
headphones, panting.
"Stupid books on tape," he gasped, collapsing onto the floor. "'Lynn
Minmay reads the Pentateuch'? They should have put warning signs on that
one.... Who the heck is Lynn Minmay, and why is she allowed to do this?
Argh." He rubbed his temples in an attempt to rework his brain into
something useable.
SHINJI: He should know that I only listen to ONE tape in my SDAT.
TOUJI: What's on that thing anyway?
SHINJI: It's a secret that no one must know... (too himself) Since I
don't know myself...
"You okay, there?" Touji popped out of the room and sat down on the
floor next to Shinji. "This stuff is so hard for me to understand. Seven
eyes? Why does God have seven eyes? Crap. I hate doing this." He yawned
and leaned his head against the wall.
SHINJI: I thought God had no definite shape or form?
ASUKA: Well you can't believe everything you learn in school.
There was a sudden rumbling inside the room, and some shouting. The
two guys blinked, looked at each other. Before either could say or do
anything, the door slammed open. Touji's head jerked forward from the
vibrations. A female voice rang--nay, nearly screeched out.
"I HATE this! I am SICK of this!! IKARI, YOU'RE AN IDIOT!!!!"
ASUKA: HAHAHA!!! I love this!
SHINJI: I don't.
REI: ... But...
"Geez, I'm sorry already, Asu--"
"_Ayanami_?!"
ASUKA: NANI?!
The albino girl stomped over to Shinji and picked him up by his shirt
collar, hissing. "Dammit, because of you, I'm stuck in that room forced
to look things up that are really messing with my head. And it's
all-your-fault-!" She dropped him on the floor and marched off.
The two boys sat there stunned.
(The three pilots sat there stunned.)
ASUKA: Since when does she do that?
SHINJI: She'd gotten mad, but...
REI: ... That was me?
ASUKA: This is a horror film, isn't it?
"Must...must be that time of month," mumbled Touji. "The mental part,
that is."
"'That time of month'? I wasn't aware that Ayanami had a 'that time of
month'. She's never _had_ a 'that time of month'. Heck, if women had a
'that time of year', Ayanami would have had to forfeit on account of not
showing up. It couldn't be 'that time of month'. Not Ayanami. Not the
mental part. No, not her." Shinji paused to re-establish motor neuron
control over his shaking hands. "I think I feel scared."
ASUKA: Never joke about "that time of month"!
TOUJI: Why? You're always IN "that time of month".
*SMACK*
REI: ... Ikari's scared of me?
SHINJI: I'm scared of Ayanami?
REI: Ikari?
SHINJI: Yes?
REI: Don't make jokes about that time of month. Even the mental part.
SHINJI: I never wanted to.
The two of them stared down at the floor, still not quite recovered.
Then a thought struck suddenly.
"Um. Isn't Asuka still in there?"
"Uh-oh."
They both scrambled to their feet and darted back into the room. Asuka
was still standing at the table. It didn't seem like she was capable of
doing much else.
"Asuka? Are you all right? What happened here?"
"She-she-she-she she blew up the First Child just exploded Wonder Girl
went nuts ohmyGodohmyGod." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes,
then collapsed into her chair.
(Shinji, Touji, and Kensuke collapse on the floor laughing. Rei smiles...
barely.)
ASUKA: SIT DOWN AND SHUT IT!!
(The three boys reseat themselves.)
ASUKA: What are you smiling about... if you could call it a smile...
REI: You're scared of me...
ASUKA: No I'm not...
TOUJI/KENSUKE: Yes you are...
ASUKA: NO, I'M NOT.
REI: You are. I always knew it. I guess I'm better than you.
ASUKA: That's my line. I say things like that. STOP acting like me!
REI: ... I'm just kidding.
(5 of the 6 collapse on the ground.)
"Asuka?" Shinji cautiously walked up to the Second Child. He gently
shook her arm. He didn't expect her to suddenly grab at his shirt.
"Shinji! It was so scary!!" she sobbed. "Rei's fine--what passes for
her as fine--all this time, and suddenly, she, she sits up straight for
a few seconds, blinks a little, and goes off like the Second Impact!
Screaming about being trapped in this room, and then she starts throwing
books all over the place! Rei! Her! The quiet one!"
"It's always the quiet ones," said Touji, sagely. Asuka threw a book
at him without looking, still weeping a bit. Shinji wasn't sure what to
do.
ASUKA: What a cliche...
SHINJI: I still thought that Asuka being scared of Rei was funny.
ASUKA: No one asked you Shinji no baka. Give me that remote!
(She takes the remote from Shinji and hands it to Hikari.)
HIKARI: Why are you giving it to me?
ASUKA: You're the only one I trust here.
"It's...okay...uh...right." No, it's not okay, Ayanami just had a
hissy fit, she's never had any particular outburst before, she slapped
me once when I insulted my father, and now she's throwing books and
shaking me up and terrifying _Asuka_ of all people. Say, why _is_ Asuka
still hanging on to my shirt? "Um, would you mind not doing that? After
what just happened outside, I'm feeling wary of girls grabbing at my
clothing." Wait. That didn't sound right.
KENSUKE: Shinji Shinji Shinji. I knew you liked the both of them.
(After tying a gag around Kensuke's mouth, the show continued.)
Asuka pulled away from him suddenly, a disgusted, surprised look on
her face. "WHAT?!"
As Shinji staggered around the room, holding his chin, Asuka rubbed
her slightly bruised fist, not quite as upset by Rei's earlier
explosion. In the meantime, Touji had disengaged his nose from the
Japanese-Hebrew dictionary and struggled to his feet. "I suppose that
means you're all right...."
ASUKA: I wish I could do that right now...
SHINJI: Please don't. I like being conscious. I didn't do anything
either.
ASUKA: (smiling) That doesn't matter!
Asuka slumped a little bit. "She was so frightening. I mean, you know
how she usually is."
Misato popped her head into the room. "What happened? I heard some
yelling from down the hall...where's Rei?"
They explained.
REI: This is taking a while. At least I'm getting the spotlight this
time.
TOUJI: I don't think we need to worry about that...
REI: (softly) And what's that supposed to mean?
TOUJI: Nothing. (grin)
For some reason, Misato didn't look too surprised, but rather, was
thoughtful. "Sounds like something I should tell Ritsuko. Oh well. I
guess you guys should go take a break, then. Help me pick these up
first, though." She bent over to gather a few books, inducing Touji to
start a nosebleed.
TOUJI: Hikari...
HIKARI: Yes?
TOUJI: May I have some tissues please?
HIKARI: (sigh)
"Have they found Rei yet?"
"Yes. She's in the gym, pounding a punching bag. She seems to be an
excellent kickboxer."
ASUKA: I don't like this Rei. She's so... so...
REI: You?
ASUKA: Yes! No! I mean... oh, forget it.
"You're kidding."
"No."
"Better get her in here soon."
"Who's going to do it?"
"Umm...."
ALL: Gendou.
"Rei."
Rei turned away from the formerly-a-punching-bag-now-stuffing to see
Ikari Gendou, tucking away some sort of cloth into his pocket and
running his hand through his hair. She was breathing heavily, doing
marvelous things for her chest.
TOUJI: I bet you're enjoying this scene, aren't you Shinji.
SHINJI/ASUKA: Shut up!
REI: (quiet) Say that again... and I'll do to you what I did to that bag.
(Touji shut up.)
REI: ... hmmm....
"What do you want?" she asked, with a slight edge. Gendou actually
developed a small sweatdrop.
SHINJI: Since when is he involved in humor?
TOUJI: Haven't you been paying attention?
"We...we need you in the labs."
(Touji decides it's in his best interest of health to keep quiet.)
There was a flying anteater on the monitor.
"Bingo."
"IT'S IN ME!??!?"
ASUKA: HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?
KENSUKE: Well, when you weren't watching the screen, the two of them
decided to g...
*SMACK, this time from Hikari*
HIKARI: Ignore him. You'll see.
ASUKA: How'd he get the gag off?
Ritsuko was rather unnerved by Rei yelling like that. "Uh, yes. Hey,
look, there's your soul's image, right beneath Shinji's." And, indeed,
there it was.
"I would never have guessed," murmured Gendou. Misato and Ritsuko both
nodded. Rei simply stared.
"They look like they're fighting, though it's hard to say _how_ that
and an anteater might fight each other." Ritsuko shrugged. "Well, let's
print up the report, then, and get working on a way to return Shinji's
soul to him."
"What do you mean?"
"It means, back to the books, Rei."
"AAAAARGH!!!"
"But perhaps we should give you the day off first," added Ritsuko,
wincing.
ASUKA: (to herself) Mental Note: Stay on Rei's good side... just in
case. (out loud) Yeah right.
REI: I'm sorry?
ASUKA: Nothing.
------------------------------------------------
"It's where?!"
"Stuck in ME. And YOU are the reason that I'm so pissed off."
Asuka actually looked sympathetic. "Being stuck with _that_ guy's
soul. Must be a pain."
SHINJI: Everyone just keeps picking on me.
ASUKA: (slaps him on the back, cheerfully) That's right! Glad you
understand.
"Excuse me, but what's going on again?" Touji looked confused.
Rei turned to him, glaring. "His soul is in my body. I was the last
one to disconnect and leave from the entry plugs, and it swam over into
me, or something. However, my soul is also in my body, still. They don't
seem to be getting along too well. Delayed reaction. The imbalance is
driving me crazy." It was the first time that she had spoken in a while
without shouting, but only barely.
"Oh. Gee, who would have figured yin and yang could be so much fun?"
TOUJI: The two of them don't seem that different to me.
A deathly silence struck the room.
(A deathly silence struck the room.)
TOUJI: Why did a deathly silence strike the room?
KENSUKE: Just for fun.
"What? Wha'd I say?"
They finished whapping Touji upside the head in turns, leaving him to
blink a bit and try to fix his hair.
TOUJI: Joke's on them. My hair's always in good position.
"Hey, guys. Where were you all day?" Kensuke jogged up, with Hikari
following close behind.
"Well, we finally found out where Shinji's disembodied essence has
gone," said Asuka. She explained it to them. Kensuke's and Hikari's eyes
grew wide.
"Wow, it can actually do that?" wondered Hikari. "I never knew."
Kensuke laughed a little.
"Well, Ayanami, it must be fun to have...have...uh?"
KENSUKE: Oh come on! I'm not that stupid!
HIKARI: You've already seen this before.
KENSUKE: I don't care! I'm not that stupid!
Fifteen seconds and fifty-odd decibels later, Kensuke was cowering in
a corner of the room. Hikari would have done so as well, but she was too
terrified to move. Rather, she was whimpering something about demon
possessions and trying to recall some holy Shinto words of warding.
TOUJI: (smirk) It seems Asuka can have that same effect on you, eh
Kensuke?
ASUKA: (smirk)
KENSUKE: (nervous twitch)
Shinji unplugged his ears. "You know," he whispered in an aside to
Touji, "I think her yelling just peeled off a few layers of paint in
this room." He examined his clothes, continuing, "And I _know_ my jeans
weren't this faded just a few moments ago. Plus my shirt looks ironed
now."
ASUKA: The Ayanami laundry service. 10 seconds or your money back!
HIKARI: *sigh* (to herself) She really doesn't like her...
"Maybe we should have warned them about that first," muttered Touji.
TOUJI: Naa.
They settled back down after a few minutes.
Placatingly, Hikari asked, "So, uhm, did you find out what your soul
looks like, then?" Wordlessly, Rei pulled out one of the printouts and
displayed it. "Cool...." Rei returned it to the folder she was carrying.
ALL: I can't see it!
"That sure was interesting," said Kensuke, warily. The others silently
agreed. "Anyways, ah...any ideas on how to...get it back to him?"
"We...we still have to do some research. Starting tomorrow, though.
It's been a long day, today."
SHINJI: That was a long scene.
ASUKA: It was funny, watching you be so... you. HAHAHA!
REI: (softly) And it was pleasant to see you so scared of me.
SHINJI: (grin)
ASUKA: (grumble)
Asuka reclined on the bench, while Hikari leaned against its back. It
had been, indeed, a very long day....
TOUJI: Oooh! The beach!
ASUKA: It says "bench" you moron.
TOUJI: I know, I just wanted to see your reaction.
ASUKA: My hand's too sore to smack you right now...
Rei was out somewhere beating the crap out of another punching bag.
Or, if someone got too close, then...which was why Asuka and Hikari were
being extra careful to stay away from her.
REI: Sage advice.
"She scared you, didn't she?"
"I couldn't move from where I was standing."
"When she first blew up, same here. Books flying all over the place,
screaming at me...." Asuka fell silent. The two girls contemplated the
sunset.
SHINJI: She admitted it!
ASUKA: Don't you think this is getting repetitive?
SHINJI: Yeah, I guess...
REI: But it shows you're still scared of me.
ASUKA: UUUURGGGHH!
"So, it's really that bad to have two souls in one body? But why did
it take so long for her to...react?"
"I have no idea. But I heard that Rei's soul is maladjusted to begin
with, so maybe that's why things are so bad for her."
REI: Asuka feels bad... for me?
ASUKA: !!! I don't even know what to say now...
TOUJI: Some quip or another.
*SMACK*
ASUKA: (smiling) My hand's feel better!
KENSUKE: You know Touji, for someone who could beat on just about
anyone... you're pretty scared when it comes to girls. Asuka,
Hikari, your sister...
TOUJI: ...
"Really...so, maybe, if both the souls are more...um, agreeable, it
wouldn't be so bad?"
"I guess."
There was a pause. Asuka suddenly felt the air grow...saccharine.
"I wonder how it would feel to share souls with Touji-kun..." came a
somewhat dreamy voice. It almost didn't sound like Hikari. Asuka
quietly debated whether or not to throw up. "He's such a nice person."
ASUKA: I think she should.
HIKARI: Share souls?
ASUKA: No, throw up.
"I can't help but think that you're not the best judge of character."
HIKARI: I resent that. I'm an excellent judge of character.
ASUKA: Then why are you with Touji.
TOUJI/HIKARI: What do you mean by that?
Hikari broke out of her slight haze and frowned at her friend. "You do
have to remember how he takes care of his sister in the hospital. Now
that's kindness, if you ask me. And...well, he's nice otherwise, too."
Both girls sighed, but for completely different reasons.
"I wonder what it's going to take for them to get back to normal."
Asuka was anxious to change the subject before Hikari got syrupy on her
again. "Being like this couldn't be any good for either of them.
Especially with how Rei takes all of this out on everyone...most of all
Shinji."
"Oh, so you've got a soft spot for Shinji, do you?" Hikari poked at
Asuka's shoulder.
KENSUKE: Oooooohhh! Could it be... (forms a triangle with his hands) a
triangle?
(The three implied got the gag back in his mouth and tied his arms to the
chair.)
"Hey!" Asuka jumped up, making her dress flutter up to some rather
indecent heights.
"Kidding, kidding...."
"Yeah, yeah. Geez, I feel tired. I think I'm going to turn in a little
early tonight."
KENSUKE: Mmmfff tfff ifff thnff.
REI/SHINJI/ASUKA: We're not untying you.
Shinji waited impatiently in the conference room. He had just arrived
that morning at NERV HQ, when they said that Maia had found out how to
get everything back in order. Next to him, Rei sat with her arms
crossed. What was taking them so long?
SHINJI: Maya! It's Maya!
TOUJI: He hadn't noticed yet.
SHINJI: Oh. My mistake!
"Any idea what it might be?"
"No."
Ancient Jewish texts. Somehow, all of this stuff had been written of
and foreshadowed all the way back then. Ominous, that, although Shinji
wasn't quite sure why. The coming of Angels, the creation of EVAs, the
mingling of souls, and the returning of souls. Somehow.
He sincerely hoped this wasn't going to be anything too weird.
KENSUKE: Ifff canfff brrfff...
REI: Pardon?
KENSUKE: (turning red) Ifff canfff brrfff...
ASUKA: What?
KENSUKE: (blue) IFFF CANFFF BRRFFF!!!
SHINJI: I think he's saying he can't breathe.
ASUKA: (sigh) Untie him.
(Touji untied him. Kensuke had learned how to change the colour of his
skin for just such an occasion.)
Finally, Maia and Misato entered the room. He could see Kaji beyond
the door they had entered, coughing. Very red in the face, he was. Hmm.
Oh well. There were more pressing matters at hand.
TOUJI: Heh heh heh...
"Misato-san? Maia-san? You say you've got it?" The two women nodded.
Odd, they looked a bit uneasy.
Maia spoke first. "Um, yes, we found out how...but...er...." She
looked over at Misato. No help there, it seemed. "Well, it's kind of....
Oh, geez...." She looked pale.
ASUKA: What's going on?
TOUJI: (snicker) Are you that dense?
ASUKA: I don't like this.
"What? What is it!?" Rei had stood up by now. Her displeasure showed
very clearly. "Dammit, I've been waiting for two days already!"
Misato nudged Maia a bit, whispering, "Go on. You got the short
straw." Flustered, Maia looked again over at Misato, then bent down to
Rei's ear and whispered something. Rei's eyes grew wide.
"You're...you're kidding." She looked to Misato, who shook her head,
apologetically. "Oh, no."
Shinji felt very afraid. But before he could say anything, Rei set a
determined look on her face.
"All right. Whatever it takes. Where?"
Hanging her head, Maia pointed over at a side door. Rei grabbed
Shinji's hand and dragged him over there, through the door, and closed
it behind them.
There was a bed in the room. Shinji started to sweat. A lot.
"Ah...are they thinking what I think they're thinking?"
*zzzzzzip*
He turned around to see Rei taking off her dress and unbuttoning her
blouse. "Well, this is it," she said. "Come on."
(Shinji started to sweat, a lot. Rei started to turn red, a lot. Touji
and Kensuke started to drool and laugh a lot. Hikari started to look
nervous a lot.)
(Asuka decided to get angry a lot and beat on Touji and Kensuke a lot.)
Shinji _stood_up_ in his bed.
"Oh, dear God." He looked at the clock. 3 AM. He shook his head a
little and then, with a sigh, slipped back under his covers, and
returned to sleep.
*zzzzzzip*
"Well, this is it," she said. "Come on."
Shinji didn't wake up this time.
REI: ...
SHINJI: ...
ASUKA: ...
SHINJI: (shouting) What kind of hentai is this guy making me out to be?!
ASUKA: ...
SHINJI: Her dress doesn't even have a zipper!
ASUKA: !!!
SHINJI: Oh grow up.
TOUJI: Don't those dresses have one on the back?
SHINJI: (frantic) DOES IT REALLY MATTER?!
The writer looked up from his keyboard.
"Hey. I don't do lemons. Stop looking so disappointed."
(A sign began to flash, saying "Touji, Kensuke, this means you.)
Rei was dreaming as well. However, unlike a few others, she realized
that she was dreaming. She found herself, in her dreams, confronting a
winged anteater.
KENSUKE: What, no EVA?
"Oh, so now you have to come bother me while I'm sleeping, do you?
Twit." She realized that she was dressed in her plug suit, floating in
some LCL. "Well, what is this all supposed to mean?"
The anteater spoke, with Shinji's voice. "What does this mean? What
indeed."
SHINJI: It's bad enough I'm always confronting myself. Now OTHER people
are confronting myself.
Rei stared at it, waiting. "Aren't you going to tell me?"
"How am I supposed to know? I'm just the part of Shinji that got
sucked into EVA-01, through the system, and shoved into you. I have no
idea about what's going on." He...let's call it a he--he sniffed
indignantly through his snout.
Rei took a swing at him, but he fluttered out of reach. "Hold still,
you," she snarled. "Why are you and my soul fighting with each other,
anyway?"
ASUKA: I din't know she could snarl.
"Fighting? We're not fighting, we're, well, arguing. Sort of. In that
ethereal way that souls do. Yeah."
ALL: Fighting.
As ethereal as a barroom brawl, by the looks of the scans. "And why
are you arguing?"
"To tell you the truth, I'm not sure. Why don't you ask your soul,
_she_ started it."
"Whaddaya mean, _my_ soul started it?"
TOUJI: It makes you wonder if those two are compatible.
(Silence.)
TOUJI: What'd I say?
(Gagged and tied...)
"I was just wandering around in your...well, I have no idea what the
term is. Anyways, I was just wandering around...you, when I bumped into
your soul. Before I knew it, she had me in a full-nelson, trying to bang
my head into...well, I guess it's like a wall, but I doubt you have
steel-reinforced concrete structures in you, as such."
ASUKA: This IS Rei we're talking about.
REI: (softly) I am not a machine, I am not a doll, I am not a reciprocal.
I am I.
ASUKA: And what does that mean exactly?
REI: It means you don't know anything about me.
(Seeing the tension build between an angered Asuka and a relaxed Rei...)
SHINJI: Calm down, we don't want to do anything we will regret.
ASUKA: Yes we do.
"Where is it now?"
"Why are you asking _me_ where _your_ soul is?"
Rei grumbled. The anteater continued.
"Odd, that you have so much personality all of a sudden. I'm sure
Shinji must appreciate it. Or something like that. Actually, I imagine
he's scared to death of you. The others, too, right?"
Rei smiled, slightly evilly. The anteater backed away nervously.
ASUKA: Wow. Did she learn that from me?
REI: It's the most reasonable explanation.
"Aaaaanyways--why did your soul just attack me like that?"
"Maybe she...I'm referring to my soul in the third person...she likes
to protect her territory against intruders. I don't know!" The anteater
thought it over some, and then shrugged. Kind of. It shrugged in the way
that only anteaters can.
SHINJI: Does my soul really look like an anteater?
ASUKA: Probably anteater boy.
"Well, I can't wait to get out of here and back into my rightful
owner. I must admit, though, that it's a little more interesting here
than I would have imagined."
"And what do you mean by that?" She advanced on him menacingly.
"Er, never mind. Uh, say, shouldn't you be waking up about now?"
"No. I still have two hours."
"Geez.. You can keep track of time in your dreams?" Rei nodded. "I'm
impressed, really I am...."
They fell silent, staring at one another. The situation grew slightly
more uncomfortable. Somehow.
Rei spoke again. "Do you have any idea how you might get back to
Shinji?"
"None at all. And if I did, I probably wouldn't be allowed to say so."
"What?"
"I dunno. It's probably some rule concerning souls. I'm just guessing
here, you know."
SHINJI: This looks like one of my dreams.
REI: Well, now I am having one of your dreams.
SHINJI: Why can't my life stay closed?
TOUJI: (shrug)
"Oh." A pause. Then, "Why is everything so damned obtuse?"
"If things were too easy, well, this would all feel...well, stupid, or
something. Besides, Shinji already used up all the breaks with the first
time it happened, remember? I mean, get back into the entry plug, hold
your breath, kick the computer hard a few times in its electronic groin-
equivalent, and there I go, right back into where I belong. Too simple.
Murphy's Law is getting revenge now. Must be in my contract. I'm sure
that what's going to have to happen this time is either much harder, or
much weirder, or both, somehow." He looked around himself. "'Throne of
the soul'...heh, I sure would like to find _that_ thing."
*GROAN*
REI: That's what the entry plug is.
SHINJI: Really?
REI: (nods)
SHINJI: How did you know?
REI: I learnt it.
SHINJI: ???
(Rei pockets a small book with a red cross on it.)
Rei sighed, then muttered, "You annoy me, you know that?"
"Absolutely."
"So go away. I need to get some sleep that'll actually do me some
good."
REI: I don't think I've ever slept well. Or dreamed well.
KENSUKE: Maybe you should... (he thinks better of what he wants to say,
looking at the bonded Touji) Or maybe not...
(Meanwhile, Touji finally managed to get himself out of his bonds.)
"Shinji, you don't look too good." Shinji turned two bleary red eyes
towards his friend.
"I know, Touji. Didn't sleep very well last night. You know, though,
I'm having difficulty deciding whether that's a good thing or a bad
thing."
ASUKA: One word and I'll tie you up again Touji.
TOUJI: Did I say ANYTHING?
Touji blinked, but decided not to say anything else, and turned back to
his book. He didn't notice Shinji giving a very, very nervous glance
towards Rei, across the table. However, she did.
"What are you looking at me for?"
"No-nothing! Really! Heh...heh...."
Asuka looked suspiciously at Shinji. Seeing this as an opportunity to
shift some rather unwelcome attention, he spoke up. "Uh--what are _you_
looking at me for?"
Asuka turned away quickly. "Just trying to figure out why you're such
a loser." Shinji frowned, but then shrugged. Touji felt that it would
not be wise to try and catch any of that. Life was dangerous enough as
it was. Rather....
ASUKA: Why is there a staring contest going on?
SHINJI: It's that or fight angels.
ASUKA: *sniff* Like THAT'S a hard choice?
SHINJI: You're violent, aren't you?
"Hey, did you guys notice that the word 'angel' is contained in
'Evangelion'?"
Three heads swiveled his way. Touji shrank beneath the stares.
"Well, we were due for some insightful comment, weren't we?"
They toiled on, in relative silence.
TOUJI: I still don't believe the lines I'm being given. I finally get a
good role, and I have nothing to say but rediculous, yet witty,
one-liners!
ASUKA: About time you noticed. That's who you are!
TOUJI: (frown)
"You know, that 'angel' in 'Evangelion' bit was an actual comment made
to me by a friend."
Facing a sudden, oppressive silence, the writer reddened, muttered,
"Never mind," and returned to work.
SHINJI: Doesn't anyone read the Bible?
Shinji waited nervously in the conference room. They said that Maia
had found it. That already was far too close for comfort. Next to him,
Rei sat with her arms crossed. Oh, geez....
"Ah...any...any idea what it might be?"
"No."
Shinji swallowed nervously.
ASUKA: (twitch) This had better not be deja vu...
KENSUKE: French... how many languages do you speak?
Finally, Maia and Misato appeared. Kaji was behind the door...not
coughing, though, just smiling. Maia and Misato were smiling also.
Shinji breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn't going to be anything too
bad.
"We got it," announced Maia proudly.
"And?" asked Rei.
Misato answered, "Take it easy. We'll be doing this one thing at a
time. Both of you, get into your plug suits, and meet back here when
you're done dressing."
ASUKA: (calmer) At least it wasn't the dream.
SHINJI: ...
REI: ... The calm before the storm...
SHINJI: Probably.
TOUJI: This should be better than with 3.5...
As they walked to the locker room, Shinji turned towards Rei. "Ah, so,
this doesn't seem to be anything too weird, uh, does it?" He attempted a
smile.
"Don't speak too quickly," answered Rei. He started to sweat again.
Inside the locker room, Shinji dressed slowly. As he did so, he
contemplated the slick, soft clothing that enhanced his body's ability
to synchronize with the robot.
"Yeah, enhance the pain, too," he growled. He hated fighting in that
thing. It was so unimaginably--
"Oh, shut up and stop whining, you wimp!" yelled Rei from the other
side of the curtain. That was rather annoying, this rude interruption
during a moment of serious, insightful introspection. He angrily looked
up to see her silhouette through the separator as she....
*zzzzzzip*
SHINJI: AGAIN with the zipper?
Oh, my.
Funny, how the gut wasn't feeling so empty, not since last night.
Perhaps the hormones took over the soul's job a little bit. He wiped
away the trickle of blood coming from his left nostril. You know, that
curtain there seemed a little thinner than usual or something, today.
TOUJI: Why are you sweating Shinji?
SHINJI: (hot, but not sweating) I am not!
REI: I do not see anything wrong with it.
(8 eyes stared at Rei. The other two were still sweating in
embarassment.)
REI: (softly) The four of you have very ecchi thoughts, you know that?
When the two pilots returned to the conference room, they found that
Kaji had decided to join the two ladies.
"All right," he said, "now you two will have to get into one of the
EVAs. Which one will it be?"
"Unit 01."
"Unit 00."
The two children turned and stared at each other. Rei growled a
little. Shinji decided to grow a little backbone and merely flinched
slightly.
ASUKA: Shinji with backbone? What is this world coming to?
"All right, you two, break it up. We'll flip for it," said Kaji,
turning around to look for a coin on the desk behind him. Rei flipped
_something_ at his back. Misato snickered. Turning back to the children,
he continued. "All right. Heads, Unit 01. Tails, Unit 00." He set the
coin on his thumb.
REI: ... That was unexpected.
ASUKA: *snicker*
*ping*
It soared in an arc through the air and landed on the floor, bouncing
a few times before coming to a halt. Everyone stared at it.
"E...edge," called Maia.
They stared at it some more.
"Well. How about Unit 02, then?" suggested Misato brightly.
ASUKA: WHAT!?
"WHAT!? They're going into MY Unit 02? Why!?"
ASUKA: YEAH! WHY!?
Kaji showed Asuka the coin, still sitting on the ground.
"Oh...."
"This should be all right. The cross-synchronization tests showed that
you shouldn't have any trouble, at least not with Unit 02."
The entry plug screwed in smoothly with a hiss. It filled with LCL and
both of the Children sat on the "floor" next to the cockpit.
"Initiate synchronization." The plug whirred to life, moving through
its stages quickly.
"Critical point reached and passed." The plug lit up, and Maia's and
Ritsuko's face showed on a monitor.
"Is everything all right?" Both children nodded. Ritsuko paused,
seeming to gather herself together. "All right then." She seemed to be
having difficulty keeping her composure. Shinji was starting to feel
disturbed again.
(Shinji was starting to feel disturbed again.)
ASUKA: Do you do anything that doesn't happen in the story?
Ritsuko took a deep breath and continued. "Now, then. You two...you
two are going to have to...um. Kiss. And hold it for at least thirty
seconds, preferably a little longer."
ASUKA: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
SHINJI: What's so funny?
ASUKA: Anteater boy and wonder girl have to kiss! HAHAHA!
SHINJI: So?
ASUKA: She's gonna kill you in this next scene, I know it!
SHINJI: ...
ASUKA: Finally, I can start to enjoy this!
Rei's jaw dropped. Shinji almost sighed in relief, then thought
better of it, for the way that it just _might_ be misconstrued. He
simply turned his face away from the monitor. The faint sound of a
few voices yelling "WHAT?!" could be heard, seemingly coming from
behind Ritsuko.
ASUKA: Then again... GET OUT OF MY UNIT-02!
KENSUKE: You're probably the one saying it, you know that?
"Er...I-I...see..." stammered Shinji. He looked at Rei, saw her set a
determined look on her face.
"All right," she said. "Whatever it takes."
ASUKA: SHE'S AGREEING TO IT?!
He had a sudden sense of deja vu. They both repositioned themselves,
facing each other.
Someone else then spoke. "We'll cut off the viewscreens to give you
two your privacy." There was a distinct chuckle in the voice. Kaji, of
course. The monitors blinked off.
ASUKA: And I liked Kaji. Jerk.
"No funny stuff, you hear?" muttered Rei. Shinji only nodded.
Oh well, at least I had some prior experience. Of sorts....
ASUKA: I don't believe this. Well, it doesn't bother me! NOT at all!
Let the two of them do what they want. Hmmph!
(snickers)
Actually... this ought to be good for a laugh! 30 seconds is
worth it!
A few seconds passed, then on some unknown cue, both leaned towards
each other. Shinji instinctively tilted his head, this time not having
his movement restricted by a hand pinching his nose shut. They slowly
closed their eyes.
Closer...closer...lip contact. He brought his arms up and gently held
Rei by the shoulders. Soft. Warm. Not bad, this. Along with that came
the slow feeling like he was being dipped into a large cup of soda. Er,
not that he actually knew what that felt like...ahh, much bet...ter?
ASUKA: HAHAHAHAHA!!!
SHINJI: (blush)
REI: (almost a blush)
HIKARI: Isn't that romantic...
TOUJI/KENSUKE: Hehehe...
Thirty seconds were definitely up by now. Interesting, I feel
something soft pressing up against my chest.... Say, why isn't she
letting go? Wait, when did she even start to hold on to me? And why
are her hands--HEY! And.... I'm sure I only have one tongue; what's
going...on....
ASUKA: HAHAhahahe... Aaaaa... HEY! (twitch)
SHINJI: (starting to sweat, tugs on plug suit collar) Oh boy... (glances
at Rei)
REI: (to herself, complexion somewhat red) I wonder what that's like...
TOUJI: Why didn't I bet money on this?
No longer distracted by a minor detail like regaining his soul, Shinji
found himself in a very, very deep kiss, the type that was intended to
clean out the upper portions of the small intestines, while a roaming
pair of hands had managed to meet right...ah...hmm....
ASUKA: !!! (on fire, along with her chair) Those two are enjoying it, I
know it...
(Rei suddenly decides to explore her curiousity by grabbing Shinji and
kissing him like in the scene above, but without the hands.)
ASUKA/HIKARI/TOUJI/KENSUKE: NANI?!
TOUJI: (confidently) I knew it!
...
I'm losing out on so much money here! Why didn't I bet on that?!
HIKARI: Shut your eyes Touji!
TOUJI: (meekly) Yes ma'am.
KENSUKE: Oh boy... Where's my camera?
HIKARI: Can Shinji breathe like that?
(Hikari pauses the "action" on screen. There's silence in the room, the
only sounds being the crackle of Asuka's flaming chair, and Shinji's
heavy breathing.)
TOUJI: Ummm... hello... is anybody there?
HIKARI: I think he's hypoventilating.
KENSUKE: (filming the event) I wonder what they're gonna do to me for
this?
HIKARI: Ummm... Asuka?
ASUKA: (twitching)
(twitching more)
(spasm)
BREAK IT UP!!!
(Rei lets go of Shinji, who promptly sinks into his chair. Rei is once
more smiling, and leans on Shinji's shoulder, who melts into butter and
seems to be oblivious to the outside world.)
ASUKA: SHINJI YOU PERVERT! WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?!
(He doesn't seem to be working at the moment...)
REI: (softly) That was... fun.
KENSUKE: (pockets the tape) Uh oh...
ASUKA: FUN?! YOU CONNIVING LITTLE---
HIKARI: ---WHICH REMINDS ME... that we should be getting back to the
film, ne?
ASUKA: (to herself) Damned if anyone leaves this room alive...
(Hikari takes the opppurtunity to put out the fire, leaving behind a
dripping wet and more-than-annoyed Asuka.)
ASUKA: AND WIPE THAT GRIN OFF YOUR FACE TOUJI!!!
A dream! Of course. Just like last night. No, since this was a dream,
it _was_ still last night. Just like the last dream. Yes, that's right.
Only a dream. Shinji patiently waited to wake up...but hey, might as
well enjoy it while it lasts. He almost subconsciously leaned into it a
little.
ASUKA: SHINJI NO HENTAI!
KENSUKE: Have you decided which one you hate more yet? The real one or
the one up the there?
ASUKA: (glare)
KENSUKE: I know, I know...
(He proceeds to punch himself in the face, as anything is less painful
than Asuka's anger.)
"Tell me, sempai," said Maia, "I know that the EVAs can harbor souls
sometimes, but do they have emotions of their own?"
Ritsuko, who was carefully monitoring the readouts from Unit 02, only
glanced up briefly at her subordinate, answering, "I never thought about
that, but I guess it's possible. Why do you ask?" Then, quickly, to
herself, she mumbled, "Wow...82% synch rate? And climbing!"
"Because I'd swear that Unit 02 has a distinctively lecherous look on
its face right now."
"What?"
ASUKA: This is making me sick... GET OUT OF MY EVA!!!
Fifteen seconds finally convinced Shinji that no, this was not a dream.
He managed to pull himself free of Rei's, um, embrace, although a
certain part of him (the part that kept him asleep that second time
around) was rather reluctant. He kept his eyes on Rei. She was smiling
at him, although smiling might be a tame word.
"Shinji-kun," she purred. Rei was purring?
ASUKA: (twitch) Na... Na... Nani? And since when does she call him
anything but Ikari? (to herself) Then again, I've heard them
saying each other's first names a few times tonight. (twitch)
SHINJI: (sweating, and completely dehydrated by this point)
TOUJI/KENSUKE: (smile) Since she decided she wanted him.
*BLAM*
(Booted right into the wall.)
Shinji almost started to hiccup out of sheer nervousness. Turning the
monitors back on, he said in a shaky voice, "We-we're, we're, um,
finished now, Ritsuko-san...." No funny stuff, _she_ said....
"Not quite yet, I still have something to take care of," called out
Rei, slowly advancing on her hands and knees, over the cockpit seat,
towards Shinji.
ASUKA: (fume)
REI: (softly) Shinji-kun...
ASUKA: (annoyed) Don't even think about it Wonder Girl...
HIKARI: (to herself) Maybe I should leave for Chapter 2...
"Rei, you can...stop, now. Please? Sorry. Company time and all that,
you know." Rei halted, looking disappointed. Shinji's mind was on
overload.
Oh, no. Out of the frying pan, into...into the nuclear reactor core.
My life seems to run on extremes, or something.
ASUKA: Yiyiyiyiyiyi...
HIKARI: It's just a film Asuka.
SHINJI: (recovering) Yeah, its just a film.
TOUJI: You seem to be enjoying it.
SHINJI: Oh shut up.
TOUJI: (grin)
Another monitor burst into life. It was filled with Asuka's furious
face.
"You two are such PERVERTS! In MY EVA, too! UGH!! I can't believe it!"
ASUKA: You tell them! Get angrier!
Rei turned towards the monitor. "What's the matter? Jealous?" She
smirked a bit. Asuka turned even redder, choking on her words.
ASUKA: ...
"WHAT!?"
"I'm gonna die," whispered Shinji, glumly.
ASUKA: (turning to Shinji) Yes you are.
SHINJI: ...
ASUKA: Shinji?
SHINJI: (seems to have lost consciousness again)
ASUKA: Maybe I should just take care of you first children...
REI: (softly) Why are you jealous?
ASUKA: (taken aback) I... I'm not jealous!
REI: (softly) Then there's nothing for you to complain about is there?
ASUKA: Well, ummm... (caught in her own pride...)
The writer sat back. He was pleased.
"Now, what next?"
He glanced around surreptitiously, looking for a gigantic red robot
that was being piloted by a teed-off 14 year-old girl.
HIKARI: I think that'll be her next target.
ASUKA: This is HIS fault. 21st century and there're no time machines!!!
WHY?!
(Chapter 1 ends.)
KENSUKE: What do you think about Rei and Shinji?
TOUJI: Which?
KENSUKE: On film?
TOUJI: Interesting.
KENSUKE: And down here?
TOUJI: I think they're just toying with Asuka.
KENSUKE: Really?
TOUJI: No. (snicker)
HIKARI: It's not even real. She's taking this to harshly.
KENSUKE: Can we tie her up for the next show?
HIKARI: Why?
KENSUKE: (sniffling) Because I'm scared...
HIKARI: Well, you should just cut down on the comments you idiot!
KENSUKE: But then this wouldn't be any fun!
HIKARI: It's your choice Kensuke.
KENSUKE: *sigh*
TOUJI: I think it's time for another break...
HIKARI: That might be a good idea...
TOUJI: How's Shinji?
(A quick glance reveals he's still unconscious.)
REI: (still leaning on him, in a soft voice) Don't worry, I'll keep an
eye on him.
ASUKA: (to herself) HA! Not alone you're not! (aloud) I think I'll stay
right here this time.
HIKARI: I think I'll stay here too. (to herself) I'm scared too...
TOUJI: (nodding to Kensuke) We'll be back in a bit. We're just going out
to stretch.
KENSUKE: Yeah. I also want to go over the notes I found about this...
(The two of them walk off, snickering of course.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
~~~~~~~I found it to be somewhat repetitive. (Heh, I'm talking bad about
my own work.)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is what I had said in 1.00. Obviously you'll never know why.
HAHAHAHAHA!!!... ahem.
Well, I hope you enjoyed it. What am I saying, of course you did!
How do I know? You got this far didn't you?
See you all in Part III, coming soon! (another day ot two I
suppose) Comments are welcome, but flames will be put out with the
electronic equivalent of water. Ja na!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
James Grabowski (sephirius@japan.crosswinds.net)
WWW: The page is not yet up, just the welcome saying it's coming soon.
http://www.crosswinds.net/japan/~sephirius
The latest version of the MSTs of NGEjd should be available on the page
soon, and hopefully forever afterwards. Amen.
"Man is descended from one alone.
One way or another, we're all related.
With this knowledge, the wall blocking the "truth" is destroyed,
Leaving an oppurtunity that can be used to a positive advantage.
One that can change man's perception forever,
And consequently, prove the theorum wrong..."