Added more stuff again.  I realize that Akane's realization came very quickly, but the point I was trying to make was that this has been going on for a very long time, and it's only _now_ (i.e., at the beginning of this 'fic) that Akane's clued in to it.  This third draft should reflect that, I hope.
---
Pleasure and Pain (tentative title)
a story by Dot
---
Thoughts are denoted by 'single quotes'
---
	Akane furiously stomped up the stairs, tears 
streaming from her eyes.

	"Stupid Ranma! Why can't he ever say something 
nice for a change?!?" Akane snarled as she remembered 
the strange smirk on Ranma's face when she punted him 
out of the house.  "That jerk!"

	Slamming the door behind her, she flopped down 
on her bed and wept into her sheets.  When she finally 
managed to calm down a bit, Akane got out her diary and 
began writing in her most recent fight with Ranma.

	About halfway down the page, Akane stopped.

	'Wait a minute...didn't something like this happen a 
few days ago?' She flipped back to the previous entry.

	While the exact nature of the argument was 
different, it ended the same way, with Akane punching or 
kicking Ranma into the air to land who knows where.

	Akane kept on reading back.

	'Another fight with Ranma...' she turned the page.  
'And again, yet another fight!'

	Ranma called her food toxic waste when she tried 
to cook.  Ranma said she was a clumsy idiot when she 
knit a sweater with disproportioned sleeves.  Ranma 
made fun of her bust size when her underwear was stolen 
by Happosai.  And on and on it went.

	'It's almost like a pattern...Ranma would insult me, 
I would hit him, and things would be quiet for a few 
days...' she looked at the dates of the entries.  'And 
recently, this has been happening more often...'

	And then Akane remembered something else.

	"The iodine's being used up awfully fast," Kasumi 
had noted earlier.

	"Ranma's probably using it," Nabiki had replied.

	"But no one would use that much iodine in such a 
short time! It stings something horrible!"

	'Oh, God...' Akane rushed downstairs.

	"Why, hello, Akane!" Kasumi greeted cheefully.  
"I'm so glad to see that you're not angry any more."

	"Onee-san, did you see which way I kicked 
Ranma?" Akane asked breathlessly.

	Kasumi pointed.  "I think it was toward the 
industrial area, but I'm not sure."

	Akane never ran faster in her entire life.


	Ranma opened his eyes.  His entire body throbbed 
with a dull ache, especially his left leg.  A long, ragged 
scrape ran down its length.

	Excellent.

	Ranma reached into his shirt to see if any iodine 
remained in the bottle he had 'borrowed' from the first aid 
kit.  A shake confirmed that about a third of it still 
remained.

	Perfect.

	Almost giggling with anticipation, Ranma fumbled 
with the bottle, nearly spilling it in his haste.  He tried to 
steady himself, but his hands shook as he unscrewed the 
bottle cap and poured some of the noxious liquid into it.  
Still shaking, he brought the cap over his leg.

	Drip.

	Pain.  Glorious, magnificent, burning pain.   He 
smiled.

	Drip.

	So what if his life was completely chaotic and 
insane? This was one thing that he could control, one 
thing that he could hold on to.

	Drip.

	He couldn't remember the first time he discovered 
the rush that came from the pain.  After that, though, he 
always made sure that he could find some way to make 
himself hurt.

	Drip.

	Spilled a little too much that time.  Steady.

	Drip.

	The tips of his nails were turning brown.  He 
would have to wash his hands later.  With nice, hot, 
scalding water and lots of soap.

	Drip.

	What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.  
No pain, no gain.  The true mark of a martial artist.  His 
father had taught him that.

	Drip.


	Akane choked back a gasp when she finally found 
Ranma.  He was sitting--no, slouching--in a dirty, 
deserted alley, dripping something on his leg.  Akane 
didn't have to see the bottle next to him to know that it 
was iodine.

	What was even more frightening, though, was the 
look on his face.  It was a wild, estatic expression, like a 
drug addict who had just taken a hit.

	"Ranma," she managed to squeak out.

	For a few seconds, Ranma froze like a deer in the 
headlights.

	Then he looked up at her, his eyes desperate.

	"Help me," he whispered.  "I can't stop."

	He didn't have to ask twice.

	Akane hugged Ranma tightly.  "Oh, God, I'm so 
sorry...ohgodohgodohgod..."

	The iodine cap dropped from Ranma's limp 
fingers, and a relieved sob escaped his lips.


June 7
	Ranma went to see a psychiatrist.  Turns out that 
his self-mutilation was being caused by a severe form of 
depression.  Thankfully, though, the doctor said that all 
he needed was some medicine and lots of love.  Ranma's 
taking both regularly now.

	Ranma's entire body is covered with horrible scars.  
I'm quite certain, though, that the ones on his soul are 
much, much worse.  He tells me that he still has very 
vivid, realistic nightmares about bleeding to death.  I 
have to stay with him until he falls asleep and leave a 
nightlight on in case he wakes up.

	Uncle Genma doesn't rant and rave about his 
"coward of a son" anymore.  As soon as Aunt Nodoka 
found out about what happened, she marched over to our 
house and dragged Uncle Genma into the dojo.  I couldn't 
quite understand what was being said, but after that, 
Uncle Genma only talked when Aunt Nodoka spoke to 
him.

	A little while after that, Cologne came by and 
nullified Ranma's marriage to Shampoo.  She had the 
nerve to say, and I quote, "the Amazon Tribe has no need 
for the weak of mind."  Ranma secretly held hands with 
me during that.  He looked like he was about to cry.

	Ukyou and I have come to a truce.  She visits 
Ranma as often as she can.  Even though Konatsu covers 
for her when she's not there, he tells me that people have 
been reluctant to go to Ucchan's any more because of her 
association with Ranma.  As if Ranma's mental illness 
were contagious or something.

	Ranma's "problem" has been the talk of my 
classmates for a while now.  Even though I pretend not to 
hear their whispering, it still hurts.  I don't really blame 
them, though.  I can understand how they feel.

	I still can't believe how long it took me to realize 
what was going on.  I was so blinded by my anger that I 
shut myself in.  I even thought I hated Ranma for a while.

	I'll never be able to forgive myself for that.
---
Dedicated to Keener and others who have gone through 
those long, dark, and lonely nights.


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