I was rummaging around my completed stuff when I realized that I hadn't
posted this...so here it is. ^_^

	Old Friends

I love her.

	I think I�ve only come to realize it of late, that every motion of hers,
every smile or wink or laugh or shout, makes my heart move just that little
bit more. It�s strange that I�ve never noticed it before, not in the all the
times I�ve protected her or she me, not in all the years we spent together.
But then, if they�re one thing I�ve learned about love, it�s that it�s
difficult to understand, or know, even with the passage of time. It just
gets that much harder.

	I�m sure she doesn�t either. Or didn�t. It�s hard to tell, with her, what
she�s really feeling and what she wants *you* to feel. She�s a past master
at it - diverting you with a playful yelp or offhand remark. Maybe once I
needed that, of course, then, but being young, I thought I didn�t. We learn
more as we grow, I guess.

	She has. It�s not quite the same exuberance and excitement she used to
display, but it�s close enough so you can see the difference - that she�s
learned that joy can be fleeting, that pain can hurt you in more ways that
you can imagine. There�s a world of maturity in the laughing glances she
casts my way now, and something in her eyes that makes my heart leap to see it.

	Of course, not all of it is because of the fact that she�s quite beautiful
now. That, at least, I think she�s only come recently to realize. I�ve seen
her, when she�s sure I�m not looking, gaze into the palace pond, sighing to
herself, sometimes a bit wistfully. I know why. Oh, do I know why. Childhood
is hard to give up, and she doesn�t want to, at least not so fast. But there
is, again, that slight hint of a different person in her, even at times like
that, that tells me she�s already changed.

	Maybe that�s why I love her so. I can�t say.

	We�re old friends, she and I. Been through a lot, even more than any of the
people close to us know. And we�re still together, all these years, she and
I; just the other day, she came into court with a message for me, and
reminded me later than I had to work out, something I don�t do often.
There�s no need, now, to practise, without war, but...but somehow she knows
that someday, there might be.

	And she still knows me. I can see in those deep green eyes of hers. She�ll
be looking thoughtfully at me, sometimes, when she thinks I don�t know. She
knows me better than I know myself, sometimes - but then again she always
has. Part of the difference is that now I know her as well.

	I don�t, actually. Not very well. But I can read her to an extent, now, see
a little bit more, a little bit deeper past the cheeful exterior. I like
what I see - someone who�s kind, gentle, even, and wise in her own way.
Someone who�s always been there for me, even when I didn�t know it myself. I
think that�that that might just be love. 

	It�s definitely not the kind of love I had for Hitomi, though. That I can
say was love, and a fiery, passionate love it was. To this day I won�t
forget her, can�t forget her, rather. But that�s another kind of love. She
explained that to me, when she reached inside my mind.That there are many
kinds of love. And I think Folken, my dear departed brother, meant to teach
me that as well.

	Maybe that�s why I really do love her. She�s the only one who can truly
understand me, and she does care for me as well, perhaps in a way that I�ve
never really appreciated till now. That she put up with all the harsh words
I might have said when I trained, bent on revenge, not sure if I�d ever be
better, dealing with the girl from the phantom moon who nearly stole her
Van-sama away. I guess that takes some degree of perserverance to do. And,
as I always remember "Merle�Merle knows Van-sama sometimes even better than
he does himself."

	I don�t know if she still does, but I know her a lot more now. Perhaps even
enough to love.

******

	That�s it. I�d really like to possibly link this into a Esca series of some
sort, but given the amount of free time I have (i.e, nil) it ain�t gonna
happen. Oh well.

	Rather abrupt, but this is more of a whim piece and not intended to
elaborate much. C&C, is as always, appreciated.

	

Zhou Tai An (kain@pacific.net.sg) 

"There is no one simple truth." - Rune Walsh