For the mild amusement of those on the list.... Proof that those who feel
the need to write a MST are sometimes lightyears behind their source
material, sponging off truly TALENTED WRITERS! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... erk,
where's me teef gone? O_O
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
---
*(Turn off all light, cast a few "Darkness" spells, strain to
blindness,
play music REAL load (to deafness) and become the Pinball
Wizard...)*
The Future just isn't what it used to be............
MSTed
from the Desktop of Slash.
"Mystery Science Theater"
EPISODE 1:UsAgI iS
dEaD uSaGi Is DeAd HiP hIp HiP hOoRaY
In the not too distant future,
We're
down in Deep 13,
Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank
Were hatching an evil
scheme,
They hired a Temp by the name of Slash,
Just a regular joe they
didn't like,
Their experiment needed a good test case,
So the conked him on
the noggin' and shot him into space! (GET-ME-DOWN!!!)
We'll send him cheesy
Fic's!
The worst we can find! (lalala!)
He'll have to sit and watch them
all,
And we'll monitor his mind! (lalala!)
Now keep in mind Slash can't
control,
When the Fic's begin or end, (lalala!)
He'll try and keep his
sanity,
With the help of his robot freinds!
Robot Roll Call!
Cambot!(Tally
ho now!)
Gypsy!(Don't Forget me!)
Tom Servo!(Hi ho there!)
CROOOOW!(That's
ONE O!)
Now if wonderin' how he eats and breaths,
And other science facts,
(lalala!)
Just repeat to yourself it's just a show,
I should really just
relax!
For Mystery Science Theater
3000!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-----
UsAgI iS dEaD uSaGi Is DeAd HiP hIp HiP hOoRaY (Damn That's
annoying!!!!!)
is proporty of DARK DAY FOR ANIME and he's welcome to it...
I'm just using
it, so don't sue
me.
*WARNING*WARNING*WARNIG*WARNING**WARNING*WARNING*WARNIG*WARNING*WARNING
*
Contains Graphic (No Hentai, Baka!) content.
Do NOT read if you get sick
from a bit of blood. Or just skip
it...
*WARNING**WARNING*WARNING*WARNIG*WARNING**WARNING*WARNING*WARNIG*WARNI
NG*
Now, on with it!
(Oh yea, standard Discalimers about who owns
what...Best Brains has
MST3k,
etc...)
--------------------------------------------------------------------
-------
SoL(Satellite of Love)
They were all (Jaime, Setsuna,
Crow, and Tom) on the Holocabanica.
Jaime/Slash (He liked to be called
Slash...) was listening to the Pinball
Wizard CD, Setsuna was reading, and
Crow and Tom were Jamming to the music.
(Slash was just playing it, mind
you(Controlling the Stereo))
Just as music was dying down from one
track to the next, warning
lights went off.
"Great, the Mads..."
Said Slash, INCREADABLY depressed.
"Let's ignore it, maybe it'll go
away?" Suggested Tom.
"Chickens." Commented Set, as she got up
and left the
Holocabacanica.
"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..............................."
Said
the three others in unison.
* * *
D13 (Deep 13)
"WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" yell Dr.
Clayton
Forrester.
"Maybe they finnaly found a way out?" suggested T.V.'s
Frank.
"NONSENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Set was the
first to appear. The other three came up about 10 secs
later.
"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN!!?!??!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??"
They
said nothing.
"Well, it's time for todays invention exchange. I'm
felling in a
good mood, scince it's the first time for all of you. You can
go first."
They still said nothing, just stood there.
"GO
ALREADY!!!"
Dr. F. and Frank heard Tommy's Holiday Camp and saw
another Slash and
Set run up and start dancing around and singing with the
song and stuff.
They ran off screen and Tom and Crow took over dancing and
singing. After
that, they stopped the music and all four came back on,
slightly tired.
"And that proved just what exactly?" Dr. F. asked.
"Our invention." said the Slash that had been standing there.
"Cloning machine. Clones the person exactly. Except the fact that
they
aren't as smart as the originals, and they can't speak." said the Set
right
next to him.
"Even down to the things like muscle mass and
endurance, fatigue
point, dexterity, etcetera. And they can speak, just
not well..."
"Amazing this is a robot, isn't it?"
Dr. F.
was stunned. They sent the robots back and de-cloned them.
"Well,
uhh... FRANK! Get our invention..." Frank came back with an
oddly shaped
helmet. "This is my Dream Helm. It lets one see and even
record every
dream one has. I think it's pretty self-explanatory from
there." said Dr.
F. proudly. "Well then...on to todays experiment..."
* *
*
SoL
"Wonder what dirty trick he's got today..." said Slash.
"We can only hope..." said Tom.
* * *
D13
"Today's
experiment is... uhh...err...I can't read it! But it looks
like...Usagi is
dead Usagi is dead hip hip hip hooray..."
* * *
SoL
In unison:"We don't like you..."
* * *
D13
"Send it
over, frank, part 1 that is..."
"Right Dr. F.!"
* *
*
SoL
Lingts and sirens go off.
"OOOHHH!!! WE'VE GOT
FANFIC SIGN!!!" they all yelled.
(Door 6: A big rock. You cover it with
paper and it dissapears.)
(Door 5: Solid marble. An ankh touches it and
it dissapears.)
(Door 4: It falls towards you and misses...barely)
(Door
3: A guy turned to stone. You chisel him free and go on by.)
(Door 2: A
Medusa. You pull out a silver mirror and turn it to stone and
break it
with a Sledgehammer.)
(Door 1: You open about 50 doors and see a sign that
says "Monotonus, ain't
it?". You then hack through with an axe.)
Slash
picked up Tom through the air grate that prevented him from entering
the
theater alone and set him down on the seat next to him. Set sat to
the
right of Slash and Crow sat to the right of her.
UsAgI iS dEaD uSaGi
Is DeAd HiP hIp HiP hOoRaY
SLASH&BOTS: YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!
SETSUNA:
(shifts in seat)
by DARK DAY FOR ANIME
TOM: It is a dark time for the
Aniverse...
Diclaimer - Sailormoon is owned by Takeuchi Naoko and Bandai,
so
these characters really belong to them.
SLASH: (sarcastic) Really? I
did not know that...
I'm just abusing them
CROW: Didn't know this was
Hentai...
SETSUNA: (Switches to the left of Tom and the three move right
one seat)
in a manner most would describe as nothing short of scandalous.
I hope
nobody sues me for it.
SLASH: Let's see...hmm...what can I get
him on?
TOM: Alot...
CROW: That's not good, considering it hasn't even
started yet...
SETSUNA: I should say not...
I really don't have anything
close to enough
money to cover even a millionth of the court
costs....
TOM: What about a hundreth?
Part One (revised)
CROW: So, this
isn't the original?
SLASH: That's what it says...
SETSUNA: Hope I'm not in
this...
SLASH: You're the killer...
TOM: Read it before?
SLASH: Not
really...got disgusted with the stupidity right after the
beginning of part
12...
BOTS:12!?!?!?
SLASH: Yeah, there are about 20, 4 doesn't exist, and
everything after that
ends about 5/6 of the way through...
BOTS: Hoo
boy...what a good way to start off...
SLASH: Then there's the
sequil...
SETSUNA&BOTS: SEQUIL!?!?!?!?!?
TOM: AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGG! (starts to
vibrate)
SLASH: Stay frosty, Tom...he can't send it all at once...
CROW: We
can only hope and pray...
ALL: (Start Praying)
I Left My Heart in a Tokyo
Schoolyard
SLASH: (someone) Knew I shoulda been more careful with my
heart! Now where
did I leave it?
It must have been close to three
hours after everything had
gone quiet.... at least 3am, that Usagi's
spirit had sat on the
wall lining the school courtyard within which she
died.
SLASH: Huh!?
CROW: She died at midnight?
TOM: I think it means after
all the police and reporters left...
SETSUNA: Then say that! Geez! Some
people...
SLASH: Read some of the lemons out there...
TOM: Good thing Dr.F.
doesn't bless us with Oscar...
SLASH&BOTS: (shudder)
SETSUNA: Huh?
SLASH:
Don't ask! PLEASE!
TOM: This guy's getting a bit unholy...
Parts
of her still remained there. At least, the blood and a
few small lumps of
flesh. The rest of her had long been carried
away to whatever morgue was
her destiny to be taken to.
SLASH: (Morgue 1) Come to me...
TOM (Morgue 2)
No! Me!
CROW: (Morgue 3) She's coming to ME!
SETSUNA: Please, don't...
She stared long and hard at the spot where she had fallen.
SLASH:
Usagi Dumpling sat on a wall. Usagi Dumplping had a great fall.
And all
the King's horses and all the King's men, didn't want to put Usagi
Dumpling
back together again...
BOTS: (Start clapping)
CROW: Bravo!
TOM: Whoo
Hoo!
SLASH: (Bows) Thank you, Thank you!
SETSUNA: Ugh...(turns slightly
green)
The police hadn't even bothered to outline her body, so damaged
was
it. Blood, bone and organs had been scattered across a fifteen
foot
radius behind her. She shuddered at the memory.
CROW: Wait, if she
EXPLODED, then how could it only be BEHIND her that her
internal body
structure was spread???
SLASH: Magic (: The Gathering). How did you know
she exploded?
CROW: Most logical explanition...
TOM: AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGG!
Don't bring logic into this!
SLASH: Stay frosty, Tom...
CROW: Then there's
the thing about the "Radius"...
TOM: (head starts to smoke)
After
what had been a brutal day at the hands of her teachers,
SLASH: What, she
got beat up by her teachers?
TOM: We can only hope...
Usagi met up with
Makoto, Ami and Naru,
SLASH: Then they were all blown away by a
Double-Shotgun.
TOM: Feeling...dark?
SLASH: Yes.
SETSUNA: (turns
greener)
and after a few minutes
chatting,
BOTS: Oohh-eee-oohh,
yoo-hoo! Ooh-eee-oohh, yoo-hoo!
SLASH: That says CHATTING, not
CHANTING.
BOTS: Whoops...
they began their way home. For some reason,
Naru seemed a
little nervous, but always seemed to fob it off
somehow.
ALL: FOB!?
SLASH: Like Frob?
TOM: Frob?
SLASH: Frobozzica. From
Zork.
TOM: Oh...
SETSUNA: Frobozzica isn't even a word...
CROW: Nope. It's
a name. Frobozzica is a PLACE in Zork.
SETSUNA: Neither is
Zork.
SLASH&BOTS: (sigh)
Then they arrived at the site of her
death.
SLASH: She went to her own death site?
TOM: Why didn't she see the
body?
She was chuckling
CROW: (she)
Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe.........
SLASH: Crow...
TOM: I think he
ment Usagi...
CROW: Oh...
over something that Makoto had been saying,
something to do with Rei
and Yuuichiro,
SLASH&BOTS: Who!?
SETSUNA: I
think the US seris called him 'Chad'...
SLASH: Ohh...Gourry's cousin!
CROW:
He's not that dumb...
SLASH: Wanna bet?
when Naru let out a cry.
TOM:
(imitating Naru) Aieeee-yie-yie-yie-yieeeee!
CROW: Not a BATTLE CRY!
She
turned to Naru to ask
what was wrong, and then was hit. By something that
hurt. Lots.
SLASH: (deep) This will hurt you alot more than it does
me...
BOTS: (Shudder) Don't do that!
SETSUNA: Maybe it was that
Double-Shotgun you were talking about earlier?
Fortunately, it
didn't hurt for long. She felt herself flying
SLASH&BOTS: (Singing) I
beleve I can fly... Cause I can... And I am...
backwards, somehow missing
Ami, who had been standing behind her.
CROW: (Usagi) And for my next
trick, I will dissapear!
TOM: Good...Don't reapear...
CROW: Bite
me.
SETSUNA: Crow...
SLASH: Don't worry. He's always like this...
Usagi
landed on her feet
TOM: What feet? She's DEAD! She can't touch physical
objects and CAN'T
land ON anything! Only FLOAT ABOVE it!
SLASH: STAY
FROSTY, Tom...
TOM: HOW!? HE'S MAKING SO MANY ERRORS!!!
SLASH: Tom, why
don't you recite the entire cast of RayEarth?
TOM: First season or
second?
SLASH: (shrugs)
TOM: Let's see, there's Fuu, Umi, Hikaru...
CORW:
Great, now he'll be babbleing on forever...
SLASH: Would you rather I let
him let his head explode?
CROW: .....
SLASH: Good.
and looked up to see
what was happening.
CROW: Nothing, go back to sleep...
TOM: ...Emuraude,
Clef, Zagato...
CROW: Tom! Stop!
TOM: ...Nova...huh? Oh, ok.
Blood
showered
TOM: (singing) Oh I'm just singing in the shower, just singing in
the
shower!
SLASH: Tom...
SETSUNA: Yuck!
in her direction from somebody
in front of her, and
she screwed her eyes shut,
TOM: With what type of
screw?
CROW: No, she shut her eyes and screw-hmrfmf!
SLASH:
Enough...
putting her hands over her head,
CROW: Shouldn't that be
*putted*?
SLASH&TOM: Crow!
expecting to get splattered. The blood landed
all around her, but
somehow failed to hit her. When it stopped, she
looked up.
CROW: I said go back to sleep, so i can...
SLASH: CROW!
CROW:
Heh...
Makoto, who had been standing to her left,
CROW: Who was
now standing to her right...
TOM: How could anyone stand to their own
left?
SLASH: Magic?
was now against the
wall Usagi would later be
sitting on. Her face was a mark of shock
CROW: Bzzzzzz!
SLASH: Where did
General Leo come from?
and horror, unable to move.
SETSUNA: One would
think she would be yelling in pain by now...
Usagi turned to the other
side to see
Naru, lying face-forward on the ground, moving slowly.
CROW:
WHY do the always move so SLOWLY!?!?!?
SLASH: Stay frosty Crow...
"Naru-chan...." Usagi cried
CROW: (imitating Usagi)
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
out as Naru slowly lifted herself
up,
aided by another student Usagi recognised as Koto-san.
CROW:
Koto-Roto.
OTHERS: Huh?
CROW: Heh... I dunno...
"Naru-chan, are
you okay?" Usagi turned further to her right
CROW: How? She made of
rubber?
SLASH: She's a ghost, remember?
CROW: Oh, yeah...
and saw Ami
getting to her feet. Ami trotted
TOM: So, she's a horse now?
OTHERS:
Uhh.....
across to where Naru
was sitting, apparently staring in
shock.
CROW: At what, exactly?
SLASH: Crow, do you need a time-out?
CROW:
OK! OK!
SLASH: Good.
SETSUNA: I thought you said he's always like
this?
SLASH: ...
Usagi looked around her
CROW: Didn't she just do
that?
TOM: She liked it so much the first time, she just had to do it
again!
CROW: Heh...
SLASH: Guys...
TOM: (imitating Kryton) Permission
to...Poo myself, sir!
as she stood up. Several other students had
arrived on the scene.
TOM: I would think an explosion would scare them
away, not bring them
closer...
SLASH: Careful Tom...
TOM: What?
SALSH: I
don't want to repair your head if it explodes...
TOM: Like *that
girl*?
SLASH&CROW: TOM!
There were cries of horror, whimpering,
CROW:
(whimpering) The horror, the horror.....
TOM: What are they? Humans or
dogs?
SLASH: Guess we'll never know...
CROW: That was cruel...
SETSUNA:
EVAn for you...
SLASH: Punny...Very punny...
and one even brought
his
lunch up.
TOM: Didn't know the dead could eat...
ALL: (stifle
laughter)
Usagi stepped over to where Naru was being consoled by
an
equally upset Ami.
SALSH: Anyone else up for a break?
BOTS: YES!!!
YES!!!
SLASH: Then lets GET OUT OF HERE!
TOM: Initiating: "Getting the Hell
Out of Here" Manuver...
* * *
SoL
"Aaaaaaahhhhhhh........" sighed Slash, he was glad to be out of there.
"Close one, ehh?" was the sarcastic reply from Tom.
"Let's all
sing a song..."
"What song?"
"How about, 'Jose can you
see...'"
"No."
"Heh..."
Lights and sirens, again.
"OOOHHH!!! WE'VE GOT CONTINUATION SIGN!!!" exclaimed Tom...
*
* *
(Door 6: A big rock. You cover it with paper and it
dissapears.)
(Door 5: Solid marble. An ankh touches it and it
dissapears.)
(Door 4: It falls towards you and misses...barely)
(Door 3:
A guy turned to stone. You chisel him free and go on by.)
(Door 2: A
Medusa. You pull out a silver mirror and turn it to stone and
break it
with a Sledgehammer.)
(Door 1: You open about 50 doors and see a sign that
says "Monotonus, ain't
it?". You then hack through with an axe.)
(Door X:
Just that. You duck your head and make a X with you body and
slip
through.)
Slash picked up Tom through the X and set him down on the
seat next to him.
Set sat all the way to the left and Crow sat to the right
of Slash.
SLASH: Ok, Let's recap:
CROW: Stuff happened, people died, it
was NOT cool...
SLASH: (imitating Dark Helmet) Everybody got that!?
TOM:
Ok, let's get this over with FAST!
"Jeez, guys, what happened just
now?"
SLASH&BOTS: WE RECAPPED WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE WE LEFT FOR A
BREAK!!!!!
SLASH: Maybe we should send them a good Cleric?
Usagi leaned
down to
CROW: Screw-hmfmmfrfrrfmf!
SLASH: ENOUGH!!!
them. For some
reason they seemed to be ignoring her. Naru
SLASH&BOTS: Maybe because
you're...(gasp) DEAD!?!?!?
continued to whimper and stare off ahead.
Usagi sighed and turned
back to where Makoto was leaning against the wall,
being held by a
couple of girls. Between Usagi and Makoto lay a body.
Usagi's
body.
SLASH: She finnaly saw it...amazing...
CROW: I've seen it!
I've seen the light...the light!!!
SLASH: Save it for part 2, Crow...
Or what remained of it.
SLASH: What DID remain of it?
CROW: Lets
see...there were-hmfmf!
SLASH: Need a Time-Out?
CROW: OKOKOK!!!
It
was amazing the top had remained attached to the bottom of
the body, there
was so little left of the trunk.
SLASH: Tree Trunk?
TOM: Elephant
Trunk?
CROW: Bunk Trunk?
OTHERS: ?????
CROW: Well, it
rhymed...
Naturally, Usagi
went into a kind of denial.
SLASH: A or
B?
TOM: Nah, it was either 56 or 79.
CROW: It was 7F or 5P!
SETSUNA: &Y or
#().
TOM: How would you pronounce that?
SLASH: You would pronounce it "&Y"
and "#()".
TOM: Thanks.
SLASH: No problem.
She shook her head for a few
moments,
SLASH: What head? She's DEAD, you idiot!
TOM: The ghost's head?
How should I know!?
then turned to Ami and Naru.
TOM: She must be pretty
dizzy...
CROW: I'm getting dizzy just reading this...
"That can't
be me, can it?" They didn't reply. "C'mon, say
something...."
ALL:
something....
Still no reply. "You can hear me, can't you?"
TOM:
(Imitating Ami) Did I just hear something?
CROW: (Imitating Naru)
Uhh...huh...? Anybody get the liscense number of
that truck?
TOM:
(Imitating Ami) What truck?
CROW: (Imitating Naru) That
one...uhh.....
SLASH: (Imitating Dr. McCoy) She's dead Jim...
SETSUNA:
Guys...
Silence.
SLASH: Didn't know they played F-ZERO.
BOTS: ???
SLASH:
Silence. 5th track of Knight Leauge. Or 5th track in Practice mode.
BOTS:
Ohh...
"Well CAN'T YOU???" Usagi made to grab Ami's shoulder,
ALL: YOU
HAVE DIED! GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD!
and fell straight through her. At
that moment, she felt a huge pull
on her body, dragging her away from the
scene. She turned as she
flew through the air, staring at the rapidly
growing crowd.
SLASH: Uhh...if she keeps turning, I'm gonna be so dizzy
I'll lose it...
TOM: (singing) He flies through the air, with the greatest
of ease. He's
the daring yougn man on the flying trapize.
It
disappeared as she passed through a neighbouring building.
TOM: What's
'disapeared' and what's 'neighbouring'?
CROW: Don't know and don't
care...
SLASH: YARS?
BOTS: Yep.
SETSUNA: YARS?
SLASH: Yet Another Ratliff
Student.
She wasn't travelling very fast.
SLASH: Just at Ludicrus
Speed...
CROW: (Imitating Col.Sanders) Sir! SHouldn't you buckle up!?
TOM:
(Imitating Dark Helmet) Ahh, buckle this! Ludicrus Speed...GO!!!!!
SLASH:
(Imitating Dark Helmet) What have I done!? Stop! Stop this
crazy
thing!!!!!
CROW: (Imitating Col.Sanders) We can't stop! We're going
too fast!
SLASH: (Dark Helmet) I don't care! Just
STOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!!!!!
CROW: (Col.S.) (Pulls lever)
SLASH: (DH)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(flies forward
into screen) Are we stopped???
CROW (Col.S) Yes sir, we're stopped.
SLASH:
(DH) Good. How about a 5 minute break? Smoke em if you got em...
(Falls
on deck)
SETSUNA: Stop already!
Before she reached her
SLASH: (Stares at
Crow)
CROW: What!?
destination, she could hear the sirens of police and
ambulances.
She was in too much of a state to be able to take notice of
what was
going on around her.
SLASH: Which state? Alabama, Alaska,
Arazona, Arkinsas, Ohio, Idaho,
Hawaii...
SETSUNA: (Stares at Slash)
SLASH:
Ok...
Dazedly, she turned, and spotted her destination. The
Hikawa
shrine. This confused her even more. If she was dead...
SLASH:
Usagi has died. Do you want to [Restore], [Restart], or [Quit]?
BOTS:
[Quit]! [Quit]! Defenitly [Quit]!
SLASH: Well, it was worth a
try...
the fact
seemed to be seeping into her mind...
SLASH: What
little there was...
why should her spirit be drawn
here?
CROW: The
artists were there?
Because of its religious nature? Because of
Rei-chan's
connection to her.
TOM: What connection?
CROW: I KNEW it was
Hentai!
SLASH: No...
Before she knew what was happening,
SLASH: She
NEVER knows what's happening...
SETSUNA: Hey...
SLASH: I wasn't talking
about you...
SETSUNA: She's my freind...
SLASH&BOTS: It's a fanfic...
she
was in
the fire room. And there she stopped.
TOM: Stopped dead. Thank
you!
Rei was chanting in front of the flame.
TOM: When is she
not?
CROW: When she's beating up Usagi?
TOM: True...
Usagi wondered
how
CROW: ...many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie
Pop!
TOM: Alot?
SLAH: 1-2-3-Bite. (Me.)
CROW: Heh...Cheater...
SLASH:
That's why the world may never know...
SETSUNA: Shutup.
SLASH&BOTS: Bite
us.
she got home from school so quickly to be here now. She put it
out
of her mind
TOM: Of which we already stated there was none.
as a
vision appeared within the flame. Rei stopped
chanting and stared, Usagi
following her lead.
SLASH: (Obi Wan) Who's more foolish? The fool or the
fool who follows him?
It showed the death
scene.
TOM: Stop making a
scene!
SLASH: Yea! It's bad enough already!
Usagi was surprised
when Rei quickly got to her feet and
turned, walking through her.
SLASH:
She STILL hasn't realized she's a ghost?
TOM: Well, what do you expect from
a person with no brain?
CROW: Not much...
SETSUNA: Heh...
SLASH: Loosening
up yet?
For a moment, Rei seemed to shiver and
looked around, as if she
had felt Usagi's presence.
TOM: (Imitating Usagi) HEY!!! OVER HERE!!! WHY
DOES EVERYBODY IGNORE
ME!?!?!?
SLASH: (Imitating Daffy) Hey! Over here!
Gimme a close up! A Close Up!
...THIS is a close up? A CLOSE UP ya jerk!
A CLOSE UP!!!
Usagi tried to latch onto her arm, hoping that this
momentary
recognition would work in her favour.
TOM: What's a
'favour'?
CROW: Yet another who didn't spell-check...
SLASH: It's the curse
of non-spell-checking!
CROW: Strange Jusenkyo Springs...
But Rei shrugged
it off and
TOM: How?
CROW: (Shrugs)
quickly stepped out. It only
occurred to Usagi later that Rei's
expression was not that of someone who
had just witnessed the death
of a friend.
SLASH: Because it wasn't...it
was the death of a menice to mankind...
BOTS: And there was much
rejoycing...
SETSUNA: Guys...
Usagi sat in the fire room for
hours, hoping that Rei would
return, but she didn't. An intense desire to
return to the scene
filled her, even though she didn't want to see her
body again.
ALL: THE BODY IS GONE! DUH!!!
SLASH: Accually, there wasn't
much OF a body...
The
sight was far too horrible, but some morbid
fascination swept
through her, and once more she found herself flying
through the air,
back towards the school.
TOM: (Imitating Usagi) NOOO!!!
I DON'T WANNA GO BACK TO SCHOOL!!! IT'S AFTER
MIDNIGHT!!!
When she
got there,
TOM: The cupboard was bare...
CROW: And so little Usagi got
none...
the crowd had been moved away from the
scene.
BOTS: WE TOLD YOU
TO QUIT MAKING A SCENE!!!
The area was cordoned off,
BOTS:
Cordoned!?
and her body had been taken away.
There was no sign of Ami,
Makoto or Naru, not that she expected
there to be. It was more than
likely that, if they weren't being
questioned by the police themselves,
they'd all gone into shock and
needed hospitalisation.
SLASH: Considering
the state they were in when she died...
CROW: They were partying...
TOM:
Exactly...
Usagi just hovered over the scene as
several investigators
scowered everything around it. Eventually
they all returned to their
commanding officer, a woman they referred
to as Captain Kikotsuka,
SLASH:
Maybe it's because that's her name?
CROW: Nah, her name's 'Princess Angelia
Conchesca Bannana Fanna Mo Manna The
THIRD!!!'
SLASH: (Claps) Very good!
Have a Ram Chip.
CROW: No thanks, I don't wanna see my lunch...
SLASH:
That's why you don't eat before an experiment...
and shrugged. Their
amazing
professionalism in their efforts to find clues to her
death
astounded Usagi.
SLASH: That nothing had been found...
Very little.
TOM: Very little WHAT!? TELL US!!!!!
CROW: Sure you wanna
know?
TOM: ...thanks for that pleasant thought...
CROW: 'Welcome.
Eventually, it went dark and the crowd that surrounded the
scene began to
disperse. Even the few media OB vans that had
arrived were leaving.
Obviously, with very little to say other
than a young girl had
exploded,
TOM:(imitating Neanderthal) Little girl. Go boom.
their
interest in the story
rapidly waned.
CROW: I wish they'd stop using
Thesauruses...
Then even the main body of the investigating team
began
to depart, leaving only a couple of officers to watch over the
scene,
making a few last attempts at uncovering clues. Then even
they were gone.
The scene was empty. It was midnight.
SLASH: So it took a whole DAY to
do THAT!?
TOM: This...is...getting...confu...sing...Error!...Does not
compute!
CROW: Stop trying to make it compute and BREATH DAMNIT!
TOM:
Th...ank...s...I...need...ed...that...
SETSUNA: Strange freinds you have
here...
BOTS: HEY!!!!!!!!!!
Three hours later, Usagi sat on top of
the wall, staring at
where she died. "Death", she thought, "Its not quite
as I expected
it to be."
SLASH: You are entering another dimension. A
deimension not only of sight,
and sound, but of stupidity and bad sex
scenes. You are entering: The Bad
Fanfiction Zone.
BOTS: (Start doing the
Twilight Zone theme)
SETSUNA: (shivers) You do that too well...
She
wondered at all the things she would no longer be
able to do. Eat. That
was the first thing that entered her
thoughts.
SLASH: A: Ghosts don't
need to eat. B: She has no thoghts...
What a horrible concept. No need
for food. She mourned
the loss of that small but intense
pleasure.
SLASH: Huh?
Nobody to talk to, either. None of her
friends were dead,
yet. Not that she had expected any of them to die.
After all,
wasn't she destined to be Neo Queen Serenity? Seems destiny
had a
few cruel tricks up its sleeve today.
SLASH: That paragraph won't
be *Easy* to do...
TOM: Yea, why don't they write *Normal*ly?
CROW: They
always have to make it *Hard* for us.
SETSUNA: Yea. It's a *Nightmare*
doing this.
SLASH: Ladies and gentlemen, the Quake Difficulty System!
CROW:
Didn't know she played Quake...
SETSUNA: I don't...
SLASH&BOTS:
???
SETSUNA: I guessed...
TOM: Ohh...
Her family.... What must
they be going through, now.
TOM: Shouldn't that be a question!
SLASH:
No,
CROW: He:s just using random puncuation*
SLASH: Yea% like we are@
TOM:
Heh#^$
For a
few moments, she felt a desire to travel to her house, to
see them
in their grief. But she couldn't. She couldn't bring herself
to
witness that, just yet.
SLASH: Just YET...
And
Mamo-chan....
TOM: What about him?
CROW: Wait, Mamo-chan!? Isn't -chan
only supposen to be used for girls!?
She wanted to break out into
tears.
ALL: GHOSTS CAN'T CRY!!!
The thought of never
being able to hold
or kiss Mamoru again went through her like an icy
spark.
TOM: So get off
the cold and damaged flooring...
But no tears would come. A spirit was,
obviously, not
allowed to cry, either.
ALL: DUH!!!
Slowly she
lifted herself from the wall and floated
approximately twenty feet from
the ground. She stared up into the
sky, holding out her fist.
CROW: In
what direction?
"Well, Kami-sama, I'm here. I'm dead now. Do
with me
whatever you will...." She shook her fist up at the sky,
almost
defiantly. She was surprised when she heard a chuckle. Not
from
the sky, but from the ground below. She turned. A familiar
figure
stood there. Short blond hair.... Piercing, intelligent eyes.
He,
however, was not dressed in the Youma General's uniform that
Usagi
expected. Nor was his expression as hard and embittered as
she
remembered it to be.
SLASH: Whatever...
"Jadeite!" Usagi
exclaimed. For some reason, the arrival of
the General seemed to make
things fall into place.
CROW: (imitating old lady) Help! I've fallen and
I can't get up!
"Hello, Sailormoon. Or should I say Tsukino
Usagi. It
doesn't look like you're in the best of health right
now."
SLASH: Duh! She's dead!
CROW: Nah, she just has about 3%
health...
TOM: Correction, -3% at least.
CROW: At least...
"Jadeite! You!
SALSH: (imitating Usagi)
You,youyouyouyouyouyouyou......
TOM: (imitating Usagi) Bastard!
CROW:
(imitating Usagi) Baka!
SETSUNA: (imitating Usagi) Crow!
CROW:
HEY!!!!!
You're the one who did this to me!"
CROW: (imitating Jadeite)
No, I just killed you, I didn't make you a
ghost...
Jadeite raised
an eyebrow questioningly. "Did what?" He
thought for a few seconds.
"Oh... You mean KILLED you? No, sorry,
I'm afraid
TOM: (imitating
Jadeite) I'm going to turn into a Street Mime!
SLASH: (imitating Usagi) I
place a curse on you! Whenever the moon is full,
you will turn into the
most horrible creature on earth...a STREET MIME!!!!!
ALL:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm innocent on that
count.
SLASH: And he's down for the count!
TOM: That's my line!
I was
just passing by when I
CROW: Started turning into a clown...
saw you
floating into the sky. I didn't think the reincarnation of
the Moon
Princess could fly, so it was a tad unexpected."
SLASH: Humans cannot fly.
It is against the laws of physics!
SETTSUNA: Well...
SLASH: Heh...Didn't
say anything about Elementalists not being able to...
Usagi's
expression of rage began to subside. "I can't believe
that. You spent so
much of your time and effort trying to kill me
in the past. Why not now.
By the way, I thought Beryl disposed of
you?"
SLASH: (imitating Jadeite)
No! Watch the show, geez! She only IMPRISONED
me!!!!!
CROW: (imitating
Beryl) No! I killed you!
SLASH: (Jade) Did not!
CROW: (Beryl) Did
too!
SLASH: (J) Did not!
CROW: (B) Did too!
SETSUNA: ENOUGH!!!
SLASH&CROW:
Bite us.
SETSUNA: Pluto Plan-oof!
SLASH: (holding mace)What's a
'Plan-oof'?
BOTS: (snicker)
Jadeite shrugged. "I was sealed away
in a crystal. As soon
as you destroyed her, I was set free. But without
her and the Youma
horde, I was a man alone. So what's the point of
fighting any
further? I work at a recording studio now." Jadeite
grinned
smugly. "A nice, harmless job, making music and corrupting
youth."
He chuckled for a few moments as Usagi descended to the
ground.
TOM: And turning people into Clowns!
SLASH: Yes, but what does
turning kids into clowns prove?
SETSUNA: (getting up, holding side)
Stupidity?
SLASH: Bite me.
"You mean.... you really didn't do
this to me?"
CROW: That's what the man said that's what he said, all right
uh-huh uh-huh
that's what he said you heard what he said that's what he
said he did he did
he did-
SETSUNA: SHUTUP!
CROW: BITE ME!
"Course
I didn't. As I told you, there's no point now." He
shrugged. "To tell
you the truth, I was passing nearby and felt a
spiritual wave coming from
this school. I knew this to be the
school you attended, so curiosity got
the better of me."
SLASH: Wait a sec, if he knew she attended that school,
why didn't he just
Nuke the school while everyone was in class?
TOM: It
would destroy the plot/point?
CROW: What plot?
TOM: Good point...
They stared at each other for several moments, the former
enemies, still
not willing to trust each other. Jadeite tried
SLASH: PSI Starstorm
Omega!
TOM: Didn't work...
SLASH: Damn!
his
best to smile reassuringly.
"Believe me, I'm not here to hurt you.
I think you're a little beyond that
now."
ALL: A LITTLE!?!?!?!?!?
"Wh... What am I going to do?"
Usagi looked pleadingly at
him. He bit his lower lip.
SLASH: (Porky Pig)
That's all folks!
CROW: It's...over!?
TOM: Yes, the Holocaust has
ended..........for now...
SLASH: The SoulStone burns with HellFire and as
eerie red glow blurs your
vision. Fresh blood flows into your eyes and you
begin to hear the
tourmented whispers of the damned. You have done what
you knew must be
done. The essence on Diablo is contained. For now...
You prey that you
have become strong enough to contain the demon and keep
him at bay.
Although you have been fortified by your quest, you can still
feel him,
clawing his way up from the dark ressecces of your soul.
Struggleing to
retain control, your thoughts turn toward the anchient
mystic lands of the
far east. Perhaps there, beyond the desolate wastes of
Aranok, you will
find an answer. Or perhars, salvation...
Tom:
Wow.....
CROW: Hey! Look! We missed part of the fic!
ALL: YAY!!!!!
Usagi stared at him for several moments, then turned away. "I
can't trust
you, Jadeite. Not after what happened before. I'm not
sure if you're
responsible for what has happened to me now, or what.
All I know is,
somebody or something killed me, and then you appear,
the only person
capable of seeing and hearing me. I find that more
than
suspicious."
CROW: Know anything else long from Diablo?
SLASH: (Clears
throat) (imitating Ogden) Thank goodness you've returned!
Much has changed
scince you lived here my freind. All was peacful until the
Dark Riders
came and destroyed our village! Many were cut down where they
stood, a-and
those who took up arms were slain, o-or dragged away to become
slaves... or
worse... The church at the edge of town has been desicrated
and is being
used for dark rituals. The screams that echo in the night are
inhuman, but
some of our townsfolk may yet survive. Follow the path that
lies between
my tavern and the blacksmith shop to find the church, and save
who you can.
Perhaps I can tell you more if we speak again, good luck!
TOM: Cool!
"My dear, I think you're in for a nasty little surprise."
TOM: What
just happened?
SLASH: Not much...
It took a matter of minutes to
reach the shrine. Faster, this
time. Usagi seemed to have started to get
the hang of this floating
business.
CROW: That's because she was on a
string!
She arrived at the gates to the shrine and stopped there.
There
were voices coming from within.
SLASH: Inhuman voices...
Slowly, she
landed.
CROW: W-h-y- -m-u-s-t- -t-h-e-y- -d-o- -e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g-
-s-o-
-d-a-m-n-e-d- -s-l-o-w-l-y-?
SLASH: I- -d-o-n-'-t-
-k-n-o-w-.
SETSUNA: S-t-o-p-. Now you've got me doing it!
It was
the
sound of her friends, and they weren't sounding too much like
they were in
mourning.
TOM: Of course not. They were PARTYING!
CROW: Whoohoo! Does
that mean-
SLASH: No, Crow, it doesn't.
CROW: Oh.
Usagi tried the old
method of walking, now.
TOM: There wasn't much sense to it...
SETSUNA:
'Course not! The dead can't walk...
SLASH: But Isn't she in some sort of
Limbo?
SETSUNA: True...
CROW: Since when did she learn Plane Shift?
SLASH:
Try not to bring up AD&D, you're making me want to play it...
There
wasn't any sound to each step, even though she made an attempt
to
creep.
CROW: Creep!
TOM: Why bother trying to creep along? She won't make
any sound if she
tried...
Slowly, she made her way to the door of Rei's
room.
There was a light coming from the room, and the sound of
(somewhat
subdued) partying.
SLASH: (imitating Bill Clinton) Yes, I am
trying to seduce you...
TOM: It says subdue, not seduce...
SLASH:
Drat...
"KANPAI!" The sound of glasses clinging together to the
half-
hearted cheers. Usagi peered into the room.
SLASH: What about the
other half?
TOM: It dissapeared...
CROW: Into the Black-Hole...
SETSUNA:
Nah, it's the Stupidity-Well this fic is creating...
SLASH: Ahomnos
Toroscos Inhoniso... [Roughly Translated:Azual Toros Inous]
CROW:
DUCK!!!!!
SLASH: ...Ishou callosus uponous [I call upon]
theos
prowers ofies icos unt snowsos [the powers of ice and snow]
ofies
hailois unt coldnemes... [of hail and coldness...]
SETSUNA: What
the...
CROW: (pulls Setsuna under chair a few rows back) We said
DUCK!
SLASH: ...Ico Stromos! [Ice Storm!] (An explosion of Ice hits the
screen and
severly damages it. But the fic can still be read, the screen
is repairing
itself...)
SLASH: Damn...(sits baack down)
Others come back
and sit back down.
CROW: Maybe next time, buddy...
They were all
there. Rei, Ami, Makoto, Minako, Mamoru,
Haruka, Michiru, Setsuna,
Hotaru, Luna, Artemis.... even Chibiusa
and Naru. They were all taking a
swig of beer.
SLASH: Are any of them even OLD ENOUGH!?
TOM: Maybe it was
Root Beer?
CROW: Must have been...
SLASH: Unless this guy made some weird
temporal rift or something...
CROW: (imitating computer from JournyMan)
Temporal RIP Detected...
SLASH: Knock it off...
Usagi wondered if
half
of them were legally old enough to do so.
SLASH: Let's see...how can 13 be
divided in half?
TOM: 6.5?
CROW: These are people, Tom.
SLASH:
Well...
She also wondered
why they should be partying after her recent
and premature demise.
Rei turned to Naru.
SLASH: (Imitating Rei)
Fireball!
CROW: (Imitating Naru) Ahh shit!
SLASH: (Imitating Rei)
Haha!
TOM: (Imitating Ami) Ice Storm!
SLASH&CROW: (Imitating Rei&Naru)
Ouch...
"So, Naru-chan, how does it feel to be the new candidate
for
the position of Moon Princess?"
ALL: ERR-UM.........
SLASH: So that's
just a JOB now!?!?!?
CROW: So, if I were a girl, I could just walk up, kill
whoever it is, and
be the princess!?!?!?
SLASH: That's what it says.....
"Jeez. I feel a little... I dunno...."
CROW: (Imitating girl in
The Brain That Wouldn't Die) I fell kinda, funny...
"What,
guilty?" Haruka laughed nervously. Michiru nudged her
in the ribs and
Haruka grimaced. "Why would you feel guilty? Its
always been this way in
the Moon Kingdom, so Setsuna has told us."
SLASH: Hmm...
CROW:
What?
SLASH: Think if I cast Meteor Swarm I could hit the author?
CROW:
Don't think so...
SLASH: GodDamnIt...
GOD: Hey...
SLASH: Oops...(Casts
Atone) Sorry...
Naru sniffed.
SLASH: *sniff* (Whimpers like a
puppy)
SETSUNA: Hey...stop that...
"I know. I just feel a little sorry
for Usagi,
thats all." She shook her head. "I'd known her for so long,
and
the expression on her face..."
SLASH: The Faceless Expreassionless
Expression on her Faceless
Expressionless Face...
TOM: THAT was a
mouthfull...
SLASH: 'Can say that again...
TOM: That.
SLASH: ...
TOM:
What!?
"Aww, come on!" Makoto shouted,
SLASH:
YOUDON'TNEEDTOSHOUTWE'RERIGHTHERE!
looking a little drunk.
CROW: I LoVe
ThiS PlaCe!
"She
SLASH: -nmatta.
CROW: (Claps) Nice one...
was a loser
and you know it. She had neither the personality nor
the will to take up
the position."
SLASH: Err...correct me if I'm wrong, but...wasn't she
DESTINED to have it?
Not to mention the fact that it was just dumped upon
her...
Makoto sculled her glass and
held it out for more. Most of the
others looked at her. She seemed
to be trying a little too hard to enjoy
herself.
SLASH: (Imitating Makoto)
Must...enjoy...self...Must...have...fun...
Setsuna, who had been
staring off into space, decided it
was time to lecture....
SLASH: (Falls
Asleep) Zzzzzzzzzzzzz...........
"It has always been the way that if
one
candidate for the position of Moon Princess proves to be less
than
satisfactory, then she is removed from the right of succession
and
another is put in her place." She paused for a moment, taking
a
momentary sip and wrinkling up her nose at the taste. "This
is
destiny. You only have to look at Chibiusa to see that." She
sniffed
and frowned. Hmm... Chibiusa, she thought. Strange that
she should
retain the name.... Most of the name, anyway.
SLASH: (Wakes up) Err...if
Chibiusa had had that name before, shouldn't it
be logical that only if
Usagi had never lived that long that it should be
changed? Besides, she
would have first appeared different if it was to
be in the first
place...
CROW: Well, HE sure screwed up the temporal flow in THAT Greveous,
Glaring
error...
SLASH: Not to mention Glave-Guisarme-ous... (Takes out a
Glave-Guisarme)
SETSUNA: (Backs away) Err...
Usagi's head was
reeling. Candidate? Right of Succession?
She turned her head towards
Chibiusa and clutched onto the
doorframe. Chibiusa.... No longer looked
quite like her. In fact,
she looked like.... Looked like.... Na...
na... na....
SLASH: (Imitating Usagi) Na...Na...Narnia!
BOTS: (Stifle
laughter)
SETSUNA: <g>
Usagi stepped back, but brought the door
off its sliding
hinges. It clattered to the ground, making everyone turn.
They
were all looking at her! Usagi stood there, shivering
with
disbelief and rage.
SLASH: (Imitating Rei) Alright, who cast Gust of
Wind!?
SETSUNA: Heh...
"You.... All of you.... How could
you....?"
TOM: Who said that?
"Wh... What was that?" asked
Minako.
SLASH: (imitating Ghost) Mwahahahahahahaha! It was I! A vengeful
Spirit
here to take you all to an early grave.....Muahahahahaahahahaaha!
"The door fell off its hinges." Haruka, who was the closest
to the
door, stood and stepped over to the doorway. She picked up
the door and
placed it back in its position. She scratched her head
for a moment and
turned. "Well, what did you think it was? Usagi
come back to haunt
us?"
SLASH: Maybe...Mwah, Mwaha, Mwahahahaha!
CROW: Hey!
They all
laughed at this, sweatdrops
forming on their foreheads, then started
munching out on the cake
and snacks that were sitting in the middle of the
table, chatting
away to each other quietly. Setsuna returned to her
space-gazing,
whilst
SLASH: Stop using a Thesaurus!
Hotaru placed the
glass of beer she'd been given, virtually
untouched, and sat quietly,
watching everyone else with a somewhat
strange expression.
SLASH:
Where?
SETSUNA: (Looks at him)
SLASH: What!? I only wondered where she put
it...(quietly)Hentai Baka...
Michiru held on to Haruka's arm when the
other
girl sat back down and began whispering to her. Haruka
seemed
somewhat disturbed by what she had to say. They both looked over
at
Hotaru for a few moments, then turned aside and began to talk
more
privately.
SLASH: Talked more privatly about more private
issuses...
TOM: Saving Private Ryan...
CROW: Heh...
Usagi was
completely gone, now. She couldn't take any more of
this. "HOW COULD YOU
DO THIS TO ME!!!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY
FRIENDS!!!!"
SLASH: Didn't know
she was capable of consious thought.....
SETSUNA: (@Mallets him)
SLASH:
???
CROW: Maybe she likes Akane?
AKANE: I HEARD THAT!
SLASH: Oh,
shutup.
AKANE: Why you little...
SLASH: Bite Me.
SETSUNA: (@Mallets him
again)
SLASH: (Casts Ultima on Setsuna)
TOM: Heh...
AKANE: (Appearing in
front of them) Why you little...
SLASH: (Casts Polymorph Other on Akane,
turning her into a dupe of P-Chan)
BOTS: Hah!
RYOUGA: (Appearing like
Akane) Why you...
SLASH: Ok...this is getting out of hand...
TOM: I'll
say!
"Try the coffee cake. Its nice." Makoto handed a slice on
a
plate to Mamoru, who took it with a strange smile.
SLASH: (Casts
Polymorph Other on Akane and then Plane Shifts Akane and
Ryouga back to
their own plane)
SETSUNA: Ohh...what hit me?
SLASH: An Ultima spell...
TOM:
He took it with his smile!?
SLASH&SET: (Look at fic and laugh a bit)
"HOW CAN YOU ALL BE THIS WAY? WHAT WAS I TO YOU ALL?"
TOM: (imitating
Rei) A piece of shit. Now leave us alone!
Rei turned on the
television. "What do you wanna watch?"
"Are there any
early-morning animes on?" Minako said,
stuffing chips in her face.
"Nah, we've missed Hyper Police and Haunted Junction. I think
Maze is
over, too."
SLASH: (Looks at bots) You ever heard of those?
BOTS:
No...
CROW: I've heard of 'Mazer'...
SLASH: Not very good ICE...
"Mi... Minna..." Usagi croaked.
SLASH: Do Re Mi...
"Aren't
there reruns of Hana Yori Dango on now?" Makoto
wondered. Rei screwed up
her face.
"Eeew, I'd rather watch reruns of Dragonball...."
"each to their own, Rei-chan, each to their own."
TOM: We are missing a
capital E here...
CROW: I'd like to buy a vowel...
"C... Can't
any of you hear me?" Usagi whispered.
TOM: Well not when you're
whispering!
Rei switched the stations. Finally one playing an
anime came
on. There was a small cheer from some of the group. "Aha.
Reruns
of Nadesico. Thought there was something." Rei said
triumphantly.
"ANSWER ME! ONE OF YOU! ANY OF YOU!" Usagi
screamed. There
was no answer from any of them, although Rei turned to
the doorway,
blinking for a few moments. Mamoru looked at her
unemotionally, his
questioning tone almost sing-song.
SLASH: (sing-song)
Sing a Song of something!
"What is it, Rei-chan?"
"Oh
nothing, just thought I heard someone approaching."
"Its a good
thing your Grandfather and Yuuichiro are away,
Rei-chan. This could've
looked rather suspicious, otherwise."
Michiru commented, turning back to
the group.
SLASH: (yelling) OUT OF CHARACTER!!!!!!
CROW: What has been IN
Character in this whole thing?
SLASH: True...
"Heh... Yeah well.
It took three months to plan this. We
had plenty of leeway."
TOM: They
must be AWFULLY SLOW if it took 3 months to plan how to
shoot
someone...
CROW: They were bombers, remember?
SLASH:
Accually...
SETSUNA: Shutup.
Usagi decided she didn't want to hear
anymore. Letting out a
cry, she ran from the temple, eventually taking to
flight. She
continued on and on and on,
SLASH: And on and on and on and
on...
CROW: We are the champions, my freinds.
TOM: And we'll keep on
fighting, 'till the end!
BOTS: We are the champions, We are the champions!
No time, for losers!
'Cause we are the champions...
CROW: Of the
world...
SETSUNA: Enough...
through the city, until she reached
the
countryside.
SLASH: (singing badly) Oh give me a home...
OTHERS:
AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!
Then she went further,
until there were mountains.
SLASH: Shouldn't there be an ocean instead of
a 'Country' and 'Mountains'?
TOM: She warped to America? How the hell
should I know!?!?
And then running away just seemed stupid, and she sat
for several
moments on one of the mountain ledges, wondering what to do
next.
SLASH: (dumb voice) Duh...what should I do next...Duh...
TOM:
Hey...she can't 'sit' on a ledge!
CROW: Careful. You're head'll
explode...
Jadeite, she thought. I must see Jadeite. It was the
only
person she could think of. Surely, now that her death was
proven
not to have been of his doing, she could trust him.
SLASH: He
could have been an accomplice...
TOM: Then why wasn't he at the
party?
CROW: Maybe he didn't want to be there?
She felt a little
resistance to the idea. But eventually, she
found herself flying,
latching onto Jadeite's spiritual signal.
SLASH: He isn't a
spirit...
CROW: Yet...
TOM: (evil, maniacl laughter)
END OF PART
ONE
ALL: YAY!!!
Notes
ALL: AAARRRGGG!!!
Here is the revised first
chapter of "Usagi is Dead". I'd only
actually looked back on this chapter
for the first time since I'd
written it when I'd completed chapter 5, and
realised that there
was quite a lot about it that wasn't sitting with the
rest of the
story. First and foremost, I'd revised the party scene to
make
the senshi rather less than jubilant about what they'd done
to
Usagi. Secondly, I've changed a couple of the
characterisations
within the party scene so the ideas I'd come up with for
later
chapters aren't so much a case of Deux ex Machina. (God From
a
Machine. I love that phrase, think I'll use it as the title for
a
future chapter.... Fits in well with the sudden new ideas I
keep coming
up for this story and the fact that Usagi is reborn
>from the... Ah, but
if you're reading this for the first time,
I better not tell you).
SLASH:
I'm not...you guys are so lucky...
BOTS: Heh...
Anyways, this story has
already evolved quite a long way from the
simple "Usagi hatchets the
Sailors" tale it began its life as. If
you are reading this for the first
time, this thing is turning into
a roller coaster of bizarre
proportions.... Hope you enjoy the
ride. ^_^
TOM: He got the 'Bizzare'
part right...
Any comments, criticism and outright abuse should go
to
ayanami@merlin.net.au
SLASH: So, this guy is accually a girl who
pilots an EVA?
CROW: Aparently...
I may respond to the comments and
criticisms, but the abuse....
Well, it may make good material for future
projects.....
CROW: So, does that mean if we flame him, we'll have to read
more of his
stories?
"Don't you talk to me you disgusting heap of Parrot
droppings!
You're kind really make me puke! You vacuous,
toffee-nosed,
maloderous pervert!"
SLASH: Eeh?
TOM: Happosai?
"I only
came here for an argument."
CROW: Ditto.
"Oh, I'm sorry, but this is
abuse."
SLASH: Oh, I'm sorry, but you're stupid.
^_^
SLASH: =�?
CROW:
How do you do that?
DDFA
TOM: Is that anything like "TTFN"?
SLASH: Lets
go guys, that was, well...
(Door sequence reversed)
D13
"So, how
was today's little experiment? Lab rats!" asked Dr. F.
Frank was busy
sleeping, testing that thingy that Dr. F.
made.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
------
SoL
"Stupid"-Crow
"Pointless"-Slash
"Idiotic"-Setsuna
"Confusing"-Tom
"Sounds like
you"-All
-------------------------------------------------------------------
---------
D13
"Oh, shutup. I think a bad lemon is in order for
tommorows
experiment... A bad RANMA LEMON!!!!! Hit the button Frank.
Frank?
FRANK!!!"
"Huh?...What is it Dr. F.?..."
"HIT THE
BUTTON FRANK!!!!!"
"Oh...Right..." and Frank then fell asleep on
the button...
(Credits rool. The sound of an angy Forrester tossing Frank
around can be
heard. Along with laughter from the SoL.)
Disclaimer:
USDUSDHHHH is proporty of DDFA. He is welcome to it and his
other stories.
I'm just using it.
MST3k is proporty of Best Brains, Inc.
"We are the Champions" is proporty
of the band Queen.
Sailor Moon is proporty of whoever owns it
now...
"Polymorph Other", "Ice Storm", "Fireball", and AD&D are proporty of
TSR
(I think...)
Blood, bone and organs had been scattered across a
fifteen foot
radius behind her.