I am forwarding this for Murmur.  He had some trouble posting.

all previous chapters can be found at 

http://www.geocities.com/tokyo/dojo/2881

Long


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Date: Mon, 22 Feb 1999 19:06:32 EST
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Here it is.  Put your webpage on it as well, so that people can get the
previous chapters

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MISTAKEN IDENTITY
A MURMUR THE FALLEN FANFIC
BASED UPON THE CHARACTERS AND SITUATIONS BY
RUMIKO TAKAHASHI


Chapter Five: The rapid progression of actions

=09Life was really funny.  Not Ha-Ha funny, but odd in ways that were nev=
er dreamt of by normal men, but that which haunt the truly mad.  Well, it=
 could be considered funny, if one were to have a truly bitter and ironic=
 sense of 'humor', and a deep need to be punished.  
=09Saotome Yuri's personality did not have in its makeup those two compon=
ents, though she certainly felt bitter, and also felt that she was being =
punished.  Karma, she mused, was a real vindictive bitch, that paid back =
in spades for every single imagined slight.  The anthropomorphism of karm=
a, really, was the only way that she could explain the fact that what was=
 happening to her, was indeed happening to her.
=09Her brother (whom she was quite certain was the cause of all the pain =
and misery in the world) was holding her (he being a she at the moment.  =
And she being a she also, though, really, the way that her life had been =
going lately, she didn't expect it to last) head in her hands, looking in=
 quite a bit of pain.  Normally, that would have cheered her up immensely=
, especially since she herself was the cause of said pain; however, that =
was not the case now.  She had just told her brother (whom she hated more=
 than life itself) what she had been doing with his (now her) name.  
=09"Damn it.  I can not believe that you did all that in a few months.  H=
ow could you do all that in so short a time period?" Ranma asked, incredu=
lous as hell, and twice as angry.  "I didn't think that anyone could get =
into that much trouble without screwing over all the major crime cartels =
in the world.  My name is going to be all over the place, you realize tha=
t?"
=09"So?  What's the big deal?" asked Yuri, unconcerned.  Why should she c=
are?  After all, anything that inconveniences him err-her is all for the =
best.
=09"Since you don't seem to have empathy, how about the fact that you're =
going to have a lot of people looking for me come around.  And not all of=
 them are coming for my vast store of bawdy jokes, or a free drink.  And =
if you think that I'm going to be the one to accept their bullets, you're=
 nuts!"  It was a testament to Ranma's speaking ability that she gave the=
 impression of yelling at quite high decibels, yet remaining at whisperin=
g level.
=09"What do you mean?" asked Yuri, though getting one of those weird prem=
onitions that she most definitely would not like the coming answer.
=09"You, my dear sister, are going to be my proxy."
=09Shock was the first reaction that she had.  
=09Perfectly natural, given the unusual circumstances.
=09Her following reaction, though, was not.
=09But, really, it was bound to happen sooner or later.  
=09One of life's little lessons, really.  

=09=09=09*=09=09=09*=09=09=09*
=09
=09It wasn't what it looked like, Akane would say later.  It was pure coi=
ncidence that, after her father had led the two siblings to the spare roo=
m, that she would suddenly remember that she had left something in there.=
  Something which she couldn't remember now, of course, but which importa=
nce seemed paramount at the moment.  So much so that she waited outside t=
he door, waiting for them to finish so that she could get it.  Why didn't=
 she just walk inside to retrieve it?  She couldn't do that; it would be =
rude to interrupt.  And she took great care to not accidentally eavesdrop=
 on the conversation.  
=09Not like the others were doing, the gossipmongers.

=09=09=09*=09=09=09*=09=09=09*

=09Karma, Ranma mused, is a real vindictive bitch, that nurses grudges be=
yond the point of letting go.  So much so that the grudges turn into loon=
ies that start hacking their names into the rapidly cooling bodies of tho=
se that they have slowly and sensuously . . . where was this metaphor goi=
ng again?  Ah, that's right.  Karma: bitch, Yuri: bitch.  Damn it, why do=
es this sort of shit always happen to her? 
=09Sometimes she really felt like just blowing up a country and ranting a=
bout the beautiful night.
=09Ok, calm down, Ranma, she said to herself.  Take it one second at a ti=
me or you really will end up blowing up a country, or at least a city.
=09Well, she never really liked Tokyo all that much.  Dirty, crowded plac=
e with too many ugly buildings.  
=09"Yeah, sure.  I want to know.  Really," said Yuri, derailing his steam=
 engine of thought, in that infuriatingly glib tone of hers.     
=09And she told her exactly why she should care.  If there was one thing =
that she had learned over the years was, you can't trust charity, but you=
 can trust enlightened self-interest.    
=09"What do you mean?" she asked.  Ah, now there's the light of reason da=
wning upon her.  Let's see how she takes the blunt approach.
=09"You, my dear sister, are going to be my proxy."
=09Oh, how the look upon her sister's face just lit up her entire soul wi=
th a warm, comforting glow. The look of one who knows that she is utterly=
 and completely screwed, and it was all her own doing.
=09She had no one to blame but herself, and that just made the whole fias=
co almost worthwhile.
=09Of course Ranma never did expect what happened next. 
=09As she gloated internally, Yuri's shock turned into utter fury.  With =
her anger fueling her, she quickly grabbed the open Ranma and tossed her =
out the door with all her strength.
=09The toss would have taken her through a wall and out the other side, b=
ruising her quite severely (it could be hoped) in the process.
=09 However, what the toss didn't expect was Mr. Soun 'momentum dampening=
' Tendo to be in the way.  Ranma smashed into Mr. Tendo, and sent both of=
 them into the wall, and while making a radiating spiral of cracks, did n=
ot break it.
=09The toss was understandably disappointed. 
=09Yuri was understandably horrified and feeling immensely guilty.  Thoug=
h not about Ranma.
=09Mr. Tendo was understandably unconscious.
=09Ranma was understandably furious, or would have been if she also hadn'=
t been unconscious.
=09There was a whole of lot understanding in that hallway.  
=09Oddly enough, however, Kasumi was not there.  
=09No, Kasumi was in the living room, going over the daily mail.  Another=
 one of the little things she does.  
=09She came across one letter in an envelope that opened along the smalle=
r dimension, rather than the longer one.  It was addressed to Saotome Ran=
ma.  
=09"But which one?" asked Kasumi, to no one in particular.  
=09It had no return address.
=09"I didn't know that you could mail a letter without a return address. =
 What if it got lost?" Kasumi asked no one once more. 
=09No one replied as it always did: in no way. 
=09"I wonder who I should give this to?"
=09Kasumi shrugged slightly, and got up.  She shook her legs, one after t=
he other, in an attempt to wake her sleeping feet.  Then winced, again ve=
ry slightly, at that unpleasant pins and needles sensation.
=09She walked to the hallway, where she saw the most recent scene of utte=
r carnage in her house.
=09Perhaps she should not have played her Walkman so loudly.
What, she wondered silently and to herself (for no one had gone no where)=
, was Yuri (really, she went in her mind on a different train of thought,=
 running parallel to the first, this whole identity situation was very od=
d) doing on the floor with that large bump on her head?  
=09The answer immediately supplied itself in the form of a confused looki=
ng Akane looking down on the downed girl.  
=09And why was Ranma (in her girl form, though, she thought, since I have=
 not seen her otherwise, I have only Mr. Saotome's word that she actually=
 does have one.  And I know how reliable that is) unconscious and in a ta=
ngle with father? 
=09In a more lecherous mind, the answer would have been swift and dirty. 
=09In Kasumi's mind, she drew a more accurate conclusion.=09
=09"Really, Father," Kasumi said admonishingly to her 'sleeping' father, =
"you should learn to respect other people's privacy."  
=09No matter that he couldn't hear it.  After all, it was the principle o=
f the matter.  
=09"And, Akane, you must learn to control those impulses."  Waggling a fi=
nger was probably a bit too much, she thought.  But when she acts like a =
child, she should be treated like one.  
=09"Nabiki," she said to her sister.  "I don't think that father would li=
ke it if you blackmailed him with those pictures.  You do know how he get=
s when you try to do that, don't you?" she asked rhetorically to her felo=
nious sibling, who was shuddering in the memory of her one experience wit=
h the dreaded "Demon Head."
=09Now to soak some compresses.  
=09
=09=09=09*=09=09=09*=09=09=09*

=09Ah, Paris, the city of lights, the city of love.  The center of Haute =
Couture, and a citadel to the memoirs of past culture.
=09So what do all this lights, love, couture, and culture add up to?
=09A horrendously expensive vacation spot that rains quite a bit and does=
n't have anything that you couldn't find in a decent art book or LA.
=09Well, that was not quite true.  An art book would not have the origina=
ls on display, under a foot of hermetically sealed plexi-glass.
=09But what, one must ask, is the difference?
=09Ah, Paris, tourist trap with attitude.  
=09That was pretty much why Arsene hated being there.  Arsene hated old c=
ities, especially European Old Cities.  They had a certain air to them th=
at screamed "We have History!  We have a Past!  We have Really Large Buil=
dings with Gargoyles!  With Extra Masonry!"  
=09But Arsene loved money, and in Arsene's particular field of expertise,=
 Paris was the mother-load.
=09Oh, what was Arsene's field of expertise?
=09Why the grand art of thievery, of course.
=09For Arsene Lupin the Fourth was a thief, and a good one at that.  
=09One of the best in the world, it could be said with a great deal of ce=
rtainty. 
=09It was expected of her, really.
=09What?  Arsene Lupin was a girl?
=09Yep.
=09Not that very many people knew that little fact.  
=09So, please, try to keep it to yourselves, if you would.
=09Arsene looked upon that grand old city, and sighed.  She hated Paris, =
and, if a city had a mind, she was sure that Paris hated her right back. =
 
=09She swiftly shut the heavy curtains, and leaped to her bed, the tired =
springs creaking loudly, protesting the sudden weight upon it.  
=09It didn't help that the bed was now carrying two.
=09"Hey, Nodachi, what do you want to do?" Arsene asked the man next to h=
er in bed, a rather tall, scruffy fellow in his early twenties, with gree=
n, spiky hair and tattered black leather jacket and pants, and a T-shirt =
that screamed PANTERA. 
=09Now, a more lecherous mind would have drawn a very dirty little conclu=
sion by now.
=09It would be wrong, of course. 
=09Kuno Nodachi stopped in his contemplation of the ceiling to look at hi=
s partner in crime, and stuck his tongue out, silently.
=09"Real mature, No-chan.  No, come on, really.  What should we do?  I'm =
bored," whined the world-renowned master thief.  
=09"Go away, I'm tired as hell," replied Nodachi, 'die a slow, painful de=
ath' spread all over his tone.
=09"Well, fine, if that's the way you want to be," said Arsene, pouting s=
lightly.  She sat up, pivoted her legs so that they hung from the side of=
 the bed, and turned her back to her depressed partner.
=09Arsene re-opened the curtains, looking at the raining city.  While she=
 liked rain, she always found the sight of an old city being rained upon =
to be depressing.  She sighed very dramatically, and closed the curtains,=
 only to re-open them and sigh yet again.  She continued to stare, and si=
gh every few seconds.  During which, Nodachi stared glumly at the ceiling=
, wincing in pain, not guilt, at each breathy, dramatic sigh.  Finally, a=
fter ten minutes of the Lupin Sighing Torture, he decided that the pain w=
as too great to bear any longer.
=09"Fine!  Fine!  You've broken my spirit!  What the hell do you want to =
do, now?!" yelled Nodachi, as he went from horizontal to vertical in less=
 than a jiffy.  
=09"I don't know, what do you want to do?" she asked childishly, as she a=
gain stared at the oddly hypnotic sight of gutter water pouring down onto=
 the cobbled street.
=09Nodachi looked at his partner.  She was a very pretty girl, at about a=
verage height with full chestnut colored hair that reached to her shoulde=
rs.  Silhouetted as she was by the storm filtered light, only her profile=
 showing, Nodachi quickly came up and just as quickly discarded the first=
 three of his 'suggestions'.  "How about we steal something?"
=09"No, really?" Arsene said sarcastically, her eyes wide with false shoc=
k.
=09"Why don't you come up with something then, genius?" Nodachi said scor=
nfully.
=09"Why the hell do you think I was asking you?  I'm tapped out, god damn=
 it!" she yelled, as she flounced back onto the bed.  She took a small bo=
oklet from the small table next to the bed, and flipped through its gloss=
y pages at random.  She stopped at a picture of the glass pyramid entranc=
e of the Louvre.  She looked up at her partner and said, with a devilish =
grin, "Say, I've got an idea . . ."
=09"Well, don't just trail off like that!"
=09"God, you try to be a bit dramatic-."
=09"A bit.  Uh-huh."
=09"What?"

=09=09=09*=09=09=09*=09=09=09*

=09The old man looked across the table.  He sipped at his green tea, not =
really tasting it, yet savoring the heat.
=09If you had looked at him, you would probably have guessed that the old=
 man was in his late sixties, perhaps a very robust man in his seventies.=
  
=09You would be quite wrong, of course.
=09But you knew that, didn't you?
=09Tick-tock, tick-tock.
=09The woman that sat across from him also sipped at the green tea.  She =
never took her eyes off the man at her side, though.  She stared at him, =
not with love in her eyes, but with deep suspicion and not a little anger=
. In any other couple, that would have meant love, but not in those two. 
=09The woman looked quite young, perhaps still in her teens, though she g=
ave off a sense of maturity that seemed far older than her apparent age. =
 Her most striking feature (other than her regal, elegant, swarthy beauty=
) was her glossy green hair, rich, full, and elegant, though in a matronl=
y bun that contrasted wildly with her apparent age, and matched exactly w=
ith her aura of maturity.
=09You would think, what a dowdy looking young gir . . . err, woman. 
=09You'd be wrong again, but you knew that as well.
=09What you don't know is that the sense that you were wrong about the ol=
d man is not the sense that you were wrong about the young woman.  
=09Weird, huh? 
=09It'll be addressed later, if at all.  
=09Because, really, it is a minor point at best, and a distraction to the=
 main plot at worst.
=09Tick-tock.  
=09The man at the woman's side looked to be in his late twenties, or earl=
y thirties.  He wore black slacks and a black blouse, along with a black =
tie.  His coat, which hung on a coat-rack in the corner of the room, was =
also black.  Black, black, black, a common motif for the man: from hair, =
to eyes, to socks, though not in skin pigmentation.  Not a man to have a =
funeral catch him unawares.   
=09He was the only one of the three not drinking tea, for he was, rather,=
 gulping rather large amounts of what was called yogurt, but wasn't reall=
y.  But it tasted good, and, really, what else is there for a drink to be=
?  
=09"So," said the old man, the word echoing uncomfortably in the small ro=
om.
=09Tick-tock.
=09"So," repeated the man, grinning slightly at the two others in an odd =
way.
=09The young woman remained silent.  The two others stared at her intentl=
y, waiting.  Her eyes had a set look to them, indicating to the two men t=
hat she was not going to be as silly as they were.  The two men sighed sl=
ightly. 
=09"So," said the old man, yet again, and wincing at the sudden glare fro=
m the young woman, "what was it like being dead?"
=09"Not something that I would want to do again any time soon," replied t=
he young woman in an ironic manner.  "Though I don't think that I have a =
choice in the matter."
=09"Heh," went the man, grinning slightly in his mug of 'yogurt'.
=09Tick-tock.  
=09"Do you have something you wish to say?" asked the young woman frostil=
y.
=09"Who, me?" replied the man, as innocently as he could. 
=09"So, why did you ask that we meet?" said the young woman of the old ma=
n, ignoring the man in black.
 =09"Hmm?" hummed the old man, also as innocently as he could.  
=09"Don't play games," said the young woman.
=09"Isn't simply wanting to be in the company of old friends enough?"
=09"No, it isn't," said the young woman, again lowering the temperature w=
ith her tone.
=09"Well, all right, you've dragged it out of me." The old man sounded ex=
tremely smug, his grin wrinkling his face.  "One of my boys has the Book.=
"
=09Tick-tock, tick-tock.
=09"What book?" asked the man.
=09"You know, the Black Book," said the old man, his grin threatening to =
crack his jaw.
=09Silence met his words.
=09Tick.  
=09"Well?  Shouldn't the two of you be gasping in surprise and mounting h=
orror?" asked the old man petulantly. 
=09"Should we?" the man asked of the young woman.
=09Tock.
=09 "I do not see why I should, though you may indulge yourself in pointl=
ess drama, as is your wont," declared the young woman.
=09"Oh yes, and it wasn't you that I saw making a particularly verbose li=
ttle speech high atop a perch, one fine moonlight night?" asked the man i=
n a mocking way.  The young woman blushed slightly in response, and looke=
d away. 
=09"Ah Hem!" went the old man.  
=09"What? Oh, yes, the Black Book," said the distracted young woman.  She=
 looked at the old man, and said, "So, someone finally managed to find it=
.  When will we get to see it?"
=09"Oh, soon, soon," said the old man as reassuringly as possible.
=09Tick-tock, tick-tock.
=09"You know, this is highly portentous," observed the man, as he waggled=
 a finger in the two other's direction.  "The return of the Warriors, the=
 presence of the Scattered, the battles with the darkness, and now this. =
 Interesting times, and getting far more interesting as of late."
=09"Hmm, yes.  Events are occurring too rapidly for me to divine with any=
 degree of certainty," said the young woman, as she sipped from her cup o=
f tea.
=09"Millennial fever.  It's like the very earth itself has caught millenn=
ial fever," observed the man.  He finished off the last of the yogurt, si=
ghed, and stood up.  "Well, I've got to be going now.  You know how it is=
; busy, busy, busy."  The man walked softly to the coat-rack, took his co=
at, and casually put it on.  
=09He reached for the door handle, and just as he was about to slide the =
door open, the old man said to him in an off-hand manner, "Oh, by the by,=
 I've had a stern talking to with Harold."
=09Tick-tock, tick-tock.
=09"Ah, drat," muttered the man, as he stepped out, sliding close the doo=
r behind him.
=09"Heh.  It's not often I get one over on him," said the old man, gleefu=
lly chortling.  
=09"Oh, please.  Don't think that just because you found one, you've foun=
d all."  The young woman then got up, and went for her own jacket.  She l=
ooked at the old man, and said, rather fondly, "Take care of yourself, al=
right?  And don't involve yourself too much in the coming . . . events, w=
hatever they may be."
=09"Right, right.  As always, I defer to your never ending wisdom," said =
the old man, smiling.
=09"Huh."
=09The young woman walked out the door.
=09The old man finished the last of the tea in the kettle as he looked ab=
sently at the closed door.  His gaze was turned inward, rather than outwa=
rd.
=09"I wonder what I should do about that boy.  And I wonder why I keep ge=
tting such conflicting reports?"  The old man also got up, and sighed lou=
dly at the crackling sensations that accompanied the action.  "Ah, well. =
 Hey, baseball should be starting any time now."
=09The old man left the room, all thoughts of old times, old friends, and=
 old enemies buried under the prospect of a good game of baseball.
=09Tick . . . tock.

=09=09=09*=09=09=09*=09=09=09*

=09Outside, the flickering streetlights cast very eerie shadows upon the =
cool concrete ground.  The young looking man drew his coat closer, in an =
effort to warm himself, his breath clouding in front of him.  He looked a=
round very dramatically, as if he were in a very old and very bad spy pic=
ture, and whispered to the shadows that covered the brick walls that surr=
ounded him, "I think that you know what to do."
=09A voice from the shadows, an androgynous voice that could have been at=
tributed to either sex, answered in an overly polite manner, "But of cour=
se.  I, your humble servant, do nothing but serve your will, and this ins=
tance is no exception."
=09"Oh, stop that.  I do the over the top dramatics around here," answere=
d the man.
=09"Of course you do," said the young woman as she looked down from the f=
lickering lamppost.  She jumped down from the great height, somehow makin=
g it appear dainty and ladylike, and smiled slightly.
=09"Ah, for the love of- does everyone have to steal my act?" complained =
the man, as he looked towards the faint stars, and lifted his arms high i=
n mock exasperation.    
=09"Yes," replied the voice from the shadows and the young woman simultan=
eously.  
=09"Whatever," muttered the man in black.  He turned towards the shadows =
and said, "Well, go on, don't hang around here all night.  Go on, you've =
got an international conspiracy to run in my place."
=09The person in the shadows did not reply.  A faint rustle sounded the e=
xit.  The two people left behind did not even look at each other as they =
started down the street in unison.
=09"I . . . have a need of your . . . assistance," stated the young woman=
 hesitantly, as they walked side by side along the dark suburban lanes.
=09"Oh.  So the aloof one decides that she needs to get down into the tre=
nches?" said the man mockingly.  "You were mighty lazy in your old age, a=
nd now you're desperately trying to play catch up to the rest of us.  I t=
hink that I like that."
=09"Whatever opinions you may hold, I hope that you are mature enough to =
accede to my request."
=09"Well, as you may have guessed, I'm taking a little vacation."
=09"I thought that you were 'busy, busy, busy.'"
=09"Well, you know how much effort you have to put in to have a vacation.=
"
=09"No, I wouldn't."
=09"Oh."
  
=09=09=09*=09=09=09*=09=09=09*

=09Ranma's dreams were always framed in pretty much the same manner.  The=
re was an observer Ranma, and a Ranma that interacted with the others in =
the dream.  And it was always, always horrible . . . in retrospect.  But =
sometimes, what was so horrible about it was that it didn't feel all that=
 horrible, but he felt that it should.  The horrors of a rusty morality, =
he would call it.  
=09Ever since he stole from that small village in China, the dreams had t=
aken a new and very annoying twist: All through it, the song "Hey, Jude" =
would play. 
=09That was why Ranma avoided psychologists like the plague.  Well, that =
and his mother issue.
=09Ranma was alone, something that happened very rarely indeed in his dre=
ams.  There was a book, but only by default.  It was nothingness; not bla=
ck but an absence of light.  The only thing that defined it as a book wer=
e the silver clasps and silver designs upon the covers.  The clasp opened=
, and the book flipped open, the song became louder, and underneath it al=
l, Ranma was sure that he was gibbering mentally.  He hated gibbering.  A=
nd he hated the Beatles.
=09The scene changed in a flash of blinding white light.
=09A city street, a laughing, loving couple, a quick death; fun, fun, doo=
dle-dumb, that's the way Ranma's mind works.  Happiness was not something=
 he liked seeing in others.  It just really pissed him off.  Pissy, pissy=
, pissy, that's him all right.  Though the bullets were getting a bit ann=
oying, the pinging against his shield just screwed up his rhythm.  Now ho=
w was he supposed to tear out people's thoraxes, or for that matter, wher=
e is the thorax?  He didn't laugh, he didn't need to, nor did he feel the=
 slightest inclination to laugh, diabolically, insanely or otherwise.  We=
ll, maybe just a little bit . . . 
=09Ranma shook his head.  He hated the plays, the little dramas that went=
 on in his dreams.  He hated them almost as much as the things, if only b=
ecause the things weren't quite as cheesy.  Well, wasn't he filled with b=
ravado, laughing in the face of his obvious insanity, ha ho he who hey.  =
Stop.  He hated the aftermath of the plays as well.  It always left a fou=
l patina of melodrama on his muddled thoughts.
=09Whoops, here he goes again.
=09A kitchen, pretty modern actually.  A microwave, a large two door refr=
igerator, a self-cleaning washing machine, the every-girl being kicked at=
 on the linoleum floor, all the conveniences of a whacked out psychotic d=
ream.  Of course, since it was his dream, it was him that was kicking the=
 every-girl.  The every-girl showed up at least once every two months.  B=
asically, it was pretty much every girl he could possibly imagine or have=
 seen at some point in his life.  The features were a bit blurry, most du=
e to the fact that she constantly shape-shifted.  But there was one const=
ant about her, she was always being hurt by him.  When awake, Ranma would=
 shy away from whatever the hell that meant.  And so, this time it was 'R=
anma beating up every-girl in a mild domestic setting.'  Better than 'Ran=
ma torturing every-girl in the humid, stygian depths of Tartarus.'  That'=
s good, try to keep your sense of humor about you, he told himself as he =
continued to kick at her.  It was especially trying when she configured h=
er face into HER on no less than five occasions.  If every-girl had ribs =
at that point, they would have been pulverized.
=09Pulling himself out of a play was one of the harder things he had to d=
o.  He hated the every-girl plays.  Hate, hate, hate; oh well, at least t=
he things haven't shown up in a while.  And "Hey, Jude" isn't all that ba=
d after an eternity.  Ah, spoke too soon.
=09Now, the things show up in a fairly predictable manner, usually.  A go=
lden tiara with an ellipse on it appeared, gigantic to his point of view.=
  The ellipse showed a hairline line upon it; and the gold slid away to r=
eveal an eye.  The eye shined for a brief moment, then the first thing bl=
otted out the light.  
=09He really didn't know what the things were.  Suppressed darker emotion=
s running wild in the mind?  Bits of his personality that have gone mad f=
rom the dreams?  But no, the things were there with the first dream, so n=
o go with that.  Something to ponder as they destroyed him in the dream.
=09Then, just as it seemed like he couldn't go on, it stopped.  And he wo=
ke up.  He hated that too.

=09=09=09*=09=09=09*=09=09=09*

=09The light stabbed him, his eyes burning in his sockets, and all he cou=
ld see was the blood red color.  
=09"Ow, by the bright lady, that stings like the devil," Ranma swore, squ=
inting.  
=09"That's odd, florescent lights shouldn't hurt," Kasumi commented idly.=
  
=09"That's good to know."  Ranma sat up and looked around.  He was on a b=
ed, feminine in its pastel sheets and blanket.  The room was the same, th=
ough the walls were oddly bare, stark in its lack of decoration.  "Hey, t=
hanks."
=09"Not a problem."  He stared at her, and shuddered a bit at the sheer c=
ontent that she radiated.  How could someone be so happy?  His eyes narro=
wed for a split second, then returned to normal.  It didn't matter.  
Ranma fell down onto the futon with a sigh, a long drawn out one.  He fel=
t so tired.  He looked at Kasumi, who had been absently fretting at a flu=
ffy pink bunny on her dresser.  "Oh, man, what a long, long day this has =
been."
=09"Hasn't it though?" she replied.  She paused slightly, then went on.  =
"You have a wonderful singing voice."
=09"What?" Ranma said.
=09"I said that you have a wonderful singing voice.  While you were aslee=
p, I heard you singing a song."
=09"Sleep singing.  There's a new one," he mumbled.  Ranma looked at Kasu=
mi, suspicion rising once more.  "What song did I sing?"
=09"Oh, one of those old ones.  Something by the Beatles, I think."
=09"Ah."  Nothing for it, really, he thought.  He tried to be nonchalant =
about it, but inside it worried him that the dreams were starting to affe=
ct him.  The thought that the dreams have always affected him didn't real=
ly run through his mind except on a very unconscious level.  The funny th=
ing about unconscious thoughts is that they soon become very conscious.  =
But, on the surface, Ranma shrugged it off for the most part.  
=09"I really should be angry at her, and at him, you know?" he said, look=
ing at the ceiling, at the bright light, enjoying, after a fashion, the d=
ull ache in his eyes.
=09"I suppose, but really, you shouldn't be.  Not at Yuri-chan, at least.=
  She's a very sweet girl," said Kasumi, not looking at him.
=09"Che, whatever.  But I'm too tired to be angry right now, you know?" 
=09"Yes, that is interesting, isn't it?  How anger can tire you so much t=
hat you can't feel anything any longer, numb to emotions.  A self defeati=
ng emotion, anger is," Kasumi said, still not looking at Ranma.  "No, no.=
  This is horribly wrong."
=09"Uh, what is?" Ranma asked, disorientated by the sudden change in topi=
c.
=09"Hmm?  Oh, this arrangement of stuffed animals."  Kasumi stepped aside=
 and gestured to her dresser top, which held nothing but stuffed animals.=
  
=09"It . . . looks alright."
=09"Oh, no.  It looks just awful."
=09" . . . Yeah, I can see what you mean . . ." Humor her . . . don't set=
 her off . . . you don't what will happen . . . you don't want to end up =
like that couple in Hong Kong, do you?
=09"Oh, I've upset you.  Oh, dear, I do apologize," Kasumi said, bowing v=
ery slightly, still looking the same.
=09"No, no, quite alright, I assure you," Ranma replied hurriedly, waving=
 his hands.  He then sat up, and looked at himself.  "Hey, I'm a man agai=
n.  =09Thanks."
=09"Also not a problem."
Ranma stood, shook himself slightly, and yawned mightily.  "Oh, man.  I n=
eed shut eye, bad."
=09"Well, I'm sure that you can use the room downstairs.  I'll get it rea=
dy," Kasumi said, walking towards the door.
=09"No, no, don't trouble yourself.  I've got a room in town."
=09"Well . . . just for tonight . . . but really, I feel that I should in=
sist that you stay here tomorrow, or at least come here in the morning fo=
r breakfast."
=09"I . . . that would be nice, thank you."
=09"But not tonight."
=09"No.  I don't think that I can . . . deal with my . . . family tonight=
.  I suppose that I need to . . . detach myself a bit in order to get a c=
learer picture," Ranma stated, haltingly, trying to find the right words.
=09"Well . . . all right," Kasumi acceded.
=09"Thanks."  Ranma went to the door, and just as he was about to leave t=
he room, turned back and said to Kasumi, "Don't bother seeing me out, I'l=
l find my own way.  And thank you for talking with me.  It's been a while=
 since I had a conversation."=09
=09Ranma walked out.
=09"What an interesting young man, don't you agree, Mr. Snuggly?" Kasumi =
asked of her stuffed bunny.  "Now . . . I wonder when Yuri is going to wa=
ke up?"  She asked once more, looking at the still sealed letter.  "Hmm? =
 Oh, yes, I suppose that I could have given him the letter . . . but real=
ly, the poor fellow has been through so much so . . . Oh, don't be silly,=
 Mr. Snuggly, I wouldn't do a thing like that."

=09=09=09*=09=09=09*=09=09=09*

=09"Odd girl.  Nice though," Ranma said sotto voce.  He walked down the s=
tairs carefully, trying not to alert anyone that he was leaving.  In retr=
ospect, he really should have gone out the window in that odd, but nice g=
irl's room.  Too late now, however.  
=09Tip-toeing all the way, he thanked whoever that he didn't bring anythi=
ng with him.  Now, if he could just make it to the door.
=09"And where do you think that you're going?" asked a female voice behin=
d him.
=09Ranma turned around slowly, and with an easy smile said, "I think that=
 I'm going to my hotel, Ms. Tendo."
=09Akane stared at him, a bit disconcerted.  He looked so much like . . .=
 Yuri, yet acted so differently than . . . her.  "I just wanted to say th=
at I don't like what you're doing to Yuri."
=09"And what am I doing to her?" he asked.
=09" . . . You know what you're doing," she said, floundering slightly.
=09"Of course I do.  But you don't, and I doubt that Yuri will tell you, =
so you're in the dark, I'm afraid," Ranma said neutrally.
=09"I don't think that I like you, Ranma," Akane said angrily.
=09"That's Saotome-san to you."  Ranma walked into the dark winding alley=
s of Nerima, shrilly whistling a very upbeat pop song.
=09"I really don't like you!" Akane yelled after him.

*=09=09=09*=09=09=09*

=09"Leave me alone, Akane," Yuri said, sounding so very angry and defeate=
d.  She was in her room sitting on her futon, the lights of the lamp abov=
e soft and muted.  Akane sat next to her, her legs beneath her, staring a=
t Yuri, trying to get her to talk.
=09"No."
=09" . . . Please," she pleaded softly.
=09"No."
=09"Fine."  Yuri sank back down into the covers and pulled the blanket ov=
er her head.  "Good night."
=09"Oh no you don't," Akane said sternly, pushing the blanket off of Yuri=
.
=09"What do you want?" Yuri asked plaintively.  "I'm tired.  I need to sl=
eep, ok?"
=09"We need to talk, Yuri," said Akane, saying 'Yuri' in that same uncert=
ain tone as she had been.
=09"No, we don't," Yuri replied, pulling the blanket over her once more.
=09"Yes, we do."  Tug.
=09"No, we don't."  Tug.
=09"Yes, we do."  Tug.
=09"No, we don't."  Tug.
=09"YES, WE DO!" TUG.
=09" . . . Ok." 
=09Akane sighed, and tried to regain control.  It was just so frustrating=
, getting Yuri to talk to her.  "Listen, I think that you need to talk ab=
out Ranma.  I've never seen you so angry and so . . . scared."
=09"I'm not afraid of him!" Yuri yelled loudly.
=09"Uh huh.  And that's why you were running away from him so much, and s=
aying that he was 'evil incarnate'.  I didn't think that you even knew wh=
at 'incarnate' meant."
=09"Oh, lord . . ." Yuri groaned, while rolling her eyes. 
=09"No, really, he scared you, admit it," Akane said, pushing.
=09" . . . No, he didn't."
=09"Yes, he did."
=09"No, he . . . look, I don't want to play this game anymore," Yuri said=
.  "Nice try, though."
=09"Gee, thanks," Akane said sarcastically.  "Look, we have to talk about=
 this."
=09"I don't want to."
=09"If you don't talk about it, you're going to explode, you know," Akane=
 admonished.
=09"You're the one that's gonna explode, Akane."
=09"Fine then, do it for me," Akane said, her eyes glowing slightly with =
unshed tears in the dim light.  With her voice quavering slightly, she sa=
id to Yuri, "After all . . . don't I deserve that?"
=09"Aw, geeze," said Yuri sounding helpless under the intense guilt trip =
she was on.  "Aw, come on, stop that."
=09Akane didn't stop.  In fact, her eyes glowed even more, as her lower l=
ip trembled.  
=09"Alright, fine!" Yuri yelled, defeated.  She sighed and, in a defeated=
 tone, said, "When did you learn to be so crooked?"
=09"Learned from the worst," Akane said smugly, none of the traces of her=
 supposed sadness remaining on her now brightly cheerful face.
=09"So . . . what do you want me to say?" asked Yuri, trying to get it ov=
er with.
=09"Whatever you want to."
=09"'Whatever I want' . . . I don't WANT to talk!" yelled Yuri, frustrate=
d beyond belief.  "Argh!"=09
=09"Don't yell at me," Akane scolded.
=09"I have nothing to say about Ranma, absolutely nothing. Can't you unde=
rstand that?" Yuri said pleadingly to Akane.  She then said under her bre=
ath, "Chicks.  I don't know what they're oww!"
=09Yuri rubbed her head slightly, trying to rid herself of the bump with =
friction.  "What did you do that for?"
=09"You're a 'chick' too, you know," Akane said sardonically.
=09"Me, a chick?  I ain't no . . ."
=09"You're a girl, Yuri.  I don't know why you said that you were a boy a=
nd were so . . . adamant about it, but you're a girl.  Now start acting l=
ike one," Akane lectured in a pious way.
=09"Act like what?  Like some sort of simpering, passive little mindless =
twit that only worries about how much the meat is going to cost at the bu=
tcher?  That has had all the life sucked out of them by a husband that is=
n't even there and a kid that you don't even know?  You think that I want=
 to be a housewife?  You think that I want to end up like that?" Yuri sai=
d in a tirade, her voice rising higher and higher with every moment passi=
ng.  When she was done, she calmed down, and breathed deeply before going=
 on.  "Look, I thought that you of all people would understand why I don'=
t act 'feminine'."
=09"Look, just because I don't know how to cook -shut up, Ran-Yuri- and a=
ll those other things that a good little Japanese girl should know, that =
doesn't mean that I'm ashamed of being a girl.  And you shouldn't be eith=
er," Akane said consolingly.
=09"I'm not ashamed.  I just . . . look, I don't know how I feel, ok?" Yu=
ri asked desperately, her voice faltering while trying to find the right =
words.  "I'm tired, and even when I'm not tired my feelings are really mi=
xed up on this, ok?  So even if we spend the rest of the night talking ab=
out this, I'm not going to feel better, and you're just going to feel wor=
se.  So . . . let's save this for a better time, ok?" she pleaded.
=09"Ok.  But only for a while."  Akane moved to get up, feeling the best =
she had for a long time.  While her feelings towards Yuri may be very mix=
ed, for the first time, she felt a sort of connection to someone that she=
 lacked with even her sisters and closest friends.  It felt nice having a=
 companion that was traveling the same path down life's bumpy five-lane h=
ighway, though they may swerve around that highway like a drunken groundh=
og.
=09Akane looked down at Yuri and smiled.  She walked over to the light an=
d placed her palm upon the light switch.  "Good night."
=09"Good night, Akane," mumbled Yuri underneath her covers.
=09When Akane was just about to turn off the light, Kasumi showed up in t=
he doorway. 
=09"Oh, I do hope that I haven't woken you up, dear," Kasumi said.  "Here=
, Yuri, this letter came for you today."  She handed over the simple lett=
er and was about to leave when Yuri interrupted her.
=09"Hey, this was addressed to Ranma," she said with some distaste.
=09"I assumed it was for you, dear," Kasumi said as she left.
=09"What is it?" asked Akane, leaning down.
=09"It's a letter," Yuri replied dryly.
=09"I know that, stupid.  Well, open it up."
=09"Ok, ok, hold your horses."  Yuri ripped off the shorter end of the en=
velope and took out the letter.  "'To Saotome Ranma . . .'"
=09"Well, don't just trail off like that, what does it say?"
=09"AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!"

=09=09=09*=09=09=09*=09=09=09*

=09"Did you hear something, Saotome?" asked Soun, his eyes never leaving =
the board.
=09"I think it was my daughter, Tendo," replied Genma, his eyes also neve=
r leaving the board.
=09"Why don't you go check, Saotome?" 
=09"She can take care of herself."
=09"Mmm."
=09"Mmm."
=09"You do realize that, what with Ranma coming here, that Grandfather is=
 probably going to contact us, don't you?" asked Soun neutrally.
=09"Yes, I do," replied Genma, just as neutrally as his friend did.
=09 "I feel like I could cry."
=09"So do I."

=09=09=09*=09=09=09*=09=09=09*

=09"What's wrong, Yuri?" asked Akane once her hearing returned.
=09"ARRRRGH!!" Yuri replied.
=09"Will you stop that?"
=09"ARRRRGH!!"
=09"Shut UP, Ranma!" screamed Akane, taking out her mallet.
=09"Ok, ok, I'm fine now.  Well, not really, but the urge to scream has s=
topped," Yuri huffed, trying to get some air into her lungs without hyper=
ventilating.
=09"What was that all about?" asked Akane, anger and curiosity mixing odd=
ly in her tone.
=09"Here, read this."  Yuri handed over the letter that upset her so, and=
 waited inside her blanket.
=09And Akane read the short terse letter, and frowned.

=09To Saotome Ranma

=09By the time that you receive this letter, I shall be arriving the next=
 day to regain my family's honor and to see your family's name dishonored=
.  Be prepared, for I am.

=09Yours truly, Yamazaki Ken

=09"Oh my," said Akane, softly.
=09"You said it.  Only tomorrow it's going to be mine," groaned Yuri in d=
espair.

=09=09=09*=09=09=09*=09=09=09*

=09"I don't think that I can handle this," said Ranma, staring at his sho=
t-glass.
=09"Can't handle what?" asked the bartender, a cute blonde girl in her ea=
rly twenties inside a tight dress shirt and pants.  And that girl was wor=
king in a rather nice bar, dimly light and clean.  No sounds could be hea=
rd but the sounds of a room full of men trying desperately to get very, v=
ery drunk.
=09"My family," replied Ranma, still not taking a drink.
=09"Well, families are hard to deal with," stated the bartender in that s=
age manner that all bartenders can.
=09"Yeah, well . . . I think that I could handle my family if I knew them=
.  But . . . it's like I'm dealing with a bunch of strangers that really =
annoy me, and I can't . . . deal with them the way I want to," Ranma said=
, his voice droning and monotone.
=09"And in what way do you want to deal with them?" she asked while clean=
ing a glass.
=09"I don't know.  And that's another thing that annoys me."  Ranma sighe=
d, and opened his mouth, pouring the drink down his throat with one quick=
 gulp.  "Haaaa," he gasped.
=09"Say, I should have asked this earlier, but are you legal?" asked the =
bartender, not particularly worried.
=09"And if I said no?" 
=09"Charge you more, I suppose," replied the bartender.
=09"Ha!" barked Ranma.  His face then returned to the blank expression he=
 had on before.  "I . . . found that . . . funny, for a bit.  I'm almost =
tempted to tip you."
=09"Now that's funny.  So, what do you think you're going to do about the=
m?" 
=09"Give me another shot," ordered Ranma, ignoring the question.  He then=
 downed it in exactly the same manner as the one before.
=09"Another."  The bartender handed Ranma another shot.  
=09"Another."  This went on for quite a while, the talking having stopped=
 completely except for the constant repetition of 'another'.
=09"Hey, maybe you should stop," said the bartender, concerned.
=09"This is what I've decided to do," said Ranma drunkenly but in that sa=
me toneless manner.
=09"And what's that?"
=09"Pass out, and hope that it seems clearer in the morning."
=09"Good plan," the bartender said sarcastically.
=09"Say, you're a pretty lady.  How's about we go back to my room and do =
stuff?" 
=09"No can do.  Say, feel like passing out yet?"
=09"Right about now," said Ranma, just before he slumped on the counter, =
unconscious.
=09And the dreams came back to haunt his drunken mind.

=09=09=09*=09=09=09*=09=09=09*

=09They walked together, the two old possible enemies.  
=09"So . . . you still have a yen for that sheep buggering narcoleptic?" =
the man asked casually.
=09"I really wish you would stop calling him that," muttered the woman, b=
lushing slightly.  "He really hated that, especially when everyone else s=
tarted doing it."
=09"Well, do you?" asked the man again.
=09"You are pushing it," warned the woman.
=09"It's a gift.  And you haven't answered the question."
=09"I don't see where any of that is your business," the woman said priml=
y.
=09"Still not answering," he said in a singsong.
=09"I haven't given a straight answer to a question in over half a centur=
y, and I don't think that I should start now and with you."
=09"Ah, it won't hurt your reputation any.  Just you, me, and the empty r=
oad."
=09"Get that look out of your eye."
=09"What look?" he asked much too innocently.
=09"You know what look, you loon."
=09"I am not a . . . Listen, are you going to answer the question or not?=
"
=09"No."
=09"Ok then."
=09They ceased speaking for a moment.
=09"So, will you accede to my request?" the woman asked of the man at las=
t.
=09"Contact my second and he'll help you," answered the man.
=09"Very well."
=09"We should do this more often," the man said, sounding quite fond.
=09"You know we won't," she said.
=09"Yeah.  That's too bad," he said.
=09"Too much bad blood, as the clich=E9 goes."
=09"Yeah.  I . . . can't say that I'm sorry . . . but I wish that I was."
=09"That is, by far, the oddest statement that you could have possibly ha=
ve made."
=09"Ah, screw it.  Hey, look at that," he said, pointing to the horizon. =
 "No matter how many times I see that, I don't think that I'll get used t=
o it."
=09"Please stop.  I don't think that I can handle anymore of your brand o=
f drama."
=09"Right, like that skirt isn't the slightest bit exhibitionistic."
=09"Oh, go *((@__@))* yourself."
=09"Such language."

=09=09=09*=09=09=09*=09=09=09*

=09"Oh, god," Yuri said, staring at the ceiling.  You're the best, rememb=
er that, she told herself.  You're the best, you beat him, you're better,=
 better, better than anyone, everyone.  You can beat anyone.
=09She sat up, got dressed, and had a flashback.
=09It was quite short, objectively, but it was also quite long, subjectiv=
ely; much like many other things.

=09"A letter, huh?" said Yuri, taking it from Kasumi's hand.  He looked a=
t it, and grinned slightly.  "It's probably another love letter from my a=
doring admirers.  And why shouldn't they love me?  After all, I am the gr=
eatest thing to hit this planet since sukiyaki."  He grinned his trademar=
ked rakish grin, and shook his head, ruefully.  "It's a curse."
=09"Do you think that the girls would 'love' this curse?" asked Akane aci=
dly, splashing Yuri with a glass of water.
=09Yuri coughed loudly, and when she cleared her throat, said in a wheezi=
ng voice, "Stop doing that!"
=09"Not until you stop being such a complete idiot!"
=09"Me an idiot?  Look who's talking, Miss Oblivious!"
=09"Jerk!"
=09"Tomboy!"
=09"Idiot!"
=09"Clumsy!"
=09They continued to bicker for quite a while, frequently repeating the s=
ame insults over and over again, until finally it degenerated into a repe=
tition of jerk and tomboy.  
=09"Oh my stars and garters," muttered Nabiki, shaking her head in disgus=
t.  She took the letter, forlorn and forgotten off from the ground and op=
ened it.
=09"What a surprise," she said dryly, after reading it.
=09"Huh?" said Yuri, leaving Akane in the lurch.
=09"I said, the contents of this letter is a surprise in a sarcastic mann=
er," answered Nabiki, smiling slightly.
=09"Oh."
=09"What's in it?" asked Akane, glaring slightly at Yuri.
=09"A letter.  Duh," Nabiki said, smiling a small smirk with a twinkle in=
 her eye.  
=09"Hey!"
=09"Anyway, it's not a love letter, surprise, surprise."  Nabiki handed t=
he letter to Yuri, who read it.  His eyes enlarged to ridiculous proporti=
ons, and his jaw dropped to his . . . well, it didn't drop to his knees, =
but the concept is most likely understood, correct?  His features then we=
nt in the opposite direction, with the eyes narrowed and the mouth a thin=
 line.  A visible, angry aura started to manifest in the air around him.
=09"What?  What?" asked Akane, looking from Yuri to Nabiki.
=09"Damn him.  Damn him straight to the worst hell," hissed Yuri, almost =
too angry to talk.  Her hand clenched convulsively around the letter, cru=
mpling it.  "I'LL KILL HIM!!"

*=09=09=09*=09=09=09*

=09"Did you hear something, Saotome?" asked Soun, trying to find his head=
.
=09"You mean the pounding drum beat in my head that is going to make it e=
xplode?" replied Genma, trying to find the big band that was playing and =
kill them in a horrible fashion.
=09"No . . . sounded more like your son . . . err . . . daughter . . . er=
r," said Soun, sounding more incoherent by the moment.
=09"Oh."
=09"Have you seen my head, Miss?" asked Soun of the pretty young female b=
artender in the tight suit.
=09"Say, Tendo, want to stay here some more?"
=09"What?  But . . . but I've got classes . . . and my daughters are expe=
cting me," mumbled Soun, still peering around the bar drunkenly.
=09"I'll buy," offered Genma in a very pained voice.
=09"Alright then.  Miss, another round to everyone who's still awake, on =
my friend," said Soun quite loudly.  He was answered by the other still c=
onscious patrons by either cheers or a thrown bottle for the headache he =
caused.  "And an extra drink of his choice for the person who finds my he=
ad!"
=09"Oh, god," mumbled Genma, his head in his shaking hands.
=09"Your head is on you neck, Tendo-san," said the bartender, pointing at=
 his still attached head.
=09"Oh.  Thank you.  Want a drink?"
=09"It's ok."
=09"Then I'll have it," said Genma, in great despair.

*=09=09=09*=09=09=09*

=09"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!" yelled Akane, shaking Yuri like a cat wo=
rries a mouse.
=09"Ack . . . whoa, whoa, whoa, S-S-S-STOP!" yelled Yuri, his head vibrat=
ing at a rapid pace.
=09"TELL ME!"
=09"Cool it, I think that you're going to shake his head off," Nabiki sai=
d, placing a hand on her sister's shoulder.  It was quite a trying job to=
 be the sole voice of reason in this mad house.
=09"It's not as if he's using it!" 
=09"I think that that I'm going sick up," gurgled Yuri wetly.
=09"Not on the floor, not on the floor!" yelled Kasumi, popping out of . =
. . somewhere, waving her arms frantically.   
=09"AAA!" they yelled in complete unison, their hands making the sign of =
the fox.  They then dropped into more normal, though extremely perplexed,=
 stances when Kasumi disappeared as mysteriously as she appeared.
=09"Hey," said Yuri, looking around.  "Where'd she go?"
=09"I . . . I don't know,"
=09"Weird," they all said in unison once more.  The quiet of the aftermat=
h of yet another example of Kasumi-Weirdness did not last as Akane rememb=
ered what had transpired before, dragging the other two out of their slig=
htly dazed state kicking and screaming, figuratively speaking.
=09"So, are you going to tell me or not?" asked Akane in a mildly hostile=
 manner.
=09"Look, if you had just stayed quiet and listened for a few seconds, I =
would have told you anyway, you know," replied Yuri hotly.  "I don't know=
 what your problem is, but maybe you should see someone."
"Fine, fine, alright.  So tell me, already."
=09"It's a letter of challenge."
=09"Oh.  Is that all?"
=09"IS THAT . . . yes, that's all," said Yuri.  He was very puzzled by Ak=
ane's odd attitude.  Is this what he had to look forward to?  A lifetime =
of being a complete and utter bitch?  Well, no, he was being unfair . . .=
 maybe it was just that time of the . . . no, that's . . . you're not a g=
uy, remember that.  You're Saotome Yuri, and you're a girl.  Just because=
 you have a boy's body, and you're not what people would call feminine do=
esn't make you a boy.  You're Yuri . . . you're . . . 
=09"Ranma?" asked Akane, waving her hand in front of Yuri's face, soundin=
g quite worried.  "You all right?"
=09"No . . . it's this damn challenge," replied Yuri, trying to sound hal=
e and hearty but failing quite miserably at it.  "I mean, sure, it would =
be a nice change to beat on someone other than Kuno . . . but this just c=
arries with it so much baggage.  And you can imagine whose baggage this i=
s."
=09"Your dad," said Nabiki, acting once more in her self-appointed job as=
 "stater of the obvious", though she left out her own father's culpabilit=
y in this.  If Ranma didn't want to mention it, why should she?  It was a=
 rare moment of connection between the two.
=09"Gee, you think?" asked Yuri sarcastically.  Nabiki scowled at him for=
 a brief instant, that moment of connection broken, before composing hers=
elf.  Oh he'll pay for that little remark.  Maybe some trouble with the p=
ipes . . . or some really embarrassing photos that'll just happen to be o=
n the school bulletin board.  Or maybe just selling some dates for him.  =
Make some money and get Akane to hit him.  Yes . . . 
=09"Can I see that letter?" asked Akane, holding out her hand.
=09"Huh?" Yuri said absently.  He then focused on Akane and, while handin=
g her the letter, said, "Sure."  He answered, not even realizing the Pand=
ora's box he had just handed.  Nabiki laughed silently at him.
=09"Thanks."  Akane straightened out the wrinkles on the paper and starte=
d to read.

=09To the students of Anything-Goes Martial Arts,

=09For a generation, the hatred between our two schools has festered.  Fi=
nally, the heads of Clan Yamazaki have decided that now was the time for =
the Naraku No Ma Ryu to take its vengeance for the crimes that your schoo=
l has done to us.  Prepare yourself, for, by the time you receive this le=
tter, a scion of Clan Yamazaki, one Yamazaki Ken, shall come to destroy y=
our school, your memory, and your honor.

=09Yours truly, Clan Yamazaki.

=09"You know . . . they didn't challenge you personally.  They challenged=
 our entire school," Akane said slowly.
=09"Uh, yeah.  But, you know, I don't think that it would take two of us =
to beat him," Yuri said, sounding quite nervous as he understood the dire=
ction that Akane was taking the conversation.
=09"You're right," Akane said simply.  She dropped the letter onto the ta=
ble, and started walking out of the living room.
=09"I am?" Yuri said incredulously.
=09"Uh-huh.  That's why I'm going to be the one to beat him," she replied=
, as she walked up the stairs towards her room.
=09"You're going to what?" Yuri yelled, shocked.
=09"I'm the one that's going to answer the challenge for both our schools=
," Akane said, with a very quiet and dignified confidence.
=09"I don't believe this," Yuri muttered.
=09"Oh, Saotome, you are so stupid that I want to hit you," Nabiki said. =
 She turned on the television, and started to vegetate.  "Now, children, =
work it amongst yourselves."

*=09=09=09*=09=09=09*

=09Akane stared at Yuri, determined to win this battle.  Every word that =
she said an attack.  The tone, the range, the emotion that she imbued her=
 voice, all these would determine the effectiveness of her attack.  And h=
er attacks would attack not his body but his emotions.  That is if he had=
 any emotions besides hunger and pure arrogance, the idiot.
=09"This is as much my battle as yours, Ranma," she told him, her voice a=
s firm as steel, but also as soft as velvet.  Show him where you stand, b=
ut don't rile.  Nabiki makes it look so easy.  "I . . ." Don't whine, don=
't show weakness.  "I have as much a stake in this as you do.  Anything-G=
oes is my school, too."
=09"I know that," Yuri said, his voice trailing off.  He sounded uncertai=
n, unused to her using reason and talk to get her way.  Perhaps it wasn't=
 such a bad thing for his impression of her to be that of one that uses v=
iolence first and always.  
Advantage: Akane, she thought to herself.  But Ranma can still go to the =
Fathers (not that he would, his fool pride, but he might if he loses and =
knows it), so that is something that must be dealt with.  Later, though. =
 After convincing him that her answering the challenge is the right thing=
.=09=09  
"But listen, you know that I'm the better fighter.  And besides, you're j=
ust a girl," he said, his tone at once conciliatory and condescending, th=
ough his face had on a very odd expression indeed.
Don't get angry, Akane.  Don't.  That's just what he wants of you.  Get a=
ngry and lose the focus that you have right now.  Disregard the fact that=
 he is acting like a complete sexist MORON!
"You're right, Ranma," she said, her tone sweetness and honey, a great ef=
fort, since she was trying not to grind her teeth into powder.  "You are =
the . . . better fighter.  But how can I improve myself if I don't fight,=
 really fight, with someone?"  Logic, would that work?  No, probably not.=
  But perhaps the preening peacock would be distracted enough by the . . =
. compliment that he agrees to this.
"Yeah, I am the best, aren't I.  It's good to see that you finally admit =
that, Akane," he said, smiling that infuriating smirk of his, and raking =
his hair.  How that gesture maddened her.  But calm is what was needed to=
 guide him, manipulate him.  "Still don't mean that I want you to fight, =
though."
"Oh?  That's . . . very . . ." Sexist, macho, pig-headed, stupid, annoyin=
g, condescending . . . "Sweet of you, Ranma."
"Besides, your dad will kill me if I let someone 'Hurt his precious girl,=
'" He said, his voice lyrically mocking.  The kind of voice that one swin=
gs one's arms about while spinning in a circle.  A tone to annoy and noth=
ing but.
"I see.  So you're worried about my safety, Ranma?"  Can you swallow your=
 pride enough to do it, she asked herself.  And . . . what if you like do=
ing it too much?  No, ridiculous.  It has to be done.  It's the only way =
. . . 
"You know, Ranma.  Since you're such a great martial artist, maybe you sh=
ould train me for this fight," she said, all the while wrapping her arms =
around him, pressing herself against him.  Thank god that they were alone=
 in her room.  If anyone saw, especially his or her parent . . . not a pl=
easant thought.  "Not spar, really.  But train."
"Uh . . ." Yuri said, sounding very uncomfortable.  He was starting to sw=
eat quite a bit, as his face turned beet-reed.
He was quite embarrassed.  Not the reaction that she was hoping for (real=
ly.  Perhaps he wasn't such a pervert after all) but it would do even bet=
ter.  She leaned her face, her mouth, much closer to Yuri's than is decen=
tly done.  "That sounds good, doesn't it?  Us, together . . ." The final =
touch, the coupe de grace, as it were.  "Training," she said softly, enun=
ciating very carefully, the words that were carried by her hot breath waf=
ting onto Yuri's lips.
"AAA!" Yuri yelled, leaping out of Akane's arms.  He ran to the door in t=
he space of his very fast heartbeat and when there, said in a very anxiou=
s and quite frightened voice, said, "L-listen, I got to . . . uh, do stuf=
f.  Away, far away from here.  For a long time.  And stuff.  Ok?  Bye."
"Oh, Ranma?" Akane said, her voice low and with a touch of huskiness.  "A=
bout that challenge?"
"What?  Oh, yeah, that.  Sure, Akane.  Anything you wa- err, sure, you do=
 that, ok?"  Yuri rushed out of Akane's room faster than you can say, "Do=
gs of Hell."
"Ok," she said after him.  She walked carefully to the doorframe and look=
ed outside.  Nope, he was nowhere to be seen.  She carefully closed the d=
oor, went to her bed, pressed her face against the pillow, and laughed he=
rself silly.

*=09=09=09*=09=09=09*

=09Yuri sat in the bath, staring at the ceiling.  So quiet, so still.  Th=
e only sound was the occasional plink of a droplet falling from the ceili=
ng and onto the bath.  The steam of the bath drifted slowly off of the ba=
th and floated towards the ceiling, joining the already thick cloud of st=
eam gathered there.  Yuri sighed softly, barely stirring the steam from t=
heir journey, and sank even deeper into the relaxing water.   He stared a=
t the ceiling, and let his muscles relax.   This was truly heaven.  Now, =
why was he in here again?  Something to do with a . . . fight?  And . . .=
 Akane?  No . . . it wasn't a fight with Akane, but something . . . Then =
he remembered.  And Yuri really, truly wished that he hadn't.
=09"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" he yelled at the top of his lungs, horrified=
, as he stood up straight as an arrow in the bath, splashing quite a bit =
out onto the tiled floor.  He then felt a massive cramp all over, and sat=
 back down into the bath.  He had just experienced the unpleasant sensati=
on of going from loose muscles to muscles as tense as very high tension c=
ord things all in the space of a millisecond.  "Ow," he whimpered, tears =
of pain springing out of his eyes.
=09He shook his head from side to side, in a desperate attempt to dispel =
the kinks in his neck.  After a few tries, he stopped, sighing yet again.=
  While running his thumbs over the wrinkled tips of his fingers, he medi=
tated on the Akane situation a bit more calmly.
=09Obviously, Akane has a crush on me . . . Ranma, he thought.  And, natu=
rally, who wouldn't be attracted to Ranma?  I'm just surprised that it to=
ok so long.  He looked down at the water surface and saw his reflection. =
 For a brief instant the image of his other self, his true face, the face=
 that he had been born with before this . . . really stupid curse, appear=
ed, only to disappear with the subtle waves of the bath water.  
=09You are one gorgeous piece of manly manhood, Ranma, Yuri thought, lost=
 in pure egotism, forgetting the whole girl attracted to girl that looks =
like a boy problem for a much too brief moment.  He then remembered the '=
original' Ranma, and felt slightly sick.  
=09Yuri dunked his head under the water, shut his eyes tight, and, with d=
eeply held breath, pondered.
=09Obviously Akane was in love with him.  Though she would probably never=
 admit it, she has a major case of Yuri.  Not that any sane girl wouldn't=
 . . . but it felt weird to have someone that said that they hated him so=
 much, and so often finally admit that she was a human being too, with an=
 obvious case of infatuation.  
=09And, normally, having a girl fall in love with him wouldn't bother him=
 too much (he had gotten over that weird feeling quite a while ago, once =
the letters and the hot looks from the fairer half of the campus got bori=
ng), if it weren't for the fact that they lived together.  In fact, he ra=
ther enjoyed the compliment.  However they were, technically, affianced a=
nd what with the two idiotic old men hounding them into making it go from=
 a technicality to a reality, took the situation away from the realm of f=
lattery and into the weird land of commitment. 
=09Well, there would have been a commitment, if it weren't for the fact t=
hat Yuri was a girl and he didn't (to the best of his knowledge, but real=
ly, he thought to himself in some of his desperate moments of sheer hopel=
essness, perhaps the reason that he got such a kick out of seeing girls t=
hrow themselves at him was because he did go that way and just didn't kno=
w it.) go that way.  No to mention the fact that he had lied to Akane.  D=
espite all the insults that fly between them regularly, and the fact that=
 Akane seemed to view him as an acceptable whipping boy for the entire ma=
le half of humanity, Yuri truly did have some sort of positive feelings t=
owards Akane, and was occasionally depressed that Akane didn't reciprocat=
e his feelings of . . . friendship . . . affection in a totally non-sexua=
l manner . . . the positive and completely platonic feelings that he had =
towards her.  Whatever it was.  
=09Yuri got out of the water, and breathed in the wet, hot air with a dee=
p sigh, releasing any of the remaining tension that he may have had.  Rea=
lly, in the final analysis, it wasn't as if it mattered any.  Sure Akane =
had a crush on him (and what sane girl wouldn't?), and sure they were onl=
y one step away from . . . wife and . . . wife, but it wasn't as if it we=
re serious in any manner.  And it was probably a passing phase for Akane,=
 like that whole Tofu thing.  
=09Besides, his father had hired a few people (what kind of people and ho=
w they could find him, he really didn't want to think about) to find Ranm=
a and drag him into this engagement.  And while he may like the Tendo sis=
ters, it wasn't as if he wanted to marry any of them.  Though he would pi=
ty Ranma if he ended up with Akane, though it was more than he deserved t=
he bastard.
=09So, all in all, no worries at all.
=09Well, except for one . . . 
=09"AKANE'S GOING TO DO WHAT?" he yelled, finally remembering the last bi=
t.

*=09=09=09*=09=09=09*

=09"Did you hear that, Saotome?" asked Soun, trying very hard not to gigg=
le.  "Wee, my head is buzzing like a bee."
=09"That's nice," moaned Genma.  He was quite certain that his liver woul=
d never be the same after tonight.  "And no, I didn't."
=09"Sounded like your daughter . . . yelling about . . ." Soun trailed of=
f, his buzz gone as he tried to figure out the words.  It was important, =
he knew.  It was . . . they were on the tip of his brain  . . . what did =
that girl yell out?  Something about . . . "AKANE!" Soun yelled, leaping =
to his feet, stone cold sober.
=09"Shut up!  Some of us here are trying to die, you know!" complained an=
other patron, who immediately went back to sleep.
=09"What is it, Tendo?" asked Genma, staring at his friend muzzily.
=09"Akane's in trouble!  Akane's in trouble!" gibbered Soun, a bit hyster=
ically.  "Well, not for long."
=09"What the . . . hey!" yelled Genma surprise, as his friend grabbed his=
 arm and started to sprint out of the bar towards the dojo with a speed t=
hat would have put an Olympiad to shame.
=09"Got to get home, got to get home," muttered Soun under his breath.  H=
e was running so fast that Genma was lifted into the air, the only things=
 that kept him from going into low earth orbit being Soun's intensely str=
ong grip on his arm, and gravity.  And gravity didn't have too much to do=
 with it, much to its chagrin.
=09"Oh, my, I'm going to sick up," muttered Genma, looking green and pale=
 all at the same time.
=09"AKANE!" yelled Soun, as he jumped over the wall and into his house.  =
"Akane!  Don't worry, Daddy's here!"  He screeched to a halt, and stood i=
n the doorway, yelling his daughter's name and trying to sound consoling =
but actually sounding quite mad.
=09"Oh, my, father, why are you yelling so?" asked Kasumi as she stuck he=
r head out of the kitchen.
=09"AKA-Oh, hello, Kasumi," Soun said, going from hysterical to calm in a=
 very scary small amount of time.  "Why was I yelling?  No reason."
=09"That's . . . sigh, well, no matter.  Just stop doing that, all right,=
 Father?  We've had calls."  Kasumi then went back into the kitchen, and =
hoped that the aspirin would start kicking in.  Sometimes sanity just did=
n't seem to be worth it.
=09"Now, where was I?" pondered Soun.
=09"I'm too drunk to deal with this.  Good night," muttered Genma, just b=
efore he fell down in a heap, fast asleep and dead to the world.
=09"Ah, that's right," said Soun, remembering, as he slammed a fist into =
his open palm in the universal gesture of understanding.  "AKANE!"
=09"FATHER!" yelled Kasumi from the kitchen, sounding, for once, quite ve=
xed.
=09"TETSUO!"
=09"KANEDA!"
=09"TETSUO!"
=09"KANEDA!"
=09"TETSUO!"
=09"This is fun, but it's starting to hurt something awful," commented Na=
biki, as she rubbed her irritated throat.
=09"My, who knew that scream therapy worked so well?" asked Akane, rhetor=
ically, smiling as she did.  She turned to her slack-jawed father, and sa=
id, "What did you want, Dad?"
=09"Uh . . . I just had an odd feeling, is all," he replied, looking quit=
e embarrassed.  It would take too long to explain, and there was the fact=
 that he was quite drunk when he made the decision to come screaming in h=
ere, even if the execution was done with complete sobriety.
=09"Oh.  Is this why you've been waking up the dead with your yelling?  B=
ecause of a feeling?" she said, trying, quite successfully too, to resist=
 the urge to heap piles of contempt into the load of skepticism that was =
her tone.
=09"Uh . . . yes."  
=09"Oh, for the love of god," Akane muttered.  "Hey, Nabiki, maybe you ca=
n deal with Dad."
=09"No way, no how, am I going to be saddled with him.  If he's acting li=
ke this at his age, can you imagine what he'll be like when he's older?" =
Nabiki said, as she walked back upstairs, followed by her sister.
=09"It won't be my problem," Akane stated firmly.
=09"Oh?  Well, if you're thinking of saddling me with him, you can think =
again, sister."
=09"Kasumi?" Akane asked.
=09"Kasumi." Nabiki agreed.
=09"Like hell!" yelled Kasumi from the kitchen.  Please, she thought, let=
 the madness end.  Perhaps if she spent some time in her room, shut away =
from the world, rearranging her stuff rabbits.  The sheer inconsequence o=
f it just relaxed her utterly.  (On a parallel thought track, she pondere=
d about her rabbit.  Sometimes it was almost like it talked to her.)  (On=
 a track skewing from the last, she wondered, quite briefly, about her ow=
n sanity if she thought stuffed rabbits talked.  It then bent and twisted=
 into a pondering on the apparently negligent affect magic had on the wor=
ld at large.)
=09"My . . . girls," Soun said, tears running down his face like a mighty=
 river, his heart quite broken, if only for a little while.
=09And Genma continued to snore loudly on the floor.

*=09=09=09*=09=09=09*

=09"Ok," said Akane.  "Attack me."
=09It was the next morning, quite early in fact.  The false dawn had bare=
ly lit the sky before Akane had dragged Yuri out of his bed.  
=09"Come on, Ranma, attack me," urged Akane, making 'come at me' type of =
gestures.  
=09Yuri didn't even try to stifle his yawn.  He stretched his limbs and b=
ack, and enjoyed that painful/pleasant sensation of his joints crackling.=
  He then stared balefully at Akane.  "I ain't about to attack anybody th=
is early in the day.  So screw you, and your goddamned politics."
=09"Huh?" 
=09"Oh . . . sorry, I had a really weird dream."  Yes, it was quite weird=
.  Though the details have already mostly faded away that one phrase stuc=
k in his mind.  'So screw you, and your goddamned politics.'  Who had sai=
d that, and why?  But more importantly, where was breakfast?  "Where's br=
eakfast?"
=09"If you're that worried about food," Akane said in an exasperated tone=
, as she came out of her defense stance.  "As soon as we're finished spar=
ring, I'll make you some breakfast."
=09"Yeah, like that's a good incentive," he muttered.  Yuri stared at Aka=
ne, suddenly feeling quite awkward.  He wasn't quite sure how to bring up=
 Akane's behavior last night.  While he was trying to figure out how to b=
ring up the subject with some tact (i.e. not act like an insensitive jerk=
).  Akane, finally fed up with just standing there, decided to take the i=
nitiative by upper-cutting Yuri on the jaw.       =09=09
=09"Oh, look at the pretty birdies," Yuri muttered, pointing at the sky.
=09"Ah, darn it," Akane said, as she looked down at the dazed and confuse=
d boy.  She started lightly jabbing at him in the ribs with her foot.  =
=09"Get up, lazybones.  There isn't time for this."              
=09"Tweet, tweet goes the little birdies.  See how they gracefully float =
on the glistening virgin rays of the dawn sun?"  Yuri was in Tex Avery la=
nd, which, coincidentally enough, was also filled with a painful amount o=
f mallets and crazed women.  "Oh, Wolfy; oh, Wolfy . . ."
=09"Get up!"  She decided that simple yelling was not enough.  Because of=
 her Confucian upbringing (among others), she went to look for a cup of w=
ater.
=09"Ah!  Cold!" Yuri yelled as she sat straight up.  She glared balefully=
 at Akane.  "Do you have to do that all the time?"
=09"I wouldn't do it if you would just pay some attention, you big jerk. =
 Now get up and attack."  Akane hauled Yuri to her feet.  "I need the pra=
ctice."
=09"Geeze, Akane.  You know that I don't attack girls," she said in a sli=
ghtly whiney voice.  While Yuri would attack a girl with little to no imp=
unity, she thought, the Ranma that she made herself into wouldn't.  She w=
ondered briefly what the real Ranma's views on sexual equality were.
=09"Well . . . don't think of it as 'attacking'.  Think of it as . . . mm=
m . . . sparring.  You can spar with me, right?" she said once again tryi=
ng reason.  It probably wouldn't work, but still . . .  "After all, you p=
robably have enough self-control-" Ppht, right.  "-to not go all out just=
 sparring, right?"
=09"You have seen me spar with Pop, right?" asked Yuri, looking askance a=
t Akane.
=09"Well, that's because you don't like him all that much.  But you like =
me, don't you, Ranma?"  She again flittered her eyes, while making gaggin=
g noises in her mind.  Damn that sexist jerk for making her do this.
=09"Uh."  Whoops, back into the land of confusion and that odd feeling of=
 not knowing which side of the road one drove on for Yuri.  "Sure, I  . .=
 . l-l-l-l-l-like you.  You're a good enough gal."
=09"How . . . sweet of you to say, Ranma."  If she wasn't trying to be in=
tensely saccharine, she would have punted Yuri into the ionosphere, but a=
s it was, she merely twitched her cheeks slightly.  She looked at the blu=
shing and distracted Yuri, and decided that now was the time.  "Ok, here =
I come!"
=09"Huh?"  While her mind registered what Akane said, the other possible =
contextual meanings floated through her mind, distracting her further.  M=
eaning, of course, that Akane got in a very easy hit.  Yuri wasn't hit in=
to the ionosphere, but it was a close thing.
=09"Oh, god," muttered Akane.  "Get up, Ranma!" she yelled at the prone s=
ex-changer, who was looking pole-axed with her splayed limbs and her rota=
ting eyes.  "Where did I leave that cup of water."

=09=09=09*=09=09=09*=09=09=09*

=09"Ah, geeze, Akane, I haven't been this beaten up since I was nine," wh=
ined the now male Yuri.  He was covered in bandages, and walked with a sl=
ight limp.  A few children who had seen him either ran away screaming at =
the 'mummy', or had pointed and laughed.  Little brats.  
=09"If you had just attacked me, instead of just dodging and being hit, y=
ou wouldn't be so beat up, you idiot," grumped Akane.  "And since when di=
d you get so distracted that you would get hit so much?"
=09"Ah."  What to say?  That I'm not the real Ranma, and am just play act=
ing, and the fact that that is a trait that I mostly associated with the =
real Ranma, whom I hate, and I'm really a girl.  Right.  "Oh, I'm just so=
rt of . . . worried that you'll get your fool head kicked in during the f=
ight."
=09"Who was kicking whose head this morning?" she asked archly.
=09"Right, right, point," he conceded grudgingly.  "This is what I get fo=
r actually caring.  Hell, if the guy did try to kick your rock-hard head,=
 he'd probably break his foot."  Yuri started chuckling, in that manner t=
hat he had; which was to close his eyes, put his hands that were laced to=
gether onto the back of his neck and chuckle loudly.  
=09"JERK!" Akane yelled, as she kicked Yuri in the direction of the schoo=
l.
=09"TOMBOY!" replied Yuri, the Doppler effect lengthening his voice.

=09=09=09*=09=09=09*=09=09=09*

=09"Come on, Ranma.  I want to get this homework finished so that we can =
spend some more time practicing," said Akane, as they walked out of the s=
chool building, dragging Yuri behind her.
=09"We didn't get any practice done today," said Yuri sulkily.  "All you =
did was sucker-punch me."
=09"That's right, I sucker punched you, sucker," replied Akane with a mal=
icious twist.  "And now I want to really practice."
=09"Aw, come on, Akane, how likely is it that the guy is going to show up=
 today?" asked Yuri plaintively.
=09Thunder rolled ominously from the clear blue sky.  Everyone ignored it=
, for in Nerima they were all used to odd weather.  What they didn't igno=
re was the boy that suddenly appeared at the school gates.  
=09He was about their age, sixteen or a little older.  He had a well-defi=
ned body, muscular without being too heavy, and a gracefully way of movin=
g, as if gravity was not a problem.  He wore a simple white T-shirt and j=
eans, with some red Converse canvas shoes and a simple red cap that he wo=
re backwards and tilted, along with a short sword of the sort that was fa=
vored by the Roman Legionnaires.  His hair was long in the bangs, but the=
 back and sides were short-ish.  As for his features . . . well, it seeme=
d that Yuri had a competitor for 'most devastatingly cute bishounen guy',=
 with large expressive brown eyes, a Roman nose, and full lips.  Girls we=
re fainting as if from overexposure, which was appropriate in more ways t=
han one.  
=09"I am Yamazaki Ken, and I challenge those who practice the Anything-go=
es style of martial arts," he said in a low-toned voice, though it carrie=
d very well.  It carried so well that even more girls were fainting.     =
"Come and answer my challenge."
=09"Not likely, huh?" Akane said sarcastically.  She looked at Ken and th=
ought briefly, yow, what a babe.
=09"What were the odds?" Yuri asked hypothetically.
=09"Actually," said Nabiki, as she popped up between them suddenly.  "I s=
et it at two to one for him showing up.  You know, Ranma-kun, you really =
should notice . . . yow!"  Nabiki finally really looked at Ken, and was i=
nstantly in lust.  "Hey, Sweetie!  Would like some pictures of you and me=
 in embarrassing situations?"
=09Yuri watched Ken as Ken watched the crowd.  Ken spotted Yuri watching.=
  Briefly, sparks of ki flew between them as they probed one another.  No=
t half bad, they each thought.  Almost as good as I am.  Almost, but not =
quite.
=09This guy is way too tough for Akane to take on, thought Yuri.  He then=
 thought rather smugly, guess I'll have to take this guy out for her.  
Oh no you don't, Ranma, thought Akane, knowing what he was thinking.
That fellow over there, thought Ken, needs looking after.  But is he a pr=
actitioner of Anything-Goes?  I wonder . . . 
=09Yow, what a babe, thought the few still conscious girls.  They looked =
from Ken to Yuri and back again, and drooled slightly in a mindless lust =
filled stupor.  Though not thinking, in a visceral sense, they knew that =
the two boys would eventually fight, their hair flying, their muscles ten=
sing, their bodies locked in combat.  Drool, drool, went the girls.
=09"I-" began Yuri, before Akane elbowed him in the gut.  "Oof."
=09"I am Tendo Akane," she announced, as she stepped in front of the crow=
d and got into a ready position.  "Of the Tendo school of Anything-Goes m=
artial arts."
=09"I greet you, Tendo Akane," said Ken.  "I really hope that you don't h=
old any illusions about winning."
=09"Shut up and AAHH!" screamed Akane, seeing that Ken had disappeared an=
d reappeared right in front of her.
=09Without a word, without a battle cry of any sort, he began.  Ken crouc=
hed deeply and, with a powerful thrust of his legs, gave Akane a puissant=
 uppercut to the jaw.  Akane's feet did not touch the ground for a moment=
, so strong was the blow.  Dazed from the punch, she landed in a heap on =
the ground, but she soon recovered, getting back on her feet with a dusty=
 scramble.  She got into a ready position once more, spitting out blood f=
rom the cut lip and probing her teeth.  He was so fast, and good, and . .=
 . All thoughts vanished as Ken disappeared once more.  Akane automatical=
ly looked beneath her, but, soon realizing her mistake, jumped to the sid=
e.  Ken landed where she was last and quickly went after her.  
=09Her defenses were rusty, very rusty.  She was more used to being in th=
e offensive and having to block hits was not something she was used to.  =
More hits to the head, glancing blows thankfully, but enough to continue =
to daze her.  Already her vision was going blurry, but she knew that if n=
othing else her endurance would be her winning factor, for surely this bo=
y couldn't keep going at the pace he was . . .  And if all else fails the=
n surely he would come and . . . No, she would not run to him and like a =
weak mewling little ineffective 'chick' and let the big man handle all he=
r problems.  With renewed determination, Akane went on the offensive for =
the first time in the fight.  Too bad that it didn't do her any good.  
=09Ken with a hard sweep of his legs caught Akane's own legs and caused h=
er to fall on her side.  But instead of landing on the ground, Ken caught=
 her with his other leg and tossed her in the air, and punched her in the=
 solar plexus.  She landed on the ground with a loud breath of air, and s=
tayed there trying, in small gasps, to get air into her tortured lungs.  =
The entire fight had taken, overall, a total of half a minute.  Ken walke=
d over to her and looked down.
=09"Do you admit defeat, Tendo Akane?" he asked quietly, taking off his c=
ap and affixing it right side front.  
=09"Ngh =96huuh, huuh, huuh- nghhlee," gasped Akane, blood dribbling out =
of her mouth.
=09"I'll take that as a 'no', then, shall I?" he asked, his eyebrow arche=
d slightly, the corners of his mouth twitching briefly before his feature=
s resumed his neutral expression.  "Very well, I shall . . . honor your c=
ourage by not condescending to you and resume the attack then."
=09Ken reached down to Akane's arm and was just about to grasp it when hi=
s hand was knocked away from it, and his own belly kicked.  He too went d=
own.  After a few brief moments (too brief) of intense gasping, Ken looke=
d up at his assailant.  It was Yuri.  "Ah, the fellow.  My mistake for ta=
king my eyes off you."
=09"That's right, buddy," Yuri responded with a cocksure grin to hide his=
 small kernel of fear.  "Me."
=09"And who might you be exactly, fellow?" 
=09"Exactly?"  Well, now there's a loaded question.  And an equally loade=
d answer.  "Saotome Ranma of the Saotome school of Anything-Goes martial =
arts, and I answer your challenge."
=09"Ah.  Good."  Ken looked down at Akane while he got up from the ground=
 and dusted himself off.  "Tell me, you don't seem the type to send canno=
n fodder after an opponent to 'soften' them up, so why did you allow her =
to come after me."
=09Yuri tried not to wince.  He then shrugged, and trying desperately to =
sound nonchalant said, "It was her own fool decision to do it."
=09"Very well.  Shall we?"
=09"Sure."
=09And they began to fight.

=09=09=09*=09=09=09*=09=09=09*

=09Meanwhile, back in real-time (i.e. not the time that was running throu=
gh the mind of Yuri), Lupin was being driven through the Louvre.
=09"NYAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!  This is great!" yelled her driver, Larry Cheyenne,=
 the youngest get-away car driver in the world at twelve years of age, as=
 he revved up the little beige, incredibly souped up car.  "Man!  What a =
thrill!  Hey, let's put clothing from the Gap on the statues!  Nyahahahah=
a!"
=09"Oh, lord," groaned Nodachi into his hands.  He glared over at Arsene.=
  =09"Weren't you supposed to get all of his pot?"
=09"I thought I did!" she yelled.  "Hey, Larry!  What have I told you abo=
ut being high!"
=09"That 'it's a lot of fun and I should try it sometime'?" 
=09"No!  Bad, Larry, bad!  No soup for you!"
=09"Don't need soup.  Got some grade-A hash."
=09"AAAAHHH!!!  Watch out!" yelled Nodachi.
=09They swerved around the Venus De Milo.
=09"This car could have taken it," muttered Larry.
=09"SHUT UP, LARRY!" they yelled in unison.
=09"You know," said Nodachi as he looked back.  "You'd think that they'd =
have given up by now."
=09The 'they' he was referring to were of course the Parisian police.  So=
mehow they had gotten permission to drive their own cars through the Louv=
re chasing after them and, of all things, shooting guns.
=09"I pity the fool who gets left holding the bag of manure," said Arsene=
.  
=09"NYAHAHAHAHAA!"
=09"Right then, I'll just pop the tire of the first car, and watch the ex=
plosions," declared Nodachi.  He took out a long throwing dagger, pulled =
half his body out of the car via the sunroof and aimed.  POW, went the ti=
re of the first police car.  The driver swerved around, trying to bring t=
he car under control.  Finally, he was able to stop the car, just in time=
 to be crashed into by the other ten cars following behind it.  Fortunate=
ly, other than nasty case of whiplash, all of the officers were pretty mu=
ch ok.  That could not be said of their cars, however.   
=09"Have you ever had so much fun?" yelled Larry.
=09"No," replied Nodachi, deadpan.  "You're insane and I hope that you di=
e of a painful and embarrassing venereal disease, you evil wench you," he=
 said to Arsene.
=09"Well, despite the fact that he's stoned out of his little twelve year=
 old gourd, he's right, you know.  Enjoy it, we're committing the crime o=
f the century of the week!" enthused Arsene.
=09"Insanity."
=09"Hey, stop!" yelled Arsene.  Larry stopped the car, and she stepped ou=
t.  "Well, gentlemen, here it is, the object of our impossible mission: t=
he famous Mona Lisa!"
=09"You realize that we're never going to be able to sell it, don't you?"
=09"Of course we can't.  That's why we're going to ransom it!  Victory!" =
 Arsene did a little jig in front of the painting. 
=09"Right.  How do we get it out of the casing?" asked Nodachi, referring=
 to the very thick plexi-glass covering the painting.  
=09"No problem, we take part of the wall with it!"  She then grabbed the =
painting and hauled it out of the wall.
=09"Jesus, I forget how strong you are," muttered Nodachi.  He got out th=
e very thick, very large black bag, put the painting (plus casing, plus b=
its of wall) inside it, and put the whole affair into the trunk in the fr=
ont of the car.  "Now, let's get the hell out of Dodge."
=09"And stop hogging all the chips, Larry." 
=09And they drove off into the sunset, chased after by a whole heap of po=
lice.
=09Laughing all the way, tee-dum, tee-dee.

Possible End Theme Song
STOMP BOX
They Might be Giants
John Henry

Stomp Box speak my thought/ Vent these voices from the dark/ Shout Shout =
Shout Shout/ Scream it out/ Blast your missive/ Tell the wordless message=
/ Little Stomp Box/ Tear it from my heart/ Stomp Box, voice of fear/ pour=
 the poison in my ear/ Kill Kill Kill Kill/ Kill me now/ Free the demon H=
ear the ceaseless screaming/ Little Stomp Box/ tear it from my heart
Stomp Box speak my thought/ Vent these voices from the dark/ Shout Shout =
Shout Shout/ Scream it out/ Blast your missive/ Tell the wordless message=
/ Little Stomp Box/ tear it from my heart
Kill Kill Kill Kill/ kill me now/ Free the demon Hear the ceaseless screa=
ming/ Little Stomp Box/ tear it from my heart
Heart


AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well, this chapter took me from about September to, well, =
now to finish.  And it has taken me a year to do only about two hundred-K=
B.  That's . . . pretty sad, actually.  Now, many of my pre-readers have =
three main complaints about this chapter: One, that it is damned confusin=
g, especially in the pronoun department; two, that it has meaningless int=
erludes that detracted from the story; and three, that it has the charact=
ers acting so out of character.  I'm not saying that they're wrong . . . =
but blame this poor, inexperienced writer if you wish.  I hope that I'm g=
etting better, however.  And I will say that the characters introduced do=
 have a purpose, but one that will not become apparent anytime soon.  In =
a future chapter that I am already calling "Hashing it out" (though that =
may change), I will have an origin story, the point where this Ranma dive=
rged from the 'real' Ranma.  As to this chapters more extreme dark nature=
 . . . I don't really see it.  This story isn't supposed to be DARK, it's=
 not even supposed to be all that realistic (I.E. full of nitt and grit).=
  It's just supposed to be a romp.  
=09Oh, ah, if no one ever reads this, that's . . . all right by me (hurts=
, though).  I started this as a way of fighting against my pet peeve in f=
anfics: the Perfect Ranma.  Oh, sure, a few writers have done an admirabl=
e job of this.  I loved their alternate realities; a whole heap of fun.  =
It's just that the ones that did a horrible job make my teeth hurt.  But =
I didn't want to make a psychotic Ranma either (ala Ill met by Starlight)=
.  So I went the middle path: a Ranma that is a grade-B jerk.  
=09Well, that's my psychotic ramblings.  I am now going to work on the pr=
oject that I have been promising myself for about a year now: the anime/c=
omic fusion. 

--part1_919728845_boundary--