Ryoga's Confession

        "Ranma,
I know I've made your life a living hell, and I guess saying I'm sorry won't
even begin to atone for my lack of honor.

        "Ever since we first met, I've blamed you for everything that's gone
wrong with my life. I'll admit, I hated you with all my being. Feh, as if
you didn't know that. You were always a better martial artist that I was.
You were the only one who could steal my bread every day and get away with
it. Then came the day of our 'duel.'

        "I know you waited as long as you could for me. Hell, to be honest,
I thought you would leave after a few hours, not a few days. When I showed
up on the fourth day and discovered you had left for China with your father,
I called you an honorless coward. I screamed that you were no man. Bloody
hell, if  I were even a quarter of the man I claim to be, I would have left
the damn bread thing go. Instead, I followed you into China.

        "I'll admit, it wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done.  I
followed you into a place where I knew nothing of the language, and where my
sense of direction could have prevented me from ever seeing Japan again. I
still remember all the lonely nights I spent while following you through
China...cold, dark, hungry, and full of anger. I realize now that's no way
for anyone to live.

        "Then along came Jusenkyou. That cursed place changed my anger into
hate just as surely as it changed me into a pig. Oh, how I hated you for
that. Again, I blame everything on you.My hatredwas allowed to grow and
fester in my soul as I followed you back to Japan.

        "I finally caught up with you, intending to make you pay. I still
remember the humiliation of you discovering my curse. As I stood there in my
pig-body, rain soaking me even more thoroughly, Akane came out, and I
finally knew love. I fell in love once she kissed my pig's snout. She did
love me, Ranma, though it was only as P-chan, devoted pet.

        "Time and again I became P-chan...taking on that hated body just to
be near her. Just so I could be loved by her, held by her. I called you a
half-man, completely without honor. I was the honorless one all along. You
were honor-bound to keep my curse a secret, and I used that against you. I
knew it hurt you to see your fiancee holding your rival, sleeping with her
notwithstanding, and she didn't even know it. I willingly, no, gladly, did
anything in my power to hurt you. I even used Akane against you. 

        "I had convinced myself that you hated each other. I denied what I
could plainly see. What any fool with eyes in his head could see. You and
she were in love, even if you couldn't admit it to each other. Ukyo and
Shampoo could probably see it, too.

        "I can no longer deny the truth. It twists a knife in my heart every
time I see you two so happy together. Every time I see the rings on your
fingers, I realize anew that Akane was never meant for me.

        "Ranma, Akane, I know that nothing I can ever say can make up for
what I've done, but I don't want to leave without at least trying to
apologize. I wish the two of the best of luck in your lives together. I wish
you all the love and happiness that I never had. I'm so sorry for all that
I've done to both of you. Ranma Saotome, you are indeed the most honorable
of men...far more so than I. Akane Tendo, I can only beg your forgiveness
for decieving you, and if you don't forgive me I'll understand. 

        "I am an honorless coward."



        The rain started falling soon after the service began, as though the
heavens were weeping along with the gathered crowd for the recently passed
soul. The crowds' grief was palpable as, one by one, the mourners approached
the coffin. Ukyo was first among them.
        "Ryoga, you jackass, why?" Her voice was tight and strained. Her
eyes were red from crying, and still more tears fell, mixing with the tears
shed from the sky. She placed one of her small throwing spatulas on his
coffin, and stepped aside.

        Next were Genma, Nodoka, Soun, Kasumi, and Nabiki. All passed the
coffin, murmurring prayers and well wishes. All of them had tears in their
eyes, even Nabiki and Genma.

        Ranma and Akane were last to approach Ryoga's coffin. The two stood
under one umbrella, arms about the other's waist. The wide bands of gold
around their ring fingers shone dully in the dim light of the day. Ranma ran
his free hand over the wet surface of the coffin that contined his sort-of
friend, as though he needed physical confirmation of what his eyes were
telling him. Ryoga's last letter felt like a lump of hot coal against his
chest, where it rested.He never thought Ryoga would do something like this.
Ryoga never gave up on anything, no matter how much it hurt, or how far the
odds were stacked against him. Something like suicide was completely out of
the question. He turned his gaze to Akane, who looked up to him with both
love and sadness in her deep brown eyes. She had been angry to find out
about P-chan, but Ryoga's suicide quickly squelched her considerable anger.
Akane looked at the simple coffin in which her friend was interred, and said
in a choked voice,
        "I forgive you, Ryoga." Ranma fought back the tears that semed
hell-bent on escaping, and said simply,
        "Goodbye, P...pal. I hope you found some peace. I hope you're
finally happy."

Author's notes:

Wow, my VERY FIRST FANFIC IS DONE!!!!!!! Funny, though, I never thought it
would be a sadfic. Oh, well, what's done is done, for better or worse. =)

If you would, PLEASE send all C&C to jedediah@tri-countynet.net. And, since
this is my first fanfic, please be gentle.