Quick Author's Note: If you think Ren is a self-insertion character, 
think again.  This story isn't an SI, it's just from the first person 
perspective.

	Where could she be?  Gourry and I had spent a good majority of the 
night trying to figure out where they might have taken Lina, but no 
luck.  Gourry and I were getting hungry, so we paused in a nearby town 
to have some dinner.  Then, we were off to find Lina again.
	I really hoped we'd find Lina again.  Mainly because I was growing a 
bit fond of her.  Also, she was someone else I could talk to.  Gourry, 
as nice as the boy is, can only mention what happened in his old 
hometown as a conversational piece.  Mainly because it's probably all he 
can remember.

	This was getting nowhere fast.  I practiced a few more spells that Lina 
had told me to try and practice the night before she got 
sorceress-napped.
	"How can you practice at a time like this?" Gourry asked.
	"Would you rather I run around like a chicken with it's head cut off?  
I'm nervous.  When I'm nervous, I have to calm myself down or I start 
attacking things.  And since I don't wanna take you on, I'm practicing." 
I replied.
	"Um.... okay.... I guess...." Gourry said, confused.
	He had a right to be.  I'm reacting rather strangely to stress and this 
situation was stressing me out.  I hated not knowing what to do.  Lina 
was gone, we'd lost her sorceress-nappers and I was trying to learn a 
few more spells because I had to learn magic or we'd be toast if 
Zelgadis attacked.
	"*FREEZE ARROW*!!" I yelled, freezing the oak tree I had just lit up 
with my fireball.  As most tree aren't meant to be lit up, then frozen 
solid, the tree exploded, sending frozen bits of wood flying.  Gourry 
and I, however, were beyond the range of the flying wooden bits.
	"Well, you're getting good at that." Gourry commented.
	"True.  I just wish I was as good as Lina." I replied.
	"Well, why don't you try the Dragon Slave?" Gourry asked.
	I looked at him.
	"Dragon Slave?" I asked.
	"Yeah, it's the spell Lina cast to blow up that dragon." Gourry told 
me.
	"That might be what we need to beat Zelgadis.  Can you remember how she 
casted it?" I inquired, not really getting my hopes up.
	Gourry's mental gears began moving from their formerly rusted state as 
he thought.  Sorry, it's just that some people tend to get on your 
nerves, despite how nice they can be.
	"Well, she chanted something to herself and then she shot a beam at the 
dragon." Gourry told me.
	I should've known.  Like I said before, the boy's nice, but it's hard 
for him to remember anything.  We started walking a bit more.  Then, we 
both saw a town.
	"Maybe they know where Zelgadis is hiding." I said.
	"Why would they know that?" Gourry asked.
	"Villagers ALWAYS know where the evil wizard is." I replied.
	"How do you know that?" Gourry asked.
	"I......... don't know.  I just know that's a fact, okay?" I replied.
	We headed to the town.

	It turned out that Lina was in the town and not much else was.  Lina, 
however, was busy running from an old man in some robes.
	"GOURRY!  REN!  Boy, am I glad to see you!" Lina said.
	"Why's that?" Gourry asked.
	"Nevermind, let's get going!" Lina said.
	"Why?  The old man doesn't look all THAT frightening." I said.
	"He's one of the bad guys and he's looking for the 'Philosopher's 
Stone'!" Lina said.
	"Really?  I thought they were looking for this Orihalcon Statue." 
Gourry said, pulling out the statue that Lina had given him a few days 
ago.
	"DON'T SHOW THEM THE STATUE!!" Lina yelled, bonking Gourry on the head.
	"Why?" Gourry asked, putting it away.
	"BECAUSE THE STONE'S IN THE STATUE!!" Lina yelled.
	"Thank you so much for showing me where the Philsopher's Stone is, 
young man." the old man said, firing light beams from his finger tips.
	"Bah.  Pathetic.  You think a few measly beams of light are going to 
hurt us?" I asked.
	"Frankly yes." the old man said.
	Lina and Gourry began racing backwards as I merely sidestepped the 
entire attack.  Then, the old man began moving the range of the attack 
towards me and he moved his hand.  I ran forward, avoiding the attack as 
best as I could.  I drew my sword and lunged at the old geezer.
	"You brought this upon YOURSELF!" I roared, hacking the old man in 
half.
	He reformed as I withdrew my sword.  I blinked.
	"Okay.  Start panicking." I said.
	We ran away.

	We stopped in a barn.  We were currently hiding in a pile of hay.
	"Lina, why are we hiding?" Gourry asked.
	"Because, you idiot, that was a pure bred monster.  They're like 
high-density ghosts.  You can't hurt them with that sword of yours." 
Lina growled.
	"A high-what ghost?" Gourry asked.
	"Think of ghosts that can do things, but can't be hurt." I explained.
	"Ah!" Gourry replied.
	"So, how DO we beat that guy?" I inquired.
	"I don't know.  He's pretty tough, so unless we had some really 
heavy-hitting spells or a lot of white magic-users, we can't beat him." 
Lina said.
	"Well, you're pretty darn good at tossin' spells." I said.
	"Yeah, but my power isn't back to it's full capacity." Lina replied.
	"Hey, think a Dragon Slave could hurt it?" I asked.
	"Maybe.......  how do YOU know about the Dragon Slave?" Lina asked.
	"Yeah, how DO you know about it?" Gourry added.
	"You told me, Gourry." I replied.
	"Oh, I did?  Oops!" Gourry said.
	"GOURRY, YOU IDIOT!!" Lina yelled, bapping Gourry hard.
	"OOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!" Gourry yelled.
	"SHHHH!!!" I hissed.
	It was too late, the old dude had found us out.
	"Thank you so much for showing me where you were hiding." the old man 
taunted.
	Time to try out a few of the Shamanist spells Lina had told me to 
practice.  Of course, this was the first time I'd actually use THIS 
spell, but it was better than nothing.
	"*FIREBALL*!" I yelled, tossing as much energy as I could into the 
spell.
	A glowing ball three times my size flew at the old man.  The old 
bastard fired those stupid light beams and cut the spell to pieces.
	"Oh well, I tried." I said.
	"Hey, Ren, Lina.  Distract him." Gourry said.
	"WHAT?!" Lina demanded.
	"Huh?" I added.
	"Distract him." Gourry repeated.
	"Gourry, old buddy, are you friggin' nuts?  Unless you have a secret 
talent for magic that you've hidden from us, you ain't gotta chance with 
that old dude." I said, motioning to said geezer.
	Gourry gave me a knowing grin.  That was probably one of THE scariest 
moments in my life.
	"GOURRY!  YOU CAN'T HURT HIM!!" Lina yelled after the confident 
swordsman.
	Gourry walked forward as the old dude watched us carefully.
	"I guess if you're willing to die, I'd best grant your wish." the old 
man said, growing two new sets of arms, enlarging until he was about 
four times bigger and began getting ready to blast Gourry to pieces.
	I couldn't let even him get killed.  I mean, he can be annoyingly slow 
and dimwitted, but I was getting used to him, so I wasn't about to let 
that old dude kill him without a fight.  I powered up for the strongest 
shamanist spell I knew (or, in other words, the strongest spell Lina had 
taught me).
	"*DEMONA-*" I began.
	Gourry pulled his sheath out of his belt and pulled out a needle.  I 
paused, not letting the spell disapate though, as I WAS curious as to 
what he was going to do.
	"What do you plan to do with that needle, boy?  Defeat me?" the old man 
inquired.
	"Huh?  No, I could never beat you with this, not in a million years." 
Gourry said, looking at the needle.
	"So, you DO have some wits about you.  Then what DO you plan to do?" 
the old man inquired.
	"Just... this." Gourry said confidently.
	Gourry took the needle and poked a spot on the hilt of his sword.
	"NOW do you understand?" Gourry inquired, smiling.
	"I know that you're a fool." the old man said, powering up.
	Gourry drew his sword hilt, minus the blade.  I couldn't wait for him 
to finish whatever crazy plan he had.  Lina began chanting for a major 
spell.  I figured my attack would stall the old dude from killing Gourry 
while Lina blew the bad guy away.
	"*CRY*-" I continued.
	"LIGHT COME FORTH!" Gourry commanded.
	Energy poured out of the hilt and formed the glowing sword blade.  I 
was so shocked at the sudden appearance of the weapon that the spell 
that I was casting evaporated.  Gourry leapt forward and hacked the 
ancient monster in half with one swing.  For a moment, I thought that 
the monster was going to pull the same trick it did when I swung at it, 
but from it's cries of anguish, I didn't think so.  It evaporated as 
Gourry stood proudly holding the glowing sword.  Then, he put it away.
	"Gourry.... you have... the Sword of Light?" Lina asked.
	"That was the Sword of Light?" I asked.
	"Yep.  Guess you have new respect for me now, huh?" Gourry asked 
proudly.
	"Wow!  Can I have it, Gourry?  I'll give you 600 silver pieces for it!" 
Lina said.
	"Hey!  You bought my sword for 600 silver pieces!" I said.
	"Yeah, besides, what kind of idiot would sell the Sword of Light?  Not 
to mention it's a family heirloom!" Gourry declared, frowning.
	"Well, you can give it to me and I'll keep as MY family heirloom!" Lina 
said, smiling brightly, hoping to trick Gourry.
	"Hey, you're trying to trick me!" Gourry accused.
	"I see that you've finished as well." came a familiar voice.
	I turned and gripped my swordhandle.  Zelgadis, Zolf, Rodumus and Reroo 
were all standing there.  Gourry did the same.
	"No!  Wait!  Things have changed!" Lina said, quickly.
	"Yes, if you can forgive the past, then so can I." Zolf said, removing 
the wrapping around his face revealing a middle-aged man with dark green 
hair and a thick mustache.
	"Hmmm, okay!  You're forgiven." Lina said, shaking Zolf's hand.

	Later at an inn, Lina explained everything.
	"Okay, that's everything that's happened up to the present date.  I may 
have skipped over some stuff, but otherwise, that's the whole story." 
Lina said.
	She looked at us.
	"Um, if you have any questions, I'll be glad to answer them." Lina 
said.
	"No, I think you've explained everything PERFECTLY." Zelgadis said, his 
sweatdrop was becoming visible again.
	"You talk more than anyone I've ever met!" Rodumus said.
	"I do?" Lina asked, sweatdropping a bit.
	It was a bit creepy being able to see people sweatdrop.  I wonder if 
it's because I'm learning to tap magic energy.
	"Besides, Lina, you said you'd explain from the very beginning and you 
completely MISSED that!" I said.
	"Really, what did I miss?" Lina asked.
	"'In the beginning, the stars and planets....'" I said in a narrative 
voice before someone, somehow, grabbed a pillow and hit me with it.  I 
looked around.  No one had a pillow.  Hmmm......
	"So, are you going to give us the Philosopher's Stone?" Zelgadis asked.
	"No way." Lina said.
	Zolf and Zelgadis stood up.
	"It's not that we don't WANT to trust you, we're holding on to it 
because it'll be safer.  After all, Zel, didn't you say that you smell 
like Rezo to trolls?  Well, we don't.  We can escape with the stone 
without drawing their attention." Lina explained.  Zel and Zolf grumbled 
and sat down.
	The waitress brought our food.  Lina began eating ravenously.
	"Hey, Lina, it's not going to grow legs and walk away, you know." I 
said, before my steak grew legs and began moving.  I took my knife and 
stabbed it into submission.  It returned to my plate and stayed there.
	"Well, not successfully anyway." I amended.
	"Hey, Lina, keep eating like that and you'll bust out everywhere, heh, 
except your bust." Gourry joked.
	I only managed to see the glint off of Lina's eye before Gourry, 
Zelgadis and I yelped in unison as Lina's fork embedded in the table as 
speeds that forks were not meant to move at.  Thwub-wub-wub-wub....

	Afterwards, we left the inn with the intention of getting a bit 
further.  Then, Lina ran into a little boy.
	"Hey, kid, you should be more careful." I said.
	"Yeah, you could get hurt running into something THAT boney." Gourry 
quipped.
	I have to admit, Gourry DOES have a quick mind for jokes.  The boy got 
up and brushed himself off before announcing that he was fine.
	Then, he turned to stone.  The humming was weak, but it was there.  An 
illusion perhaps?  Then, Zelgadis pointed at the sky.  More 
specifically, a glowing ball.  The hum grew as it neared.  Then, an eye 
formed and the image of Rezo appeared over the boy.
	"Rezo!" Lina growled.
	"Hello, Lina.  Zelgadis.  How are you?" Rezo inquired.
	"What do you want?" Lina demanded.
	"Oh, you know what I want.  Why, I'll even buy it from you." Rezo 
offered.
	"And what could be worth the Philosopher's Stone?" Zelgadis asked.
	"Hmmm, I know.  What about the people of this town?  Would THEIR lives 
be worth the Stone?" Rezo asked.
	"YOU BASTARD!" I snarled.  This sicko was going to turn everyone in 
this village to stone.
	"I think turning everyone in this town to stone like this boy would be 
quite... artistic.  However, if you have an alternative to my idea, just 
come to my tower and we'll talk about it.  Zelgadis knows the way." Rezo 
said, before laughing at us.
	"YOU MONSTER!" Zelgadis roared, throwing a dagger through Rezo's image 
and into the ball, causing it to explode.
	"What's everyone staring at?" the little boy asked.
	Looks like it was an illusion after all.
	"It's nothing.  Why don't you run along home?" Lina asked.
	The boy ran off, waving to us.
	"What are we going to do about Rezo, Lina?" Zelgadis asked.
	"We'll have to go to him sooner or later.  He won't give up.  Once he 
turns this place to stone, he'll just move from village to village until 
we talk to him.  We'll just have to bargain with him." Lina said.
	"And what happens if we can't bargain?" Zelgadis inquired.
	"We'll see." Lina said.

	That night, I spent studying some more of the spells that Lina had 
suggested.  I mentally went over the spells I had learned in my own 
unique idiom (I.e. half-assed).
	Recovery, a healing spell of varying strength.
	Digger Volt, a lightning spell.
	Diem Wave, a wind spell.
	Levitation, normal and weak.
	Lightning, a weaker lightning spell.
	Raywing.
	Dill Brand, an earth spell that blasts the groud out from under the 
opponent.
	Balus Rod, a fire spell that makes a stick or whip of fire.
	Flare Arrow.
	Fireball.
	Freeze Arrow.
	Demona Crystal.
	A nice list for a beginner, but was I going to be able to use them 
against Rezo?  Was I even going to be useful against Rezo?  Doubts 
plagued my mind.
	That night, I had a nightmare.  Of a giant creature with glowing red 
eyes.  It was going to destroy the world.  And nothing could stop it.  
It's a good thing that I don't listen to dreams.  After all, only a fool 
lets his dreams rule his life.  Now, his girlfriend or his wife are 
another matter altogether....

	The next day, after some good breakfast, we headed off to Rezo's tower, 
as opposed to heading off to Rezo's cave.  Yes, I AM a smart ass.  As if 
you hadn't figured _that_ out yet.  Strangely, it didn't take too long.  
However, we found out from Zel that the tower was at least a thousand 
years old.  The same time that Shaburnigdo was battled and beaten by 
Cipheed the second time.
	As we entered, we were greeted by the statues.  It wasn't until we made 
our way to the main hallway that Rezo appeared.  That damn humming was 
in my ears again.  Meanwhile, I was disgusted to report that Reroo was 
picking his nose with his dagger.  Oh yeah, that boy had real _class_.
	"Welcome my friends, to my humble abode." Rezo said.
	"Humble my ass." Reroo told him.
	Death wish, definitely.
	"All right, Rezo.  We have the statue, but there are some things I'd 
like to talk to you about." Lina said.
	"Very well, meet me in the main hall atop this tower." Rezo said as his 
image and the illusion showing the stairs vanished in unison.
	I looked up.  Damn, those stairs could kill someone if they tried to 
climb them.
	"Those are going to be a pain to climb." Lina commented.
	"Indeed." Zelgadis and I said in unison.
	We paused and glanced at each other, then shook it off.
	"*Levitation*!" Lina and I chanted.
	Zelgadis and Zolf didn't do the fancy stuff.  They must be masters at 
the levitation spell.  Zelgadis and Zolf carried Rodumus.  I got stuck 
carrying Reroo.  He and I glared at each other, but neither of us said 
anything.  Lina wound up carrying Gourry.  With the company _I_ had to 
deal with, Gourry would've been a nice change.
	"So, what happened to Dilgear?" I inquired.
	"We killed him.  He was loyal to Rezo, not Zelgadis." Reroo replied.
	Ah, I always knew Dilgear was _green_ with envy.  After all, until he 
switched sides, Zel was Rezo's number 1 man.  Dilgear wasn't getting any 
of the 'profit', so he went after Zel.  Nice to know that Zel's 
popularity was higher than Dilgear's.

	We arrived at the main hall.  Gourry made somewhat of an ass of himself 
when he accidentally panicked and grabbed Lina's chest.  As soon as they 
landed, Lina booted Gourry in the rearend.
	"You're blushing." Zelgadis observed.
	"WHO ASKED YOU?!" Lina demanded.
	"Are you two lovebirds quite through?" Reroo asked snidely.
	Obviously, Reroo hadn't noticed how dangerous Lina could be, even with 
a fork.  Luckily for Reroo, he was promptly ignored and we all entered 
the main hall where Rezo sat across a table that was covered in candles.
	Grinning evilly, Reroo adjusted his voice to that of a cliche`d 
southerner and began taunting Rezo, "Why Rezo, you sly dog, candles?  I 
nevah been so embarassed!"
	He was rewarded by a slap upside the head, courtesy of me.
	"Oww!" Reroo whined.
	"All right, Rezo.  Here's the Philosopher's Stone, now I want you to 
explain some things to me.  Like what do you plan to do with it once you 
have it?" Lina inquired.
	"Hasn't Zelgadis already told you?" Rezo inquired.
	"That line about curing your eyes?  Please.  What's the REAL reason?  
And why didn't you tell us the truth when we first met?" Lina asked.
	"I could explain it to you, but you wouldn't understand.  None of you 
could.  Being able to cure other peoples blindness and not being able to 
cure my own?" Rezo said, looking pitiful.
	"Uh, guys?  I'm not understanding anything here." Gourry said.
	"WILL YOU SHUT UP, GOURRY?!  YOU'LL GET IT IN A MINUTE!" Lina snapped.
	"Promises, promises." I muttered.
	Lina glared at me, but I was busy whistling innocently and looking at 
the ceiling.  And I was too far away.  She'd probably get me for it 
later.
	"So, you made a deal with that monster, didn't you?  In return for 
resurrecting Shaburnigdo, you'll get your eyes cured," Lina began, 
drawing gasps from all of us (save Gourry, who was still trying to 
figure it out), "correct?"
	"SHABURDINGO!?  HE'S THAT MAIN MONSTER DUDE!!" Gourry exclaimed, 
suddenly panicking.
	Rezo did the one thing that I didn't expect.  He laughed while 
applauding.
	"Very good detective work, Ms. Lina.  Resurrecting Shaburnigdo IS the 
cure for my blindness.  And I believe that he is sealed inside this very 
tower." Rezo said.
	"So, you'll destroy the world in exchange for being able to see?!" 
Zelgadis demanded.
	"If man's own power is not enough, one must turn to either the monsters 
or the gods." Rezo responded.
	"Well, now that we know your plan, we can't let you have the 
Philosopher's Stone." Lina declared.
	"And I can't let you leave with the stone." Rezo said.
	"Try anything and I'll blow this thing to pieces." Lina warned.
	"Then we shall see what happens." Rezo said, standing up.
	He began chanting a strange spell.  The humming became more and more 
distinct.  It was focused at...
	"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" Zelgadis cried.
	"Master Zelgadis!" Rodumus and Zolf cried in unison.
	"Zelgadis!" Lina yelped as Zelgadis leapt at her, knocking the statue 
out of her hand.
	Reroo and I tackled Zelgadis off of Lina, but he was too strong for 
both of us and tossed us aside.  I rolled to my feet as Reroo hit the 
wall hard.  At least Reroo was strong enough to stand up again.  
Zelgadis drew his blade this time and attacked me.  Rodumus leapt in 
front of him and blocked Zel's blade with his axe.
	"Master Zelgadis, please snap out of it!" Rodumus cried.
	Rezo raced out of the room and more of the illusions vanished.
	"EVERYONE AFTER REZO!" Lina yelled.
	She was about to go through the door that Rezo had gone through when 
Zelgadis leapt at her.  Reroo tackled Zelgadis and rammed him into a 
wall, knocking the chimera-man's senses back to where they belonged.  
However, Lina's kick, which she had already launched, was not stopped.
	Zelgadis got the sorceress's foot square in the face.  Had he been a 
normal guy, it looked like it would've broken something for sure.
	"Master Zelgadis!" Rodumus said, worried for his superior.
	"Wh't heppeped?" Zelgadis asked, holding his nose and checking it to be 
sure it wasn't broken.
	Hey, Lina may look small, but as I found out, she can kick over brick 
walls.  I asked her later how she learned how to do that, but all I got 
from her was something about 'martial arts' and a 'kick-ass teacher'.
	"You were under a spell.  Rezo must have put it in when he made your 
new body." Lina explained.
	Zelgadis cursed.
	"Um, aren't we forgetting Rezo?" Gourry asked.
	D'oh!

	As we ascended the stairs, that damn humming was getting louder and 
louder.
	"Whatever Rezo's casting, it's one helluva a spell." I yelled over the 
roar that we were hearing.
	"Hey, how can you tell it's not just a really big wind?" Reroo asked.
	I was ready to remark about the Red Priest not being able to eat THAT 
many baked beans, when Rodumus yelled at us.
	"Talk later.  Run now!" Rodumus scolded us.
	As we reached the peak, we all saw Rezo in the middle of a large magic 
circle.  The Philosopher's Stone hovered above him.
	"It's an enormous magic circle!" Lina yelled as Zelgadis made a wind 
barrier in front of us to stop the powerful wind from sending us down 
the stairs we had just run up.
	"Well, why don't we just destroy it?" Reroo asked.
	"You can't just destroy a magic circle, ya schmuck!" I yelled.
	"Why not?" Reroo inquired.
	"The magic build up would be like destroying a dam when you're standing 
right in front of it." Zolf explained.
	"But, what CAN we do?" Reroo asked.
	"Unless we're willing to risk killing Rezo or knocking the 
Philosopher's Stone down, nothing." Lina answered.
	The Philosopher's Stone shattered.
	"WHERE ARE YOU?!  SHABURNIGDO!!!" Rezo roared.
	"Look, he's failed!" Zolf said.
	Rezo yelled and clutched his eyes.
	"No, he hasn't.  The magic energy's still building up.... NO!  Rezo was 
wrong!  Shaburnigdo isn't in this tower, it's just the place for the 
ceremony!  The Dark Lord, Shaburnigdo, is sealed in Rezo's own blind 
eyes!" Lina cried.
	Rezo's eyes opened and glowed red.
	"I CAN SEE!!  MY EYES ARE OPEN AND I CAN SEE!!  I CAN SEE!!  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Rezo laughed, hysterically.
	Then, it went wrong.  Rezo screamed in agony as new legs formed.  And 
they weren't human.  His own arms and legs began changing.
	"NO!  WHAT'S GOING ON!?  WHO ARE YOU?!" Rezo demanded.
	"I AM HE WHO'S RESURRECTION YOU DESIRED." came the booming response.  
If a voice could sound of pure evil, then that was the voice we heard.
	Rezo disintegrated right front of our eyes.  Zelgadis let a blast loose 
at the still forming Dark Lord.  Dark light exited the smoke that 
surrounded the Dark Lord and cleared, revealing the massive form of the 
Dark Lord.
	If there were two words to describe the Dark Lord, they would be 
'Enormous' and 'Impressive'.  Yes, he's impressive.  Hey, if you were 
there, you'd HAVE to describe him the same way.  How did I feel?  Real 
small and insignificant.  Terrified.  Okay, I'll admit it, I wanted to 
wet myself.  However, I willed myself under control.  Barely.
	"Ruby-eyed... Shaburnigdo!" Zelgadis cursed.
	Having to lighten my mood or I'd have to kill myself, I grabbed him by 
the shirt.
	"You mean to tell me that there's an Emerald, Diamond, Sapphire, Onyx 
and Jade-eyed Shaburnigdo too?!  Where can I collect all seven?" I 
demanded.
	"This isn't a Happy-Sailoon Meal!" Lina snapped at me.
	"AT LAST, I AM FREE AGAIN.  I MUST THANK YOU HUMAN WHO HAVE MADE MY 
RESURRECTION POSSIBLE.  IN GRATITUDE, I WILL ALLOW YOU TO CHOOSE THE 
FATE BEFORE YOU.  YOU CAN EITHER JOIN ME AS SLAVES AND WE WILL UNSEAL MY 
OTHER PIECES.  OR YOU CAN DIE." Shaburnigdo said in his booming voice.
	"Slave works for me." Gourry said.
	"YOU IDIOT!  HE'LL ONLY LET US LIVE IF WE HELP HIM DESTROY THE WORLD!" 
Lina snapped.
	"Oh." Gourry said.
	Then, Zolf walked in front of us.
	"Dark Lord, eh?  Don't flatter yourself.  Mankind's power has greatly 
increased since YOU were sealed away.  Now, Zolf will show you what REAL 
magic is all about." Zolf declared.
	"OH?" Shaburnigdo asked.
	"AAAAGGHH!  GOURRY'S STUPID, BUT THIS GUY'S INSANE!!" Lina cried.
	"*Darkness beyond twilight,
	Crimson beyond blood that flows,*" Zolf chanted.
	"The Dragon Slave, from THAT third rate wizard?" Lina gasped.
	This was the Dragon Slave?  I'd best pay attention.
	"*Buried in the stream of time,
	Is where your power grows,
	In thy great name,*" Zolf chanted.
	Wait a minute, if the Dragon Slave is a Black Magic spell and if 
Shaburnigdo is the Dark Lord.... uh-oh.
	"STOP IT, ZOLF!  IT WON'T WORK!" Lina yelled.
	Zolf continued and ignored her.
	"*Let the fools before us be destroyed by the power you and I possess!
	DRAGON SLAVE*!" Zolf cried.
	The energy blast flew from Zolf's hands and hit Shaburnigdo square on.
	"RUN ZOLF!" Rodumus cried, dropping his axe and grabbing Zolf to pull 
the wizard away.
	As Lina had said, it didn't work.  Shaburnigdo emerged from the 
darkness, angrier than before... hey, wait a minute.  My line of thought 
ended as Shaburnigdo fired a beam at Zolf and Rodumus, incinerating them 
instantly.  I looked at Shaburnigdo.  Nothing.  Nada.  Zip.  Zero.  Not 
even a singe mark.  Not even mild discoloring on his body armor.  Oh 
crap.
	"Ru....Rodumus?  Zolf?" Reroo asked, disbelieving as he stared at the 
burn mark on the ground that had once been the wizard Zolf and the 
weapons-master Rodumus.
	I myself was almost disbelieving it.  Shaburnigdo hadn't even used much 
power to do that.
	"MY PATIENCE IS LIMITED. GIVE YOUR ANSWER." Shaburnigdo declared.
	"Well, what are we going to do, Lina?" Gourry asked, glancing at the 
burn mark.
	"Zelgadis?" Lina inquired in a voice that said, "You thinking what I'm 
thinking?"
	"Right.  RUN!!!!" Zelgadis yelled.
	I grabbed Rodumus' axe, Reroo and ran for the hills after Zelgadis, 
Lina and Gourry.  We were followed by Shaburnigdo's laughter.  It was 
the kind that you have nightmares about.

	"Pathetic.  Absolutely pathetic!  All we could do was run away!" Reroo 
snarled.
	"It's not like we could actually FIGHT something like that.  After all, 
it took a GOD to beat him both times.  We're only mortals.  What could 
WE possibly do against something like THAT?" I demanded.
	Reroo looked at Rodumus' axe.  I had handed it to him after we left the 
vicinity of Rezo's tower..... excuse me, Shaburnigdo's tower.
	"I guess you're right.  All we can do is run away." Reroo said.
	"Aw, will you guys cheer up?  I know what we can do!" Lina said.
	It wasn't until we were in a nearby town that Lina finally finished 
that sentence.
	"Eat up on good food!  Even if he IS the Dark Lord, he should let us 
puny mortals have a meal to think over his offer." Lina said.
	"How can you eat at a time like this?" Gourry asked.
	"Going hungry does no one any good." Lina replied.
	"Perhaps this'll be our last meal." Zelgadis said.
	Lina groaned as the rest of us took this information in and became even 
more depressed.
	"Hey, we're back in Gloomsville again!" Lina growled at Zel.
	"THAT'S IT!  This is going to take a special meal!" Lina said.
	We waited for her to finish what her train of thought was leading us.
	"Um, Ren, got a suggestion?" Lina asked.
	"Sure.  OY!  TWENTY SPAGHETTI DINNERS AND PRONTO!!" I yelled.
	"Spaghetti?" Lina asked.
	"Ever had it?" I asked.
	"No." Lina replied.
	"Well, let's just say no one can stay miserable while eating 
spaghetti." I said.
	"Why's that?" Reroo inquired.
	"Because it's so damn hard to eat, you can't concentrate on anything 
else.  Plus, it's good for you and junk like that." I replied, smiling.
	It was a bit later and the spaghetti (and the chicken and the steaks 
and the salads and the appetizers) were gone, we got down to business 
(despite Lina's minor complaints about not having dessert).
	"Okay, so we already know that my speciality, Black Magic, won't work, 
but if we set up a plan around Zel's Shamanist Magic, maybe, MAYBE, 
we'll have a shot at beating him." Lina explained.
	"It won't work." Zelgadis replied.
	"Right, like I said, it won't- WHAT?!" Lina demanded.
	"Do you recall what I did when Shaburnigdo was being reborn?" Zelgadis 
inquired.
	"Yeah, you cast a spell I couldn't make out... HEY!  That wasn't the-" 
Lina began.
	"The Ra-Tilt." Zelgadis said.
	"What's this Ra-Tilt?" I asked as Lina sat back down.
	"You've never heard of it?!" Lina asked.
	"I've never heard of a lot of things, Lina.  Memory's got more holes 
than actual material." I said, tapping my head.
	"Okay, the Ra-Tilt is the strongest spell in all of Shamanism.  And 
it's supposed to be as strong as the Dragon Slave.  Zelgadis can explain 
the rest." Lina said.
	"All living beings have two bodies.  A physical form and an astral or 
spirit form.  The Ra-Tilt is a way of destroying your opponent from the 
astral plane.  However, since Shaburnigdo exists purely as an astral 
being, much higher than us, he is able to deflect a human's astral 
energy with hardly any effort at all." Zelgadis explained.
	"Um, I don't really follow you about any of that 'astral' stuff, but 
basically, what you're say is, we don't have a chance!" Gourry said.
	"So it is true.  Ignorance IS bliss." Reroo quipped.
	"The reason my black magic won't work is because black magic comes from 
hate, anger, terror, fear, despair.  The dark, negative emotions.  Well, 
that's describing Shaburnigdo.  You heard it when Zolf cast the Dragon 
Slave, 'Crimson beyond blood that flows'." Lina explained.
	"Was it in there?" Gourry asked.
	"Yeah, it was.  Anyway, using black magic against Shaburnigdo is like 
saying 'Hey you, can you help me kill you?'.  And white magics' just for 
healing and purification." Lina said.
	"Why not get a lot of white magic-users and purify the hell out of 
Shaburnigdo?" Reroo asked.
	"Find that many white mages.  Then, distract Shaburnigdo long enough 
for them to do that.  THEN, keep Shabbie from killing them as they're 
purifying him." I told him.
	"Oh." Reroo responded.
	"There's a last resort, though." I said.
	"What's that?" Reroo inquired.
	"The Sword of Light.  You saw how easily Gourry killed that pure-bred 
monster.  Shabbie can't be much more of a problem for THAT thing." I 
said.
	"But Shaburnigdo's far more powerful than ANY monster." Zelgadis 
pointed out.
	"Listen, it's very hard to stop light.  And if the Sword of Light IS 
light, how's Shabbie gonna stop it?  Catch it?" I asked.  Even if he 
did, I had a plan to distract him long enough for Gourry to cut him.
	"He's right.  It's a long shot, but if we don't stop Shaburnigdo soon, 
we'll never stop him." Zelgadis said.
	"I'm in.  Even if I die, I can't just let Shaboingo win." Gourry said.
	"I can't let my mentor die without at least TRYING to kill whoever did 
it." Reroo said.
	"And I'll never live it down if I don't at least TRY.  Besides, if I 
let this doof <I pointed at Reroo> get beaten by someone other than me, 
why, I just couldn't live with myself." I added.
	"HEY!" Reroo growled.
	"Lina?" Gourry asked.
	"But, I don't wanna die." Lina said.
	"No one says you have to fight." Gourry said.
	"But, there's still good food left and treasures for me to find, and if 
I get tired of adventuring, I can just go home.  Start a family.  Be a 
real girl for once!" Lina said.
	We all were sweatdropping.
	"Running away is your privilege.  But, I must warn you that if you join 
my enemy, I'll have to kill you too.  Come on." Zelgadis said.
	Lina slammed her hand on the table.  We turned to see her shaking her 
hand a bit before noticing us and regaining her composure.
	"Who said anything about not fighting?" Lina asked.
	"But you just-" Gourry began.
	"Never jump to conclusions.  You should know better than to think _I'M_ 
the sort of person who won't do something just because I _might_ get 
killed.  You men tend to think it's so chivalrous, that you'll be 
remembered.  But when you die, you're dead.  What's so special about 
that?" Lina asked.
	"Lina..." Gourry said.
	"Listen, if you have one percent chance to win, and you convince 
yourself that you're going to die, that one percent turns to zero 
percent.  That's why if we fight Shaburnigdo, we'll win!" Lina said, 
putting her hand out.
	Zelgadis smiled and put his hand on Lina's.  I put mine on his.  Gourry 
put his on mine.  Reroo finally put his hand on top.  The sounds of 
glass shattering brought our attention to the situation outside.  We 
raced outside, to see hundreds of trolls trashing the city.
	"Trolls everywhere!" Reroo exclaimed, stating the obvious.
	"Think Shaburnigdo sent these trolls as a hit squad to get rid of us?" 
Lina asked.
	We watched as two scavenging trolls turned to look at us, then went 
back to scavenging.
	"I guess not." Zelgadis said.
	"Hey, think they're going nuts because the Dark Lord is reborn?" Reroo 
asked.
	A few trolls charged us.  And the battle was on.

	The next morning, I awoke a bit stiff, but in time to see Reroo and 
Zelgadis getting ready to leave on their own.  I nudged Gourry awake, 
who woke Lina up.  Lina grabbed a rock and tossed it, striking Zelgadis 
perfectly in the back of the head.
	"Hey, you weren't thinking of doing something _STUPID_ like fighting 
Shaburnigdo by yourself, were you?" Lina asked.
	Zelgadis rubbed the back of his head as he and Reroo turned to look at 
us.
	"We all agreed that we'd fight him together." Lina said.
	Zelgadis smiled.  Second time I've seen him do that.
	"AT LAST, THIS CHARADE CAN FINALLY END." can the booming voice of the 
Dark Lord.
	We all turned to see him appear merely a hundred feet away and he STILL 
looked big.
	"I SEE YOU HAVE DECIDED TO FINALLY STOP RUNNING." Shaburnigdo said.
	"Yeah, and boy, are you in trouble!" Lina said, smiling and waving her 
index finger at Shabbie like a teacher does while scolding a child.
	"I'll see you in hell, Shaburnigdo." Reroo growled, hefting Rodumus' 
axe.
	"YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE YOU CAN BEAT ME.  HOW AMUSING.  ZOLF AND THE OLD 
MAN DIED FOOLISHLY, BUT TRULY, YOU FIVE ARE THE HEIGHT OF SHEER 
STUPIDITY." Shaburnigdo said, chuckling to himself.
	"We'll see who's stupid!" Zelgadis said, growling angrily.
	"If that's how you feel about human lives-" Gourry began.
	"Then prepare to lose your own-" Lina began.
	"Surely-a-dingo!" I yelled.
	Everyone turned to me.
	"What?!  I'm taunting him." I replied.
	They continued to look at me.
	"Oh, nevermind!" I said, pouting.
	Zelgadis stalked forward, drawing his sword just before jumping at 
Shaburnigdo.  However, Shabbie merely raised his foot and slammed it 
down.  Zel was blown back faster than speck of dust in a hurricane.  He 
landed some fifty feet behind us, a bit frustrated, but unharmed.
	"Oh well, might as well try!  *DARK FLARE*!!!!" Lina chanted.
	The energy flew at Shabbie.  Shabbie raised a finger and.... absorbed 
the energy with no effort.
	"Whoa.... nothing is RIGHT." Lina said, sighing.
	"YOURS, I BELIEVE." Shabbie said, throughing the spell back at Lina.
	"That's IT!" Reroo yelled, jumping at Shabbie.
	"No suicide attacks!  *DEMONA CRYSTAL*!" I yelled, throwing my most 
powerful spell.
	Shabbie looked at the shaft of ice and blasted it to pieces.
	"BAH.  AMATEUR.  HERE'S HOW YOU USE ICE." Shabbie said, throwing ice 
bolts at me.
	Eeep.  I leapt back, frantically dodging the bolts.
	"*Source of all power, Wind which blows to the East... FLARE ARROW*!" I 
chanted, throughing the spears of fire at the bolts of ice, negating 
them.
	"I've had just about enough!  *Infinite earth, mother who nurtures all 
life, let thy power gather in my hand! VLAVE HOWL*!!!" Zelgadis roared.
	The ground exploded upwards, melting into lava and engulfed Shaburnigdo 
completely.  The lava solidified.
	"Way to go, Zel! WHOOO!" Lina cheered.
	"Did we get 'em?" Reroo asked as we regrouped.
	The humming started again.  I had been too busy to notice it before, 
but this was far too important.  Gouts of lava poured up and began 
covering the ground around us, forming a circle around us.
	Then, we realized that Shabbie was unharmed and free.
	"IMPRESSIVE, BUT YOU SHOULD USE LAVA.... LIKE THIS.  ARISE." Shabbie 
said, creating lava dragons which flew up into the sky.
	Then, the lava dragons began straffing us.  Gourry severed the head of 
one, while Reroo hacked the head of another.
	"This'll take forever!" Gourry complained.
	"Then I'll end this right now." Zelgadis said before muttering a spell 
I couldn't make out.
	A huge web formed in the sky, catching a majority of the lava dragons 
and dispelling them.
	However, one lava dragon didn't hit the web and instead, swooped down 
on Zelgadis, burning him with it's breath, pinning him to the ground and 
biting him.
	"Gourry, ready?" Lina asked.
	"Yeah." Gourry said.
	"Right!  *FREEZE ARROW*!" Lina yelled, throwing ice bolts at the lava 
monster.
	"*RAYWING*!" Lina yelled, flying up into the sky.
	The lava dragon followed her.  Good.  Time to do something that may be 
either incredibly stupid or incredibly devious.   I ran around Shabbie 
until I was on his left.  Lina dove at Shabbie and pulled up as the lava 
dragon tried to follow and wound up flying directly at Shabbie.  
Shaburnigdo destroyed the dragon.
	"I'm not done yet!  *FIREBALL*!" Lina chanted.
	The fireball flew at Shabbie, who blocked it.
	"LIGHT COME FORTH!" Gourry yelled as the legendary Sword of Light 
powered up.
	Gourry leapt at Shaburnigdo, who blocked it.  Damn.
	"What?!" Gourry asked.
	"THE LEGENDARY SWORD OF LIGHT MAY HAVE DESTROYED THE BEAST ZANNIFER, 
BUT IT WILL NEVER DESTROY ME." Shaburnigdo declared.
	"GOOD GOING, GOURRY!  YOU'VE DISTRACTED HIM LONG ENOUGH FOR ME TO USE 
_MY_ SWORD OF LIGHT!" I yelled, drawing my toy light stick and turning 
it on.
	It burst to life, glowing like Gourry's sword.  Shaburnigdo and Gourry 
turned to me.  I prayed that what I was about to lie about didn't seem 
too transparent, because I was on the verge of wetting my pants as the 
Dark Lord's attention was fully on me.
	"WHAT?!" Shaburnigdo demanded.
	"YOU SEE, SHABBIE, IN THE LAST THOUSAND YEARS OR SO, MORE WIZARDS HAVE 
BEEN ABLE TO CREATE THESE SWORDS!  HECK, THERE ARE ARMIES _FULL_ OF 
WARRIORS WITH THESE WEAPONS!  YOU'LL NEVER WIN EVER AGAIN!!" I roared, 
running at Shaburnigdo, who had forgotten enough about Gourry to let 
Gourry slice off one of Shabbie's horns.
	Shaburnigdo roared in anger.  Peeved?  Definitely.  He smacked me 
aside.  I blacked out for maybe a minute, maybe an hour.  I woke up just 
in time to see Reroo was doing something incredibly stupid.
	"SHABURNIGDO!!!" Reroo roared, leaping at the Dark Lord with his sword 
drawn.  Wait a minute, he dropped Rodumus' axe!  It was next to Gourry!  
That maniac!
	Shaburnigdo opened his maw and let loose a solid beam of energy, 
annihilating Reroo like Rodumus and Zolf.  Damn that monster.  DAMN IT 
TO THE LOWEST PITS OF HELL!
	"Are you just going to let that monster destroy the world you've wanted 
to see for so long?  REZO!!" Zelgadis yelled.
	Shaburnigdo paused.  Rezo... was still able to act.  That meant we 
still had a chance!  Too bad I felt as though I was made of wet noodles 
to do anything about it.
	"SHABURNIGDO!!!" Lina roared.
	Shaburnigdo turned to look at Lina who was, to my surprise, holding the 
Sword of Light.  When that happened, I was at loss, but Gourry and Zel 
looked like crap.  Of course, I wasn't exactly looking like a spring 
chicken either.
	"LISTEN UP, YOU BASTARD!  IF THIS DOESN'T WORK, YOU WIN!!  I'll give 
up." Lina declared.
	"NOT EVEN THE MOST POWERFUL SPELL IN ALL OF BLACK MAGIC IS OF ANY USE 
AGAINST ME." Shaburnigdo laughed.
	"MAYBE NOT, BUT WHAT IF I CALL UPON A MORE POWERFUL LORD THAT EVEN 
YOU?" Lina demanded.
	"WHAT?!?!" Shaburnigdo demanded.
	"YOU SEE, I'VE HEARD OF ANOTHER DARK LORD, THE LORD OF NIGHTMARES!" 
Lina yelled.
	Shaburnigdo's armor acutally paled.  Whoever the Lord of Nightmares 
was, it had just scared Shaburnigdo.  That in and of itself was MORE 
than impressive.
	"The Sword of Light and the Dark Lord's spell.  AND NOW YOU'LL SEE IT!  
MY MOST SECRET OF SECRETS!  THE GIGA SLAVE!" Lina said.
	Shaburnigdo wasted no time powering up.  No wonder, because when the 
Dragon Slave was cast, it sounded like a somewhat loud hum.  This was a 
deafening roar.
	"Sword of Light, please accept this darkness." Lina asked.
	Darkness, like a wreath of smoke, encircled the sword of light like a 
bar enchanted with a light spell being covered with oil.
	"*Darkness beyond blackest pitch,
	  deeper than the deepest night!
	  King of Darkness, shining like gold upon the Sea of Chaos,
	  I call upon thee!
	  In thy great name, I pledge myself to darkness!
	  Let the fools who stand before us be destroyed...
	  by the power you and I possess!*" Lina chanted.
	I felt as though I was going insane.  The noise just wouldn't go away.  
I staggered over to Zelgadis and Gourry, forgot why I had come over, and 
just collapsed, staring up at Lina and the Dark Lord.
	"*GIGA SLAVE*!!" Lina roared.
	The Dragon Slave was a red beam encased in dark energy.  If one were to 
look upon the Giga Slave wave, one would see reality bending as the dark 
energy encasing the blackest magic flew towards Shaburnigdo.  
Shaburnigdo struggled to keep from being annihilated like the three 
humans he had destroyed.  Oddly, even the energy colliding against 
Shaburnigdo's shield looked like a black horse charging forward, but 
being held back.
	Excess from the Giga Slave cleared the sky of the clouds that 
Shaburnigdo had made and Lina screamed as the energy looked like it was 
determined to destroy something, even if was her.  Then, white energy 
appeared in front of Shaburnigdo.  Shaburnigdo looked angry.
	"DON'T INTERFERE!" Shaburnigdo roared.
	Who was he talking to?
	"DON'T INTERFERE!!!" Shaburnigdo roared again.
	Then, Shaburnigdo's shield went down and the Giga Slave roared through.  
When the smoke cleared, we all watched in horror as Shaburnigdo was 
seemingly unscathed.  And Lina's hair was as white as newly bleached 
linen sheets.
	Shaburnigdo chuckled softly, not the "humans are pathetic" laugh that 
we heard earlier, but rather a "don't worry, everything's okay" sort of 
laugh.  Had it not come from one of the greatest demons ever, it might 
have sounded like a father's chuckle at a overly nervous child's 
anxiety.  But, as it was coming from the greatest demon ever, it didn't 
sound like that.
	"YOUR DESPAIR.... IS UNFOUNDED.  NOW, I SHALL GRANT UPON YOU AND REZO A 
GREAT HONOR.  THE HONOR OF MY DEATH." Shaburnigdo said, his armor 
turning white and light grey as he began breaking up and sinking into 
nothingness.
	"FOR MERE HUMANS TO HAVE DEFEATED THE DARK LORD IS TRULY AN IMPRESSIVE 
FEAT INDEED.  YOU ARE A REMARKABLE SORCERESS, LINA INVERSE." 
Shaburnigdo, the Dark Lord, declared before vanishing all together.
	We all gaped at where the Dark Lord had been defeated.  Finally sure 
that Shaburnigdo wasn't going to return, we all relaxed.  After an hour 
of resting, Zelgadis turned to me.
	"So, there really ARE wizards that can make Swords of Light?" Zelgadis 
asked.
	"No, I was lying my ass off.  It's a toy." I said pulling out the toy 
light stick.  I clicked it on, braced it against the ground and pulled 
myself up.  Gourry seemed happy about that.
	"I see.  So... you were lying to Shaburnigdo." Zelgadis said.
	"Why not?  Besides, the Dark Lord was dumb enough to fall for it.  And 
even if he didn't, I had distracted him long enough for Gourry to slash 
off a horn, right?" I answered.

	It was a while later.  I was holding up Gourry as I had the most 
physical strength left as Gourry and Zelgadis had been hit by some 
draining needles.  Zelgadis was walking behind us and Lina was walking 
on the other side of me.
	"So, Lina, are you the world's best sorceress?" Gourry asked.
	"No way." Lina replied.
	"You're far too modest, Lina.  You just beat Shaburnigdo." Zelgadis 
replied.
	"I'm only a third of the reason we're still here.  The way I figure it, 
Lord of Nightmares is another third and Rezo was the final third." Lina 
explained.
	"What?" Zelgadis asked.
	"It was during the last few moments, when Rezo's soul chose between the 
Dark Lord and our world.  If it hadn't been for Rezo, I would never have 
had the chance of succeeding.  And the way I figure, it wasn't really 
Rezo who unless Shaburnigdo and turned Zelgadis into a chimera.  
Shaburnigdo kept taking more and more control over Rezo until Rezo was 
the real prisoner." Lina explained.
	Zelgadis stopped.
	"Are you saying that I should believe that?" Zelgadis demanded.
	"What other reason do you have for Rezo helping us out back there?" 
Lina asked.
	Zelgadis was silent.
	"Hey, there's Atlass City up ahead." Lina said.
	Lina turned to Gourry.
	"You SAID you'd only stay with me until we got to Atlass City." Lina 
said.
	"I did?" Gourry asked.
	"Just like a man to forget a promise." Lina muttered under her breath.
	"Well, all right, if I promised." Gourry said.
	"Hey, Gourry," Lina began, sliding up to Gourry and turning on her full 
'Cute Mode', "you also promised to give the Sword of Light... as a 
souvenir!"
	"I _KNOW_ I never promised you that!" Gourry said.
	"Then.... I can't have it?" Lina asked.
	"Of course not!" Gourry said.
	"Oh-ho!  Then I know exactly where I'm headed!" Lina said.
	"Really?  Where's that?" Gourry inquired.
	"Where ever you're going!" Lina said.
	"Well, I guess I must be going.  It would be bad news if someone like 
myself were found in a place as big as Atlass City." Zelgadis said.
	"And as much as I'd like to travel with you guys, I've got to get 
searching.  Somewhere out there is a home for me and I've gotta find 
it." I said.
	We shook hands and promised to meet up with each other again as we all 
went our separate ways.

============================================================================

	Well, episode 2 of "Slayers... D'OH!" is complete.  Just hope I can get 
around to number 3 before the end of the year.
	And at least the ending wasn't going to be as egotistical as Ren 
beating Shaburnigdo all by himself.  That would've made for quite a bad 
story.

	Ben McCrillis <aka. A-kun>

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