What if Real Life was like Hentai Manga?
by Michael Gilson, in script format.
        On page one, panel one fills the top half of the page. In it a Japanese
high school 'Bad Boy' with pompador hair, an unbuttoned uniform tunic, and
a chest wrap instead of an undershirt strikes a pose and says,"I'm a rebel!
Not just another clone in this robot life!"
        Behind him and to his left a 'Bad Girl' with a much longer than
regulation length skirt, a too short top exposing her midriff, and a bomber
jacket also strikes a pose and says,"Me too!"
        Panel two is the lower left quarter of the page. This one is a closeup
of the bad boy draping his arm over the bad girls shoulder as he says, "So
let's cut class for some hot sex."
        "Cool!" she replies.
        In panel three, the upper half of the lower right quarter, she leads
him down the hall, saying, "The lab's empty right now."
        And in panel four she crouches down in front of the door as she adds,
"And I can pick the lock!" while the bad boy leans over her.
        Then on page two panel one, a sixth page panel, they both facefault as
they open the door only to hear pants, and moans, and squishes, and slaps,
as a girls voice cries out, "Oh, Ichirou-kun!" and a boys voice replies, "Oh,
Eiko-chan!"
        In panel two, also a sixth page, the bad boy leads the bad girl back
down the hall saying, "Let's try the P.E. equipment room."
        Panel three is also a sixth page, looking into the equipment room.
Straight ahead is the gear, but our hero and heroine have large sweat drops
as from the shadows to one side cames a girls voice gasping, "Oh, Jirou-
sempai!" and an older boys, "Oh, Biko-chan!" while from the shadows on the
other side a girl moans, "Oh, Sanburou-kochi!" and a man pants, "Oh, Shiko-
chan!"
        In panel four, again a sixth page, the bad girl is once again in
the lead,
saying, "The Nurse's office has real beds."
        The bottom third of the page is panel five.  Our boy and girl do a
stunned fall over as they encounter a long line of students of both genders
waiting at the Nurse's door.  There is a 'please take a number' ticker and a
'now serving number _ ' sign. From inside a muffled younger voice giggles, 
"Oh, Sensei!" and a woman shrieks, "Oh, whatever your name is!"
        Panel one, page three is just under a quarter page as our pair exit the
building as the bad boy says, "We'll find a bush in the park!"
        But as they walk through the park in panel two which is just over a
quarter page, the sound makes it clear every bush is already occupied.
        In quarter page panel three the bad bay faces the bad girl at a love
hotel entrance and says, "I guess a hotel's the only way."
        "But it's so conventional!", she whines
        Just then in twelfth page panel four a clock chimes the hour of school
dismissal, and in sixth page panel five our pair do a fear take as a rumbling
stampede sound rises.
        The first panel on page four is also a sixth page and just shows a cloud
of dust as the stampede sounds continue. 
        Sixth of a page panel two is an overhead shot of our pair face down
with footprints on their backs, doing the extended forefinger and pinky
thing.
        Panel three, again a sixth page, our pair are sweat dropping as they
stare down a hotel hallway littered with discarded articles of school
uniforms. From behind the closed doors girls can be heard saying,"Oh, Shirou
kun!""Oh, Gorou-kun!""Oh, rokurou-kun!""Oh, shichirou-kun!""Oh, echuko-
kun!" while boys respond with, "Oh, Iiko-chan!""Oh, Efuko-chan!""Oh, Jiko-
chan!""Oh, Echuko-chan!"
        Panel four is the lower half of the page.  The bad boy and bad girl are
in an ice cream shop sharing a single large ice cream soda with two straws.
Isn't it just Norman Rockwell? But the bad boy glumly says, "To be different,
we gotta do this?" In disbelief the bad girl mutters, "Who'd've thunk it."
        In the left back ground the counter girl has her arms braced on the
counter, smiling with eyes closed and face flushed.  Over her shoulder a male
face is visible, also flushed and smiling with eyes closed.  The counter girl
whispers, "Oh, supervisor Hachirou!" while the man breathes,"Oh, Aiko-chan!"
in her ear while a subdued but distinctive squishing sound is heard.

notes:
You don't have to read much Hentai manga to realize that if that stuff was
true the typical Japanese high school is the most sexually active spot on
Earth.  Of course what it really is, is the creators detailing to the
buyers what
they both wish had been true.
Oh, and the names translate loosely as 'boy one' through 'boy eight' and 'girl
A' through 'girl I', skipping 'girl D'.

send C&C to mgilson @blue.weeg.uiowa.edu