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The Journey : An Anime Romp
by Angus MacSpon

Chapter Four

Based on characters and situations created by Rumiko Takahashi.  Also
based (rather, er, loosely) on situations created by several others.
Comments and criticism welcome!
Email:  macspon@ihug.co.nz
Web:    http://shell.ihug.co.nz/~macspon/fanfic/

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"Forget it," said Akane firmly.  "I don't care what you say, you are
_not_ sticking that thing in my back."

"But Akane --"

"All right, so I'm feeling a little ... run down ... at the moment.  But
I'm sure that's just because I'm hungry or -- or ..."  She trailed off,
looking at them beseechingly.  "Oh, come on.  There must be _some_ other
way ...?"

Makoto shook his head solemly.

"I don't care!" she announced defiantly.  "If any of you come near me
with that thing, I'll --- well, I'll -- all right, so technically I
can't move at the moment, but when I _can_ move again I'll make you
sorry!"

"Geez, you don't need to get so wound up about it," grumbled Ranma.
"It's not like I want to screw ya or anything.  Let's just do the twist
here, and everything'll go like clockwork."

She gave him a suspicious look.  "Are you trying to be funny?"

Ranma tried out an expression he'd seen Nabiki use many times before.
"Moi?" he said, hoping that it didn't mean 'Your kneecaps are on fire.'

"Oh, all right," Akane grumped.  "Get it over with.  I just hope the
others are all right."

			---===***===---

Somewhere a remarkably long way away, another group of wanderers stood
in a huddle, ignoring the drizzle that was falling, staring down at the
tiny creature in front of them.  They had been following Ryoga for some
time -- in the certain knowledge that, as they were stranded on another
world, they could hardly get any more lost -- when the rain had begun
and something unexpected had happened to their leader.

Sayuri knelt down to get a better look at him.  "Ryoga?" she said.  "Is
that you?  What _happened_ to you?"

"He's so cute!" enthused Yuka.

"Wow, Ryoga, I never knew," said Ukyo.  She was floating a few inches
above the ground, still enjoying the new power this world had given her.

"It must be another one of those Jusenkyo curses like Ranma's," said
Hiroshi, scratching his head.  "But I never knew Ryoga turned into a ...
into a ..."  He trailed off.  "What _is_ that, anyway?"

Ryoga stared up at them uncertainly.  Being caught by his curse in
public like this was bad enough.  But something else seemed to be wrong.
He didn't feel the way he usually did when he became a pig.  Could being
in this place have affected him somehow, the way it had the others?  He
was sure that his ears shouldn't be this long, for a start, and he was
pretty sure that he didn't normally have whiskers.

"Miya?" he said hesitantly.

			---===***===---

Genma came to a sudden halt as the tunnel branched in two.  Behind him,
the motley group grumbled their way to a stop.  Miss Hinako, who was
finally back in her little-girl form, managed to accidentally-on-purpose
bump into Soun.  She beamed at him and fluttered her eyelashes, and he
shied away nervously.

"I think it's this way," said Genma confidently, indicating the tunnel
on the left.

"Oh, yeah?" said Mousse sarcastically.  "What makes you so sure of that?
I thought these passages weren't on that map of yours."

"I'm over here, boy, that's a stalactite you're talking to."

"Oops."  Mousse adjusted his glasses.  "All the same --"

He was interrupted by a ribbon wrapping itself around his neck.
"Silence, oaf," said Kodachi loftily.  "How dare you question the father
of my beloved Ranma-sama?"

"The father of your beloved Ranma-sama is nuttier than a fruit cake!"
Mousse shouted back.

They stared at each other for a few seconds in mutual loathing.  Then,
apparently simultaneously, they moved.  Chains burst out of Mousse's
billowing robes like juice out of a blender whose lid has been left off,
except without so much liquid involved.  At the same time, Kodachi
lashed out with her ribbon, twirling it madly and laughing a laugh that
made the others think of puppies in concrete mixers.  There was a
muffled sound of impact, and a bundle of chains and ribbons hit the cave
floor, tangled together in a mess that would have given the Gordian Knot
an inferiority complex.

Mousse stared at Kodachi.  "Not bad," he said grudgingly.

She stared back.  "Hmm," she said.

Then, moving again as if choreographed, they attacked each other once
more.  Mousse struck out, so blindingly fast that whatever weapon he was
using was all but invisible in his hands.  It was met by a razor-sharp
hoop that spun from Kodachi's fingers.  They all heard the sharp snikt
sound as the hoop sliced through Mousse's weapon.  The pieces clattered
to the ground.  They stared down at them.

"A training potty," said Kodachi thoughtfully.  "Interesting."

"You managed to hide that hoop in a leotard?" said Mousse.  "That's
pretty good."

Not far away, the others watched nervously.  "Saotome," whispered Soun,
"something about this makes me very nervous."

"Maybe we should just leave them to it?" whispered Genma back.

"Just don't leave me behind," whispered Daisuke.

"Those two are definitely delinquents," whispered Miss Hinako.  "Can
anyone lend me five yen?"

"Sorry, no," whispered Soun, rummaging through his pockets.

"It doesn't matter," Hinako whispered back, standing very very close to
him.

"I forget," whispered Daisuke.  "Why are we whispering?"

Behind the four, surrounded by an ever-deepening pile of exotic
weaponry, Kodachi and Mousse continued to show each other what they had.

			---===***===---

"So," said Katsuhito Jinnai, "you know these newcomers?"  He eyed the
stranger warily.  His bugrom forces had found the fellow in a Phantom
Tribe cell while they were chasing the other group of newcomers that had
recently appeared.

"Indeed," pronounced Tatewaki loftily.  "Surely the keen eyes and noble
intellect of the great Blue Thunder of Furinkan High could not be so
mistaken."

"Yes, yes," said Jinnai.  "Blue Thunder, huh?  Well, I've never heard of
this Saotome, but if he's a friend of Makoto Mizuhara then he definitely
must be an enemy of mine!  AHAHAHAHAHA!"

Tatewaki threw him an odd look.  "Tell me," quoth he, "have you ever met
my sister?"

"I don't know."  Jinnai leered at him.  "Is she pretty?"

"I think that some kind of natural catastrophe might occur if the two of
you were ever in the same room together."

Jinnai blinked.  "What?"

"Let it pass," said Tatewaki hastily.  "For now, surely we two have a
common cause -- to wit, the punishment and defeat of the vile sorcerer
Saotome!"

"And Mizuhara!  AHAHAHAHAHA!  Hey, wait a minute.  Did you say
'sorcerer'?"

"In good sooth, yes.  The fiend is in the habit of disguising himself as
a girl and luring me -- that is, luring innocent young men with his
unspeakable wiles."

"Yeah," said Jinnai sympathetically.  "Makoto is a cross-dresser, too."

They eyed each other for a moment.  Then, as one, they reached out and
shook hands, sealing their alliance.

			---===***===---

"Watch out for that planet!"

"Oh no oh no oh no we're going to die --"

"MIYA!"

"This is crazy!  Guys don't turn into rabbit-things that turn into
spaceships!"

"Mind that comet mind that comet MIND THAT COMET -- man that was close."

"Wheee!"

"Ryoga honey, where are you taking us?"

"Miya!"

"Just everybody remember not to spill any hot water."

"Was that a nebula we just flew through?"

"We're never going to find the Earth again now ..."

"We could go back and ask that other spaceship we passed, the 'Jupiter
Two,' for directions."

"Ryoga, could you go back and find that other spaceship?"

"Miya?"

"Silly question."

"Hey, there's another spaceship following us."

"*crackle* -- is the Galaxy Police.  You're charged with violation of
interstellar traffic ordinances, reckless driving, and making Mihoshi
spill her coffee.  Bring your craft to a complete stop and prepare to be
boarded ..."

			---===***===---

"We should be back at the palace in a few minutes," said Makoto
soothingly.  The flyer was carrying them smoothly through a lush green
forest.  "We'll be able to get you some hot water there."

"I should hope so," said Akane grumpily, not noticing the longing look
he threw her.  Ranma noticed it, though, and stepped between her and
Makoto protectively.

She looked up at him sharply, misinterpreting the gesture.  "What do you
think you're doing?" she asked suspiciously.  "I suppose you just want
to stick that thing in my back again --"

"Err, no!  No, you got it wrong, it's not like that --" he protested
wildly.  Truth to tell, he wouldn't have minded winding her up again
at all, though.  It had been ... sort of kinky.  But exciting.

"Liar!"  Maybe she read the truth in his eyes.  Maybe she was just
guessing.  She sure had him dead to rights, though.  "You pervert!" she
shouted.  She threw a punch, and instinctively he dodged.  That was a
lucky thing, as it turned out.

There was a whizzing sound.  Then a very large explosion.

"Oops," said Akane.  "Did I do that?"

"Yep, she's got Ifurita's powers, all right," muttered Makoto, picking
himself up gingerly.

"Geez, Akane, do you have to overreact to everything?" complained Ranma,
peering over the side of the flyer.

"I'm sorry --"

"Don't worry about it," said Nanami.  "Hey, the forest was getting
boring anyway.  It needed a crater right there to liven it up a bit."

"Is everyone all right?" asked Makoto.

"Aiyah!  You get off Shampoo!"

"Um.  Sorry," said Mr Fujisawa, leaping up hastily.  "I didn't know you
were there, I got thrown off my feet, I couldn't help it --"

The Chinese amazon faded into view, looking at him speculatively.
"Shampoo could not move at all," she noted.  "You very strong."

He scratched the back of his head sheepishly.  "Ah-heh, I suppose I am
at the moment ..." he admitted.

"Better run, man," advised Ranma.  He was too late, though.  Shampoo
stepped up to Fujisawa and kissed him softly on the cheek.

"Oh, dear," observed Cologne.

"I'm just _dying_ to hear what Miz is going to have to say about this,"
said Nanami.

			---===***===---

"I'm afraid there's a bit of an emergency going on," said Setsuna.
"Some kind of inter-dimensional crossover effect.  The Transient Beings
have had to seal the borders of this universe to stop it affecting us as
well.  Don't worry, it should only be for a few days."

"Umm, if you say so," said Usagi.

			---===***===---

"All right, let's try _this_ way then," said Genma, leading the way down
another dark tunnel.  The others followed him wearily.  It seemed like
they'd been wandering through these passages for days now.

"Are you sure you know where we're going, Saotome?" asked Soun, as they
passed a faded noticed painted on the wall that said, 'Abner Perry Was
Here.'

"Oh, come on, Tendo.  One of these tunnels has got to lead us out of
here.  Er, sooner or later."

"I knew it," said Daisuke in despair.  "We're doomed.  Totally doomed.
Oh, we're so doomed ..."

"Cheer up, boy!  A martial artist never despairs!"

"Says who?  Anyway, I'm not a martial artist!"

"Let's not get picky," insisted Genma.  "Just rely on me, boy, I'll
soon get us all out of here.  After all, what else can possibly go wrong?"

"Hey," said Mousse, "whatever happened to Miss Hinako?"

"To who?"  Soun looked around uneasily.  The last time he remembered
seeing her, she'd been trailing along behind him, begging for ice cream
or cookies.  "Hmm, she's gone.  I wonder where?"

"Maybe she went down the wrong tunnel by mistake and got lost," said
Daisuke woefully.  "We'll probably never find her again ... she'll
wander for days, all alone, before dying of thirst ... I knew it, we're
all doomed ..."  He brightened suddenly.  "On the other hand, that means
she can't hit us with that energy-drain any more."

"Never mind that now," burst out Genma excitedly.  "Look at this!"

They had reached another division in the passage.  Carved into the rock
wall nearby were the words, 'Hic adfui.  Arne Saknussemm.'

"Arne Saknussemm was here!" exclaimed Soun, forgetting for a moment that
he could not read Latin.  "That means we're on the right path to the
centre of the Earth again, Saotome!"

"Hmm, let me see."  Genma examined the three paths ahead of them.  There
were more signs carved into the rock: on the left passage were the words
'Centrum terrestre'; on the right passage was carved, 'Tartari abyssus.'
The middle passage was marked, 'Utumno 15km'.

"Now, which way ...?" wondered Genma aloud.

"Oh, for heaven's sake."  Kodachi pulled out a coin.  "Heads we go left,
tails we go right," she announced.

"What about the middle passage?" inquired Mousse.

"No, we can't go that way; it's outside the genre."  Kodachi tossed the
coin high into the air.

"And the other two ways aren't?" muttered Mousse.  Everybody else
ignored him, their eyes on the coin.  It came down, bounced twice, and
rolled to Genma's feet.  "Heads," he announced.  "Left it is."

"But wait a moment, Saotome," protested Soun.  "We can't just press on
to the centre of the earth.  Remember, the whole purpose of this trip
was to train Ranma!"

Genma stiffened.  "You have a point there," he admitted.  "What's the
point of carrying on if we can't train the boy ...?"  He waved his arms
in despair.  "Oh, the tragedy of it all! That my son should be missing
such a unique opportunity to better himself!"

"Does this mean we can go back up to the surface instead?" asked Daisuke
plaintively.

A moment later he bit his tongue, wishing he'd kept silent.  As Genma
looked at him, a sudden wild look came into the older man's eye.  "Boy,"
he said, "How'd you like to be trained in the school of Anything-Goes
Martial Arts ...?"

			---===***===---

"Damn!  He's gotten loose again!" shouted Urd.

"Oh, no," muttered Keiichi, trying to slink out of sight.

"Get him, Banpei!" shouted Skuld.  Her robot trundled obediently down
the passage, its weapons systems powered up and scanning for a target.
Skuld followed, her debugging mallet at the ready.

"Nyahaha, can't catch me!" shouted Happosai gleefully, bounding happily
along, waving a pair of Urd's panties.

"I can't believe that little freak," raged Urd.  "Just who does he think
he is?  Did you see what he ... what he did to me?  When I get my hands
on him I'm going to fry him alive!"

"Now, Urd," said Belldandy gently.  "I'm sure you're overreacting.  I'm
sure there must be some way we can reason with him.  Perhaps if we just
ask him to stop, he will."

Urd stared at her.  "Do you actually believe that?" she asked.

Belldandy smiled.  "Of course I duuaaaaiieeeEEEEE!"  She suddenly leaped
up in the air, flailing around madly, trying to dislodge the pint-sized
man who was boldly going where ... where ... where only Keiichi was
supposed to go ...

"Ha ha!" gloated Happosai, bounding away.  "Another pair!  What a day!
What a haul!"

The two goddesses stared after him.

"Uhh, Belldandy ...?" began Urd.

"All right," said Belldandy mildly.  Slowly, she rolled her sleeves up.
"I take it back.  He dies.  NOW!"

Keiichi watched the two goddesses racing away, sighed, and held his
head.  This was turning out to be a very strange day.  He wondered if he
ought to be helping Belldandy -- but then, he could not see anything he
could possibly do that would have any effect on the elderly lecher.

As he watched them go, he heard a sudden scuffling sound.  One of the
nearby wardrobe doors swung open, and a small figure dressed in yellow
stepped gingerly out.

"Who are you?" he said involuntarily.

"Oh, hi!"  To his surprise, it was a young girl.  "My name is Ninomiya
Hinako," she announced.  "Do you have any ice-cream?"

He nodded slowly.  "You'd be a fried of Skuld's, I guess," he said ...



To be continued ... indefatigably.


Author's Notes:
---------------

Further acknowledgments to: Hiroki Hayashi and Ryoe Tsukimura (El
Hazard); Kosuke Fujishima (Oh My Goddess); Hiroki Hayashi (again) and
Masaki Kajishima (Tenchi); Naoko Takeuchi (Sailor Moon); Jules Verne
(Journey to the Centre of the Earth); Edgar Rice Burroughs (Pellucidar);
J R R Tolkien (Middle-Earth); and P J Hammond (Sapphire and Steel).
I think that's all ...


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Angus MacSpon                                                Allen Gainsford
http://shell.ihug.co.nz/~macspon/          http://shell.ihug.co.nz/~macspon/