<"C'mon, I'm sure the 3rd children has better things to do than look at 

 'nothing.'"
 

Subject / Verb agreement:  Asuka is talking about a single person, ergo
the term should be child, not children.>

Actually, we had a decent sized debate on the term Children on the EvaML
and I believe that Children is the official(Gainax inspired)
translation.

  

 "Look down there, Asuka." Shinji points down to the many lights of Tokyo-
 3. "Every one of those lights is at least one person, one person who 
 depends on us to save them. And, yet... why does it feel that I can't 
 connect, that I don't see people, only dots of light in the dark.">

Good imagery and quite in character.

All in all, good work. I like Asuka being active in what would otherwise
be an introspecive piece (Eva fanfic bread and butter). Aside from minor
gramatical quibbles I enjoyed the piece.

Jerico
New School FFML guy
and wannabe Writer at Large