After some more reading and thinking, I feel that the problems in this fic
can be traced to inadequate charaterization of Verthandi. She may be part of
Belldandy, but without her heart, she is quite a different person. You've
got quite some explaining to do as to why she suddenly changed her mind
about rejoining with Belldandy. We need to know more of her (V) first.
That's why it felt unconvincing to me.
Heop to read your revised work soon.