-----Original Message-----
From: skeezy5 <skeezy5@MIT.EDU>
To: ffml@fanfic.com <ffml@fanfic.com>; kim5@erols.com <kim5@erols.com>
Date: Tuesday, August 11, 1998 5:03 AM
Subject: [FFML] [Ranma][Fanfic]"May I Have This Dance?"

Whew.  Another one night project, thought up, pumped out, and submitted
by yours truly.

If only I could write something like that in a single night.  Well, I
probably could... but I have to work in the morning!  ^_^

I know I should be working on my long term projects, but

I kinda got stuck in all of them and was wondering if my creative energy
had dried up.  I'll try to get back to those tommorow.
C&C, MST's, Approval, Disapproval, Bashing, etc. all welcome.  I have
a terrible self-esteem problem where I think everyone's ignoring me.

Ignoring who? (g,d,r)

We'd hate you to think people are ignoring you... I mean, we ARE ignoring
you, but you're not really supposed to know that, so I'd better do something
quick...  you know, this sounds like a job for Super-critique!  But I guess
he's off hiding under a bridge or something, so you get little ol' me!

=======================
Michael Won <skeezy5@geocities.com>
=======================

"May I Have This Dance?"
by skeezy5

=======================

Ranma 1 / 2 etc. all belong to Rumiko Takahashi...

=======================

"Argh!  I can't do this!  I just can't!"  Ranma stares at the
mirror, his bow tie crooked again.  "Why didn't I just get a clip on or
something?!"
"Relax, Ranma.  One would think you were getting married or
something."  Tofu Ono smiles at his young friend and puts a hand on his
shoulder.
"Very funny."  Ranma's voice is so flat that it would've put
Nabiki to shame.  "How can you be so calm?"  He wrinkles his nose as Dr.
Tofu expertly retied the knot.
"I'm a doctor, Ranma.  I'm supposed to handle pressure very well."

Especially pressure points!  Ha ha!  Here, let me give you the "perfect
tie-knot pressure point"...  ^_^

Ranma gives the doctor a hard stare, remembering all the times he had
gone ballistic when Kasumi had dropped by.

@->-

"Oh, my daughter is finally getting married today!"
Nabiki stares as her father puts Old Faithful to shame.

These days, Old Faithful ain't have as faithful as Soun Tendo...

She

considers burying him in the ground and making him into a tourist
attraction but shakes her head.  Only stupid Americans would ever want
to watch a geyser.

Miko:  Hey, I've never watched a geyser!  I guess I'm a smart American!
skeezy5:  Are you going to critique my story, or just make inane comments?
Miko:  When I find something wrong, I'll let ya know, okay?  Right off the
bat, I was going to try to nail you on tense, but you seem to stay in
present- tense all the way through.  Good job!

"Dad, quit crying.  Otherwise, you're going to get

sis all wet when you're walking down the aisle."
"Oh, only if your mother was here!"
"Daddy...  You promised not to say that again."  Nabiki, makes
another mental tick mark.  Seventeen.  She'd bet herself that her dad
wouldn't exceed twenty, but at the rate at which he was mentioning her
mother, she'd lose that bet.

And let me tell you, when it came time to collect on a bet with herself,
Nabiki could really make her life miserable.  She didn't know why she
continued to allow herself to get suckered into these stupid bets with
herself...

"Come on, lets go see sis.  She must be

done getting ready by now."

@->-

The bride spins around, feeling very self conscious under the eyes
of her maid of honor.  "Well, what do you think, sister?"
Her sister gives her a reassuring smile.  "You look beautiful."
"You do too."
"Not as much as you."  She grimaces inwardly, knowing that the one
person who's opinion she really cares about would never be able tell her
that.

Akane:  You look beautiful, Ranma!
Ranma:  Not as much as you!

Yeah, you're right, that conversation probably ain't gonna happen...
although, in Ranma's case, at least there's the possibility of him looking
beautiful!  ^_^

"So, planning on dancing with the best man?"  The bride frowns,
noticing her sister's downcast eyes.  "Oh, come on.  Its not that bad,
is it?"
"Yes it is!  He won't even ask me..."
"Yes, he will."
"No he won't..."  She feels tears collecting in her eyes and
blinks them back.
"Dear sister, I promise you that he will."
"Thanks..."  She sniffles a bit, but calms down, not wanting to
ruin her sister's good mood.

@->-

Genma pokes his head into the men's waiting room.  "They're ready
to start."
The groom and the best man glance at each other.  Nodding, the two
of them step out into the hallway.

@->-

Nabiki smiles, watching her sisters fidget about.  "Okay, the
cameraman's going to be filming everything, so if either of you fall,
remember, I'm going to have it on tape."
"Nabiki!"  They collectively yell, but then relax, laughing
nervously.
"Now come on.  I've got daddy calmed down, but I don't know how
long it will last.  I hope you get down the aisle before he erupts
again."
The three sisters give each other a hug and then exit the women's
waiting room.

@->-

The crowd is surprisingly large.  Though the bride and groom don't
have that many close friends, they know a lot of people between them,
and everybody had wanted to share in their happiness.

Not to mention their cake and sake...

Most of them

smile, watching the groom stand confidently at the altar, knowing how
hard it had been for him to finally propose.  Many of them remark how he
is nothing like the man who would always bumble when it came to
expressing his feelings to her.
The choice in best man had been viewed as a bit strange,

although, on second thought, we could have had a panda up there,

but there

is a rumor that he's the one that finally helped the groom and bride
together, so it is perfectly understandable.  The chattering finally
stops as the music for the bridal procession begins.  All heads turn to
the back of the room, where Soun Tendo leads in his daughter, followed
by the maid of honor.  Everybody in the room had understood that choice
easily, knowing who the choice for best man had been.

@->-

"You may now kiss the bride."
Steadying his shaking hand, the groom lifts the veil away from his
bride's face.  Her demure smile grips his heart in a vise that seems to
be trying to stifle it.

The demure smile pressure point!

His blood is roaring in his ears, drowning out

everything else.  He gulps hard, trying to keep his nervousness in
check.
"I love you Doctor Tofu."
Though he can't hear her through the roaring, he knows what she
whispered, having imagined those lips forming those exact words so many
times.  A small ball of quiet confidence grows from his center and
expands, leaving the two of them in it alone, together.  "I love you
too, Kasumi."
Somebody had once described that kiss as being a thousand light
bulbs going off at once.  Tofu feels as if they are standing at the
center of the universe, and every single star had gone supernova at the
exact right moment, so that the light is reaching them all at once.
The hall erupts in cheers, finally seeing the closure of the Tofu-
Kasumi romance.  Of course, the bride and groom would've said it's only
the beginning.

@->-

Akane sighs, watching Kasumi and Dr. Tofu dancing.  All those
years she had spent with that crush on Dr. Tofu...  She smiles, glad
that it is a fond memory and not a painful or regretful one.  Seeing the
love in their eyes, she once again realizes that the two of them are
truly meant for each other.

In this fic, at the very least.

Anyway, none of it matters anymore since

she has...
"Ranma?"  Akane turns to look for her fiance and frowns, watching
him gorge on the cake.  *Stupid idiot!*
The first dance ends, and various couples begin to step onto the
floor.  Nabiki leans over to Akane and whispers, "I never knew daddy
could dance, did you?"
"You, Nabiki?  Not know something?  I'm shocked."  Nabiki smirks
at that, and they watch their father dancing with Kasumi, a grin
splitting his face from ear to ear.  "So, isn't it about time that you
surf the crowd,

What?  A mosh pit has formed already?

looking for some innocent sap?"

"Oh please, Akane.  You make me sound almost predatory."  Nabiki
winks at her sister and wanders off, looking for the men she had
earmarked earlier.

because looking for marks this late in the game would be "almost" predatory,
and there's nothing "almost" about what I do...

Akane wistfully looks at the dancing couples and glances at Ranma
again.  *Maybe I should ask...*
"Excuse me, but may I have this dance?"  Akane turns in surprise
and sees Dr. Tofu extending a hand to her.
"Ah..."  Akane glances again at Ranma, who seems oblivious of
anything except for the food.  She frowns a bit again and turns back to
Dr. Tofu.  "Why not?"
They step onto the dance floor, and Akane feels as if she is
almost flying, being led by Dr. Tofu's strong arms.  She blushes
slightly, remembering all the times she had fantasized about dancing
with him at such an occasion.  *But in those, I had been the bride.
What a silly little girl I was...*
"I'm sorry, Akane."
The quiet statement comes as no surprise to her.  She had
suspected that he had known for quite a while.

In my opinion, "She suspected that he had known" or even "She suspects that
he had known" (since the story is in present tense) communicate almost
exactly the same thing, and are less awkward.  I guess it depends on whether
you're trying to say that he'd known for quite a while, or that she'd
suspected it for quite a while... if the latter, then your original phrase
makes the most sense.  But it's not a sentence that's going to win any
beauty pageants.  ^_^

"It's okay, Dr. Tofu.

It was a just a silly school girl's crush.  I got over it a while back."
"..."  Dr. Tofu looks down at her weak smile and feels sorry for
his new sister-in-law again.  "So how are you and Ranma doing?"
Akane doesn't reply, slightly flustered, but her pout tells Dr.
Tofu that things haven't changed much.  She finally responds, "Oh
well... He's still... Ranma.  I guess that's the only way to describe
him."

His eyes were Ranma's eyes.  His hair was Ranma's hair.  He had a very Ranma
look about him...  ^_^

"It's not that bad, Akane.  He's looking at you right now."
"No way."  Akane cannot see,

She's blind!  Waah!  An unexpected plot twist!

her back towards Ranma, but Dr. Tofu

smiles reassuringly at her.
"Really, he is."  As they turn, Akane glances at Ranma and sees
him digging into the food again, but his eyes do seem to be on her.
"Oh well, its not like he's ever going to ask me to dance."
Blushing, she quickly adds,  "Not that I want to dance with him or
anything."
*You might be surprised.*  Dr. Tofu thinks.

Okay, here's an honest and for-real criticism, not just another smart-aleck
comment.  Your scene begins with Akane's point of view, and then Dr. Tofu
walks up and asks to dance with her.  Then, at this point, we're suddenly
privy to one of Dr. Tofu's thoughts.  Now, mind you, some very good (and not
so good) authors manage to write from an omniscient point of view, where we
know everyone's thoughts simultaneously, but that's not how your story is
written elsewhere... so if you're going to switch from Akane's point of
view, you need some sort of break in order to warn the reader... otherwise,
you need to rewrite this so that the above is communicated to the reader in
some other way than "this is what Dr. Tofu is thinking", or else just drop
it.  Or, of course, you can leave it in, knowing that it's going to drive me
and a few others crazy...  ^_^

They remain silent

for the rest of the dance, and Akane once again drops in to a her

you don't need the "a".  Technically, you don't even need the "her".  Also,
technichally, that should be "into", without a space.

Have we reach the point in the story where you were getting tired?  You were
almost flawless right up until this point, as far as I could tell...

reminiscing.  The dance ends, and the two of them bow to each other
slightly.  Akane walks away, a bit teary eyed by all the old memories,
but she smiles and shakes her head.  Seeing that Kasumi is dancing with
Mr. Saotome, she walks over to her father.  "Daddy, will you dance with
me?"
"Of course, my dear daughter."
They dance, and Akane is amazed once again at how skillful her
father is.  *Guess he danced a lot with mom...*
As if reading her thoughts, he says, "Oh, if only your mother was
here today..."
"Daddy..."  Akane whispers softly, knowing how much her father
misses his wife.
Instead of breaking into tears, however, her father just smiles at
her.  "Now if only one of my other daughters would get married."
"Daddy..."  This time Akane's voice is filled with the hint of a
threat.  Soun decides that silence is the path of wisdom and doesn't
pursue the topic.  Finishing their dance, Akane finally decides to walk
over to the food table.  As she approaches, however, Ranma gets up and
leaves for another part of the reception room.  Akane feels a slight
tightening in her chest as she gets herself a drink.  *Is he avoiding
me?*

@->-

"Whew.  I knew I shouldn't have ate so much cake that quickly.  At
least I can go back and eat more now."  Ranma looks at himself in the
mirror as he washes his hands.  The color is different, but wearing a
tux again makes him remember his own disastrous wedding attempt.  With a
small sigh, he mutters, "Good thing Nabiki didn't invite all of them.
Other wise, I'd be busy running away from the girls, and Akane would get
mad again..."
He frowns slightly, thinking of Akane.  She had been smiling a lot
dancing with Dr. Tofu.  Hadn't she gotten over him a long time ago?  Not
that he's jealous or anything...

Just a note... every reader can probably follow this easily, but on a
technical level you're referring to Tofu when you say "Not that he's jealous
or anything...", since Tofu was the "him" in the previous sentence.

@->-

"So Akane, what do you think?"  Nabiki asks.
"Yeah, I need to agree with you, the men here are pretty bland."

Personally, I say "I have to agree with you," but I've never said, "I need
to agree with you."  It sounds weird to me.

"Especially when you only have eyes for one man."  Nabiki assumes
an innocent mask.

This might just be me, but the usual phrase is "a mask of innocence", and
I'm not certain that "an innocent mask" makes sense.  I mean, I understood
it... but is that a proper way to phrase it?  Anyone?  I'm just not sure.
Or maybe you're just trying to be fresh and creative, and I'm being stupid.
^_^  Since I understood the meaning, I guess it works.

"What is THAT supposed to mean?"
"Oh, nothing."  Nabiki hums and haws a bit.  "So, aren't you going
to go dance with Ranma?"

Again, the usual phrase is "hems and haws", but don't let me stand in the
way of anyone breaking free of clich�d language...  ^_^  Humming and hawing
sounds good to me too.

"That idiot?  Why would I want to do that?"  Akane pouts again,
remembering how he had ran away when she had approached him earlier.

how he had _run_

"Oh?  Then I guess you wouldn't mind if I went and danced with
him."  With that, Nabiki leaves the table and zeroes in on Ranma, who
had just come back.

@->-

"Well aren't you a bag full of surprises, Ranma.

Ranma Flakes!  The fun cereal that comes in a bag!  They turn red in cold
milk, and black in hot milk!  With marshmallow gender symbols, black pigs,
white ducks, and purple kittens!  And ALL-NEW winged octopus-legged minotaur
thingys!  There's secret toy surprise inside every bag!

Little boy:  Neat!  I got a mini-book of secret pressure points lore!
Little girl:  I got a mallet!  Take that!  (bops boy on head).

I didn't know

you could dance."  Nabiki follows his lead, genuinely surprised that
Ranma knew something other than martial arts.
"Eh, I got involved in a Martial Arts Dancing Competition thing.
I had to learn to dance to deal with that."
*I should've known.*  Nabiki almost face faults, but Ranma's arms
carry her through the turn. "You should go dance with Akane, she's
really good."
"Yeah, I'd imagined she would be."
"You'd imagined?"  Nabiki fills her voice with insinuation.
"Not that I ever imagined dancing with her or nothing!"  Nabiki
smiles at his response, once again noting how easy it is to manipulate
the poor fool.

Well, he's fully poseable, you know...

@->-

Kasumi finishes dancing with her husband for the umpteenth time
and walks over to the food table, slightly thirsty.  As she gets herself
a glass of punch, she notices Akane sitting at a corner, looking quite
down.  Kasumi frowns and walks over to her.  "What's wrong, Akane?"
"Nothing!  Nothing's wrong."  Akane puts on a brave smile, not
wanting to make her sister worry, but it looks weak to Kasumi.
"Oh come on.  You're not going to even tell me?"  Kasumi smiles,
and Akane once again thinks how lucky her sister's children will be.

It's not every kid who has the potential to have an aunt and an uncle in the
same package!

"Is it Ranma?"
"No!"  Akane shakes her head vehemently but sighs again.  "I guess
he'd rather dance with Nabiki than me."
"I thought she was the one that asked him.  Why don't you go ask
him?"
"Its not the same."
Kasumi hugs her sister, hearing the resignation.  "Akane, I
promised you that he'd ask you to dance.  I'll promise you again, right
now."
"Thanks, Kasumi..."  Akane feels herself on the verge of tears and
is forced to blink them back again.

@->-

"So, Ranma.  Do I get a dance?"
"Uh, sure, Kasumi."  Ranma glances over at Akane again, wondering
why she looks so sad.  *Is she sad that the doc married Kasumi?  That
can't be it!  She got over him, right?  Stupid girl.  Making me worry.*
Ranma almost stumbles in his distraction but deftly recovers and
continues dancing.  Kasumi mulls over a few thoughts in her mind, and
seeing Ranma's attention on her sister, decides on her plan of attack.
"So, why haven't you asked her to dance yet?"

Once again, we get to know the thoughts of more than one person in the same
scene... well, I mean we know Ranma's thoughts, but we also see things from
Kasumi's point of view.  As I said, this is not a good practice, unless you
deliberately set out to write like Henry James or something... and if you
do, warn me, so I can delete it quick!

"Aww, Kasumi, why would I..."
"Ranma, could you really tell a lie to me?"  Kasumi puts a sweet,
unassuming expression on her face, almost as if her statement had
nothing to do with their conversation.  This makes Ranma hesitate.
Finally, with a sigh, he whispers, "Its not like she wants to
dance with me.  She'd ask me if she wanted to."
"Maybe she wants you to ask first, Ranma."  Kasumi watches as
Ranma blinks a few times at this thought.  She smiles, knowing that the
seed would grow, now that it's planted.

Yeah, but how long will it take to grow?  Seeds grow faster in fertile soil,
and I'm not sure we could honestly say Ranma has a fertile mind...  ^_^

@->-

"So Ranma, this is a surprise.  I thought you hated being a girl."
Tofu raises an eyebrow at the girl he is dancing with.
"Yeah, well, I wanted to talk to you privately, and the only way
to do that seemed to be to dance with you."

Well then, Dr. Tofu said, that much I can understand... but what about the
off-the-shoulder, powder blue chiffon evening gown?

Ranma grimaces again,

unused to being the one led in a dance.
"Well, what's it you wanted to talk to me about?"
"Well, its something Kasumi said.  That Akane wants to dance with
me..."
"And?"
"Well, I don't think she wants to.  I mean, if she wants to,
wouldn't she ask me?"
"This coming from the man that finally helped me and Kasumi get
together?"
"Aww, that was easy.  I mean, it was obvious you two were in love
with each other."
"Not to us, Ranma, not to us.  I was always afraid to tell Kasumi
how I felt because I didn't know how she'd react to it.  Maybe Akane's
afraid to ask you because she thinks you'd say no or would only agree
because you didn't want to reject her.  You're the one that finally
convinced me to propose to Kasumi.  I guess its my turn to tell you to
go ask Akane to dance.  You do want to dance with her, don't you?"
Ranma remains silent, but his heart is full of the realization of
how much he wanted to dance with her.

@->-

Akane watches as Ranma leaves the room again.  *Dance with Dr.
Tofu as a GIRL,

...I mean, if he'd danced with Dr. Tofu as a GUY, I wouldn't have a problem
with it.  But as a GIRL...!   ^_^;

and not want to dance with me!  What a... what a...

JERK!  See if I ask him to dance!*
Akane beats back the urge to run out of the room crying and buries
her face in her hands.  Minutes pass, and she barely notices as the
maestro makes the call for the last dance.  *Oh, Ranma, why can't
you...*
"Excuse me miss, but may I have this dance?"
Akane snaps her head up in disbelief, imagining that her ears are
playing tricks on her.  She blinks a few times as Ranma nervously holds
his hand out to her.  As she hesitates, he almost seems to be ready to
withdraw his hand.  Smiling radiantly, she takes his hand before it
retracts.  "It would be my pleasure."

@->-

Many in the crowd murmur as the maid of honor and best man glide
across the dance floor.  They dance with a grace born of expertise and
honed reflexes, but most of all, it is the matching smiles on their
faces which seems to shine even brighter than that on the bride and
groom.  The older folk smile and say something about young love...

@->-

"I'm getting ready to throw, so if any of you girls are planning
on staying single, you better get out of the way!"  Kasumi smiles and
turns around, feeling the excitement in the crowd behind her.  Winding
up, she gives it a hefty throw...

...smashing a hole in the wall of the dojo...

@->-

"Hey Akane, wipe that grin off your face, will you?  Its starting
to make me sick."
"Oh, shut up, Ranma."  She whaps him on the back of the head, but
smiles once again as she holds the bouquet to her chest.

=======================
[Author's Notes]

Okay, this stemmed from a conversation on the Ranma ML.
Someone asked if Tofu and Kasumi ever got married.  I told them what
I thought a Tofu-Kasumi wedding would be like, and Arnold Kim, the
ever Akane fanboy said he liked the idea.  Myself also being a huge
Akane fanboy, I decided to go for it.

Yeah, I'm a huge Akane fanboy too.  Really huge.  About 800 lbs.
What?  That's not what you meant?  Oh... ah... um... that was a joke!  A
joke!

Once again, they end up slightly OOC, but not that much.  I'm
firmly of the camp that Ranma and Akane know exactly how they feel
about each other, they just refuse to admit it to the rest of the
world.  The main obsticle is that they're not sure how the other
person feels about them.  That's why they both have that terrible
jealosy streak.

Couldn't agree more.  See, there's a bitter beginning, but no bitter end...

Sorry I don't have more clever lines for Nabiki, but I'm not
a very clever person myself.

Now stop that!  *WHAP!*

Anyway, I proof read this a few times, but if you catch any
mistakes, tell me.  I'm a bad proof reader.  I tried to keep the
cheese to a minimum, but...

Cheese?  Cheese?  Okay, I admit, I got a warm and fuzzy feeling deep in my
heart, but that's very different from a warm and cheezy feeling, isn't it?
For one thing, it smells much nicer!

This is a very nice story.  VERY nice!  It's WAFFy, but also has a bit of
plot and a bit of character development, which pleases me greatly.  I don't
really seen anyone OOC... I mean, Dr. Tofu is a lot more reasonable, but
he'd have to be if he were to actually get married.  (Of course, your
mileage may vary... especially when crossing bridges).

Anyway, I enjoyed it very much!  Good job!

Miko!

"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said, in a rather a scornful tone, "it
means just what I choose it to mean -- neither more nor less."
"The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many
different things."
"The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master -- that's
all."

(Lewis Carroll, Through The Looking-Glass)

Nausicaa@sprynet.com   Belldandy@angelic.com
Anime rpg at http://come.to/akane/
Fan Fiction at http://listen.to/bell/