Lura Poland wrote:

Well, here it is, the last and final part to the "Arashi" Series.
Sorry it took me so long to post this... Please, please send me C&C on
this part! I got almost none for the last part. All C&C can be sent to
me at ShampUsagi@yahoo.com. Thank you! 

Ok, minor problem.  One of those little formatting errors that keep me
using...never mind.  In any case, you have no paragraphs.  You will 
probably get more comments if you find a way to post your fics with 
paragraphs.  

Part 7: The Final Battle A

raven sailed over the city of Tokyo. It flew low over the rooftops,

This is something I don't think works stylistically.  There's a certain,
"See Jane.  See Jane run." quality to it.  Instead you might want to try
writing something like "A raven sailed over the city of Tokyo, skimming 
over the rooftops and dodging antennas."  That way you have more of a 
flow.