Once upon a time, there was an otaku. Not a big otaku, not a small
otaku, just a young woman who enjoyed watching and analyzing anime and
manga.

This otaku figured herself a fledgling author and, in a fit of lunacy,
signed up to a mailing list for what she thought was for fanfic
authors. She had high hopes for her association with said list;
somehow, this innocent imagined a community where authors joined to
help each other improve upon themselves, where commentary and
constructive criticism flowed freely like a river.

Boy, was she ever wrong.

At first, things seemed to flow well. She lurked for a while, then
summoned up her courage to post a spamfic. And lo, it was fairly well
recieved.

Her courage boosted, she began to write serious fics. At first, she
got several responses that greatly helped her along. In return, she
began providing her own brand of C&C, which was admittedly silly yet
tried to provide some helpful tips within the humor. And lo, they to
were fairly well recieved.

Of course, for this beginning author, three responses in a month was a
great deal.

Then, as suddenly as the C&C began, it stopped. She found herself
adrift, confused as to what had happened. She continued her C&C of
other's fics, and through that formed associations and friendships
with other authors who somehow seemed to be like her. These friendly
ties much boosted her resolve, and she plowed ahead, satisfying
herself with what little dribs and drabs she could get.

Then this author began writing more, adding in spamfics and large
crossovers to her eclectic mix. The spamfics recieved a fair amount of
commentary; the serious works, to which she had labored so very hard
on, recieved next to nothing. She did not let that deter her, however,
for she had high hopes for reaching someone.

She had support, yes, from the prereader and author friends she had
made throughout her term on the list, and these meant much to her.
Occasionally, someone would ask for a sample of her writing; she would
happily send it out, and then never heard from those people again. Did
they read it? Or did they just trash it? She never knew.

Then the debates on C&C began. She knew that many authors were
somewhat like her in the fact that they got little in the way of C&C,
so she took a stand on her beliefs.

And then the flames began.

At first, she just read them and laughed and tossed them in the trash.
Then she would read the ones that were coached carefully in diplomatic
language and try to take the time out to explain herself. It was,
after all, a friendly debate, right? It's wasn't a game of 'let's see
who's right', after all, was it?

Her patience began to wear down after being insulted and trashed in
private. She decided to cling to her writing instead and abandon the
cause for C&C.

And lo, nobody seemed to give a rat's ass if she wrote or not. She
grew a bit frustrated; she gave C&C out and tried to help fellow
authors, and she got nothing back. Yes, that truly sucked, but she
resolved not to let that get her down.

Then this author began to be plagued with medical problems and
intensive classes at her university. She clung to her writing as her
outlet for the agressions and problems she faced, and they were of
much comfort and help to her.

Then the unthinkable happened. The author was plagued with the dreaded
writer's block.

She raged against this wall of stone, but somehow, it just didn't
work. She tried focusing on other topics, to switch to the visual
arts, but her work was so much less than what she wanted that it sank
her into despair. 

And now, this young author sits at a computer, staring at the computer
screen until the drops of blood run down her forehead, and nothing
happens. She will always support those who have helped her so much in
the past, but what of the masses now? These squabbling, rude masses
whose fiction was declining in quality and whose belligerence was
sharply rising were a cause of great sorrow, for what had happened to
the days of yore, when authors and readers alike interacted and were
not afraid to give out their C&C.

So now she sits, looking at this list, empty-handed (and
empty-headed), cursed with the inability to write, and she wonders,
"Is it worth the trouble anymore? is it worth it to follow the Golden
Rule? Is it really worth it anymore?"

And lo, there is no answer.

*~*

Dedicated to Lurker-kun, God-boy, Flashman, John Conner, and all those
authors who know how enriching writing is in life.

Jess, the LilTigre =-_-=
==
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               *~* Tora-chan Productions, Ltd. *~*
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