Author's note: My Netaddress account has been down for the past week, sorry
about the sudden silence. But I'm FINALLY BACK!!! BWAHAHAAA!!!!!!! Here's a
little something I saw and knew just had to be MSTed.
Disclaimer: It's the end of my liability and you know it!
Part 1
~~~~~~~
<The four MSTkateers step into the viewing room>
Reviewer Roll Call!
Bard: Hentai Mster! Let's get lemony!
Shadow: Dark Mster! Do I really have to do this?
Guardian: Humorous Mster!
<Others>: Says who?
Guardian: Be quiet!
Rowan: Sane Mster! Which isn't really saying all that much.
<Our heroes take their seats>
Guardian: Who picked the story for today?
Bard: I let Happosai do it in exchange for a pair of Ukyou's panties.
<Others>: YOU DID WHAT???!!!
>Shinji Ikari,
Shadow: Son of the Dick Gendo Ikari.
Rowan: Pilot of his mother's soul.
Bard: Raging hormone case for Rei, Misato, and Asuka.
Guardian: Shinji has hormones?
> The 10 o'Clock Assassin
Guardian: But it's only 9:45!
<Ryo-ohki plays a rimshot>
>Terror-Dack-Chill,
Bard: A flying dinosaur that lived in the North Pole.
> Wu-Tang West-Cide
Rowan: Tang, when you can't get real juice.
Shadow: West-cide, when you've got a play that you
just can't get rid of.
>HAWX (Hardcore Anime Watchers Crossover)
<All>: <Make a noise like spitting a loogie>
>Mobile Otaku Band/Davis Anime Club
>tyree3@pacbell.net
Shadow: Now we know who to blame for this.
Guardian: Dear Gods, they're multiplying!!!
>Yep. You heard of me.
<Everyone ecept the Bard>: You make that sound like a good thing.
> I make all those damn Eva lemons.
Bard: Thank you!
> About Shinji doing Ritsuko, Misato, Maya, and Rei.
Bard: Strike!
<Others>: <Loud Groan>
> About Asuka being done by Kensuke.
<All>: <MegaBlink>
Shadow: Fiery Asuka and that...that....
Guardian: Otaku Wannabe.
Shadow: Yeah, Exactly! Not a snowflake's chance in
Hell of that happening!
> About Shinji doing all them other anime ladies.
Bard: Details! GIVE ME THE DETAILS!!!
<Others to Bard>: Shut up!
>I'm just so sick, I can't get sex outta my
>head!
Shadow: <cracks his knuckles> I can help you get rid of that problem!
> Oh well, here's a lemon for you Tenchi fans since
>Tenchi Muyo's one of my favorite shows.
Guardian: Not again!
Bard: Think Miho-Kiyo!
Rowan: Remember I had nothing to do with this.
>WARNING: This fanfic contains SEX!
Shadow: Gee, tell us something we don't know.
Rowan: Unless you're saying that the characters are gender neutral.
> Viewer's discretion is strongly advised. All
>the characters portrayed in this fanfic are 18
>years or older.
Rowan: They better be.
Shadow: Thank the gods, no Sasami lemon.
Guardian: Amen to that.
Bard: Get to the graphic lovin already!
<Others>: <Sweatdrop>
>The characters of Tenchi Muyo belong to AIC and
>Pioneer.
Shadow: Then why are you using them?
>
>* * * * * * * * * * * *
Rowan: Look out it's a Meteor shower!
> "My lord. What a lovely sword."
Shadow: Oh swell. I'm in Hell.
> 10-CHI CLAN
Bard: Only 10? I'm disappointed.
> "The Quickies"
Guardian: As opposed to what?
>* * * * * * * * * * * *
Bard: Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
> It's morning.
Shadow: It's over. The end.
Rowan: Kinda early for that don't you think?
Shadow: No it's not.
> The sun beats down upon the Masaki household.
<All>: <imitating a Hammer pounding on a board>
> The alarm goes off in Tenchi's room. He opens
>his eyes and tries to focus them.
Guardian: Damn Hubble contact lenses!
Rowan: (Tenchi)That's the last time I switch bodies with a
guy that turns into a duck.
> Then he rolls over to find that he's not alone;
>Ryoko's right next to him and completely naked.
Bard: YeeHa!!!
Shadow: So what else is new?
Rowan: So far it's a normal day in the life of Tenchi Masaki.
>Ryoko: Good morning, Tenchi.
Bard: And there's the pitch!
> [SHWING!!]
<All>: Wayne's World! Party time! Excellent!
>Tenchi: Oh no, Ryoko! Not in the middle of the
>morning!
Shadow: You prefer her to come in the middle of the night?
Bard: With an emphasis on co..*POW*.....<flattened>
<Rowan shakes his head>
Rowan: Baka, you just had to go there.
>Ryoko: Yes, Tenchi. I want it... right... >now...
Guardian: (Tenchi) All right! I'll give you your gems back,
just let me go back to sleep!
> Tenchi curses himself as he grabs Ryoko and
>slams his mighty Johnson into her.
Rowan: His mighty what?!
Bard: And we have Lemon!
> Never mind that, as soon as he's in, she's
>already lost deep in hyperspace, he thought.
Guardian: Ryoko, Lost in Space!
Rowan: Can anyone here translate Hentai?
Bard: In other words Ryoko's reaching for the stars, achieving oneness with
the universe, hitting the ultimate high on the rollarcoaster of life, giving a
new meaning to the words slippery when wet...etc.
<Others>: Oh! Now we get it.
> He just wanted to cum into her and get it over
>with...
<All>:(Stunned).........WHAT THE HELL IS THIS???!!!
Bard: YOU MORON!!! PLEASURING THE GIRL IS 99.99% OF THE FUN OF SEX!!!
Shadow: I hate to say this....but he's right.
Guardian: I didn't know the Bard knew the Tendo Demon Head Technique.
Rowan: Neither did I.
> [SPLURRRT!!]
<The reviewers pull out umbrellas and open them up>
Shadow: Watch where you're aiming that!
> Tenchi grabs some clean clothes and leaves his
>room. Ryoko's on the bed feeling as stoned
Shadow: Dope on dope.
>as Mt.Everest without the snow.
>
>-=**=-
Rowan: Don't shoot till you see the whites of his eyes.
> He tries to go into the bathroom. But the
>door gets opened by the person from inside. It's
>Aeka, the princess of Jurai, wearing only her
>bathrobe.
Guardian: This looks suspiciously like the plot of a bad 80's porno movie.
<Others> And how would you know?
Guardian: ....uh.....lucky guess?
Shadow: right.....
>Aeka: Oh, my apologies. The other
>washroom is still in repairs. Your father said it was okay to...
Rowan: Noboyuki would say that.
Bard: Can't blame him. I'd do the same thing.
<Others>: You would.
> [SHWING!!]
<All>: Wayne's World 2!
> Too late! Tenchi pushes her back into the
>bathroom and flings off her towel.
Bard: Go Tenchi Go Tenchi Go!
Shadow <Looks closely> Damn, you win Rowan.
Guardian: Huh? What was the bet?
Rowan: Who had a flatter chest, Akane or Ayeka.
Guardian: And..?
Rowan: I bet on Akane.
>He takes her by the thighs and slurps his tongue at
>her soft petals.
<The Guardian pinches his nose to stop the bleeding>
Bard: Mmmmm...Petals....
Shadow: Sloppy technique. I can do much better.
Rowan: <Raises an eyebrow> And how would you know about that?
Shadow: <Smiles> That's for me to know.
> This is not exactly what Aeka wanted... Change
>that! This is what Aeka wanted all morning!
Guardian: Make up your mind.
>Tenchi stuck his mighty Johnson into the princess's
>most sacred love canal.
Shadow: His mighty WHAT??!
Bard: He shoots, he scores!
> Her majesty was already gone. Her "Queen's
>English" has been reduced to Latin, to Greek, and
>finally to just prehistoric grunts.
Rowan: Oh dear, someone's been fiddling with
Washu's timemachine again.
> [SPLURRRT!!]
<The Umbrellas are raised again>
Rowan: This is getting messy.
> Sigh... Tenchi took his shower. Then he puts
>on his day clothes, being careful not to awaken her
>royal highness from her royal high, and leaves the
>bathroom.
Shadow: So Tenchi's like some kind of drug?
Guardian: Explains a lot doesn't it.
>-=**=-
<All>: What are you looking at?
> Tenchi then goes downstairs, and then realizes
>not to make as much noise.
Rowan: Too late, Ryoko's awake and wants more!
>Just then, a pair of mechanical "grab-bots" appear
>from out of nowhere and try to capture him.
<All>: And here's Washu!
> With squirrel-like speed and agility Tenchi tries
>his best to ward off the attacks, but they were too
>powerful for him to handle. And he was dragged
>into Washuu's lab producing heavy protest.
Shadow: (Washu's Lab) Damn it Tenchi go on a diet!
> Shackled to a table within a darkened room,
>Tenchi soon catches a view of his kidnapper:
>Washuu, sporting the "Ritsuko Akagi (tm)" look.
Bard: (Washu) Tests, tests and more tests! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
>Washuu: I'm here to collect your sperm samples
>again, Tenchi.
Shadow: Who saw this coming?
<All>: <Raise their hands>
> [SHWING!!]
<All>: We're shwinging in the rain...
> Tenchi doesn't have a choice at this matter.
Rowan: When did he ever have choice anyway?
>Washuu opens her nyloned legs wide to give him a
>view he'll never forget.
Bard: I won't either! <Drooling>
Rowan: At least it's the adult form of Washu.
Shadow: There's that at least.
>Then she frees his mighty Johnson from its cage and
>proceeds to submerse it into her tight pussy.
Guardian: His Mighty WHAT???!
<The Bard celebrates>
>Tenchi's cock doubles in size,
<All>: .......Kiss the the laws of reality goodbye.
> and Washuu uses every known trick in the Universal
>Kama Sutra book to get him off.
Guardian: The Universal what???
Bard: You haven't read it yet?
> His fuse goes short very quickly, and Washuu
>feels it as well.
Shadow: He's hiding a Happodaikarin in there?
<Others>: DON'T GO THERE!!!
>She pulls him out, grabs the bucket nearby, and
>performs fellatio over it.
> [SPLURRRT!! SPLURRT!!]
<All>: Today's forecast: sudden showers.
>Washuu: My-my, Tenchi. Three cups? Is that all?
Shadow: You have got to be kidding me.
Guardian: No human can produce that much in one go!
>Tenchi: I couldn't help it. Ryoko and Aeka got
>to me first.
Rowan:......Okay......it's Tenchi the Overfiend.
>Washuu: Oh, damn my luck!
Guardian: You think your luck's bad, try mine.
>-=**=-
Guardian: I've got a lock on his 6, missiles away!
> Despite his morning troubles Tenchi manages to
>have some breakfast and be on his way to the city.
Shadow: Where he immediately collapses due to severe fluid loss.
> Along the way he almost passes the Miho-Kiyo
>residence only to realize that he's suppose to pick
>up something from them.
Bard: Yay!
Guardian: That line is just asking for it.
> He knocks on their door...
Rowan: And is dragged into the house by a sexcrazed Kiyone who proceeds to
screw him and Mihoshi like crazed mindless nymphos.
>Kiyone: Who is it?!
>Tenchi: It's me, Tenchi!
>Mihoshi: Alright! It's Tenchi! Come on in!
Shadow: Damn, that's spooky.
> And he does what he says, only to find out
>that the Miho-Kiyo duo are currently trying out the
>latest in summer swimwear! (I mean lack thereof!)
<All>: THANK YOU!!! We're not worthy!!
<The Guardian passes out due to a severe nosebleed>
Shadow: <Holding up a sign> "Now I can die happy"
> [SHWING ONCE MORE!!]
<All>: Shwing to the left, Shwing to the right...
>Mihoshi: Wow! Whatta big Johnson you got there!
>Kiyone: I guess we should do something about it.
<All>: Gee..we wonder what'll happen next.
> A coin gets tossed. Mihoshi calls for heads.
> The coin shows tails and Kiyone ends up giving
>head. The jade-haired spacecop gets on her hands
>and knees and moves her swimsuit aside.
Shadow: I thought she wasn't wearing one?!
Guardian: Nitpicking's my job!
> Then Tenchi immediately does her doggy
>style. The spacecop is already sent back to space.
Bard: Arf arf!
Rowan: And we have reached orbital insertion.
> [SPLURRRT!!]
Shadow: I ain't cleaning the floor after this!
> Then he came to Mihoshi who was already
>getting herself ready for the ultimate in manhood.
Bard: It's Tenchi von...
<The others have their weapons out>
<Others>: Finish that statement and we'll have to kill you.
> In no time he starts thrusting into her like a
>piston.
Guardian: You forgot the lubricant!
<Ryo-ohki plays another rimshot>
> His actions cause the beautiful scatterbrain...
>to actually start thinking rationally.
Bard: Tenchi having sex has suddenly become a miracle?
Shadow: Think about what you just said.
Bard: Oops.
> After a while Tenchi leaves her gushing pussy and
>slushes his Johnson between her large, heaving >breast.
Guardian: You're using a singular instead of a plural!
Bosom or Breasts, make up your mind!
> [SPLURRRT ANOTHER TIME!!]
<All>: (Bill & Ted) No way!
> With the two ravishing ladies tonguing
>themselves after a hard post-morning's sex, Tenchi
>leaves their apartment with the thing he neaded: a
>new tube of Bengay and a bottle of "Painkillahz."
>(Not just painkillers, PAINKILLAHZ!)
Rowan: I hope that tube's for the ladies, otherwise
I'm going to start screaming.
<Others>: Ditto.
>-=**=-
Shadow: Welcome to Walking on Coals 101.
> "My language is harsh! And coarse like the
>sands of time! You will be STRUCK!
*SMACK*
Bard: OWWW!!! Why'd you do that for?!
Shadow: He said you'd be struck, who am I to resist fate.
With a tidal wave of words!"
Guardian: TIDEL WAVE!!!
*<A giant wave of ink crashes down on the reviewers>*
<All>: Glub.....Glub......
Tenchi's at Tokyo University's
History 5 class watching a film about the
Reformation, where Martin Luther and his followers
take a stand against the spoiling of religion.
After class Tenchi's about to leave when he
hears a certain voice...
Guardian: Let's see who's left that Tenchi hasn't
done the dirty deed with and is of legal age to do so?
Shadow: Tsunami.
Rowan: Nagi.
Bard: That rival of Kiyone...whatshername.
>Sakuya: Afternoon, Ten-chan.
<All>: <Facefault>
Rowan: Oh no, don't tell me......
> [SHWING!!]
<All>: Shwingie, Shwingie, everybody loves a shwingie...
>Tenchi: [Oh no! Please, not again!]
Shadow: Yes, no more gratuitous sex!
Bard: Go for it!
>Sakuya: (Comes over towards him.) Isn't it
>amazing! The past can be so cool
>once you take the opportu... (Notices his painful
>hard-on.) Tenchi...
Rowan: And we know what's going to happen next.
> Let's go... ^_^;
Guardian: Yes, let's go away. Far, far away.
> Sakuya takes Tenchi to the nearby cheap motel
>where she removes her panties from under her really
>short skirt. She leans on the wall as Tenchi,
>overdriven with lust, "Johnsonizes" her as well.
Shadow: Who the hell are you and what have you done with the real
Tenchi?
Rowan: You had to wait till now to ask that?
>Sakuya screams with pain as well as estacy, since
>she's not used to the immence "banging" like
>Tenchi's space girlfriends were.
Rowan: No...more....blatent.....ignorance...of.... lovemaking.....
Guardian: No...more....horrible...lemon....grammer....
> But she loves him SO much that she allows him to
>do anything he wants to her, knowing that his
>mighty Johnson can get both of them off.
Shadow: Mindless....hentai....letting...little head...take over.....
Bard: Enough with the Shatner impressions!!!
> [SPLURRRT!!]
Rowan: Hey umbrellas aren't cheap to clean you know!!!
> An hour of rest and some erotic clean-up
>later, Tenchi and Sakuya left the motel promising
>to meet (and screw) again.
Bard: Sex, sex, and more sex. My kinda fic.
<Others>: Shut up.
>-=**=-
Rowan: Okay I'm out of jokes for this.
> Maybe the rest of the day will turn out
>normal, Tenchi thought.
Shadow: Tenchi and Normal do not go together in a sentence.
> But alas, he will have no such luxury.
<All>: Of course not, this is Tenchi.
> A Ryo-Ohki-style spaceship hovers over his head
>and he's immediately captured by it's tractor beam.
<All>: Gee, 7 of 9 wants in on the action.
> Tenchi's soon shackled (Again?) to a cross in
>the center of a dark room where infamous bounty
>hunter Nagi conjures up a way to torture her prey.
Shadow: Easy, just don't have sex with him.
Rowan: That's too much to hope for.
>For some reason she has the heat up too high. So
>she decides to remove her black cloak.
Guardian: Must...not...succumb..to...lousy...cliche.
> She ends up revealing to poor Tenchi her
>ravashingly slender body wearing a see-through
>fabric nightgown.
<All>: It's a Bodysuit!
> [SHWING!!] (You know, after a while it
>probably gets a bit tiresome for him to have a
>hardon for every girl he meets...)
Guardian: I hear the fourth wall shattering.
Rowan: I'd think more along the lines of painful & impossible.
> Nagi smirks with such pure evil. She strikes
>down upon her prey like the hawk she sets herself
>to be.
<All>: <Flinch and cross legs>
> Only this time, it's mating season for this hawk.
> She shoves his mighty Johnson into her, attempting
>to conquer this destructive weapon with her own.
Shadow: That's a woman's ultimate weapon?
Rowan: The scary thing is that actually makes sense in a sick and twisted
sort of way.
>She manages to get it all in despite the immence
>pain caused from such manhood as his. It's
>Tenchi's turn to be lost in hyperspace.
Bard: Tenchi, the Hibiki of Orgasm!
> [SPLURRRT...!!]
Guardian: Splut...splut...out of ammo.
> Nagi has succeeded triumphantly as she feels
>him explode into her.
Shadow; What do you know, he did have a bomb in there after all!
*WHAM**CRUSH*BAM*
<The other three beat Shadow into his seat>
<Others>: WE TOLD YOU NOT TO GO THERE!!!
> She allows herself to have an orgasm in front of
>him, to hear her cum as she drenches his mighty
>Johnson with her own liquids...
Rowan: Shoulda worn a raincoat.
>Mitsuki: FREEZE!! You are under arrest! Come out
>with your hands out, NOW!!
Bard: That's not the only thing that's up.
> It's Mitsuki in her Galaxy Police ship. It
>seems that Nagi has spent too much time in the "No
>Spaceship Docking Zone."
Shadow: Interstellar Buracracy strikes again.
>Nagi: Damn...!
Guardian: (Nagi) Curses, foiled again!
>-=**=-
Bard: Trash compacter.
>Mitsuki: Are you alright?
>Tenchi: I'm not sure. I've been having sex with
>women all day.
Rowan: And you can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
Shadow: Yes, multiple orgasms have a way of doing that to you.
>Mitsuki: Tell ya what: Take a little rest. Lay on
>my bed for a while. Okay?
Guardian: Here we go again.
>Tenchi: Why, thanks Mitsuki. (She's not really
>as mean as Kiyone said she is.)
Rowan: Wait for it.
> While Tenchi slept Mitsuki takes the
>opportunity to try out those girls' high
>school clothing she's got from Mihoshi.
Bard: Now I'm confused.
Shadow: Join the club.
> Apparently she's making a bit too much noise.
>Tenchi wakes up to see what the commotion's all
>about, just to be greeted by a very sexy-looking
>Mitsuki, exposing her pink underwear whilst she was
>putting on her socks.
<All except the Bard>: (Bored) Boingie.
> [SHWING*2!!!]
<All>: I shwing through the air with the greatest of ease....
>Mitsuki: Oh no. Guess I was too much stimulation
>for you there, huh?
Rowan: (Tenchi) What was your first clue?
>Tenchi: Mitsuki! Help me!
Shadow: Cut it off! Shoot it!! Just kill it before it screws again!!!
<Others>: AAAggggggHH!!!!! That's disgusting!!!
Shadow: I know. Ain't it cool?
>Mitsuki: Alright, alright. Here!
> Tenchi viciously stabs his might Johnson into
>the depths of her sex canal. Though the expression
>on her face doesn't change.
Rowan: (Ranma) Can it be..? Have I lost my power over women??!
>Mitsuki: Well? Go on.
Guardian: (Mitsuki) Was that it?
>Tenchi: Uh... Mitsuki. You're... not...
Shadow: So you noticed after all.
>Mitsuki: Oh I do this all the time! This is how I
>rise through the police ranks.
<All>: Okay.......
> And besides, I earn some pocket change
>that way. So, screw to your heart's content.
Rowan: Let's hear it for winner of the biggest turnoff ever uttered in a
Tenchi lemon.
> "Screw" was the word that immediately set him
>off. His manhood continuously plunges into her
>like a raging demon.
Shadow: Been taking lessons from Akuma have you?
> Her power universal is so good;
>it's bringing him to the brink of eruption.
Bard: Mount Tenchi-ken blows its top!
>Mitsuki, after years of her pussy being
>plunged into, only manages to softly moan before...
Guardian: Demanding payment.
Shadow: Lighting a cigarette.
Bard: Spraying enough liquid to end California's drought.
> [SPLURRRRTT!!!]
Rowan: Slippery when wet.
>Mitsuki: (Makes a weird face.) Oh, that's
>heavenly! Keep it in! Just keep it in for a
>while! Do you feel it? Do you feel yourself
>emptying your nut into me? (Tenchi nods automatically.)
Bard: I'm sorry, Tenchi's brain is unavailable at the moment, please call
back when your clothes are on.
Rowan: Okay, I've had I can stomach for now, all in favor of a break?
<All>: Aye!!!
<The four get up and leave, taking care to be
VERY careful where they step.>
<Continued in part 2>
-Shade(I'm too much of a pain in the rear to die)
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