Tempus Skylorn wrote:
At 08:11 AM 9/10/98 -0500, Keener cleverly scribed:
* "Now then, how many of you think you'll be reading Always, the real
thing, Man's fic? Be honest... I'm standing on top of the world with the
heady thoughts of fourteen readers, our favorite critic can guarantee
himself ten times that number." Keener shrugged and popped a fudgie
wudgie down his throat. "See what I mean? If you've been reviewed,
you'll read it for some payback. People who hate, people who like and
even those staunch in there apathy will be reading this sucker when it
gets posted. You can't BUY publicity like this people. There's some mad
genius at work here, not since Oscar B Wyld has this much interest been
generated by a currently nonexistent fic."
Funny thing about publicity. It can make you respectable or it can make
you into an idiot of the highest caliber. If you don't believe me, ask Dan
Quayle. Howard Stern and Rush Limbaugh are publicity geniuses too, but that
doesn't mean I'm going to rush out and read their stuff or listen to it.
The "Man With Four Names" has indicated to me that he has very little to
say to me that has any value whatsoever. I will NOT be reading his little
fanfic when it comes out, IF it comes out. Nor will I comment on it. That
would be pointless since I have yet to agree with him on any issue that
I've read. It may be my loss, but I won't lose any sleep over it.
And no, I really don't give a damn if you disagree with my opinion.
<A backdrop of a rather quaint Georgian plantation falls in place behind Keener
who happens to be wearing enough peach colored fabric and ruffles to cloth a small
victorian third world country, to say nothing of the chips.>
Keener: But Rhett, Rhett, wherever shall I go, whatever shall I do? One, two,
three, four I declare an Otaku Wa... <the Southern Parrot is suddenly tackled by a
young bald man in a trench coat and what seems to be Ryouga, in a tuxedo>
Count P-chan: <Bela Legousi-esque> Oh no you don't. Otaku Var vent out vith the
coming of Tybalt.
Krudd: <Obvious Fudd's disease sufferer> And shame on you, you even went to scwipt
to give youwself the home advantage.
Keener: Humph, but he answered an idea with a close mind... and profanity. I hate
that. He's not much of a tact-tician himself.
Count P-chan: You sure it's a he?
Keener: <stops to think> Well... no, not really... sigh... Hack Fu School of
Indiscriminate Grammar Attack! Neutral Gender Rewrite!
<A blaze of glory, the great energy of chi-a pets being stroked in a circular
motion across one's gums... and...>
Keener: Humph, but he/she answered with a close mind and punctuated with
profanity. I hate that. He/she's not much of a tact-tician him/herself.
Krudd: Well, he/she did quote you saying "cweverly"... maybe it's nothing
pewsonal.
Count P-chan: Looks like an automated quoter to me.
Krudd: <glaring at the Count> Your NOT hewping.
Keener: No, no, your right guys. I just kinda lost it. Oh for the days when fanish
squabbles were solved with wit, spam and a rock to wind a piece of string around,
give or take the dead parrot and greasy haggis. <sigh>
Krudd: The point pwease?
Keener: Can I at least dance the tango with the him/her as I talk?
Count P-chan: No. No using people in fics or spammage vithout their permission.
Keener: What if it's an effigy?
Krudd: Iffy, but okay.
<The group stands aside as seven marshmallows wearing sunglasses Pu their way
onstage, wheeling in a Mister Effigy TM. It's wearing a tuxedo and a sticky note
name tag that says... "Hello, I am not quite, but almost someone entirely unlike
the poster being replied to.">
Keener: <rose in teeth, a bit happier, dancing about with Mister Effigy TM. The
Parrot King is now wearing a slightly skimpier prom dress> Hokay, here's the
thing. The three you named above, well two of them sell in the millions and top
best seller's list while the third marginally missed a stellar book deal when his
spellchecker revolted and tried to stuff him into a potato fryer. Now then, not
everyone who reads said books like said individuals. In fact, oftentimes it's the
opposite. Helter Skelter sells well and while Mein Kampf probably wouldn't have
made a killer Television mini-series, unless one got Kevin Sorbo for the lead,
it's still considered a good read by some.
<Keener did a little hotcha motion, spun the Effigy at ludicrous speed, and walked
closer to the ML proper... MC Hammer pants and all... whilst the Definitely NOT
the replied to poster spun in a tight circle>
Keener: Really guys, those of you who were attacked, critiqued or patronized...
heh... by our mister Gubby, have very little to complain about. Think about it,
you had to weather the slings, arrows, tact nukes and vorpal hippotomi of
outrageous criticism... and then you had defenders leaping to the call, all in
their own peculiar idiom... very John Cleese. More people read your fics then
might have. Readers, whom are, I've been told, still in the middle of rather
torrid inscestual relationships with their delete keys... stopped long enough to
read a bit of prose that had caught their eye, and some of those extra reads where
directly the result of GuB's comments..
<He suddenly notices that the effigy has dug itself through the stage floor,
looking down, he pauses a sec, watches as Oil spews forth from the drill sight,
gives the FFML the Victory sign, and pulls the now rather well greased squeaky
wheel that is not meant to be anyone in particular, from the pit.>
Keener: The people <one, two, dip> that I feel for are those whose fics did not
garner pre-emptive Always Man. There they were, alone and unloved, afloat in a sea
of spammage, being killed softly, by his lack of words. <sigh> An then he went
after Lawson, not a new fic, but something already posted, already loved and hated
in perpetuity. Suddenly fics drown not so that others may live, but just so pot
shots can be taken between combatants. I mean seriously, if it's like that, don't
grin and bear it, Grit for goddess sake...
Urd: <appears and snags the hootch> That's MINE!
Keener: Gomen. Anyways, personally, I hope this whole thing continues to
perpetuate... for now. I REALLY need the press for the fic, and... if your reading
this GuB, it's a jolly candy like target that's HARD to miss... afterwards, I plan
on killfilling any such messages. <sigh> You know, all I really wanted to point
out was that Always-Boy's fic is going to get read, whether by you or not. We
really did not have to have this little song and dance... but then, I did enjoy
myself thoroughly.
<Keener dropped the rather ragged, raggedy effigy. Then he snapped his finger and
Krudd turns off Particle Man and took the They Might Be Giants CD out of the
player>
Keener: Really, I hope to play again some time. Though I'd prefer it be whilst
reading a fic of yours. Pick anyone you have, I'll give it more charity then Gubby
has, though somehow I doubt I'd need to. Your twice the writer I am. By the by,
whether or not you give a non-pollutive hoot what I think, I do care what you have
to say... call it a parrotal perogative. Oh, and Always Man? That invitation STILL
stands, critique the fic, stay and be a guest at the Blast-A-Thon, your choice of
course.
Revenge's End Mad Bad Bishonen Lad
Caretaker of the Dark and Lonely Place (COR Deaconate)
The Parrot King
(And the Moon was as blood, the Storms crashed and the Seas BOILED!)
(Typical, thought the Lobsters)
/
Oo
(~, )
V