I suppose enough people have pointed out your mistake in KeIIchi's name by
now, so I'll skip it.

Overall, I find your characterization of the AMG characters lacking. They
don't FEEL like them, especially Urd and Skuld. Tell me, just how much AMG
have you read/seen? I hope you're willing to improve on this. I can help.

"I am a second-year student, majoring in mechanical engineering,"

SECOND year? Do the math. He should be third or fourth by now. Everyone is
here, he nearly lost Belldandy, add a new student intake period and that
gives you at least 1 year after Keiichi and Belldandy first met.

Only then, Ryoko announced that she also had been accepted at NIT, much to

the
amazement of the Masaki family.<<

I'd hate to ask but is Washuu around? She'd be able to hack NIT's records to
enroll Ryoko no problem. While we're at it, is it that hard for her to get
_exactly_ the same classes as Tenchi?

As of now, he is the newest member of the Auto Club.

WRONG! That's not how they greet new Auto Club members. Tamiya greets them
by announcing, "Welcome to the Auto Club!" and gives them a bonecrushing hug
at the first meeting at the clubhouse.

Keichi is our driver and he's the best there is.

At least you got this right.

That secretary business is a one time thing.

Is not. They lay it on the guy with no social life (read girlfriend) when
they go out to party.

A half hour later, Keichi stuck his hiead in the doorway.

1 spelling error. More importantly, what is Keiichi doing at the dorm? He
doesn't live there anymore. He has no need to visit (and in case you didn't
know, the Auto Club clubhouse is NOT in the dorm). I know you need a way for
him to meet Tenchi and invite him to dinner, but he can't just pop out of
nowhere without a good reason. Perhaps you could find a way for this scene
to take place at NIT campus instead.

"Okay, she said dinner'll be ready soon, so we might want to get moving,"

What time is it? If dinner is that close to completion, how can she add
enough for another person? Or 2?

"Oh, Tenchi.  I thought I was invited too, wasn't I?"

see?

"Ryoko, you're either going to have to ride behind me or you can sit in

Tenchi's lap,"

I have a better idea, Tenchi can ride behind him while Ryoko takes the
sidecar.

Tenchi and Keichi both noticed the staring match going on between Urd and

Ryoko as they sat

down to eat.

Now why would they have a staring match? True, Ryoko might be envious of
Urd's curves but I'm pretty sure Urd would see the 2 of them as another
couple for her to fix up. I imagine her reaction would be a raised eyebrow
and a secretive grin.
And no reaction from Tenchi at seeing Urd?

"It was fine, overall.  My calculus professor isn't the greatest person

in the world, though," he explained.  "What about yours, Bell?"

     "Great!  I love my literature professor.  She must be one of the nicest
people I've ever
met," exclaimed Belldandy.  <<

Think about it this way, Belldandy is not an ordinary student. She's not at
NIT to study or maintain her cover as an exchange student. She attends
classes to be with Keiichi. Therefore she would be in those classes that he
attends and only those. It's a conjecture I admit. But Bell's behaviour
leads to no other conclusion for me (she doesn't stay home when he attends
classes because she is with him when he at the Auto Club. If she isn't with
him for classes, then why join him for extracirricular activities?). It's
your fic, but I just thought you might like to know.
I have a thought, why not let Tenchi, Royko, Keiichi and Bell meet at the
campus, have Belldandy invite them over ( she's more likely to do this than
Keiichi) for dinner instead? Solves almost all your timing problems.

"Mechanical engineering, same as Keichi,"

Not quite. Keiichi is taking Auto Engineering, there's a difference I
believe.

"No, I stay here and keep the house running,"

The Hell she does! She drinks, watches tv and maybe goes out for socializing
but she does NOT keep the house running. She prefers to leave the housewifey
stuff to Belldandy who actually enjoys it.

"I'm about the same as Urd.  I stay here,"

A proper response from Skuld would be "I don't need to go to school!".
Imagine her saying that like Washuu says "I'm the greatest genius in the
universe!"

Urd and Ryoko glared at each other in a manner not unlike Ryoko and Aeka

used to do.

Why should they compete? Why should Urd want him? Just a reminder.

"Belldandy's a member,"

There's some debate as to that. Given how lax the sempai are, I wouldn't be
suprised if they didn't have a roll call and so never realised that
Belldandy isn't officially a member.

I wonder how she stands it

She has a calming effect on the chaos around her.

"No way, I am not putting a dress on again,"

Okay, then we'll take a detour to a certain spring in China first...

Just then, Keichi pulled up on his motorcycle.

Like I keep saying, it's too convinient for Keiichi to keep showing up like
this. Once again, what's he doing at the dorm?

If you need a place to sleep, you could bunk at my place for the night

for the night, remember that. And show us Keiichi's expressions. He ought to
be just a bit reluctant before suggesting this. In fact there are many
places where SOME descriptions of the characters' expressions would liven up
your story, but they're not there. Work on it ok?

"Yeah, but I was wondering if I could have some ice cream before I went to

bed?"

Being the little brat that she is, Skuld would just take the ice cream.

    Keichi whispered something to Belldandy who nodded and smiled.

     "We'd like to offer to let you stay here for as long as you want," said
Belldandy.<<

Looks like Keiichi suggested letting him stay. Wrong again. He didn't want
his own sister around on a permanent basis, he would hardly do that for a
stranger. I'll continue this in a moment.

Besides, the more, the merrier.

This is definitely a mistake that anyone who knows enough AMG wouldn't make.
Of course Keiichi could be lying through his teeth again, but without any
descriptions on his expressions, how are we to know or guess?

Do you want me to tell you what it's like to live with three goddesses?

This is where I have the biggest problem with your fic.
Have you seen where Megumi first shows up in AMG? Either the manga or anime
will do. If you have answer me this: Why would he tell Tenchi, someone he
barely knows, when he wouldn't tell his own sister? When in fact he had to
keep Belldandy from blurting it out to her.
Yet here you have Keiichi just casually tossing it out. Just like that. I
find that hard to believe, and I doubt I'm the only one.
Living with 3 goddesses is Keiichi's most important secret. You made a big
mistake by letting it out like this.
Which brings us back to letting Tenchi stay. Keiichi should be very uneasy
over this and very reluctant to suggest it. The longer he stays, the greater
the risk of uncovering the goddesses' identities. Belldandy would suggest
letting him stay (she's too kind for her own good sometimes) but the 4 of
them would have to have a discusson on keeping their powers in check while
the 'guest' is in the house.
Serious changes in this section are called for.

"So, now that we understand where we are both coming from, let's go to

bed," suggested

Belldandy.

facefault time! That was such an understatement.

Your story is good and promising. But you forget to let us readers know
characters' thoughts and feelings too often. The 'atmosphere' of the story
is diminished, and to me your story feels like listening to a radio drama
where the speakers are reading the script in monotone. You could use some
improvement.
You wanted comments, you got them. Don't complain if they're harsh. I'd be
happy to help you on anything involving AMG here.