*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*
(And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)
(The future isn't what it used to be....)
"MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON TWO)
EPISODE 20: URUSEI YATSURA: THE KIDNAPPING PT. 2
(A Urusei Yatsura Lemon MSTing)
MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7
This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are
the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering
my own ass here folks....
"Urusei Yatsura" is the property of Rumiko Takahashi and all the
distributors of her work.
"Urusei Yatsura: The Kidnapping" is the property of SMendou and he's
welcome to it. I do not intend to offend this person for making fun of his
work like this but I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does.
Think of this as another form of C&C. ;)
Warning: This fic contains mature content and lemon content. If you
are offended by such material, simply delete it and it's gone. If not,
enjoy!
* * *
(Door 6: It slides open on both sides..)
(Door 5: It's made of beads. They explode out towards you, and you
move on..)
(Door 4: It falls toward you, missing your foot by inches.)
(Door 3: It's a castle gate, that rises into the ceiling..)
(Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Akahn floats from behind you and
touches the door. The door vanishes.)
(Door 1: It splits in four ways, twice.)
(Door .7: A beam of golden light erupts from the floor. You walk into it.)
Joel emerged from the light into the theater with Tom in his arms,
Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind. Stepping
over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his
own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to
him, Crow sitting on his right.
Joel: Ready guys?
Bots: Ready!
Joel: Let's do it! And for the readers at home, check out the midi link at
http://math.idbsu.edu/gas/pirates/html/p13.html and feel free to sing
along with us!
Crow: Just remember to wait until you hear the bassoon before you start
singing or you'll get confused!
Tom: Here we go....
<Sung to the tune of 'I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General.'
by Gillbert and Sullivan.>
Tom: <singing> - This is our song...about the plot...within this lemon
fan-fic
- We've thrown our hands up...in the air...and said we
just don't get...it.
- This lemon really makes no sense so why should
we recap this shi....?
Joel: <singing> - Tommyboy...we have a job...so come on and get on
with it!
Tom: <singing> - Well...Lum was sad...because her darling...A-tar-u...
would not come home
- And therefore...she decided...she would let her
fingers...search and roam
- But then when she was done...she was
un-sa-tis-fied...and did decide
Crow: <Lum, singing> - I'll take a shower...wait some more...and if he's
late...I'll zap his hide!
All: <singing> - She'll take a shower...wait some more...and if he's
late...she'll zap his hide!
- She'll take a shower...wait some more...and if he's
late...she'll zap his hide!
- She'll take a shower...wait some more...and if he's
late...she'll zap...his...hide!
Joel: <singing> - Then....we cut to....Mo-ro-bo-shi...as he pleads with
Me-ga-ne
- No relation...to the author...writing this...as we sing
plain
- A-ta-ru has nowhere to go....the earthquake closed
down everything
- Even though the earthquake really didn't damage
anything
All: <singing> - A-ta-ru has nowhere to go...the earthquake closed
down everything
- Even though the earthquake really didn't damage
anything
Joel: <singing> - A-tar-u begged and whined...for Meg-a-ne...to help
him get inside
- A-tar-u offered....Lum's panties...but Me-ga-ne...had
too much pride
- He said...I will not let you ruin me...This is my
big...break!
- Ataru...in so many words...told him to go...jump in a
lake!
Tom: <Singing> - Things...went bad to worse...when out popped Cherry...
that annoying priest
- Predicted doom...for Mo-ro-bo-shi...told him of...Lum's
tasty feast
- A-tar-u rushed for home...as he remembered...Lum's...
dinner date
- We can't help thinking...as he left...the monk remarked
'This is Fate'....
All: <singing> - We can't help thinking...as he left...the monk remarked
'This is Fate'....
- We can't help thinking...as he left...the monk remarked
'This is Fate'....
- We can't help thinking...as he left...the monk remarked
'This...is...Fate'....
Crow: <singing> - In the meantime...in the Men-do home...Shi-no-bu
searches for a john
- She claims there's seve-ral hund-red of them...what
the HELL is going on?!?
- Then she inhales...ton of dots...before Men-do find
her a loo
- She thanks him and when she is done she kindly offers
to be screwed!
All: <singing> - Then she inhales...ton of dots...before Men-do find her
a loo
- She thanks him and when she is done she kindly offers
to be screwed!
Joel: <singing> Mendo fumbled with her zipper, trying hard to pull it
down
Shinobu smiled, and with her hand, unzipped his own
and felt around.
Leaving her in bra, panties, stockings, she began to
dance
Mendo couldn't help but ask 'Is that striptease for me by
chance?'
Tom: <singing> - Then Mendo...with a dash...of O-O-C...drove at her
ample chest
- And with the power...of a hoover...sucked her firm
and supple breasts
Crow: <singing> - By this time...Shi-no-bu's lungs....were aching for a
cigarette!
Joel: <singing> - And when they finish...lovemaking...then Mendo will
collect his bet!
All: <singing> - And when they finish...lovemaking...then Mendo will
collect his bet!
- And when they finish...lovemaking...then Mendo will
collect his bet!
- And when they finish...lovemaking...then Mendo will
collect...his...bet!
Crow: <singing> - Well....we hope...you liked our song...we really tried...to
make it rhyme....man!
Tom: <singing> - But after all...we're not as good...as Gillbert
and...Sull-i-van!
Joel: <singing> - So join us now...as we continue...MSTing
'The Kid-napp-ing'
Crow: <singing> - Remember...we're as clueless...when it comes to
what is hap-pen-ing!
All: <singing> -So join us now...as we continue...MSTing
'The Kid-napp-ing'
- Remember...we're as clueless...when it comes to what
is hap-pen-ing!
Joel: Whew! Now THAT was fun!
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Tom: *INTENSE* *LINE* *ACTION*!!!
Joel: <slyly> Sayyyy, what's a scene change like you doing in a lemon
like this?
Crow: Not *that* kind of line, Joel....
Tom: If I said you had a beautiful taser, would you hold it against
me.....please?
Joel: Stay frosty, Tomcat....
Ataru raced through the streets to get home. Lum was there. He had
to get there. Sukiaki was there. He HAD to get there.
Crow: Sukiaki, whatever the hell that is, WAS there!
Tom: And so was G.I. Joe!
Joel: Hey, he was calling it *suliyaki* earlier! Continuity!
He ran and ran and ran..........................
Joel and Crow: <hum the theme to Chariots of Fire>
Tom: This fic sucked and sucked and sucked..........................
and ran until he finally got home.
Tom: <Author> Did I mention he ran? I think I left that out...
Joel: Ataru Moroboshi *IS* Forrest Gump!
Ataru glanced at his watch 5:59. Good, right on time. Sraightening
himself up he waled in the door.
Crow: Ataru's into S&M with doors?
Joel: That Moroboshi is one sad strange little man....
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Crow: ANTZ! Now playing at a theater near you!
Tom: OKAY, WE GET IT, THE SCENE CHANGES!!
AUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!
Joel: And I thought Shakari's scene changes were annoying....
"Lum! Son-in-law!"
Tom: Cologne? What the heck is she doing here?
Joel: Tom, never ask that question in a lemon.
"Lum! Son-in-law!"
Tom: LUM-SAN! LUM-SAN!
Crow: SON-IN-LAW! SON-IN-LAW!
Tom: Fork!
Crow: Spoon!
Tom: Great taste!
Crow: Less Filling!
Tom: John!
Crow: Marsha!
Tom: Chief!
Crow: MCLOUD!
It was Lum's father.
Crow: <Ataru> You're not her real father!
"Hey !!!!!!!!!!!!" Ataru screamed.
Joel: <Lum's father> Uh....y...yes? Something I can do for you?
Crow: <Ataru> PAPA!!! YOU'VE COME HOME!!!
" Happy Anniversary son-in-law.." He said as he glided down from the
second story window.
Tom: <Lum's father> Sorry, I'm late. I promised Rei I'd come to her
window first....
Joel: <rolling his eyes> Oh, Chris will just LOVE that one....
"Where's Lum?"
" I don't know, " Ataru said with a downtrodden look on his face.
Crow: <Ataru, singing> How sad I am....how sad I am....nobody
knows....how sad I am!
"she's gone."
Tom: A suspicious gust of wind was seen lurking in the area.
Joel: <Ataru> Frankly, I don't give a damn.
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Tom: I feel as if my head is going to explode...
Crow: Oooh, Three lines, that's rare!
Joel: It was *four* lines before, wasn't it?
Tom: Good. Let's hope they'll *all* vanish by the end of the lemon.
Every time she had disappeared before she had left somthing, some
indication that she come back, or some indication of where she was
going. This time there was nothing.
Joel: Do you know who did it? Have you figured it out yet?
Crow: Marvel as Moroboshi struggles to find a single clue!
Tom: Where's Robert Stack when you really need him?
Nada. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nothing.
Joel: Squat!
Crow: Bupkus!
Tom: The Big Doughnut!
Weirder still, was the fact that he ship was still in orbital park.
Crow: Orbital Park. Providing a safe place for planets to play.
Tom: Is that anything like South Park?
Joel: They killed Mendy! Those bastards!
She simply vanished without a trace. Somthing was definitely up.
Only one person had the Technology to find her.
Crow: Bill Gates!
We knew she was on the planet. That was the first
clue. Time to get the people he knew would help.
"Father-in-law" he screamed, "to Mendo's"
Tom: <Ataru> TO THE BAT MOBILE!!!
Joel: Geez, what the hell is he on, anyway?
"Oh stupid son in law , I Don't know where it is." he replied.
Crow: It's under....<deep voice> STATELY WAYNE MANOR.
Joel: <Dr. McCoy> He's an alien, dammit, not a map!
"Just look for the property that's bigger than Tokyo." Ataru said.
"You can't miss it"
Joel: Bigger than Tokyo? Try bigger than the flipping universe!
On the way to Mendo's A message came in on the VidPhone.
Crow: Vidphone? What is this, 'The Jetsons' now?!?
Joel: <Ataru> Father-in-Law! Stop this crazy thing!?!
Tom: <Vidphone> You missed a period back there. Just letting you
know. Bye.
An Oni soldier appeared on the screen. "I just got this message sir."
Tom: <soldier> You have mail!
He said to the king."Benten from the Gods of Luck is also missing,
What could this mean?"
Crow: They're screwing like jackrabbits in the bushes?
Tom: Usagi is an exhibitionist?
Joel: <sighs> I give up.
Crow: Really?!?
Joel: Nah.
Crow: Dang.
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Joel: You gotta admit, for all its faults, this lemon's got a ton of great
lines!
Tom: <singing> Three little lines from fic are we....
Crow: Haven't we sung enough Gillbert and Sullivan already?
Mendou and Shinobu finally made it back to the party. Nobody seemed
to notice them walk in a bit flushed.
Crow: Yeah, there's been a lot of *flushing* in this lemon, eh?
Tom: Too bad we can't flush this lemon down the toilet....
Joel: You'd think after what they did, they've both have a Royal Flush....
The reason was that most people were watching this guy with a ponytail
run like a bat out of hell from this cat who was chasing him.
Tom: Ranma, you lovable nut! What WILL you do next?
Crow: That's not Ranma, he has a pigtail, not a ponytail.
Joel: Not if this is from before he drank the Dragon's Whisker soup....
t was a hilarious sight yo behold.
Crow: <Scott Hall> Hey yo. Survey says: This fic blows.
Joel: <singing> Yo behold, it's a pirate's life for me!
"Hey Mendo your finally back. I was looking fot ya." Mendo was
trying to remember the guy's name. He met him at Furinken High.
Tom: Last time on "Still Waters Run Deep"....
He always wore a bandana and his name started with an R...............
Tom: Ryu?
Joel: But Ryouga isn't afraid of cats! Why was he running?
Before Mendo had a chance to finish his train of thought the mystery
man asked him "Hey where's the bathroom?"
Crow: <Mendo> Could you sign in first, please?
"The door in the back of the room on the center of the wall."
Tom: <Mendo> You'll have to jump to reach it.
Mendou replied. "Please do wash your hands. Or I will be forced to
shoot you."
Tom: Huh? That's a little OOC for Mendo, isn't it?
Crow: Yeah, don't go whack off and put your hand in the chip bowl...
Joel: Crow, we have to talk about a thing called 'decency'...
"Gotcha.... Later."
Crow: This fic DARES you to read it.
Tom: This fic DARES us to MST it.
"IT WAS THERE THE WHOLE TIME
???????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Shinobu screamed.
Crow: Yet another writer who thinks he can make up for a complete
lack of dramatic content by putting in lots of punctuation marks!
Joel: Think that really works?
Tom: Let's try it!
Crow: HOW ARE YOU TODAY, JOEL????!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!
Joel: FINE, THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW ABOUT YOU?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tom: SURE IS NICE WEATHER TODAY, EH???!!!!!!!!!!!!!???!!!???
"Well," he replied "You never asked me. Besides we were too far away
at the time; you couldn't have made it. Anyway the other way was much
more f........................."
Tom: ....ucked up, just like this fanfic!
Joel: Tom....
<SPLOOSH>
Crow: <Mendo> Don't be alarmed! It's just Shinobu peeing again!
Mendo turned his head.
Joel: Must've passed a pretty girl.
The Crowd was now watching the same cat now chasing a the red-haired
girl he was talking to before."
Tom: B....But Ranma doesn't wear a bandanna!
Crow: And he doesn't really have red hair!
Joel: Shush!
<BOOM>
Tom: Shinobu should really cut down on lentils.
The entire pary of 10,000 looked up to see
Crow: The entire *thrust* of 20,000 looking down at them.
the Oni mothership above them. The ceiling was gone. A beam of
light shot down from the ship dropping Ataru right in the middle of
the room.
Tom and Crow: <imitating cathedral choir>
Joel: Ataru Moroboshi *IS* Mr. Bean!
All at once, 1/23 of the guests at the party said "ATARU I TOLD YOU
NOT TO COME HERE YOU PARTY CRASHING BASTARD. YOU
EVEN SCREWED UP THE CEILING! YOU MORON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Tom: The other 22/23 of the guest were too plowed off their asses to
take notice.
Joel: Let's see... 1/23 of 10,000... that comes to 435 people.
Crow: Gotta admit, this is a lousy fic, but the author obviously knows
his math.
Tom: And all those people said all that at the *exact* same time? Wow,
that's not bad....
Joel: I'll bet they'd really wail with the Yoda Chant!
Ataru screamed back. "THIS IS IMPORTANT. ITS URGENT
ITS TRUELY VERY URGENTLY IMPORTAN..."
"GET TO THE POINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Sorry, ...ahem...
Crow: <Ataru> Sorry, it's this fanfic, it's really getting to me.
Lum is missing!"
Joel: Quick, someone call Luigi!
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Tom: <imitating flatlining noise>
Joel: Make a note. Death of fanfic occurred at 01:22 Hours.
Crow: Oh, it's three lines parallel to each other! How nice! Joel,
would you mind if I committed ritual seppuku right here?
Joel: Honey, I thought we discussed this, No ritual seppuku until
AFTER the fanfic!
2hrs. later the search is still going on. Mendo is on the phone
talking to his agents.
Crow: <Mendo> For the last time, you're not looking for *SPOCK*!
You're looking for an alien princess with green hair and horns! What?
You found her!!? Quick, put her on the phone! Hello? Hello? Who's this?
Princess Kalm?!? Who the hell is Princess Kalm?!? You idiots!! You got
the wrong alien princess!!
He gets a sad look on his face.
Tom: <Mendo, singing> Cause I'm sad....I'm sad....you know it....you
know....
"...nothing , then call me back later and keep searching"
Joel: <Mendo> And if you still haven't found her, at least get me the phone
number of that drop-dead gorgeous pig-tailed girl!
An attendant walks up to him.
Crow: <attendant> There he is! Get the straightjacket! Don't let him
get away this time!
"Damage report Jeeves."
Crow: So this whole episode is just another chapter in the Wooster archives?
Tom: Another 'Jeeves' Crossover with an anime. Who'da thunk it?
Joel: <attendant> Actually, I'm Smithers, sir. You're mistaking me for
your last attendant again....
"Yessir. 100,000 windows were shattered, the roof of the banquet
hall was completely destroyed, 3 extras died, the... hours'derves were
ruined..."
Crow: That's what happens when you invite Gwar to play for your ball.
"Oh God...not the hours'derves! Anything else?"
Joel: <Jeeves> My nose, my arm, and four of my ribs....oh, you mean
the house, sir?
"Yessir the Plumbing in the hall bathroom broke, And we found him
there." Points to black pig with bandana aruond neck. We found it
crawling in a tux sir, what shall we do with him?"
Tom: Oh, COME ON! You're telling me *P-Chan* managed to find a
bathroom but Shinobu was totally clueless? Give me a break!
Crow: And Ryouga doesn't....the red haired girl isn't....and the ponytail
is....ARRRGHHHHH!!! PARADOX!! PARADOX!!
Joel: Oh, calm down, guys. It's just a lemon for pete's sake.
"He looks tasty, put him with the other pigs, maybe I'll boil him
when I get back"
Crow: And boy, wouldn't we ALL like to be there when P-Chan
changes back into Ryouga....
Tom: Heh heh heh....
As Jeeves took the pig back it almost looked like it was
praying.
Crow: <P-Chan> Bwee bwee bwee bwee bweeee!
Joel: Translation: The world is a dark and lonely place....
Ataru comes up to Mendo and begins to speak "Lum's dad thinks we
should call the police."
"Has he no faith in my forces?"
Crow: (Yoda) Use the forces, Mendo!
"Not when half of your forces are searching Tahiti and the others
are in the Riviera"
Joel: Hey, at least they're searching the right *planet* this time....
" That's natural, they've finished searcing Rio"
Crow: Oh sure! Blame it on Rio!
"I'll call the cops. 'nuff said"
Ataru picks up the phone and calls the police and when they finally
answer: "Hello Police!"
Tom: <Police> Sorry, we're busy playing grenade roulette... Bye!!
Joel: BRITTAN!!!!
"Yes I'd like to report a missing person. She's about 5'10" and has
green hair and horns"
Tom: <Police> Princess Kalm is missing? OH MY GOD!
Crow: <Police> Sorry, we can't help you so *police* don't call us
again! Hee hee hee!
(Joel reaches over and disconnects Crow's left arm, bapping him over
the head with it before tossing it across the theater.)
Crow: Oh no! I've been *disarmed*! Hee hee hee!
Joel: <groans>
Tom: Keep it up and your head'll be next, Crow!
Crow: <giggling> Okay, okay, I'm sorry.
"You don't watch TV much do you. Turn on any channel. Bye."
Joel: COPS....in Tomobiki!
Tom: <Police> Did you say Moroboshi? As in the infamous Ataru
Moroboshi?
Crow: <Ataru> Yeah!
Tom: *click*
Crow: <Ataru> Hello? Hello?
Ataru hangs, up puzzled Mendo comes up to him. "Well, what did they
say?"
"She said turn on the TV."
Crow: (Mendo) Hey! It's MTV... And they're actually playing VIDEOS!!!
Tom: Pppph, That'll happen.
"Jeeves turn on the TV!" Mendo commanded. "Yes sir." Jeeves replied.
As Jeeves goes to turn on the TV the tension mounts until finally....
Tom: <Jeeves> THAT'S IT!!! I'M THROUGH BEING YOUR TRAINED
MONKEY!!! DIE! DIE! DIE!
Crow: (Ataru) Oh yeah, the playboy channel!!
Joel: Nah, they're rerunning the UY TV series on PBS....
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Joel: Well, it's not ringside seats but it sure beats the nosebleed section.
Crow: Yeah, like you'll be able to see anything with all the cardboard
signs blocking your view!
Tom: All black ropes? Must be WCW.
TV: (presented in script format)
Tom: FANFIC: (presented in incomprehensible format)
An unknown's face and body appear on the screen , he is very well built.
He speaks with a southern accent.
Joel: Oh my god! It's Mark Callaway!
UNKNOWN: I am Arthur ruler of the Windarians You have Ignored
my requests.
Crow: (Michael Palin): Pull the other one!
Tom: (Graham Chapman) I am! And this is my trusty servant, Patsy!
Now I will make good on my claims to rape one of these two girls.
Tom: I would complain about a 'Windaria' crossover, but I'm sure no one has
seen 'Windaria'.
We created the Earthquakes to disract people while we kidnapped Lum.
Joel: So *THEY* were responsible for the earthquake in *Trapped*!
We are SUPREME............HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!
ahem... Now, down to business.
Tom: Geez, mood swings anyone?
Joel: Think this guy is related to Jinnai from El Hazard?
The screen pans down to Lum and Benten in shackles
Crow: All right! It's LEMON time again! And bondage to boot!
Tom: Sure took long enough.
Lum is in her bikini except for the bottom which is down to her knees.
Benten is in the same position.
Crow: Reverse cowgirl!!
Tom: Yee Ha!
UNKNOWN (OFFSCREEN):
Joel: I thought we established his name was Authur?
I told you that if The Oni and the Gods of Luck didn't
surrender to us within 2 hours of this original broaadcast we would
have our way with one of them. Now I make good on my promise.
Crow: We're going to Burger King and have them serve it *our* way!
In another two hours, If you have not surrendered the one who was
raped will die and the one who wasn't will be. Do you understand me ?
Tom: Look, pal, we've barely understood ANYTHING after the first
lemon scene!
You'd better. And now on to the show...
Benten you're first. But first I give Lum a taste of what's to come.
By the way I'm Zed not Arthur.
Tom: Well, I can see how someone could mistake him for....huh?!?
Joel: Dr. Zed from Owl Magazine went bad! Say it ain't so!
Crow: He'd going to take over the world with grade school science
projects!
Tom: How would you feel if it was MMPR 'Zedd'?
Crow: About the same as I do now.
Lum and Benten have very scared looks on their faces as Zed comes
closer to Lum, she tries to move away. He massages her clit for a few
seconds. Afterwords he signals someone to come "get" benten.
Crow: Take out the 'en' and you have my general feelings of the author.
Tom: <Zed> Excuse me? Yes, you there with the bandanna! Would you
mind doing me a little favor?
The Man, gets behind her
Crow: No, no, you've got it backwards! It's behind every *man* is a
good woman!
and begins to pump.
Tom: <The Man> Say, this would be a great option on athletic shoes!
Joel: <Homey the Clown> Uh! Uh! Lumey don't play that!
Benten Attempts to drown the sensation. She's a cold fish.
Crow: Cod, this scene sucks....
Tom: <Benten> If I get outta these shackles, I'm gonna kick some bass!
ZED: Rmember in 2 hours benten dies and Lum gets raped. You will
never find me in time.
Joel: Then how are the Oni supposed to let you know they've surrendered?
Crow: <Zed> I've got a home made volcano and I'm not afraid to add some
VINEGAR!!!
I AM SUPREME
Tom: I AM OMEGA!!! AND TOGETHER WE ARE OMEGA SUPREME!!!
I"M INVINCIBLE
Joel: Ick, 'Goldeneye' flashback!
Tom: But 'Goldeneye' was good!
Joel: Three words: Joe Don Baker.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Tom: <Zed> HAHAHAHAHA!!! I HAVE A MEGAPHONE!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Think I'll have a go.
Crow: So he's a goer, eh? Know what I mean, know what I mean,
nudge nudge?
Joel: Wasn't Zed supposed to have a *southern* accent?
Zed then shoots the man raping Benten and kicks him aside.
All: YAY!!!
Zed gets on his knees and begins to lick Benten's pussy.
All: BOO!!!
Tom: Dear god, NOT MERLIN OLSON!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Crow: <Zed> Benten, the pussy's cold, you're a lousy butler!
Joel: Crow....
Lum can't bear to watch what is going on and shuts her eyes.
Joel: I'm with you, Lum. <shuts his eyes tightly>
Benten's face became flushed as she swore at Zed.
Tom: He's giving her a swirly!
Crow: <Benten> Thou art a beslubbering, swag-bellied bladder!
Joel: Somehow I can't picture Benten swearing in Shakespeare....
He slapped her once, pulled out his dick and began to rape her.
Crow: <Sarcastic> Oh yeah, this is 'must see TV'.
Tom: Yes, it's the All-Rape Network!
Joel: <eyes still closed> Tell me when it's over!
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Tom: 'Flatliners'... Starring Keifer Sutherland.
Crow: It's over, Joel!
Joel: <opens eyes again> Whew!
At seeing this Ataru's, Megane's, and Mendo's rages grow they see
what is happening
Crow: Among other things....
Joel: Crow, please....
and know that they must stop it from continuing.
Joel: That's it, guys! End the fanfic! Do whatever it takes!
Tom: You don't really think that'll work, do you?
Joel: Hey, it's worth a shot.
Mendo barks at the console
Crow: <Mendo> Ruff! Ruff! Arf! Ruff!
Joel: Cute, Crow....
"Give me a trace on that transmission. "
The Console beeps back "3rd planet of Tao Alpha"
Tom: So the Mendo Conglomerate uses morse code to relay information?
Crow: You'd think with all their money, they'd be able to afford a talking
model....
"Now the ultimate of engineering, created by Biko my chief engeneer,
Tom: And we have third crossover!!
The.............(ta-da) Mendou Super Space Suit_TM."
Crow: <Megane> Hey, you ripped off *my* mobile suit design, you
bastard!
"Great," Ataru retorts "how do I get it on?"
"Well", Mendo answers. "First you find a girl, then you take out
Captain Willi..."
Tom: ....am Shatner's CD and make out to 'Mr Tambourine Man!'
"The Suit you MORON, THE SUIT!!!!!!"
Crow: Some people can pull off humor like this. This author, however...
"No Idea"
"None at all ?"
"Nope"
Tom: Not a clue?
Joel: Nein.
Crow: No chance in hell?
Tom: Nyett.
Joel: No way?
Crow: Nevermore.
Tom: None whatsoever?
Joel: Negative.
Crow: Ladies and Gentlemen! The 'No' Sketch! Thank you very much!
"OOOOOOOOOOK... Mendo, How about a different plan?" Ataru suggested.
Tom: <Mendo> How about hijacking the space shuttle and popping the
hatch once we reach orbit?
Joel: <Ataru> Well, that'll get *us* out of the fanfic but Lum and Benten
would still be trapped!
Tom: <Mendo> Aw, crap.
"Sir," he says to the King, "What's your fastest ship?"
Tom: <Lum's father> Well, I once had a juice master sent from Neptune
to Oniboshi in under a millennium!
Crow: <Lum's father> Uh....did I forget to mention Oni ships are built
for fuel economy, not speed?
"The Alpha," the King replies "But it only holds 4 people. And only
3 get guns."
Tom: <Church Lady> How convenient!
Joel: <Lum's father> Cause damn it! I'm a cheap bastard that would rather
save a couple of bucks then lend more firepower to save my daughter!
"Megane!" Ataru Barked "Mendo, Shinobu come on! I lead the Attack!"
Crow: Hey, who died and made you leader, hentai?
All 3 say "Yessir" (none know why)
Joel: None know why the grammar stinks...
Tom: <Singing> Yessssssssir! Yessssssssir!
Crow: But he doesn't know the territory!
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Joel: Anyone get the feeling the author had to write a lot of lines in school?
Tom: Yes, and this lemon is his way of extracting revenge on the world!
SWEET SWEET REVENGE!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Joel: <bigsweats> Uh, Tom, are you feeling okay?
Tom: <giggling> Of course! Why wouldn't I be? Hehehehe....
On the way to Tao Alpha C, Ataru thinks about Lum and the times that
they've had.
Joel: <singing> Time after time....
Crow: Uh oh, heavy introspection on the horizon!
>From the first time they met, to the time that she saved him
>from humiliation that one Christmas.
Tom: ....he had never stopped chasing after women and breaking Lum's
heart over and over again!
Crow: ....he still had yet to get lucky with one of Lum's hot friends!
She always stood by him and never gave up on him.
Joel: Yeah right! *pursuing above and behind him* is more like it!
All she asked of hom was his love, and she never got paid.
Tom: Loving wife by day. Sensual hooker by night. Lum *IS* Oni Angel!
He comes to the conclusion that he really does love her. And knows
that he has to do this.
Tom: He loves her and where she goes, he'll follow!
Crow: <Ataru> Man, the things I do for a lemon scene....
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Joel: Maybe the lines signal a tense change?
Tom: <wisps of smoke rising from his dome> Lines Lines everywhere!
WILL SOMEBODY GET ME A DRINK!?!?
Crow: Woah, Tommy! It's okay! Don't lose it, man!
Tom: <sobbing> My head hurts, daddy....
Joel: <cradles Tom in his arms> There there, Tom. Sooner or later,
they've got to run out of lines. We survived too many goofy scene changes
to fall apart now.
Tom: <sniffles> O...okay, I'll try to keep it together.
Joel: Good for you. You can do it!
When the Alpha arrives and everybody gets out,
Crow: It's Miller Time!
the guns are given to the guys.
Tom: <Ataru> You don't mind fighting with your bare hands, do you
Shinobu?
Joel: <Shinobu> Sure! After all, I'm not some poor little wuss that needs
a weapon to defend himself like SOME people I know!
Crow: Ouch.
After a short distance, they come to a Three way fork in the
tunnel.
Tom: W
Joel: You can't go that way.
Crow: E
Joel: You follow the path until you reach a dead end, forcing you to
go back.
Tom: N
Joel: There is a door blocking your path. It is locked.
Crow: USE KEY
Joel: You don't appear to have that item.
Tom: BREAK THE DOOR DOWN
Joel: You can't do that.
Tom: THE HELL I CAN'T! SMASH THE DAMN DOOR DOWN NOW!!!
Joel: Okay, the door is smashed already! Geez!
Crow: Don't you wish all text games were like that?
"Mendou you take the right , Megane you take the left, Shinobu you
stay here and gaurd the ship " Ataru ordered.
Crow: <Shinbou> Whatever you say, bossy boots!
Joel: <Dr. Cal Meacham> Which direction will you take, Ataru?
"I'm taking the middle."
Tom: Oh. Right. Stupid question.
Joel: Can someone explain to me why we needed that scene?
Tom: Remember 'pad the film'? This is 'pad the fic'.
Crow: And who elected Ataru as leader anyway?
Tom: I guess everyone's still nervous about the whole UY:TSY thing....
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Crow: So many lines. You'd think we were at the DMV or something.
Joel: Or a really popular amusment park ride.
Tom: <starts to spark and vibrate> Remaining calm....Will not get
upset....Maintain low tones....Loud is not aloud....Silence is golden....
After 40 minutes of boredom and running
Joel: Oh they must have read X-Raider too, huh?
Tom: There was running in X-Raider?
Ataru finally sees some light,
Crow: <Ataru> The band, Elwood, the band!
Tom: Go into the light, Moroboshi!
"No traps or anything, This guy is overconfidant. "
Joel: And Ataru is overenunciating!
finally he makes it through.
All: <singing> Break on through to the other side!
Zed turns to se Ataru standing In one of the room's three
doorways with a laser gun.
Tom: <announcer> Bachelor number three is a 17 year old male who likes
girl chasing, cock-a-doodle-doo noodles, and Benny Hill reruns. Officially
known as the most lecherous being in the universe, here's Ataru Moroboshi!
Joel: <Ataru> I have come here to chase cute babes and kick ass! And you've
kidnapped the crown jewel of my harem!
"Trying to take me on huh, well you'll have to get Bob first"
All: PRAISE "BOB"!!
Zed claps his hands.
Tom: Oh, he's happy and he knows it!
Suddenly A HUGE human comes out to beat Ataru to a pulp.
Crow: Uh, would it be redundant to say he's huge?
Joel: I think so.
Tom: So Glen Manning legally changed his name to Bob?
"BOB ZMASH" "BOB KILL" as Bob is saying this Zed is laughing.
Crow: Ah yes, the terrifying power of the mighty....Bob.
Tom: <Zed, giggling helplessly> This is too stupid even for *ME* not to
laugh at!
Joel: <Bob> BOB WANT DORITOS. BOB HATE MOSQUITOES.
"God I HATE it when that damned monk is right."
Joel: <Cherry> It is fate.
Tom: <Ataru> Somebody get me a slingshot!
At this point Ataru turns to what he's best at,
Crow: Girl chasing?
he runs, for several minutes he runs until he in caught in a corner.
Tom: Ataru must be trying out for that new Prefontane movie....
Suddenly as Bob runs toward him he dodges out of the way. Bob hits
the wall with a Base shaking thud.
All: <Muted trumpet imitation> Wah-wah-wahhhhhh.
Joel: Quick Ataru! While he's down! Go for the dreaded Legg Sweepy
Thing!
"BOB ANGRY" Bob grabs Ataru's gun and throws it away.
Tom: BOB HAVE DIFFICULT CHILDHOOD.
Crow: BOB HAVE LOTS OF INNER RAGE.
Joel: BOB SPELT SAME BACKWARDS AND FORWARDS.
suddenly a girder, loosened by the thud, falls on Bob; SQUISH.
Joel: DID BOB MENTION BOB HEAD MADE OF TOFU?
Tom: As long as it's not Bob from 'Zeriam', I don't care.
Crow: <Zed> Ah, hell! I knew I should've let Bob Villa design my
fortress!
The gun that Bob threw just happened (In an anime sort of way ) to hit
Zed. knocking him unconcious.
Joel: You know, it's an anime thing.
Crow: <shaking his head> You have GOT to be kidding me?!?
Tom: And that, ladies and gentlemen, was the INCREDIBLE action
sequence from 'Urusei Yatsura: The Kidnapping!'
Ataru realizes his chance and begins to un-shackle Benten,
Crow: ....leaving Lum behind so he could finally chase girls in peace.
For a second he nuzzles her pussy and continues to un-shackle her.
Joel: Our hero, ladies and gentlemen!
Tom: <Ataru> Ah, Lum's gonna shock me again one way or another, might
as well take advantage of her best friend who was recently raped on national
television....
Crow: This Ataru must be the one from 'Always my Darling'....
Joel: I think you're right.
Lum looks severely pissed.
Crow: <Ataru> What?! It's just....uh...er....another form of girl chasing!
Yeah! That's the ticket!
Tom: I don't suppose there's any chance Bob will wake up and kill Ataru,
is there?
Joel: Wishful thinking.
"Darling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Crow: Personally, I'd call him something else right now....
"Don't worry Lum." he said "Just because I love you dosen't mean
I'm not a lech. I'll try to cut down though."
Tom: <Ataru> I figure 3 gropes a day will do it!
Crow: <Ataru> Just don't invite your mother over for a visit anytime soon....
Joel: Guys....
Lum thought she was dreaming, Did he really say it? "Darling did you
just..."
Tom: <Lum> ....do something really sickening with Benten while she was
unconsious and helpless?
"Yes," he affirmed, "I Love you Lum."
Joel: ...And we have even more OOC from Ataru!!!
All: WHOOOHOOOO!!!!!!
Crow: Yes, nothing brings about your true feelings like being kidnapped
and nearly raped!
He un-shackles her and kisses her full,
Crow: ....voluptuous breasts?
on the lips.
Crow: Oh.
She is starled at first,but joins in on the kiss.
Tom: Then Benten wakes up and sees them kissing and decides to join
in and together they have an intense threesome to....
Joel: You're thinking of 'Prince and the Letcher' Tom....
Ataru then signals for a rescue ship,
Joel: <Ataru, whistling> TAXI!!!
While she pulls up her bottom
Crow: Lum's bottom is sagging?!? NOOOOOOOO!!!!
Joel: I think the author means her bikini bottom, Crow.
Crow: <sighs in relief> Oh, thank god!
Ataru checks to see if Benten is ok, she has passed out from exhaustion.
Joel: Oh, *NOW* he checks to see if she's okay! Geez, what a scumbag!
Crow: That Zed... Man, he's like Sting in bed!
Tom: <Ataru> I think she's still out! Let me pitch her nipples a little to
be sure!
Joel: Tom....
Suddenly Zed gets up,
Tom: <Zed, ala, Kunou> I AM REVIVED!!!
"Why is it that people always chose the middle tunnel, the other ones
are traps but they always choose the middle one.
Crow: Zed points out a major game design flaw in many a text game.
Joel: <Zed> What ever happened to 'Go West Young Man!' anyway?
No matter, you'll soon be dead anyway."
Tom: Geez, we haven't heard THAT line before....
Just then a laser bolt flies past Ataru's ear and hit's Zed in the
crotch. It's Mendo.
Joel: <Zed> Owww! Why do you hate my groin so?!?
Tom: <Zed> Urrrk....G....give my laugh....to.....Trevor....uhhhhh.
Crow: The moral? Never make a villain out of a beloved character from
Owl Magazine.
Tom: Yeah, I shudder to think what would happen if the 'Mighty Mites'
went bad....
"Nice one, Mendo" Ataru said
Joel: <Ataru> You ruined my big fight scene, dummy!
"Actually Moroboshi, I was thrying to hit you."
Tom: <Mendo> Pyahh! Putyh! Sorry, had some hair in my mouth.
"Why Me?"
Crow: Why not?
Tom: <shaking his head> Why us?
"You sent me to the right, you S.O.B. you have no IDEA how many
traps were in that damn tunnel."
Joel: <Ataru> Well, why didn't you use your....<snickers>....Mendou
Super Space Suit_TM?
"Sorry."
Crow: <Ataru> You have no idea how sincerely I mean that....
A voice echoed through the room.
Joel: <voice> I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT!!!
Crow: <voice, ala, Shadow> YOU NUZZLED BENTEN'S PUSSY....HENTAI.
HAHAHAHAHA!!! DID YOU THINK YOU'D GET AWAY WITH IT?
HAHAHAHAHA!!! DID YOU THINK....I WOULDN'T KNOW?
It was Megane. "Moroboshi, you have no Idea as to how many traps there
were in the left tunnel. I almost died 147 times. I'm gonna KILL YOU!!"
Tom: And now we see Dustin Hoffman as Megane.
"Sorry"
Crow: Save the apologizes for the author's notes, pal.
Mendo looked at Zed and his anger began to well up inside of him.
In a flash it exploded.
Tom: So Mendo's a Super Saiyen on the side?
Joel: Either that or he studied stress management techniques from the
Big Cheese....
"Well," Mendo said. "at least the shot wasn't a total waste. It hit. It hit
Mr. Soon-to-be-living-the-rest-of-his-short-ass-life-in-agonizing-pain,
Mr. Rapist over here!
Tom: I'm living my life in agonizing pain right now!!!
Crow: A 'Pulp Fiction' crossover?!? Author, do you have no shame?!
"So," Ataru said "What now?" "I'll tell you 'what now'." Mendo explained.
"I'm gonna get a couple of pipe-toting niggers with a pair of pliers and
a blowtorch to get to work on the homes' here!
Tom: Geez, did Bob Guerin proofread this fic or what?
You hear me Hillbilly boy, This ain't over by a start! I'm gonna get
midevil on your ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Tom: <Austin> And ass hard to chew!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Crow: <sighs> At this point, the fanfic has totally thrown up its hands and
said, I just don't know....
I mean," Ataru said "where do we go now?"
Oh..sorry...uh... ahem...excuse me.
Crow: <Mendo, whispering> I forgot my damn lines! Help me!
Joel: <Ataru> Gee, I couldn't tell when you butchered 'Pulp Fiction'.
Let's go Home"
Tom: Jet Jaguar! Let's go home!
All: <hum the Jet Jaguar theme>
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Tom: ARRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHH!!!
(The bottom of Tom's head suddenly explodes in a burst of flame, the
blazing dome shooting up towards the ceiling like a rocket, Crow and
Joel watching in astonishment. Just before it reaches the top of the
theater, it abruptly runs out of fuel and plummets to the ground, a
smoking twisted hulk.)
Joel: Oh, good one, SMendou! You blowed up Tom real good!
Crow: Guess the lines were just too much for the poor little guy.
And for a moment there I thought he'd reach LEO....
(Joel rummages under his seat, grabs a new head with some rubber
bands, and goes to work fixing Tom)
4 weeks later...
Tom: Epilogue.
Crow: <Gary Shandling> Okay, a month just passed.
"How are you Lum"
"Fine Darling, how are you"
Joel: <Ataru> Great! I'm off to do some girl chasing! See ya!
"Great." Ataru kisses Lum she Kisses back.
Crow: Is it just me or are Lum and Ataru just going through the motions?
Joel: Their spirits are completely broken.
Tom: <groans> Not to mention my skull....Owie....
"I love you Lum"
Joel: ...And we have OOC from Ataru!!!
All: WHOOOHOOOO!!!!!!
Crow: Yes, nothing brings about your true feelings like being kidnapped
and nearly raped!
"I love you Darling, Will you ?"
"If you're ready."
Joel: <Lum> Please do!
Tom: <Ataru> Okay. *ahem* The end.
Joel: <Lum> Oh darling! I'm so happy!
Crow: Da'cha!
" Do me darling"
Tom: Do the Lum!
Crow: How appropriate. A spermkiller commercial in a lemon.
Joel: When did Lum become Irish?
Tom: That reminds me of an Irish ditty I heard on an episode of Cheers.
Mind if I sing a variation of it?
Joel: Knock yourself out.
Crow: <takes a deep breath and sings> Everything we read....was CRAP!
CRAP! CRAP! Everything we read....was CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!
Tom: <sniffs> That was beautiful, Crow....
Joel: You guys....
Ataru began to rub Lum's breasts through her top Lum felt the
sensation go through her body like a shiver.
Tom: <Lum> Darling....You're making my timbers sooooo HOT....
She reached back and undid her top letting her breasts come into his reach.
Joel: Yeah, all those tissues were in the way before.
Crow: Joel! Don't ruin the fantasy!
Ataru began to suck her breasts
Crow: <Triple H> We've got one word for ya! LEMON!!!
Tom: Well, at least he doesn't dive into them like Mendo....
and he felt her tense up from the sensation. Slowly he moved his
hand under her bottom and began to finger her clit.
All: <singing> Wiggle, Wiggle, Wabble Wabble! Wiggle Wiggle,
Wabble Wabble!
It never felt this good when she did it herself. Ataru slowly removed
her bottom
Joel: He did WHAT?!?!
Tom: She's wearing a rubber gag butt?
Crow: <Ataru> Cool! Detachable butts! Now I can do her *and* spank
her at the same time!
and buried his face in her cunt.
Tom: <Ataru> Mike! You in there?
Joel: <sighs>
Nibbling and licking he sent shivers through her whole body.
Crow: Oh, who does he think he is? David Cronenberg?
She alternated from having her eyes open or shut as the pleasure shot
through her.
Tom: ....like a harpoon through the gut.
Joel: <Lum, blinking> Camera 1! Camera 2! Camera 1! Camera 2!
Crow: Let's see the money shot!
Joel: Crow....
She couldn't believe the fact that all of he fantisies were finally coming
true. That's all her mind would let her think as,
Tom: ....the author had shut down most of her higher brain functions
until the lemon was over.
suddenly, her G-spot kicked in as she reached orgasm and gushed out.
Joel: Her G-Spot gushed out? Ickies!
Crow: I'm sure that's not what the writer meant... At least, I hope not.
She had never come that hard before. Ataru swallowed some of the
sweet juice.
Tom: 100% Pure Florida Oni Juice!
Next it was Lum's turn she seductively removed Ataru's clothing.
Crow: Needless to say, it was too provocative to describe in detail.
Tom: Thank god for small favors.
When she got to his underwear she simply ripped it off and took a
good long look at his sex.
Joel: <Lum> Hmmmmm... male! Right, Darling?
Crow: Whew! Only one set of genitalia. We're safe!
Tom: <Lum> Darling, have you ever read the Kama Sutra?
It was much bigger than she thought it would be and that pleased her.
Crow: <Lum> He is huge. I am pleased.
She looked up at Ataru and smiled. Ataru couldn't wait for what was
ahead.
Joel: <winces> Bad pun....
Suddenly she took him into her mouth using her tounge to
tease his glans.
Joel: (Old Lady) Lookie, I got your penis!!
Ataru began to moan he felt like he was on fire.
Joel: Yeah, whatever, Chief Smoke, get on with it!
Crow: <Ataru> Is it just me or am I ENGULFED IN FLAMES!?!?
YAHHHHHHAHAAAH!!!!
Tom: I'll bet the writer was after he posted this story....
This was his first time too. He never imagined that it could feel this
good. His penis started to contract and he let out a huge moan.
Joel: <Ataru> The contractions are only two minutes apart!
Lum began to suck harder to entice him. It worked.
Crow: <Ataru> I'm enticed!
He spewed forth his load in her mouth.
All: Spewwwww!!!
Lum swallowed his fluids and then took him in her mouth again she
felt him re-harden for the one final task.
Crow: Lemon Clich� Number #333: All women swallow and like it.
Tom: Lemon Clich� Number #196: It takes no time at all for men to
become aroused after they've spewed.
Joel: Maybe Ataru's on Viagra?
Ataru lay on the bed waiting; waiting for Lum to mount him.
Crow: <Ataru> Here's Ranma!
He didn't have to wait long. She guided herself onto him as he pushed
up to break down the wall.
Tom: Gee, he makes it sound so romantic, doesn't he?
Crow: ...But it's been torn down since 1989!
Joel: Wrong wall, Crow.
Lum screamed out and then began to breath hard.
Crow: <Lloyd Bridges> By this time, my lungs were aching for smoke!
Tom: And her stomach was aching for umeboshis.
As Ataru began to maon Lum began to cry out.
Crow: <Lum> Darling! I never knew you were dyslexic in bed!
Slowly she came to climax screaming in utter pleasure. "Darling !
Darlinng ! Yes Darling! DARLING!!!!!!!!!!!!
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARLING!!!!!!!!
All: SHUT UP!!!
Tom: Well, I see Lum saves *her* megaphone for sex.
I LOVE YOU DARLING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!"
Crow: <Lum> .....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! I FORGOT TO GIVE
YOU PROTECTION!!!!!!!
Joel: Crow....
AS WITH ALL URUSEI YATSURA THE STORY IS NEVER
REALLY OVER.
All: OH YES IT IS!!!
TO BE CONTINUED...........
Tom: ....in a MUCH better rewrite called 'The Prince and the Letcher'!
Joel: Tom, 'The Prince and the Letcher' had the UY characters OOC too,
and 70% of the story was nothing but really long sex scenes.
Tom: Well, yeah, but at least the lemon scenes were plentiful and
well done. And the story *WAS* better!
Crow: Guys, can we discuss this outside? We're holding up the fanfic.
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Crow: Who's lines are those anyway?
Joel: <Clive Anderson> This is Clive Anderson saying goodnight!
Good night!
Tom: Commence vamoosing!
(Joel picks up Tom as Crow rises from his seat)
So, did you like it?
Crow: Oh joy. Author's notes.
(Everyone resumes their seats)
Joel: Did you like it, guys?
Crow: Well, it could have been worse. I mean, it *almost* had a plot.
Tom: Yeah. And the author at least tried to put some humor into it, even
though the jokes were all completely lame.
It was fun writing it but I wanted to make a few things clear:
Crow: (Author) The lines were used just to fill up empty space when I ran
out of ideas!
1: ANY FORM OF RAPE IS DIGUSITING ALL RAPISTS IN MY
OPINION SHOULD BE CASTRATED!!!! I ONLY USE IT TO MOVE
THE STORY ALONG!
Tom: Yeah, nothing solves writer's block like a rape scene.
Crow: And I think people who use all caps to 'scream' should be castrated,
too.
2:WHEN I USE THE WORD "NIGGER" I DO NOT MEAN IT IN A
DERROGATORY SENSE I AM SIMPLY TAKING A QUOTE FROM
A MOVIE (3 GUESSES WHICH ONE. INITIALS P.F.)
Joel: Gee, that's a tough one.
3:HAVE FUN LOOKING FOR ALL THE IN JOKES. E-MAIL ME
WITH THE ONES YOU FIND.
Crow: If YOU don't know where they are, don't expect US to hunt 'tm
down.
Tom: If you want a real challenge, count the number of times the author
used the word 'flushing'.
4: E-MAIL ME WITH COMMENTS ABOUT THE STORY ; GOOD
OR BAD AT 71603.1073@compuserve.com
Joel: Well, at least he has a sympathetic ear for his critics....
THANK YOU FOR READING
SMendou
Tom: SMendou... Is that anything like Smegma?
Joel: Tom, sometimes you're as bad as Crow.
A WORD ABOUT THE TEXT VERSION:
Crow: Crap.
THIS IS A LATER VERSION THAN THE .WRI ONE I'VE BASICALLY
FIXED THE GRAMMAR ERRORS
All: <laughing hysterically>
Tom: Oh sure, The grammar! What about the spelling mistakes? The
plot? THOSE STUPID DOTTED LINES OVER AND OVER AND OVER....!!!
Joel: Woah, woah, Tommy! Get a grip! The fic's almost over! Don't blow
your top again!
Tom: <sniffling> Sorry, guys, it's just this was a tough one....
AND LENGTHENED A COUPLE PARTS UP FOR EAASE OF READING.
Crow: Not to mention flushing, running and screaming.
I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS ONE.
SMendou
Joel: You mean there's more of these things? Aw man....
Tom: <starts to vibrate again>
Crow: Uh oh! Quick Joel! Get him out of the theater!
(Joel and Co. quickly rush towards the open doors.)
* * *
SATELLITE OF LOVE
"Whew! That was a close one!" Tom exclaimed as they emptied
onto the bridge. "I'm okay now, guys."
"Man, I can't believe that fic actually inspired Todd Hill to write
'The Prince and the Letcher'. I would have gone mad," Crow remarked.
"Actually, if you really think about it, a lot of great stories came
from ideas that were sound but poorly executed in other stories," Joel said.
"Yeah, and then lots of really bad knockoffs are made stealing
elements of that great story and the cycle continues with the next great story
and so on and so forth...." Tom continued.
"Well, yeah, I guess that's true." Joel frowned. "But just look at
Dr. Thinker's 'Judge Brainitite'...."
"Seen it! Taped it!" The bots chorused.
"Just bear with me here. Judge Brainitite had a very creative and
unique plot but the grammar was so bad that it just totally destroyed it. But
it still has a lot of potential to become a great story with some rewriting,
proofreading and a good spellchecker," Joel pointed out.
"Yeah, wasn't someone trying to rewrite 'Sailor Moon meets Father
Christmas' into a decent fic a while back?" Tom recalled.
"Gee, I wonder if anyone will ever rewrite one of Oscar's fics into
something good?" Crow asked.
"If anyone does, all I can say is good luck! You'll need it!' Tom
wisecracked.
"So what you're saying, Joel, is even though 'The Kidnapping' was
a really bad lemon fanfic, it paved the way for a better fanfic and thus served
a useful purpose?" Tom inquired.
"Exactly!" Joel smiled. "So next time we rip apart a fanfic, just think
of what that fanfic has the potential to become someday!"
"Oh, I get it!" Crow suddenly exclaimed. "Like when Toho released
all those low budgeted Godzilla films with unknown actors and guys in goofy
rubber suits to pave the way for the big budget, Americanized version, with
state of the art special effects and starring actors that voiced the 'Simpsons'!"
"What? No, that's not...." Joel began.
"Oh yeah! And the original black and white version of 'Psycho'
with that stodgy Alfred Hitchcock paved the way for Gus Van Sant's colorized,
remake, with nudity, extra blood, and the added bonus of hearing Norman
Bates masturbating, made it even better!" Tom remarked.
"Wait a....no....that's not what I meant...." Joel tried to protest feebly.
"Don't forget the David Hartman remake of 'Miracle On 34th Street'!
Now THERE was a remake of a film that was crying out to be tampered
with and updated for the 90's!" Crow added.
"Oh, just forget it." Joel muttered as he noticed the red light flashing
on the counter. "The mads are calling...."
* * *
DEEP 13
Frank's head tried to scream as Dr. Forrester yanked his hair
with one hand and tried to shove his sock-covered hand down his throat
with the other. He glanced towards the screen and noticed Joel and the
bots staring at him. Quickly, he released Frank's head as it gasped for
breath.
"Oh, Joel!" Dr. Forrester stumbled. "Um, I was just....er....showing
Frank the proper way to apply the manable claw with Mr. Socko."
"He's just jealous cause everybody want me....WAAAH!!!" Frank
yelped as Dr. Forrester nudged him off the console again with his elbow.
"Say sirs, that wouldn't be the *Mads Elbow*, would it?" Crow
asked.
Dr. Forrester attempted to cock an eyebrow but only succeeded in
furrowing his brow. "Merely laying the smack down on a subordinate,
Joel," he replied while picking up Frank's head. "Frank, know your role and
get your ruddy poo candy skull over to the button and give it a press!"
"Make me! Nyahhh!" Frank's head retorted, sticking his tongue out.
"Easily done." Dr. Forrester replied as he slammed Frank's head down
on the button.
"Owie...."
THE REAL END....
(Feel free to hum the closing theme as you read my author's notes.)
Whew! It's finally done! Sorry if it went a little long! I originally planned
to cut the action scene with Bob out since there wasn't much action but
in the end I finally decided to leave it as is. My next project will be another
wrestling oriented double team with Lynxara, watch for it! :)
I'd like to give very special thanks to John Felix, Gary Kleppe, and Lynxara
who proofread and gave me C&C on the MSTing. I couldn't have finished it
without their help and I can't thank them enough. :)
I'd also like to thank Timothy McLees, Luna and Artemis, Chris
Bergstrom, Jay Dee Archer (Jupiter Knight), Michael K. Neylon,
Demon Stalker, Oscar, and Sakura for being nice enough to post my
MSTings on their webpages, as well as Theo Mintesnot for coming up
with a love theme for this series by changing a few words. I changed a
few myself but it was his idea and I appreciate it. :)
Finally I'd like to thank SMendou for writing "The Kidnapping" and
giving me a lot of material to work with. I hope you're not too offended.
It's all meant in good fun. If you are, feel free to MST my own works, I
won't mind a bit.
C&C, as always, is appreciated. (fcasper@yesic.com) Feel free to
send in any anime fanfics that you would like to see MSTed and I'll
take a look at it. Also, if you're interested in seeing any previous
episodes of this series, I'll be happy to e-mail them to you. ;)
Sincerely,
Megane 6.7
P.S. My friend, Lunari, has written several excellent Sailor Moon stories
and if you are interested in reading it, contact her at lunari@sprynet.com
and I'm sure she'll be happy to send a copy to you. :)
Also, Jack Acid has his own series of MSTings, which should soon be
posted on Shinji's site and is a very talented computer graphics
artist. You can find some of his works in the art gallery at Shinji's site
and you can contact him for his MSTings at samearly@hancock.net
Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/
(Having undergone a recent makeover, Shinji's webpage is now bigger
and better looking than ever! Check out the new features and enjoy the
MSTings of an ever-growing number of talented authors. And don't
forget to vote for the upcoming 2nd Annual Silver Mally Awards!)
Megane 6.7 Tribute Page
http://members.xoom.com/RyanMercury/megane.html
(Regular Fanfics can be found at http://members.xoom.com/RyanMercury/megfics.html)
(Shizen was very nice to dedicate a page to my MSTings and let me post
my works on his site. In addition to my works, check out the many features
of Shizen's site, including his own fanfic works.)
Gary Kleppe's Comics and Manga Page
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics
(Another author with a vast selection of terrific Ranma 1/2 fanfics and
a great human being.)
The Official Homepage of Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong
http://www.li.net/~jeffwong/index.htm
(Author of the popular "Usagi's Usual Morning" and "The Least One
Can Do" series, He is also a great human being.)
Flashman's Flash Point
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/3105/
(Author of the popular series "Trio" and creator of the "Flash Point"
MSTings. Can you say great human being? I thought you could. ;P )
Website Number 9 MSTings
http://neylonpc.engin.umich.edu/mst3k/mistings.shtml
(Huge collection of MSTings, Anime and Non-Anime. Be sure to choose
your votes for the WS#9 MSTing Awards.)
Lord Carnage's Cursed Fanboys Page!
http://members.tripod.com/~CarnageBooga/index.html
(Home of the hilarious 'Fanboy' series. This site has it all, reviews,
fanfiction, multimedia, you name it.)
A Sailor Moon Romance
http://moonromance.simplenet.com/
(The source of some of my MSTings and updated weekly with new fics.)
Jupiter Knight's Great Sailor Moon Fanfic Archive
http://www.dragonfire.net/~JupiterKnight/fanfics.htm
(A great source of Sailor Moon Fanfics.)
Zen's Fanfiction Page
http://www.mindspring.com/~databank/fanfics.html
(One of the most controversial fanfic writers today and one of my favorites.)
Webdragon's Lair
http://members.tripod.com/~WebDragon/
(The author of many wonderful short stories and the occasional lemon.)
Sakura's Lemon Fan-Fiction Archive
http://anime.muck.com/~sakura/main.html
(Ever growing collection of Lemon Fanfiction from all walks of Anime.)
SEASON ONE
------------------
101- "GAMES" by Artemis (SM Lemon)
102- "ARTEMIS'S LOVER" (Original Draft) by Oscar (SM Lemon)
103- "SAILOR JUPITER VS. GODZILLA" by The Flashman
(SM/GODZILLA CROSSOVER)
104- "JUDGE BRAINITITE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic)
w/short "RANMA 1/2: ACCUSED PT. 1" by Karmin (R1/2 Fanfic)
105- "THE WAR" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic)
106- "TRANSITIONS" by Richard Lawson (Nuku Nuku Fanfic)
107- "HELLRAISERS" (Original Draft) by Aaron Eaton
(La Blue Girl/Overfiend/Original Crossover)
108- "MEN OF BOKKEN" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic)
109- "BISHOUJO SENSHI ROYAL RUMBLE" by Ken Hoinsky
(SM/WWF Crossover)
w/short "THE DINNER PARTY" by Chris Curzon (SM/RL Crossover)
110- "XMAS SPECIAL: SAILOR MOON MEETS FATHER
CHRISTMAS" by Dr. Thinker (SM Christmas Fanfic)
SEASON TWO
-------------------
201- "THAT GIRL" PT. 1-2 by Oscar (SM Lemon)
202- "VIRGIN WARRIOR SAILOR MOON" by Umino (SM Lemon)
203- "*R*P*M*" by Flynn (SM Fanfic)
204- "RANKO'S LIFE" PT. 1-2 by Hitomi Ichinohei (R1/2 Fanfic)
205- "TRAPPED" by Mr_Jazz (SM Lemon)
206- "OSCAR TOON" PT. 1-4 by Oscar (SM/DBZ/WB Crossover)
207- "CALIFORNIA DREAMING" by Shakari (Mutiple Crossovers)
208- "A RANMA 1/2 FANFIC" PT. 1-2 by Sheep (R1/2 Fanfic)
209- "TRIANGLE TANGLE" by CATS (SM Lemon)
210- "URUSEI YATSURA: THE KIDNAPPING" by SMendou (UY Lemon)
SHORTY!
-------------
101- SUBLIMINALLY SEDUCE WOMEN INSTANTLY!
102- THE UGLIEST WOMEN ON THE NET!
OTHER MSTINGS I'VE CONTRIBUTED TO
---------------------------------------------------------
"DIMISIONAL TROUBLE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic)
"MOONDUSTED" by Stephen Ratliff (SM/TNG Crossover)
Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/
"THE COUNTESS CHRONICLES" by Lin Lin (SM Dark Lemon)
"9 1/2 CHIPMUNKS" by Toon Dreams (Rescue Rangers Yaoi Lemon)
Lefty's MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/MSTings/index.htm
'MYSTERY WRESTLING THEATER 3000', POST 105: DOUBLE TROUBLE!
(Two interviews with the Ultimate Warrior and '3:16 Rulzs!' by Oracle)
http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/aa.html
"THE DAY OF EMERGANCE" by Jeffrey Lee (Ranma 1/2/Eddings/SM Crossover)
Gary Kleppe's Comics and Manga Page
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics
">We are SUPREME............HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!
ahem... Now, down to business."
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations
are trademarks of and (c) 1994 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights
reserved.
Keep Circulating the Fanfics....