"I won't use the obvious quote here, and neither should you."
	- Anonymous

Which *is* the obvious quote, then? ^_^

	Ranma always loved playing with his kids. They were so free; so
full of life -- life that had begun as part of his, but had grown into
something unique and wonderful, with unlimited possibilities ahead of
them. They could become martial artists and save the world; or maybe

"ahead of them" ... but it's "life" (it) which was growing in the
previous part of the sentence. Maybe it's just me, but it sounds
a bit disjointed - "the life had unlimited possibilites ahead of them"

	He wouldn't blame anyone for not wanting to endure what he had
had to go through. Still he knew that if he could go back in time and
redo his life, knowing what would happen, he'd gladly do the same thing

Still, he 

	Ranma looked around idly as his two exhausted friends sprawled
themselves out on the jumbled rocks. It was truly a breathtaking view,

What, his exhausted friends were a breathtaking view? ^_^

	If he'd come with Akane instead of Hiroshi and Daisuke, the two
of them could've gone up and down both peaks of the Ookinachichi much
more quickly. They could have taken turns carrying Hikaru. But she had a
class project due right after break. Besides, they'd been getting on
each other's nerves a lot lately; a little time apart seemed like a good

break, and besides, they'd

	Daisuke laughed. "Yeah. I've also got a wife who wants to have
at least two more kids. I'm gonna have to work sixty hours a week to pay
all the bills."

(On this note, the top two reasons (according to parents) that
Japan is below 1.5 childs/family these days are "costs" and "worry
about their health". Just another piece of worthless information. ^_^)

	"Yeah, by yourself, though. Anyway, I don't plan to be working

Yeah. By

	Sex with Akane was quite a workout. Not many other couples
could've been married three years and already worn out two futons. Quite

Maybe I'm mistaken, but I just can't get that to agree with me.
"and already have worn out"

apron as if welded to it, made Kasumi seem like a biker chick. It wasn't
surprising to hear Daisuke say that Aya seemed to think of sex only
as a way to procreate the species.

IMO, "it hadn't surprised him to hear"

	Then there was Hiroshi, who was still unmarried, and didn't even
have a girlfriend. Poor guy. Though having hordes of women after you was

I'd put a paragraph break between "guy" and "though"

	A year ago he would've just told Shikima to fuck off, and if he
didn't, he'd get hurt. That was before he had met Asuka the White Lily

"and that if he didn't"
Otherwise, it sounds as if Ranma would get hurt if he didn't
tell the guy to fuck off. ^_^

	Sure, he could tell Shikima where to stick his card. Then maybe
Shikima would gas him into unconsciousness, and carry him off to
who-knows-where to do who-knows-what with him. Not likely, of course,
but considering the kind of people he seemed to meet all the time, it
wasn't out of the question either.

Maybe it's because it's still giving me the wrong assocations,
but... AFAIK, "Shikima" is a surname; it feels like it's used more
like a given name here.

	He took the card and slipped it into his pocket and nodded,
vaguely managing a polite smile.

the card, slipped it into his pocket, and nodded,

darkness, ready to pounce on him anytime they wanted.

IMO, "whenever they wanted".

	Akane turned over in her sleep, her long hair swinging behind
her head. Her hair had grown to a little past shoulder length. During
the time she was pregnant with Hikaru, she had been too preoccupied to
bother with getting it cut, and afterwards she decided to leave it long
just for a change. Lucky for her, he mused, Ikasama's administrators
didn't include a certain loony Principal.

With that name, I'd worry about other things than getting my hair cut. ^_^

	"Being dead's really inconsiderate, Ranma." Akane, already clean
and dressed, tugged at his arm. "Come on, get up!"

A reference to "Ranma's Dead", eh? (or whatever the title was)

	He just grinned, grabbing some clean clothes from the dresser
drawer and zipping past her into the bathroom.

drawer, and zipped

	Hakano continued, as if ignoring them. "Your best friend, who
was always there for you to confide your innermost dreams and feelings;
who always listened to you without judgement or thought of self."

otaku, eh? *laugh*

	Walking away, Akane tossed a glance back to the men lying on the
sidewalk.
"Thanks for the workout, boys." They groaned in response.

boys." <P> They

	Suddenly, Kasumi's eyes flew open. "Ranma! Congratulations!"

Reallly, it *is* Kasumi, but still... would she really say
"congratulations" without *any* shock/whatever?

	The memory of the dream he had had during the camping trip
returned abruptly. For the first time, he could see in his mind the face
of the woman he had sex with in the dream. It was a face that he had
seen many times before, in the mirror.

This is where the confused anime-only-type-fans step in and say
"hey? wouldn't the red hair be an obvious clue?" ^_^

	Kasumi answered dryly, "You can have a baby."

The other way around, IMO. (baby," Kasumi)

	"Um...." Some remark about putting hotels together to make baby
hotels occurred to him, but he decided to keep quiet.

Huh?

	"The baby will be okay," she purred. Ranma stroked his hand
leisurely through her hair. Where short-haired Akane had been cute and
comfortable, long-haired Akane was vivacious and vital, a force to be
reckoned with.

I always saw a long-haired Akane as Kasumi-wannabe (if failing
horribly) and short-haired as more independent/modern/rebellic/whatever;
these are the values I would generally (at least in asian girls)
stereotype to the hairstyles.

But that's another case of "it's just me", I guess.

inside his lungs struggled to escape.

I'd end with an ellipsis.

	"Gramma! A da bah!" Hikaru scampered out into the kitchen, and
they heard Nodoka greet him. Akane closed the door behind him.

I can't help but feel like "A da bah!" sounds more like some
hiphop-slang than babytalk. ^_^

	Akane kissed him, and grinned. "Of course, if you wanted to cut
down on the belching, that'd be okay with me."

"Make sure you keep scratching your groin, though!"
or maybe not. ^_^

	Not long after, Ranma, Akane, Hikaru, and Nodoka arrived at the
hospital. They were met by Genma and Soun at the admissions desk, where
Ranma had to spend long minutes filling out a form.

	They told him that what he was having were called contractions.
He vaguely remembered Akane having had them last year. They had been
coming about every quarter hour in the beginning, but by now there was
one every five minutes. They felt like gas pains, only a hundred times
worse. The only thing he could really compare it to was eating Akane's
cooking, back in the old days when she didn't know the difference
between soy sauce and tabasco

tabasco.

	*Please... please make it stop,* he cried in his mind to any
power that might be able to hear. *I'll convert to religion... Shinto...
Catholicism... Scientology... anything you want. Just make it stop.*

Does Ranma even *know* of Scientology? More likely would probably
be the S�ka Gakkai. (a militant buddhist sect which in some ways
very much like $cientology, for example in its powerhunger; they've
even started their own party, the K�meit� or Clean Government Party)

	"I know exactly what her name is. It's Ririko."
	"That sounds nice. How'd you come up with it?"
	"Easy. It means 'Lili's Child.'"

I *know* you need to explain to the reader, but it makes Akane sound
stupid. ^_^

	Tatewaki conversed boisterously in one corner with his
leotard-clad sister. Nearby, Mu Si and Ukyo spoke with two others. The
Amazon recognized them as skaters, but didn't remember their names. Next
to them was someone who looked like a cute young woman, but who Shan Pu
remembered was actually a boy.

Hm. Was Kodachi's arrival ever mentioned, before this?

	Thus endeth the HaM Preludes -- for the second time through. I
had hoped to finish the revisions long before now, but real life kept me
busy. Hopefully, the near future will leave me with more writing time.

The readers had hoped you would finish *HaM* long before now. ^_-;


---
Ronny Hedin, thark@hem2.passagen.se, http://nabiki.newberry.edu/thark/
                    "Momomoto, famous japanese, can swallow his nose."