Ranma Al'Thor wrote:

On Sun, 27 Sep 1998, David H. Siegel wrote:

      Much of the dialogue seems a bit forced. You might wish to rewrite some
of it, as it also has a bit of a repetitive feel to it.

Examples?  It doesn't seem forced to me, but I wrote it :)

I agree, I didn't think it was either.

of HP himself, but it comes out almost muddled. A possible solution
would be to alter your words to be more Lovecraftian (Cyclopean, 

I admire HP's writing style but I think using his verbal style would
make the story's prose a bit too dense. I like that the story keeps a
fairly quick, action pacing. (And HP did have stories more like that
too; I'm thinking of the Dreamlands tales here).

descriptions of how foul things are using adjectives instead of
metaphor, obscure words, etc.) and your style to be more Evaish 

Ok, the LCL fluid could have had a more visceral description maybe but
that's about it. ^_^

Think about Lovecraft stories set in Antarctica :)

The ones set in Australia (i.e., Leng) were worse, weren't they? 

Oh, a last question: what happened to the penguin while Misato's
apartment was under siege by spiders? Was he hiding in the fridge?