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The Journey : An Anime Romp
by Angus MacSpon

Chapter Three

Based on characters and situations created by Rumiko Takahashi.  Also
based (rather, er, loosely) on situations created by several others.
Comments and criticism welcome!
Email:  macspon@ihug.co.nz
Web:    http://shell.ihug.co.nz/~macspon/fanfic/

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"You trespass in the domain of the Phantom Tribe," said the blue-skinned
man sternly.  "Return now to the surface of El Hazard, or face the
penalty ..."

He hesitated.  Why was everyone grinning at him?

Five-eighths of a second later he found out why it's not a good idea
to threaten a party containing eleven martial artists.

			---===***===---

Happosai plummeted.  It was a long, long plummet.

Some time later he landed with a jarring thud (about 6 out of 10 on the
Akane scale) in a cold, dark, misty place.  He stood up and dusted
himself off, glaring around at nobody in particular.  Oh, the injustice,
he reflected: that a supreme matrial artist such as he should be forced
to suffer such indignities, without even a nubile young wench to console
himself with afterward ...

His sack of panties picked that moment to land on his head, in
accordance with the principle of comedic irony.  It burst, scattering
silk and lace everywhere.

With a wail of outrage, he began to leap around, picking them up and
stuffing as many as he could into his pockets.  (He'd gotten Kasumi to
make him special elastic pockets, a few months before.)  He was
interrupted as a tall figure cast its shadow over him.

He looked up ... and his jaw dropped.  His eyes bulged.

"What are you doing here, Mortal?" the figure demanded.

That was supposed to be the signal for him to cower and grovel.  But
some things were universally indomitable ... and Happosai was one of
them.

"HOTCHA!  SWEETO!"

He sprang.

			---===***===---

Belldandy hummed to herself happily as she swept the kitchen floor.  The
floor, to an outside observer, might have looked immaculately clean
already -- polished, even -- but there was the very real danger that a
microgram of dust might have accumulated while she wasn't looking, and
she wouldn't want Keiichi to think she was getting lax.

She was interrupted by a scream of unearthly outrage and disgust that
seemed to come from nowhere.  She looked up, puzzled.

Urd poked her head through the door.  "Sis?  Did you hear that?"

Belldandy nodded.  "It almost sounded familiar, somehow."

"Yeah, I was thinking that too.  I wonder if we should -- oh, what do
you want, runt?"

Skuld ducked under Urd's arm and marched into the kitchen.  She was
holding a small control box covered with dials, lights, knobs, and other
whatsits.  "Have no fear," she announced smugly.  "Skuld to the rescue,
with her brand-new, universal, scream-detecting Special-Purpose Improved
Triangulator, Tracker and Locator Extraordinary!  Mark 1," she added,
taking a deep breath.

Urd hesitated.  "It's a pity about the initials ..." she began.

"You shut up!"

"Look, if you're going to do something, get on with it, will you?"

Skuld grumbled something under her breath, but activated the box, which
began to bleep in an unnerving way.  "That's odd," she muttered.  "That
scream didn't come from Earth at all.  It came from ..." She adjusted a
knob.  "From the underworld," she announced at last.

"From Niflheim?" asked Belldandy, astonished.

"Wow, I wonder what's got Hel so upset?" said Urd.  The goddess of the
underworld was not known for being excitable.

At that moment the ground shook.  The three goddesses exchanged startled
looks, then dashed outside.  They were just in time to see the ground
erupt in a spray of dust, earth and rock, as a tiny figure was propelled
with great force into the sky.  It landed, a few seconds later, not far
away.

Urd went over to take a look, and picked it up.  It appeared to be a
tiny, wizened old man.  "Now what do you suppose is going on here?" she
wondered aloud.

			---===***===---

Ranma ducked the bucket of fish and twisted to one side to avoid a
deadly string of sausages.  A hail of razor-sharp koosh balls just
missed his head.  It was worse than fighting Mousse, he thought wildly.
Then he remembered the Swan Fist attack and changed his mind.

All right, so these Phantom Tribe guys could do illusions.

The attack had begun moments after they knocked out the first man.  A
regular army of blue people started crowding in from all directions.
Geez, you'd think everyone hated them or something, from the way they
reacted.  Or maybe they were just touchy.  Maybe not being blue was a
deadly insult.  He'd run into weirder customs.

They weren't very good fighters, but those illusions were tricky, and
there were so many of them!  Off to one side he could see Akane
fighting.  She was going pretty well, but of course she'd had plenty of
training fighting crowds.

He, Akane, Cologne, Shampoo and Tatewaki were the only ones left.
They'd stayed behind to buy time for the others to escape.  Well, he,
Akane and the Amazons had.  Tatewaki had raved something about never
abandoning Akane, but Ranma suspected he was just too stupid to run.  He
was doing pretty well with that bokken, though.

At that moment a swarm of penguins hurled themselves at him, and for a
couple of seconds he had no time to think.  Which is why he never saw
the deadly killer tomato that crept up behind him and knocked him
unconscious.

			---===***===---

"What happened to all the others?" wondered Ukyo, looking around.  They
seemed to be alone in the forest.

"I ... um, think we took a different turning from them," said Ryoga,
scratching his head.  "Somewhere along the road ..."

"This place is fantastic," enthused Sayuri, looking around in
admiration.  "These weird trees ... and those weird flowers ... and
those weird, um, birds, or whatever they are ... and that weird metal
thing up in the sky ... and --"

"And those blue guys with illusion powers who wanted to kill us," added
Ryoga.

"Uh, yeah.  That was weird, too.  I mean, usually those types only want
to kill Ranma.  Maybe they were just over-enthusiastic ..."

"Where is this, anyway?" wondered Ukyo.  "It can't be Japan."

"I've never seen anything like it," admitted Yuka.  "It's all so ...
so _magical_!"

"I've gotta take a leak," muttered Hiroshi.

"Typical," snorted Sayuri.  "Here we are in the middle of all this
scenic wonder, and all you want to do is --"

"Um, actually, so do I," said Yuka, flushing.  Sayuri sighed.

"Go in the bushes over that way," suggested Ukyo.  "Hiroshi, you go
_that_ way."

"And no peeking!" added Sayuri.

"Ahh, who'd want to peek at a kawaiikune tomboy like you anyway?" said
Hiroshi defiantly.

There was a slight pause.

"What?" said Yuka dangerously.

Hiroshi sweated.  "Uh ... well, since Ranma isn't around, I just thought
I ought to ... I just thought ... I ... I'm dead, aren't I?" he asked
Ryoga.  Ryoga nodded solemnly.

After a brief moment of extreme violence, the group parted to relieve
various urges, leaving Ryoga standing, rather awkwardly, alone in the
middle of the clearing.

A few seconds later, Hiroshi screamed.  Ryoga looked around wildly, then
rushed to find him.  For a wonder, he made it.  "What's wrong?" he
demanded.

"Look at that!" shouted Hiroshi, pointing down.

"Aw, man, I don't wanna look at your --"

"No, not at that, at _that_!"

Ryoga looked down at the little pool on the ground.  His eyes widened.
"Purple?" he said incredulously.

"Not just purple!  Watch this!"

"Now it's orange?!"  Ryoga scratched his head.  "What've you been
eating?"

"Nothing!  I can just do it!  Look, blue!"

"I ... I don't know what to say," said Ryoga honestly.

"This is so cool!"

A few embarassing questions soon established that Yuka had not developed
the same, um, unorthodox new ability.  She did, however, discover that
she had x-ray vision.  She ran around the clearing for several minutes
looking at everything and exclaiming in wonder.  Then, for some reason,
she started directing long, melting looks at Ryoga.  He tried to ignore
them, blushing furiously.

Half an hour later Sayuri discovered, to her horror, that she had the
same new ability as Hiroshi.  As the group continued on their way
through the woods, the two kept as far apart as possible, and exchanged
occasional haunted looks.

"It's as if ... as if we're in some magical new world, where we're
developing weird new powers," said Ukyo slowly as they went.

Yuka thought about it uncritically.  "Get real," she said.

"No, maybe she's right," said Ryoga.  "This doesn't look like any place
I've ever been."  The others' eyes widened in shock, but he did not
notice, continuing, "Maybe we _did_ end up in some other world, um,
somehow."

"A ... a magnificent world," mused Sayuri.  "Just think!  There could be
anything here, anything at all!  Just think about it!"

"I'll think of a mermaid lagoon," murmured Yuka, starry-eyed,
"underneath a magic moon."

"Yeah?  I'm thinking of a pirates' cave," put in Hiroshi.

"I ... think I'll be an Indian brave," said Ryoga, not really sure why.

"C'mon!  Now you try!" Yuka urged Sayuri.

"Hey, look everybody!" shouted Ukyo excitedly.  "I can fly!  I can fly!
I can fly!"

			---===***===---

"Not _more_ tunnels," groaned Daisuke.

"Look, we're moving upward," said Mousse irritably.  "We're bound to get
to the surface again sometime."  He grew misty-eyed.  "We're sure to
meet up with my darling Shampoo when we get there ..."

"Oh, stop blathering about your darling Shampoo," snapped Kodachi.  "All
we hear is 'my darling Shampoo' this, and 'my darling Shampoo' that ...
honestly, what is it with you people and your names, anyway?  Why are
you so fixated on bathroom products?"

"Four hundred years ago, a temporal vortex opened and dropped a stack of
catalogues into the village arena during a tournament.  We suspect that
an insane hairdresser got hold of a time machine in the year 2113.  At
the time, the village Elders decided it was a sign from the Gods."

They walked on for some time, absorbing this.  At last Genma said, in a
too-hearty tone, "Cheer up, boy ... you could have ended up having to
use brand-names.  It could be a lot worse."

"Tell that to my cousin Palmolive," muttered Mousse.

Soun cleared his throat hurriedly.  "These tunnels are certainly very
strange," he remarked.  "First those strange blue, er, people, and then
those giant insects we met just before ..."

"And that weird schoolboy who was in charge of them," added Daisuke.
"What did he call them?  Bugrom?"

"He had a _wonderful_ laugh," said Kodachi dreamily.

"What?" said Mousse indignantly.  "He ordered them to _kill_ us!"

"Yes."  She sighed happily.  "What a guy ..."

Miss Hinako said something incomprehensible and clacked her antennae
together.  Everyone tried to pretend they hadn't noticed.  She'd used
her chi-draining ability on some of the bugrom, earlier, but there
had been some unexpected side-effects.

They pressed onward.  The tunnel twisted and turned unpredictably,
and they soon found themselves heading downward again.

It was as if they were traversing a gigantic underground maze.  Other
passages crisscrossed the tunnel they were moving through, some yawning
and cavernous, others too small to crawl through.  Some of them smelt
abominably.  By the mouth of one of them someone had used candle-soot
to write, "Beware of the spider."  They looked at this tunnel -- one of
the larger ones -- for a few moments, then unanimously shook their heads
and moved on.

After a while they began to smell sulphur.  They found themselves
walking on a narrow path that ran along one wall of a vast cavern, at
the bottom of which a sea of lava pulsed and surged.  They hurried on,
choking on the fumes.  Half-way down the path they found, bizarrely, a
computer terminal set into the cavern wall.  When Soun tapped it, it lit
up with a message from someone named Durandal, urging them to hurry up
and find the Eleventh Clan.  He shrugged and they continued on their
way.

"There's something funny about these tunnels," remarked Genma after a
few hours.

"It's as if ... we're being led to completely different worlds, or
something," suggested Daisuke.

Mousse, who was in front, glared at him.  "Don't be ridiculous," he
snarled.  "Do I look like Hibiki to you?"

"No-oo ..." answered Daisuke carefully.  "But I'd be a lot happier if
you hadn't lost your glasses."

Mousse sniffed.  "Clear vision is overrated," he stated.

They all stared at him.  None of them quite dared answer.

"News to me," Daisuke muttered.  Very quietly.  He wished he'd managed
to follow Hiroshi instead of Kodachi during the battle with the Phantom
Tribe.  But Kodachi had undeniably had the more attractive rear view ...

"Hello," said Soun suddenly.  "What's this?"

They had gone around another bend in the tunnel, and suddenly the floor
of the passage was paved with bricks, instead of being cut out of solid
rock.  The group exchanged smiles of relief.  It could not be far to the
surface once more!

As they moved on, further signs of civilisation appeared.  The tunnel
was lined with pipes of various sizes, as though some long-ago plumber
had gone mad and decided that hell needed hot and cold running water.
Every now and then, they could hear a distant knocking, ringing sound,
as if messages were being tapped out on the pipes.

"There's something strangely familiar about this," murmured Kodachi.

Then they reached something different.  In the side of the passage was
a heavy wooden door.

Genma and Soun glanced at each other, and exchanged shrugs.  Genma
reached for the handle and opened the door a fraction.  He and Soun
peered inside. Their eyes widened.  There were two people inside the
room, with their arms around each other.

"Oh, Catherine," breathed the tall, heavy-set one.

"Oh, Vincent ..." answered the girl.

"Oh, no," said Genma.  He closed the door hurriedly and turned to the
others.  "Back the other way," he rapped out urgently.  "Run for it!"

"Hurry," agreed Soun, his face pale.

The party ran.

			---===***===---

"Geez, what is this place, anyway?" wondered Ranma.  They were walking
through a strange, beautiful forest, filled with curious plants, bizarre
creatures and unusual insects, and stuff.

"It's as though we're on some different world entirely," mused Akane.
"Did you notice that thing up in the sky?  Like a huge, floating, metal
... eye, or something."

"Yeah, that's sort of weird," Ranma answered.  "And that's not ... hey,
look!  Just wait a minute."

"Oh, not again --"

Akane spoke too late.  They were coming up to the banks of a rippling
stream, winding its way between the trees.  Ranma sprinted ahead,
grinning broadly, and jumped into the water.

"Honestly," said Akane with a sigh, "aren't you ever going to get tired
of that?"

"Nope," said Ranma, splashing himself happily.  "Never gonna be a girl
again, never gonna be a girl again ..."

Akane shook her head silently.  Let him enjoy the moment.  Of course, if
he kept it up for too much longer she'd have to hit him, but for now it
was sort of funny.

After he'd been knocked out by the Phantom Tribe, Shampoo had picked him
up and carried him out, taking the same passage that Ryoga, Ukyo and
some of the others had fled along earlier.  Akane and Cologne had
followed, and after a while they'd emerged ... here.  Wherever here was.

It definitely wasn't anywhere near Iceland, anyway.  Or Tokyo, for that
matter.  Everything was too different.

And then there were the ... side-effects.  Being here was affecting all
of them, for some reason.  Suddenly Ranma's curse no longer worked.
Shampoo could turn invisible.  (Ranma had been surprise-glomped twenty-
three times already.)  And Cologne ...

She glanced over at the wizened amazon elder, then away again with a
shudder.  Cologne was still pogoing happily along behind them, talking
to her new friends, the snails.

			---===***===---

Somewhere far underground, Tatewaki Kuno strode restlessly to and fro in
his cell, agonising over his fate.  Oh, the indignity of it all!  Struck
unconscious by a miserable band of azure-hued sorcerers, and imprisoned
like some common criminal!  That he, the mighty Blue Thunder, scion of
the noble Kuno clan, should be reduced to this!

"Oh, pig-tailed goddess!" he wailed.  "Oh, Akane Tendo!  Wait for me! I
will escape, and come for you!  So swears the mighty Blue Thunder!  You
shall be freed from the demonic influence of Saotome!"  He waved an
imaginary bokken furiously.

There wasn't much to work with, but even here, the subtle influence of
the world of El Hazard worked its magic.

Kuno paused in mid-rant and blinked.  "Egad," quoth he, "what strange
clarity of vision is this, descending upon me?  Ah!  I have it!  The
truth cannot be kept from the godlike perceptions of Tatewaki Kuno!  The
fiend Saotome _is_ the pig-tailed goddess!"

He jumped up, shaking with wild laughter.  "Did you think you could hide
it from me, fool?  You --"

Suddenly he stopped dead.  "The pig-tailed goddess ... is Saotome?"

His eyes bulged.  He fainted.

			---===***===---

"Hey!  There are some more of them!" shouted a voice.

Ranma looked up, startled.  Up ahead in the forest, a strange-looking
flying vehicle, rather like a boat, had set down on the ground.  A group
of people were climbing out of it and running toward them.

Ranma took up a defensive posture as they approached.  "Who are you and
what do you want?" he demanded.

"My name is Makoto," announced a dark-haired boy.  "Makoto Mizuhara.
And you are --?"

"Ranma Saotome.  What is this place, anyway?"

"The forests east of Florestica, in the land of Roshtaria," answered
Makoto.  He eyed Ranma thoughtfully.  "From that name ... you wouldn't
happen to be from Japan, would you?"

"Uhh, yeah.  Why, where is this Rosh-whatsit place?"

"We can explain that later," said an older man with a stubbly face. "For
now, as we were flying over we saw another group of people -- two boys
and three girls.  They looked lost.  One of the girls had this big ...
thing, kind of like a spatula.  Do you know them?"

"That sounds like Ukyo and some of the others," said Akane excitedly.
"Where did they go?"

The man scratched his head.  "We're not exactly sure.  They were
following this boy with a bandanna around his head.  They walked around
a clump of bushes, and we never saw them again.  It was as if they'd
vanished into thin air."

"Ahh, forget it," said Ranma.  "If they were following Ryoga, they're
probably half-way to Mars by now."

Akane whacked him on the head.  "Baka!  That was probably Sayuri and
Yuka with them.  They're not martial artists, they could get into real
trouble!"

"Okay, okay, geez," grumbled Ranma, rubbing his head and muttering
something about kawaikunee tomboys under his breath.  (Since they were
among strangers, Akane pretended not to hear.)  "I guess we'd better go
after them."

"We could give you a hand," offered Makoto.  "In return, maybe you could
tell us how you got here?"  There was a curious gleam in his eye as he
said this, as if he were desperate for the answer.

"Sure, I guess," said Ranma.  At that moment, an invisible Shampoo
glomped him again and he screamed involuntarily.  When the chaos died
down once more (and Cologne had called Shampoo off), the explanations
began.

As they made their way to the flying vessel, Makoto introduced his
companions: Nanami Jinnai, a carrot-haired girl, and Masamichi Fujisawa
(the stubble-faced man).  He also told them about the world of El
Hazard, and the strange powers that outsiders seemed to acquire in
coming here.

"That would explain Ranma's curse vanishing," said Akane, "and Shampoo's
invisibility, and Cologne's ... er --"  Cologne, who had been busy
translating the conversation for one of her new gastropod friends,
raised a hand in acknowledgement.  "But what about me?  Why didn't I get
any new powers?"

"It can take a while to work out what they are," Nanami told her.
"Makoto didn't work out what he could do for days."

"It is funny about that curse, though," said Fujisawa.  "I've never
heard of powers being taken _away_ before."

At that moment it started to rain.

Ranma, of course, remained unchanged.  But as the drops struck Akane,
she was suddenly gone.  In her place was a tall woman with pale blue
hair and a proud, stern face.

She raised a hand to her face.  "Ranma?  What happened?" she asked.  "I
feel strange."  The voice was different, but the intonations were
Akane's.  She looked over at Makoto.  "Why are you staring at me?"

Makoto gazed back at her, rapt.  "Ifurita ...?"



To be continued ... indubitably.


Author's Notes:
---------------

Further acknowledgments:

Hiroki Hayashi and Ryoe Tsukimura (for El Hazard); Kosuke Fujishima (for
Oh! My Goddess!); and Jules Verne (for the plotline which seems, er, to
have gotten lost somewhere, but which will return, um, probably, sooner
or later).  I won't bother listing the cameos ...


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Angus MacSpon                                                Allen Gainsford
http://shell.ihug.co.nz/~macspon/          http://shell.ihug.co.nz/~macspon/