Happosai walks into the Tendo Dojo carrying a dead cat in a cage. The cat
is white with black tips and a purple lock of hair on its head. He strolls
to the lounge-room where Akane tries to hide behind a couch.

Happosai: Hello, I wish to register a complaint.... Hello, Sir?

Akane: What do you mean, Sir?

Happosai: Oh, I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint.

Akane: Sorry, I'm just about to train with Ranma, it'll have to wait.

Happosai: Never mind that, Akane, I wish to complain about this cat what I
purchased not half an hour ago from this very dojo.

Akane: Oh, yes, the Chinese purple-crested, very rare, what's wrong with it?

Happosai: I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's #dead#, that's what's
wrong with it!

Akane: No, no, it's resting, look (*cat does not move*)

Happosai: Look, Akane, I know a dead pussy when I see one and I'm looking
at one right #now#.

Akane: No, no, Happosai, it's not dead, it's resting.

Happosai: #Resting#?

Akane: Yeah, remarkable cat, the Chinese crested, beautiful fur, innit?

Happosai: The fur doesn't enter into it - it's stone dead!

Akane: No, no, it's just resting.

Happosai: All right then, if it's resting I'll wake it up. (*Shouts into
cage*) Hello, cat! Ranma's here and wants to profess his undying love to
you! (*no response from cat*)

Akane: (*Jogging cage*) There, it moved!

Happosai: No, she didn't. That was you pushing the cage!

Akane: I did not!

Happosai: Yes, you did. (*takes cat out of cage, shouts*) Hello, pussy,
pussy (*bangs it 	 against counter*) Cat, wake up. cat-kun (*throws cat in
the air and lets her fall to the floor) Now #that's# what I call a dead pussy.

Akane: No, no, it's stunned. 

Happosai: Look, Akane, I've just about had enough of this (*takes out a
couple of bombs*). This cat is definitely deceased. And when I bought it
not half an hour ago, you assured me that her lack of movement was due to
it being tired out after ramen deliveries.

Akane: It's probably pining for China.

Happosai: Pining for China, what kind of talk is that? Look, why did it
fall flat on its 	 back the moment I got her home?

Akane: The Chinese crested prefers kipping on its back. Beautiful cat,
lovely soft fur.

Happosai: Look, I took the liberty of examining that cat, and I discovered
the only reason that it had been sitting on its duff in the first place, is
that it had been nailed there, by nasty barbed sharp nails!

Akane: Well, of course she was nailed there! Otherwise, it would muscle up
to those bars 	   and *voom*!

Happosai: Look, Akane (*picks up one very stiff pussy*) this cat wouldn't
*voom* if I put a HOT-ROD up its ass and went to work! (*proceeds to do
precisely that, with absolutely #no# response from cat*. Happosai sputters
out before Shampoo can be shaken into tiny little bits) It's bleeding
#demised#!

Akane: It's not, it's pining!

Happosai: It's not pining, it's passed on. This cat is no more. It has
ceased to be. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace (*Ranma is
heard in the background,  	 	 cheering*) If you hadn't nailed it to the
floor, it would be pushing up the 	 	 daisies. It's rung down the curtain
and joined the choir invisible. This is an #ex-pussy#.

Akane: Well, I'd better replace her, then. (*Akane flips the ex-cat over
her 	   	   shoulder into the koi-pond).

Happosai: Hey, I hadn't finished with her (*proceeds to stuff pussy in his
panty bag*)

Akane: Sorry, Happosai, we're right out of cats. 

Happosai: I see. I see. I get the picture.

Akane: I've got a thing. (*background scene of Taro Pantyhose trying
frantically to escape from underneath the Rock of Gibralter*)

Happosai: Does it steal panties?

Akane: Not really, no. 

Happosai: Well, it's scarcely a replacement, then, is it. Oh, well, I'm
sure I can make a decent meal out of him. I'll take him.