In a message dated 3/7/99 11:10:33 PM, fmerced@pworld.net.ph writes:
By Florencio
Next time, tag this fic with a spoiler warning. Not everyone on FFML has ever
seen End of Evangelion, much less Death and Rebirth. I have, so I was lucky.
But what about others? Be careful.
I know I'm C&Cing a spamfic. So sue me- I'm looking for a decent fic to C&C,
but there haven't been any decent ones lately. I'm bit disappointed, I was
actually looking forward to C&Cing several. :(
A barren sea, full of emptiness. That's what Shinji saw as he sat on the
beach with Asuka. He still thinks he's dreaming, but his cheeks were still
sore. Asuka slapped him silly a while ago after telling her that they
were the two left on Earth. He looked over to her, she sat motionless like
him. She finally swallowed the truth that he too found hard to take.
Hmm. I take it that you had decided to disregard the original version of EoE,
didn't you? Oh, of course there's lot of possibilities at the end, but...
Oh, BTW the third sentence didn't sound right. Rewrite it as: 'He thought he
was still dreaming, but...'
"Shinji?" Asuka stared into his eyes looking for answers, her tears had
stopped flowing hours ago, but her heart hasn't stopped weeping. "I can't
believe it. This is too much for someone like me to take."
"I know." Shinji ducked his head like a hedgehog that he is. "I wish
Misato was here. She'd know what to do."
hedgehog that he was.
Asuka's temper flared momentarily, for some reason she can't explain.
Here they were, all alone in the world, and he...of all people, she thought,
didn't like her company. "Shinji you fool!" She jumped up and ran away
crying.
Don't use contractions like "don't," "Can't," "you're" and so on, in stories-
they tend to detract from the story. Use them only in dialogue. Of course when
referring to people, like "Asuka's" are allowed. ^_^;
"Asuka!" Shinji ran after her.
"Baka! You and I are the only ones left, and still you reject me. How
could you be so cruel?!" Asuka stammered as she ran up the sandy seashore.
Shinji was not far behind. Then she hit something, something soft, and
she fell down hard. "Oww!"
Asuka struck me here as highly OOC. I've seen entire Evangelion series so
often that I can almost immediately spot any OCCness in Asuka. I seriously
doubt that Akane would have opened up that quickly, especially not after EoE.
And is it me, or does this sound like a Shakespearean approach, and being used
in an Eva fanfic, to boot?
"Asuka." Shinji help her to her feet.
helped
"Good Evening, I'm sorry if I blocked your path." A woman said to them,
she was in front of them, her long brown hair waving briskly with the dry
dead
wind, her face was angelic, her smile immaculate. Well, she was a goddess
after all.
"Um..Hey, you're alive as well." Asuka was so elated seeing another human
being other than Shinji had survived the third impact. "I'm so glad to
meet you." Shinji could only stare in disbelief, his eyes must be playing
tricks
now, coz, not only was another person there before them. The first one
in hours, but she was also levitating a few inches of the ground as well.
Technically, Shinji and Asuka wouldn't have to worry about being alone in the
desolate world. The humanity WILL resurrect itself from LCL, and anyone who
had turned to LCL during the Third Impact can regain thier original forms IF
they wished so.
But that's me being technical. You're free to do whatever you want.
"How nice to finally find someone as well. I've been looking for someone.
And this place seems so strange." The woman settle down on the sand.
"I'm Belldandy, and a while ago everything turned crimson read. I just can't
explain it."
Shinji and Asuka just turned to each other.
"Anyway, I was looking for my Keiichi. Have you seen my Keiichi?"
A Goddess being clueless about exactly what had occured during TS? I doubt it.
She's a Goddess after all, and she would registered the entire event- It's not
that hard to ignore 3 billion+ lives being snuffed out.
* * * * *
The End
Honestly, IMO, this fic didn't have much of story to it. Just pluck out a
series and toss a character from other series and create a contrived fic that
wouldn't hold a candle to the canon. You need to rework this a bit, if you're
intending to write this into fic (which I doubt).
Nice shot, but it wasn't much.
Dark Alpha <AlphSailor@aol.com> formerly Sailor Alpha
Dark Alpha's G3 Fanfic Studio- Fanfics produced monthly!
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Bay/7233/
-Rebuilding of MAGI Archives is behind schedule, due to unfortunate
circumstances. Opening date delayed to March.