(<P> for *insert paragraph break*)

(I'm commenting on both parts in the same mail, and it
*is* the latest repost, I hope)

A few general things: People are saying way to much - they
could *observe* or *comment* or *ask* or any of a thousand
other verbs a lot of these times. Actually, in general,
your language is *very* bare, but at least *this* is something
easy to improve on. Sometimes you even use "said" twice in
the same paragraph, which looks *really* bad.

Other than that, it seems to suffer from the all-too-general
(though person not yet having become as common in Tenchi-fics,
mainly because of the lack of quantity) problem of
"previously indescicive protagonist (Ranma, Tenchi, whomever)
suddenly decides to become decisive and give everyone a
piece of his mind, despite there being no obvious reason
for why this change occurs other than time having passed"
(and time having passed really doesn't work because they've
all endured it for so long already with no sign of changing).
It just isn't beliavable...

It's hard to really *feel* any of the emotions here, because
they're just assumed to have popped up from nowhere, and
this also without going into any real detail or describing
them beyond stating their existance.

     "You WHAT?" exclaimed Ryoko and Aeka in unison.  "I am 
going to marry Mihoshi," said Tenchi.  

unison. <P> "I

I *hope* this scene is a "forwardflash"?

    "RYOKO!!!!!!!!!!!  GET AWAY FROM HIM," shouted Aeka.  
Ryoko turned to Aeka and started to speak.  

OTOH, I think Aeka would respond just as violently as
Ryoko, and then they'd attack each other over who got to
fight^H^H^H^H^Hput some sense into him first. Of course,
the other would go after Mihoshi.

Provided they even *believed* him, that is.

    "Now, Aeka---"she was interrupted by Tenchi's escape 

>from her grasp.  

Tenchi interrupted her by escaping from her grasp.
I can't see *any* reason why you used passive here?

    "I will still be a prince of Jurai.  Marrying outside 
the royal family is not forbidden last time I checked.  Miss 
Aeka, I think very highly of you and am glad to call you a 
friend but it would never work out between us.  Besides, I'm 
sick of all the fighting between you, because of me.  This 
is for the best.  And I love Mihoshi," said Tenchi, a note 
of finality in his voice.  

I hope this is a radically changed Tenchi - because the
Tenchi I know wouldn't speak like that even *if* he was
100% sure of his love for Mihoshi (or whomever).

    "What in the universe does she have that I don't have?" 
asked Ryoko, shocked.  

Perhaps not as much shocked as indigned and furious. ("What,
are you implying that she has more than me?")

prepared a bowl of his favorite soup for him.  "Thank you 
very much, Sasami.  Mmmm, this is good," said Tenchi with a 
smile.  

him. <P> "Thank
Sasami," said Tenchi with a smile. "Mmmm,

    "Thank you, Tenchi," said Sasami with a bow.  Ryo-ohki 

bow. <P> Ryo-ohki

    "Lord Tenchi needs some one to care for him right now.  

someone

He is exhausted after that wild trip you(emphasis on you) 

*you*
(unless she actually *said* "emphasis on you", but that
sounds a bit stupid imo)

    "What do you mean?  'Cater to my every whim'?  Lord 
Tenchi was happy there, at least until he was sent to deal 
with you.  You corrupted his sense of morality.  You, a 
demon, seduced him and tried to embarrass him in front of 
me," accused Aeka.  

Hm. Are they referring to an episode (or whatever) I haven't
seen, or just something you made up?

    "Princess, you know I was only kidding," she said, her 
voice quavering a little bit.  Tenchi knew what would happen 
if he didn't stop it.  

Hu, what? Was Ryoko's voice quavering? She never lets
Aeka intimidate her, even when she *should*.

before Aeka was going to release her wrath on Ryoko, who was 
not looking too good at the moment.  

The Ryoko I know would be bitchy to the last. ^_^

    "Please, would you two stop fighting.  I'm sick and 
tired of always being the one to suffer when you to fight.  
Either one of you ends up in pain or my house gets destroyed 
or something.  You two have to stop fighting," said Tenchi, 
letting the words come out that he had been bottling up for 
so long.  "Aeka, you have got to control your temper and not 

Any reason why he should choose to spill them today? Not
like the provocation was worse than usual.

    When Tenchi came down from his room an hour later, 
Ryoko was in her usual spot, watching the Sasami, Kiyone, 
and Mihoshi clean the house and Aeka was standing out by the 
lake.  "Hi Tenchi," said Mihoshi with a big smile.  "Kiyone 

Ryoko *sat* in her usual spot, or perhaps *hovered*, or
*stood*, or whatever - be descriptive, instead of just
having her *be* there.

house, and Aeake stood out by

    Tenchi returned her smile and said,"Thanks Mihoshi.  
Yeah, I'm still a little tired but Sasami's soup got me 
going again."  He flashed a smile at Sasami who just 
giggled.  Ryo-ohki "miya"ed.  Kiyone walked in and greeted 
Tenchi.  "Hi Kiyone, you look as good as always," said 
Tenchi.  

How did he greet him? What did she say?
Hi, Kiyone

    "Yes, sir," Tenchi's voice had no enthusiasm.  

sir."

    "Hey Tenchi," she said, her face a smile.  

Hey, Tenchi
("Hey Tenchi" implies she's calling for him, while
I assume it's supposed to be a greeting here?)

    "Hi Washu," he said, somewhat dejectedly.  

Hi, Washu

    Her little puppets popped up,"You are a genius, Washu." 
"You're the greatest, Washu."  Tenchi smiled at that and 
Mihoshi, who had been watching the exchange, giggled.  

at that, and

    They both looked quizzically at her before continuing.  
"Washu, if anyone gets their hands on that thing, it could 
be mean trouble.  And I doubt you've forgotten the last 

trouble, and

    "You're two minutes late.  Extra practice for you," he 
said.  Tenchi sighed and picked up a boken.  "You may 

bokken

    He was glad that he had finally been able to make his 
true feelings known to Ryoko and Aeka.  Their fighting would 
have hurt someone other than themselves before too long and 
he hoped he had put a stop to it.  Then he began to consider 
the two, comparing them.  Ryoko was "outgoing", well maybe a 
little for than outgoing.  He knew that she liked him but 

more than

    "Half hour?" asked Tenchi, somewhat surprised.  

"Half an hour?" asked the reader, somewhat surprised, since
it really didn't seem like he was thinking *all* that
long, unless Tenchi is *really* slow...

    "Yes, I don't know what you were thinking but 
apparently it is much more important to you than practicing 
to become a better swordsman.  I think I'll let you leave a 
little bit early so you can think more deeply on what ever 

whatever

subject it was that you were thinking," said Katsuhito.  

thinking of

    Why would Mihoshi make him her husband?  She must like 
him, at least a little.  Then he thought of other times.  He 
could remember the times when Ryoko and Aeka had both been 
hovering over him.  He could see Mihoshi sitting across the 
room, a look of sorrow in her eyes.  Now he knew what she 
was thinking.  When he thought about it, he had similar 
feelings for her.  They weren't the same as what he felt for 

Why does Tenchi suddenly realise he has feelings for Mihoshi?
It's not like he's shown much signs of that before...

(I'm a Mihoshi-fan myself, but that also means I want to
see the paiting done *right* and *beliavable*, not just
assumed half-assedly for no reason)

Ryoko and Aeka but still.  He considered Ryoko and Aeka to 

Aeka, but still...

    An hour later, Mihoshi was taking a bag of garbage out 
to the trash bin.  
    She saw Tenchi coming out of the woods and she waved to 
him,"Hi Tenchi."  

bin, when she saw Tenchi (...) and waved at him, "Hi

    "Hi Mihoshi," said Tenchi, his expression quickly 
turning to dismay when he realized that Mihoshi was waving 
at him with both hands.  

Heh. ^_^

    She burst into tears,"I'm sorry!!!" Tenchi ran over and 
tried to comfort her.  "I'm so sorry.  I'll clean it up.  
I'm sorry," she wept. 

tears. "I'm sorry!!!" <P> Tenchi
comfort her. <P> "I'm

    "Mihoshi, its okay.  I'll help you clean it up," he 

it's

said as he grabbed her shoulders and forced to look up at 

said, as (..) forced her to

    "Mihoshi," he started.  She looked up quickly and then 
burst into tears again.  "I'm sorry about the broken window 
and the door.  I didn't see Ryoko and---" she stopped as 
Tenchi interrupted her.  

started. <P> She

    "I love you, Tenchi.  I didn't realize it at first.  I 
thought you were a nice guy and all but I figured I had no 
chance against Ryoko or Aeka.  I mean, look at Ryoko.  She's 
got a body to match and she's not nearly as clumsy as me.  
And Aeka a princess of Jurai and you two are related.  She's 
much more suited for you than me.  But it doesn't matter.  
I'm clumsy and I'm always getting Kiyone into trouble.  
Besides, what kind of guy likes a girl like me.  I screw up 
everything.  I mean I may be a ditz but I'm not stupid.  I 
just don't get everything right all the time.  Oh, why am I 
telling you this.  You wouldn't care anyway," said Mihoshi.  

At first, I was going to comment on this being perhaps a
bit too direct and self-conscious for Mihoshi ... but with
the longgggg, ranting speech it actually fits her quite well.
Perhaps add a note on the end that she's about to continue
babbling but Tenchi interrupts her.

and most intelligent girls I know.  I may not have shown it 

*reader guffaws, spilling Jolt over keyboard*

yet, but I haven't had much choice.  I'm sure you've noticed 
that I'm nearly drowning under Ryoko and Aeka.  You care 
about other people and you're not afraid to admit your 
mistakes.  No one is perfect.  Mihoshi, I love you too," 
said Tenchi.  With that, he started to lean forward to kiss 
her when he heard a roar behind him.  

Very un-Tenchi, this.

    "Ryoko, you won't get away," screamed Aeka as she let 
loose a blast from her floating cylinders.  Ryoko, meanwhile 
was flying straight at Mihoshi and Tenchi.  

Ahyess, just wait I was waiting for. ^_^

    Meanwhile, Tenchi was helping Mihoshi up.  Aeka's face 

Tenchi helped Mihoshi up

    "AEKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!," was the last thing he said 
before the energy pulsed through Her body.  

her, unless some goddess just appeared on the scene. ^_^

around the room and then followed his replace.  

followed his replace? huh?

    Tenchi wandered aimlessly through the woods.  His mind 
was in turmoil.  Aeka and Ryoko had done exactly what he 
feared most.  They had hurt some one he loved while they 
were fighting over him.  Now, Mihoshi was in a state of 

most - they

shock, shivering in her room and crying.  She was scared out 
of her mind by something she didn't understand.  Now, what 

I doubt the "didn't understand" part, seeing as how this is
hardly the first time their actions affect their
environment...

was he going to do about Aeka and Ryoko.  He knew that they 
hadn't meant any harm by their antics but some one else had 
been hurt.  That brought a new factor into the original 
equation.  Now, Tenchi would have to worry about Mihoshi as 

hurt, and that

    Tenchi eventually found himself at the shrine where his 
grandfather was slowly going through a Tai Chi.  When he saw 

"a" Tai Chi? Um, Tai Chi is the name of a whole "art"...

But now, someone else has been hurt and it isn't all fun and 
games anymore.  I don't know what to do about it," explained 
Tenchi.  

But it *was* fun and games when they destroyed the house,
and the ... etc?

    "Mihoshi will make a good granddaughter-in-law.  I'm 
proud of your choice and your wisdom.  However, you need to 
have faith in your friends, Tenchi," Katsuhito.  He then 
returned to his Tai Chi.  

_Now I worry about for your sanity,_ Katsuhito thought to
himself. ^_^

    "It's been hard, trying not to get too angry at Ryoko 
and Aeka.  I mean, I don't know what I would have done if 
you had been hurt any worse.  Today, I really felt like I 
could love some one again.  Ever since my mother died, I've 

someone

been afraid to get to close to anyone.  When you guys showed 
up, I started to loosen up a little but when Ryoko and Aeka 
started fighting over me.  It scared me again.  I didn't 

me, it

want to get to close to either of them because I was afraid 
of what would happen if I did.  But then, I found you.  You 
cracked my shell, if only for a moment.  I was just starting 
to, well, become alive again when[pause] it happened.  The 

when ... when it
That, or something like ''when..." Tenchi paused. "It''

grandfather seemed a little wary of me," she burst into 
tears.

me." She

    "Okay, Mihoshi.  See those boxes?  They go back in the 
closet.  Aeka, would you sweep the porch?  Tenchi, you could 
take down the streamers from the ceiling," she said.  The 
general atmosphere literally hummed with the friendship 
between the busy workers.  

She said? She who? Doesn't sound like Ryoko, and that's
the lates she referred to.

    At the party, Aeka had declared "she would no longer 
seek the hand of Tenchi in marriage" and Ryoko "acquiesced" 
under condition that Mihoshi should take good care of 
Tenchi.  

Pfaaah. No way.

    The highlight of the night was when Mihoshi went to get 
something to drink.  In typical Mihoshi fashion, she managed 
to make a mess of everything.  When she had reached for the 
ladle of the punch bowl, it slipped from her hand and fell 
onto a serving knife that was wedged precariously under the 
cake.  When the heavy iron ladle slammed into the knife, it 
formed a seesaw which launched the cake into a high arc and 
ended up in the middle of Washu's plate.  When Washu dropped 
her plate in surprise, the contents of it fell all over her 
dress and onto Ryo-Ohki's head.  The cabbit, scared by the 
pieces of food that suddenly appeared all around and on top 
of her, "miya"ed and launched herself into the air.  She 
landed in the punch bowl which then sent a giant tidal wave 
of red punch across everyone in the room.  The only person 
who came out of it unscathed was Mihoshi who had ducked 
under the table when she saw the cake go flying.  "I'M 
SORRY," she wailed as everybody burst into laughter.  Now, 
all that mess had to be cleaned up.  

Bwahah! Perfect. ^_^

with Kamidake and Azaka as his other groomsmen.  Ryo-Ohki 
would be the audience.  

Shouldn't he have some *other* (non-alien, perhaps)
friends to invite, or perhaps some extended family? True,
we don't see 'em during the series, but that doesn't mean
they aren't *there* somewhere far out on the fringe...

    Tenchi looked at Ryoko and Aeka and saw the smiles on 
their faces.  He returned the smile before returning his 
eyes to Katsuhito.  

Smiles? SMILES? Pffffh. Did he give them some sort of
strong sedative before the wedding?

    "As there are no objections, we shall continue.  Tenchi 
Masaki, do you take Mihoshi Kuramitsu to be your lawfully 
wedded wife?" he paused.  

Um. I must ask, now that I think of it, why the
bloody !"%!"% would they have a *western* wedding if they
don't even have a *priest*? *Possibly*, I could imagine
ol' gramps conducting a shinto ceremony, but a western
one? No.


---
Ronny Hedin, thark@hem2.passagen.se, http://nabiki.newberry.edu/thark/
                    "Momomoto, famous japanese, can swallow his nose."