Okay, this is really silly, and comprises the worst joke you will ever 
have read.

The Mad Monk
--------------

The extended Masaki family- plus all its hangers-on- had taken a holiday 
in a fairly remote region of Japan. They were keeping a hut near a wood 
which was fairly dense; any passing slasher film directors would have 
snapped it up like a shot.

Anyways, Aeka was alone in the hut. She hadn't been feeling too good, 
and the others had headed into the nearby town. Sasami had wanted to 
stay, but Aeka wouldn't hear of it. 

Aeka padded around in her slippers, looking at the view. Wonderful.. but 
the side with the forest made her shiver. Very gloomy. But it made her 
appreciate the surrounding countryside all the more. 

"Hello! Miss!" Aeka turned to see an elderly woman climbing the hill.

"Yes Ma'am? Can I help you?"

"You're staying here? Good! It's a nice place. You don't get better 
weather at this time of year. But you're not staying on your own, 
surely?"

"No, my companions are in town. They should be back soon." Something in 
the old woman's voice worried her. "Why do you ask?"

The woman was aghast. "You don't know about the Mad Monk?"

"What?"

"The Mad Monk! He's a terror round here! A buddhist monk went insane a 
few years ago. he lives in the forest. Noone's been able to catch him. 
Be careful. I've got to be going... lock yourself in. Bye now!"
With that the woman went off down the hill. Aeka watched her go.

"Feh. Stupid old woman. Mad monk? Hah!" She turned to go back in the 
hut, but stopped for a second. She thought she saw a flash of saffron in 
the forest. "Imagining things," she muttered, and went in.

The weather turned nasty as the day went on. It was only about three 
when the rain started in abundance. Aeka, still alone, was sitting in 
front of the fire, watching TV, when there was a knocking at the door.

"All right, I'm coming..." And almost froze when she opened the door.

A saffron-robed apparition stood there.

"Guess what I'm going to do with my long, bony fingers and thick, 
rubbery lips!"

Aeka screamed, and slammed the door. She ran, heading back to the TV and 
fire. And screamed again when she saw the monk at the window.

"Guess what I'm going to do with my long, bony fingers and thick, 
rubbery lips!"

She screamed again, and ran to the kitchen, looking for a knife.

There was a crash from the front door, and again, that terrible cry:

"Guess what I'm going to do with my long, bony fingers and thick, 
rubbery lips!"

Aeka was nearly hysterical. She fumbled with the latch, and sprinted out 
the back door, into the woods.

Tenchi and the others, meanwhile, were speeding back. They too had heard 
about the monk, and didn't want anything to happen to Aeka. Noone in the 
town would tell them what it was that the monk did to people he caught. 
The hut was in sight, and all could see the door smashed.

Aeka was hysterical. She'd dropped the knife, and her hair was a mess, 
and the monk was close. Still running, she tripped over a root. A 
footstep behind her- she flipped over, and started scrambling backwards. 
But the monk was upon her. Pinning her down to a tree, the monk brought 
his face close to hers and again said:

"Guess what I'm going to do with my long, bony fingers and thick, 
rubbery lips!"

Aeka's scream brought them. The monk was long gone, but Aeka hadn't 
moved. She was a mess, and pale as a sheet.

"He... he did something with his lips and fingers... it was terrible..."

"What was it? What was it?!"

Aeka looked up at the concerned group around her, raised her hand to her 
face and...

"BLRRBLLLRRBLLLBRRBLLBLLL!"

---End.---


The Novocastrian Samurai:
     Has a very, very warped sense of humour.
 

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