Razorclaw X: Welcome to the World's Worst MST, where we strive to make
utter fools of ourselves by pretending to do a MST-ish review. And
tonight, I've only managed to pull away one guest for our show....
Tamasaburo: I am of the Japoness Royal Guard... Tamasaburo!
Razorclaw X: Sure you are. In case you didn't know, she was the only one
available (ref. Saber Marionette J); Baiko was off recording a song for
the second SMJ CD.
Tamasaburo: Waste of time.
Razorclaw X: Don't you say anything that doesn't take a single sentence?
Tamasaburo: Prepare. To. Die.
Razorclaw X: ....
Ukyo Tries
Original story by Panda Head Studio
Written by Maggy Liquier
Ranma =BD Characters is owned by Rumiko Takahashi
Mina and Sakura are not important
Razorclaw X: Sure they are!
"He is just so adorable=85" Mina squealed as she finished telling
everyo=
ne
about her boyfriend.
Tamasaburo: This chatter is unneccessary.
Razorclaw X: What do you know? You're a marionette.
Tamasaburo: I am proficient in over thirty forms of martial arts, and
adept at using fifty weapons. Do not question my authority.
Razorclaw X: Still, something must have garbled the formatting. There's
breaks all over the place, and it's unwieldy to read.
A small group of girls, sat around Mina and who had listened to her
stor=
y,
sighed with awe. Ukyo had overheard the conversation from a distance.
She
remained silent gulping down her soda, eavesdropping on the
conversation.=
She
cursed at herself for forgetting to make lunch. =20
Razorclaw X: NOW she curses herself? Wow, talk about delayed reaction.
Tamasaburo: Unsuitable for normal means of torture.
Razorclaw X: ....
"It's so great having a boyfriend=85" Sakura laughed. "They are always
t=
here to
comfort you whenever you need."
X: It's great how you can laugh and say something at the same time.
T: Am I mistaken, or has the suspect failed to complete her statement?
X: You mean the 'whenever you need?' Add a 'then.'
Ukyo placed the can of coke on the table. She studied the
X: I thought coke was illegal.
T: Contraband. <pulls out naginata> Surrender now, and come with me
quietly!
X: Not now!
little bodies =
of
water that cling to the can, as she absorbed everything the girls were
ta=
lking
about.
X: Osmosis in action?
She looked up for a moment. She usually didn't hang out with these
girls.
X: And she's hanging out with them now?
Fair Warning: Unwieldy, long paragraph that could easily be broken down
into smaller paragraphs ahead.
She usually sits by herself for lunch.
X: 'sat,' not 'sits.'
Female company usually is n=
ot
her choice, due to the fact that she was raised in an all boy's school.
S=
X: The school raised her?
T: In Japoness, there are those who are unfortunate enough to be without
a father, therefore....
X: Shut up.
T: Do not speak in such manner to the Royal Guard!
he
studied the chattering girls who sat near hear. She looked at the head
gi=
rl,
Mina, and wondered how a girl that bubbly could get a guy. She studied
he=
r
with green eyes. The uniforms didn't do much for fashion, which is
probab=
ly
the main purpose, but she doubted that Mina wore that dress outside of
sc=
hool.
X: About time to start a new paragraph?
Ukyo began to study Mina. Her face was homely. It had the stereotypical
f=
lat-
nose round square face. She spoke with thin lips and a square jaw to
hold=
it.
Her eyebrows where obviously plucked thin to the point it looked like
she=
was
drawing with no eyebrows at all and to draw it on herself with a pen.
X: Great description. So she's an anime character?
T: What is 'anime?'
X: You're one.
T: I am a Royal Guard marionette; how can I be anime?
X: ....
Und=
er
those very thin lines called her eyebrow, resided two crescent mooned
X: Awesome! Ukyo knows what eyebrows are!
sha=
ped
eyes. Ukyo noticed that when Mina laughed, her eyes almost looked shut
an=
d
began to wonder if she can see when she laughs. Ukyo giggled at the
thoug=
ht.=20
X: Obviously, she has nothing else better to think about than
contemplate her navel.
T: What is the meaning of such institution if their marionettes fail to
function in an efficient manner?!
X: They're not marionettes; they're girls.
T: Girls do not exist. They are extinct.
X: In your world, yes.
T: They appear quite similar to marionettes.
X: Well, duh.
Ukyo felt her face as she had studied the Mina. Her skin was pale as
peac=
h and
her eyes wide and beautiful. She put her long hair down over her
X: Magically, a mirror appeared so Ukyo could study herself.
shoulder=
and
looked at it. Wasn't long hair supposed to be attractive to men, Ukyo
wondered. If so, was it doing anything for Ranma? She looked at Mina's
ha=
ir.
It was short, like Akane's.
X: Bzzzzz!! Plot Point! Ding, Ding!!
Ukyo blinked for a moment. What was she doing? She shook her head as if
t=
rying
to knock those alien thoughts out of her head. Why was she comparing
X: Help! I've got an alien in my head, and it's trying to break free!!
that=
girl
and herself? She was disgusted that she even thought those thoughts.
Nit
picking at a girl's features and analyzing them was so not her, and
so=85
feminine.
X: That's right, diss them girls!!
T: That appears quite counterproductive.
Ukyo paused at the thought of the word. "Feminine=85" she tested the
word=
, as if
hearing it for the first time and trying to pronounce it. She grabbed
the=
can
of soda and looked at it, as if were going to answer her questions She
ha=
d
usually been in between feminine and tomboyish.=20
X: I thought she was a tomboy.
T: What is a tomboy?
X: It's where a girl acts like a guy.
T: That appears counterproductive. There are more than enough men....
"Hey, that guy over there is kind of cute," one girl said to Sakura.
"He's too beautiful to be a guy," another had said.
"Perhaps he's a bishounen," a third chick added.
"Gay or a pretty boy?" the fourth girl asked.
Mina and Sakura looked at the subject in question and blinked. "That's
Uk=
yo,"
they both said.
"Ukyo? That's a cute name," Chika number three squealed.=20
"No, Ukyo is a girl," Sakura said. She was in my gym class.
"But Ukyo is a guy's name. That's strange to give a girl a male name,"
G=
irl
number two informed.
X: We have Chika, Sakura, Mina.... what kind of a name is 'Girl number
two?'
T: In Japoness, it is not uncommon to label marionettes as such.
X: They're NOT marionettes!!
T: Noise level is reaching intolerable levels. Cease immediately, or
answer to me!
X: ..... You're no fun.
The fourth girl's eyes opened wide. "That's so cool." She
exclaimed.=20
The girls turned their attention to the fourth young lady. "That's,
like=
, the
hottest craze in America," she said.
X: And you know that because you, like, talk like one?
Mina looked at Ukyo. Ukyo realized that she was staring right at the
gro=
up.
Before she knew it, their eyes were all fixated on her. She snapped her
attention straight back to her soda. She began to wish she brought more
t=
o
eat. For a cook, she was pretty unprepared for lunch.
X: Why?
T: Very inefficient....
X: Don't say it.
Mina went back to talking to her group. Ukyo tried not to pay any
attent=
ion
to them. Suddenly, she realized that Mina was by her desk. "Would you
car=
e to
join us for lunch and some chit chat?" Mina asked.
Ukyo was shocked. She studied Mina's face again, this time looking for
d=
eeper
means. She only found kindness. She nodded her head shyly. She wasn't
use=
d to
dealing with other girls. She scooted her desk over join the others.
X: What about Akane? Or Shampoo or Kodachi? THEY'RE GIRLS.
T: Your second warning.
X: ....
Saku=
ra
and girl number four parted to let her in.=20
T: It appears that your 'girls' are designated with marionette serial
numbers.
The final bell rang. Weary students who lacked the energy for
X: That was fast.
T: There was a break prior to the paragraph.
X: Hey, great! You're catching on to this stuff! <blinks> There was?
school was
revitalized with thoughts of a free afternoon. Today was a Saturday and
m=
any
students decided they need a break from all the books, so it was time
to
party. Ukyo had clean up duty, so she had to stay behind a little
while. =
She
looked out the window to see happy students leaving the campus in
pairs. =
She
sighed. Having clean up duty on a Saturday really bites.=20
As she swept the floor, her mind began to wonder back to the
conversatio=
n she
had during lunch.=20
=09
"I'm Arisa," the first girl said.
"I'm Eiko," the second girl said.
"Hi, my name's Fei," the third girl smiled.
X: They DO have names! But I thought the first and second girls were
Mina and Sakura?
"Watashi no namie wa Megumi desu" the fourth girl said.
X: <looks at Tamasaburo's direction> Do you know what that means?
T: Her name is Megumi.
X: Not Hayashibara, by any chance?
T: There is no information pointing in that direction.
Ukyo wondered if she would remember those names. Being introduced to a
g=
roup
of people is always a hassle, she thought. They had an easier time, all
t=
hey
had to do was remember one name, while she had to remember four
more.=20
"It's a pleasure to meet you all," Ukyo said with a respectful tone
hidi=
ng a
hint of worry.=20
X: Need comma after 'tone.'
"Why do you wear a boy's uniform?" Fei asked.=20
Ukyo felt that was that was the strangest question ever asked then
thoug=
ht
about it. It wasn't strange to her, just to others. "I just do," she
said.
X: Looks like Ukyo's been eating her Apple Jacks.
The group grew silent.
Ukyo looked down for a minute.
"Say, is that all you had?" Eiko pointed to the empty soda.=20
X: Oh no! The HORROR!!!
T: Final warning!
X: Fine, I'll behave!
"Uh=85" Ukyo was afraid to say anything else. She already felt
embarrass=
ed a
bit by her reply to that last question. "Yeah," she struggled to say
that=
one
word.
"Tsk tsk" Sakura moved her pointer finger left to right. "A girl
should =
have
a well balanced diet," she giggled as she tried to look motherly, "and
th=
at
young lady, is not a well balanced meal."
X: Looks like they showed you, Ukyo.
T: My name is Tamasaburo.
X: Not you.
The girls took out their lunchboxes and offered their leftovers to
Ukyo.=
Ukyo
paused a bit. These girls are being fairly kind to her, and a few
minutes=
ago
she was judging them. Her feeling of being ashamed seemed to
multiply.=20
=09
T: Emotions are a burden.
X: It's what being human is all about.
T: It is a human failure.
X: Not really....
T: Inefficient.
Ukyo finished up sweeping the room. She placed all the chairs and
tables=
back
in their original position. She looked at the clock. It was now six and
t=
he
sky had gotten a bit dark. Lost time, lost money, she thought. Having a
j=
ob
had caused her to learn how to manage her time the best she could. She
kn=
ew
today, she wasn't going to make any money. =20
Her walk home was accompanied by many thoughts. Her mind kept running
ba=
ck to
the conversations with those girls during lunch. They were mostly
talking
about guys, fashion, and whatever buzz was going around at the time.
She
stopped walking for a moment. She walked to a window to study her own
reflection. She had been wearing a boy's uniform since she came to
Furink=
an
Highschool. She remembered how Ranma had mistaken her for a boy. What
if =
she
had arrived in a girl's uniform. Would he have been attracted to her?
He =
had
called her 'The Cute Fianc=E9e'. What if she acted a bit more like she
wa=
s
supposed to.=20
"What if I acted a bit more feminine," she whispered.=20
"Feminine=85" she pronounced the word again.=20
X: Sounds just like the anime episode "Ukyo's Skirt." Only there's no
Ranma.
Sunday flew by pretty fast and before the students of Furinkan High
knew=
it,
another dreary school week had begun, a week of books, studying, and
agon=
y.
T: I do not understand. Institutions such as school exist to enrich
human minds.
X: You'd make a great human.
T: That is quite insulting. I am a marionette.
To most students, it would be a usually week, but for Ukyo, it was a
new
beginning. As she walked through the gates and into campus, she felt
almo=
st
every eye upon her.=20
X: Need I say more?
Her hair was no longer long, but neatly cut short. It hung a
X: <gasp> What'd you do to your hair?! <glances at Tamasaburo> Yeah,
yeah, I know.
little abov=
e
shoulder length, and swayed side from side as she walked. A gentle
breeze=
blew
and Ukyo's hair was lifted, then fell back into place as soon as the
wind
stopped pulling. Her dark red lips stood out in comparison to her peach
t=
one
skin; and a little hint eye shadow highlighted the beauty in her
eyes.=20
X: Overdoing it? Who wears eyeshadow to school?
The most impressive change though, was the fact she was wearing a
female
uniform instead of the male uniform. She tried to walk a bit normally
as =
she
used to, but found difficulty walking in a skirt. How she yearned to be
i=
n
pants.=20
As soon as she entered the courtyard, every guy had his sites fixated
on=
the
Ukyo flux, but she had her sites on Ranma. She took a deep breath. This
t=
ime,
she wasn't going to pussy foot around the bushes. She sprinted to
Ranma. =
Ranma
was walking with Akane, and Ukyo popped up in between the two.=20
"Hiya Ran-chan=85" Ukyo said, trying to mimic a Shampoo like voice.=20
X: Ooooh, how brave of you.
"Who are you?" Akane growled as she was slightly pushed to the side
and =
away
>from Ranma.=20
X: 'What do you want?' 'Why are you here?' 'Where are you going?'
Ranma turned to see who had forced her way in between him and
Akane.=20
"Uk-chan?" Ranma stuttered the name. "Is that you?"
X: 'What did you do to my Ucchan?'
"Ukyo?" Akane muttered. Her anger was replaced with surprise.
"Ranma, we'll be late for class," Ukyo slipped her arm around Ranma's
an=
d
dashed off with Ranma stumbling after.=20
Akane stared at the two in shock. It hit her hard when she came to
realization of what had just happened. =20
Her anger soon resurfaced but she couldn't do anything about it. She
sho=
ok
her head and hurried to class.=20
X: Kill her! Kill her!
Not a cloud in the sky yet a young boy walked through the streets of
Ner=
ima
carrying umbrella. He looked as if he had just returned from a long
X: Gee, I wonder who that could be.
campi=
ng
trip. His bandanna, which was usually wrapped around his forehead, now
re=
sted
loose around his neck. He ran his hand through his mop of hair but it
X: He's going to kill himself?
sim=
ply
fell back over his eyes. He gave a tiny sigh.=20
"Now where am I?" he muttered.
He looked around to study the setting. Am I in Okinawa? He couldn't
tell=
. The
heat used to be something that would give him a general idea of where
he =
was,
but now, being summer and all, he couldn't be sure. He wished for
winter,=
so
he could have a faint idea of where he was. Just knowing if it was the
no=
rth
or the south would have satisfied him. Damn this summer heat.
T: He lacks basic direction sense.
X: You DO understand.
The roads were empty except for a few old folks. Judging by the looks
of
things, Ryouga figured that it was probably a school day and that the
tim=
e was
somewhere between seven and four. He wondered a little up the street
X: Oh, so now Ryoga can't tell time either?
into=
the
shopping area. The adults looked at him as if he was a delinquent
skippin=
g
school. Perhaps they thought of him as a thug or a mobster. Ryouga
sighed
wishing that that he could go to school. He happened to pass a familiar
s=
hop.
He read the hiragana that was written above the door.=20
"Ucchan's" Ryouga said with a smile.=20
X: Yep, I know where this'll lead. It's another Ukyo and Ryoga fic.
He was in the one place where he felt truly at home. He was in Akane's
hometown. Knowing this, he relaxed. Perhaps he should run to the school
a=
nd
try to greet her. He took one step then stopped.=20
"Maybe not," he said. He didn't want to get lost and end up going away
f=
rom
Nerima. He sighed. Besides, he was getting a bit hungry. He decided to
wa=
it
till Ukyo got back and he could have a little something to eat.=20
A considerable amount of time had passed. It had been at least thirty
mi=
nutes
since the first wave of student walked by. Little drizzle of students
X: Now he can tell time? What about before?
tha=
t had
left school late was now walking the street. Ryouga sighed. The hunger
pa=
ins
were now immense. =20
X: Open a can of string beans! You can do it!
"Where the hell is Ukyo?" Ryouga muttered.=20
A small line of hungry students had started a line behind Ryouga and
all=
had
the same thought in their heads. Where the hell is she?
X: They seem pretty stupid. If Ukyo wasn't there, shouldn't the
restaurant be CLOSED?
T: That is a practical practice.
After about what seemed to be an hour, students began to try else
where =
for
food. Ryouga didn't dare leave the place; he was afraid he would end up
i=
n
another town. He was hoping that Ukyo would show up and take him to the
T=
endo
Dojo.
X: That's not all you want....
Soon, he found himself alone in front of the neglected restaurant. =
A low
grumbling sound emitted from his stomach and he sighed. The pain was
gett=
ing
worse.
No more students where walking home. The streets were deserted again.
Th=
e
only ones passing by adults that were doing shopping and non-uniformed
te=
ens
running errands. Ryouga spotted Akane among the groups of shoppers.=20
He ran to her. "Akane=85" he yelled out. He was filled with joy to see
h=
er.=20
Akane turned around hearing the sound of her name. She looked at him.
He =
could
see feelings of anger in her face. He cut his run a few feet in front
of =
her.=20
X: 'I feel your pain.'
"Is something wrong?" Ryouga asked.
"That jerk Ranma=85" she started.
"What has that idiot done now?" Ryouga clenched his fist. He was ready
to=
run
of and try to find the fiend that had upset Akane. But a second notion
po=
pped
up in his head. He had to comfort Akane first. "Do you care to talk
about=
it?"
X: Ryoga talking with Akane over her problems? Who are you, and what
have you done to the REAL Ryoga?
Akane and Ryouga talked over a small meal at a nearby Vietnamese
restaura=
nt.
T: I expect the local toughs to vandalize the premesis shortly.
X: Not really.
Ryouga put down the chopsticks. He just finished his second bowl of
phong
noodle. He felt a little better, hunger wise, but his mind was at
trouble=
X: 'In turbulance' might make more sense.
.=20
"And when I left to find Ranma to walk home, he had already left with
Uky=
o=85"
X: "Ranma and Ukyo!!" They're going to do 'the thing!'
T: What 'thing?'
X: You know... a man and a... never mind.
Akane muttered. She looked sad and worried.=20
X: So she ISN'T sad and worried?
The first thought to hit Ryouga was that this could be his chance. He
wan=
ted
to tell Akane how much an asshole that jerk was. He wanted to tell her
th=
at
she deserved better, that she deserved him. He wanted to tell her how
muc=
h he
would take care of her. He wanted to confess how he had longed to tell
h=
er,
how he had harbored his feelings for her for the longest time.=20
X: Long, contrived, cliche. Predictable how this'll turn out.
T: Judging from your tone, he will not take the initiative.
X: Precisely.
Then he looked into her eyes.
He wasn't what she was looking for. She loved him. It was obvious, even
t=
hough
she had never openly said it. Her actions had explained all. Akane was
wo=
rried
for the first time that Ranma might actually be taken away from her.
Even
though they were not an official couple, even though that the whole
thing=
was
their parent's idea, she had loved him deep down, but failed to admit
it,
maybe even to herself.=20
Ryouga saw all this from the story she had just told him. Why hadn't he
understood this before. The perfect chance to steal Akane away from
T: Stealing is a crime, no matter what the form.
X: So glad you agree.
Ranma=
and
he fails to take it. Ryouga looked at the bowl, which only the soup
remai=
ned.
He dipped one of the chopsticks and swirled the soup around. He, then,
pl=
aced
it in his mouth.=20
He didn't want to be happy if she wasn't happy. Ryouga tasted a hint of
t=
he
soup on the chopsticks. It wasn't his happiness, he thought, which was
mo=
re
important.
X: ....
He looked at Akane. She was deep in thought. She had told him
everything of what had happen. Even though she hadn't confessed her
feeli=
ngs,
actions had spoke louder then words today.=20
"Akane," he said. "It's obvious you are worried and a little
jealous=85"
Akane looked at him, "JEALOUS?" her voice was a tad bit higher then it
sh=
ould
have been. A few people that were in the store gave a casual glance to
se=
e
what the commotion was about.
"Why would I be jealous of him?" She looked as if she was about to
scream=
"
"Akane, lower your voice," Ryouga was noticed that a few people decided
t=
o
turn their attentions to them.
"If he wants to run off with Ukyo, then the two could go out for all I
ca=
re,"
She looked very pissed. =20
Ryouga looked her deep in the eyes, "If you couldn't care less, why
are =
you
making a fit of it right now?"=20
X: Ryoga's being the caring friend? Why doesn't he just shut up?
T: This Ryoga is voluntarily giving away information. It appears we will
not have to resort to using 'Mr. Prickly' this time.
X: ....
"Uh," Akane seemed to be stumped on that last remark.
Ryouga took a deep breath, which would probably classify as a sigh.
"=
It
seems to me that you love him."
"I do not," Akane protested, as if it was a conditioned reflex.=20
Ryouga was having a bit of trouble continuing. He didn't want to give
he=
r up
to Ranma, his rival. But she was in love with him. He wanted his
happines=
s, he
wanted her, but what people need and want are two different things. He
ne=
eded
her to be happy.=20
"Yes you do," Ryouga calmly stated, looking away from her face.
"Ryouga=85"=20
"I'm sure Ranma is very much in love with you," Ryouga felt as if he
was
going to start crying.=20
"Does=85 does he?" Akane stuttered.
"I'm very sure of it," Ryouga risked the chance to look in her eyes,
to =
show
that he was dead serious.
X: 'Hi, I'm Ryoga, the matchmaker! I know everything there is about
love!'
"He doesn't act like it, running off with Ukyo after class like that,"
Sh=
e
coldly stated.
"I'm sure he does. Ukyo and Ranma had been friends since childhood.
I'm =
sure
that if you two were meant to be, you needn't worry," Ryouga was now
struggling to stop the tears. Each word he said, it stabbed him
hard.=20
"I just don't what to do Ryouga," Akane turned her sights to the table
s=
he
was sitting at.=20
Ryouga spied a trickle of a tear run down her check.=20
"Akane, I want you to be happy," Ryouga confessed. "That is all that
mat=
ters
to me."
"Ryouga?" Akane looked at him. "You're a really great friend."
X: Kiss him! Kiss him!!
Ryouga looked straight at her. "Really?"
X: Slap him! Slap him!!
"Really=85"
Ryouga looked at the ceiling. "You know what Akane, I say you find
him, =
and
tell him how you feel."
X: 'I say you find him?'
Akane sighed. "I don't know. I don't think I could handle a
rejection."
X: Oh, and you couldn't handle all the times he's insulted you, either?
T: This Ranma does not sound respectable.
X: Yes.
"Akane, I guarantee you won't be rejected."
X: Or your money back!
Akane nodded. "Thank you Ryouga, you're one of my best friends." Akane
g=
ot up
and placed a few yen on the table. "This meal is on my Ryouga"
X: YOUR Ryoga?
Ryouga pushed the money back to her, "I'll take care of it."
"No," she said as she pushed the money back and ran off.
X: Wait, so it's AKANE'S money?
"Wait," Ryouga called to her.=20
Akane was already at the door. She turned to her friend. "Ryouga,
thank =
you
kindly. I don't know what I would have done without you." She smiled to
h=
im.
X: I want the old Ryoga back. The alien in Ukyo's head must've gotten
him.
Ryouga waved and smiled. He looked at the money. He pocketed it as he
to=
ok
out his wallet and placed his cash where it was.=20
X: What does that do? You're taking Akane's money, dammit!
T: So, he is a thief, after all! <turns on energy sword> PREPARE TO
DIE!!!
"This is on me, Akane," he muttered to himself.
As the waiter picked up the tab, Ryouga thought about what had
happened.=
He
released the waterworks, and the tears began to run freely down his
cheek=
s.
"I'm just a friend," he said. The waiter looked at Ryouga, as if she
tho=
ught
he was talking to her. He looked at the waiter. "It's better to be a
frie=
nd
then nothing, right?"=20
X: How man of you to be introspective.
T: Is that a fault?
X: For him, yes.
<continued in part 2>
"Decepticons FOREVER!!" --Ravage, former Decepticon
"You've gotten tricker since last time. I LIKE THAT!!"--Rampage
"If you go to Z'ha'dum, you will die." --Kosh, Babylon 5
"Master! You mustn't! People are watching!!"--Cherry, Saber Marionette J
--Razorclaw X
Author: "Wheel of Fire" and "The World's Worst Ranma Fanfic!"
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