Hi minna-san... I know I had already posted this once to the Kenshin Fic-ML
but that was just a rough draft. Here, with Rhionae's help, I had produced
the final version of 'No Turning Back'... :) Please C&C or give comments. 

Siew Lee 
[wsiewlee@tm.net.my] 

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No Turning Back 

A Rurouni Kenshin fanfic by Siew Lee 

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	Rain drenched me from head to toe, lightning flashed across 
the dark skies while thunder resounded in my ears. I sat there on the 
edge of the cliff, overlooking the boiling sea; the weather itself 
reflecting my dark emotions. 

	My surroundings were simply a representation of my own true self 
deep inside, but what I really felt at the moment was a totally 
different thing. Remorse? Anger? Regret? No... Not these. The emotions 
that I experienced were alien, unfamiliar to my heart. I felt... 
numbness in my heart. 

	"Kaoru-dono..." I whispered in the rain, the long strands 
soaking me to my very skin. I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling the 
droplets pound on me again and again, never stopping. The whole world 
was crumbling, crumbling into bits and pieces... Crumbling into a 
black hole... Crumbling endlessly... 

	There was nothing I could do, I felt so helpless. Helpless? 
This word didn't fit me, a cold blooded assassin who killed and 
killed without mercy or compassion. Hitokiri Battousai... That was my 
past. I was no longer the man who killed for money, I was no longer 
the man who thought that emotions was useless... No, that was history! 
The Meiji era had dawned, no more ancient samurais, no more backward 
antics. 

	"I'm Kenshin Himura!" I shouted to the sky, the sea, the 
earth. Kneeling down, I rested on my legs, my pants soaking in water 
from the grass. Before me, the waves clashed and rolled... It was 
exactly how I felt... 

	Images of Kaoru's sweet and smiling face flashed into my 
mind... Memories of her, everlasting dreams of her... "Kaoru-dono..." 
I mumbled her name over and over again, fast becoming a mantra in my 
confused mind. 

	It was too abrupt! Too abrupt! How could she die? How could 
she? I simply couldn't believe my eyes when I first saw her lying 
down on the futon... Her eyes were closed, her cheeks were pale... 
The feeling, that heart wrenching sensation in my heart was so 
excruciatingly painful when I cradled her close to me. 

	On a dark night, she came to me, bleeding profusely... I was 
shocked, of course... Who could have such a heart of steel so as to 
kill her? Her last words still echoed in my mind, leaving traces of 
her within me. 

	The scene appeared before me once again, like a movie 
replaying itself again and again. I was there, holding a very pale 
Kaoru-dono. Blood came out from the sides of her mouth, leaving red 
stains on her chin. In an almost inaudible voice, she said to me her 
last words: 

	"Kenshin... do you love me?" 

	This phrase would haunt me forever. I didn't answer her, I 
merely smiled. Perhaps I didn't even know the answer then. 

	Kaoru smiled her last smile at me. Her dying smile... In the 
silent night, she whispered the words that she had been holding back 
all the time. 

	"Ai shiteru..." whispered Kaoru, her dimmed eyes slid shut as 
her hand released my grip, landing on the floor with a dull thud. I 
was struck still, too shocked to say anything. Tears didn't come, 
I just sat there numbly with Kaoru's body in my arms. Growing 
strangely colder and colder... 

	I couldn't accept the cruel fate. Kaoru... She had left me, 
left me to live on in this world all by myself. First was Tomoe, now 
it was Kaoru. 

	Her voice echoed endlessly... Forever... 

	It had only happened yesterday. 

	I laughed bitterly in the rain, the thunder trailing me. It was 
time to face the truth. I had always denied the feelings that Kaoru 
showered me with... I didn't dare to accept her... but I... I loved 
her all along. I have to face, I should have told her that earlier... 
but it was too late... Kaoru was already dead! 

	I wasn't the assassin and cold blooded killer anymore. Not 
anymore. 

	But I lost Kaoru. I lost her! I failed to protect her! I 
failed! "I failed!" I shouted to the angry sea. It was all my fault 
she was killed. The guilt was so intense... I actually dragged her 
into this game of deceit and lies. 

	Tears came. My eyes felt so painful as the unfamiliar stinging 
sensation bit them. I took a deep breath and tried not to cry, but I 
couldn't withhold it this time. I kept quiet as tears flowed 
unhindered down my face, mingling freely with the rainwater. 

	Minutes ticked by, hours passed. I had sat here for one whole 
night already, my emotions calming down as the bad weather 
subsided... The fresh morning air was all around me, the smell of 
grass and trees. Even the sun was slowly bobbing up above the 
horizon. 

	Warm rays greeted me, new vengeance visited me. I could feel 
Kaoru's presence near me, the familiar face that I saw so often. I 
knew she would bless me... 

	Slowly, I stood up, taking along my long sword. Softly in the 
slight breeze I whispered, "Kaoru-dono, trust me." 

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Copyright reserved 1998 W. Siew Lee 

All standard Ruruoni Kenshin disclaimers apply to this fanfic. 

E-mail: Siew Lee [wsiewlee@tm.net.my] 
URL: http://members.xoom.com/hiei/ 
UIN: #14025577

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