Quite good, quite original. Particularly nice was the demonstration of
what I've believed is true, that Aeka just wants a prince, not Tenchi. The
addition of some sort of conventional-style romance into the
"relationship" with Ryouko was also a good point. Among the good throwaway
jokes were the translation joke, the moldiver joke, and the Yosh joke.

There were, however, some problems.

The first person style could certainly have beeen done better, asnd is
quite confusing as it is. Compounding this confusion is the way you set
off dialogue, not really breaking it with a paragraph and not always
distinguishing speakers.
But the biggest failing lies within the text of the dialogue.
You keep everyone in character pretty well in their meaning, but their
method of speech seems, almost to a one, out of character. Ryouko says the
proper things, but she does not sound like Ryouko when she says them, Aeka
says snobbish things, but says them in a common manner. To put it
succintly, they are semantically in character, but syntatically entirely
out. To remedy this, I suggest you focus on trying to capture the voice,
the method of speaking, of each character. Doing this can only improve
your work.

I wouldn't mind seeing a continuation, perhaps after Book2 of InvasionUSA

David Siegel
dhs28@columbia.edu
No?
YES!