At 11:35 PM 3/9/99 +0800, Chan Wei Lik wrote:

Great fic. It's good to see what you've done to it since I last read it.

I haven't actually done very much to it. Added the one scene, and some
(very) minor textual changes, really.

The origin of the mirror still feels contrived to me however. But there may
be a way out. When I read that part, for some reason, I thought Keiichi
found the tree and got it turned into the frame. I had to go over it again
before it became clear.
Actually, I think that would have been a good way to handle it rather than
the roundabout route you're using.

You know, that didn't even occur to me? I like that way better.... I wish
I had thought of that myself.... Hrm... I think I'll blame that on a lack
of sleep-- it's my favourite excuse. ^_^

Next, 1 little glitch:

The force-bolt, instead of hitting the owner of

the voice, blasted the mirror, turning the frame to so much
splinters and dust.<<

But then...

In her distraction, Belldandy let the force bolt dissipate a little too

quickly. No one
was harmed, just the mirror The glass shattered and the cherry-wood
frame turned to ash. <<

Now, how can she blow up 1 mirror twice, eh? Looks like you ocerlooked this
when you were rewritting. Actually, I feel that the second one is better.
When she arrived and ran out of the room, I can't see her pointing back to
the mirror in any way. It just isn't likely.

D'oh! Serves me right, for merely skimming ahead to alter that bit to
incorporate the scene where Keiichi got the mirror instead of rereading
the whole thing... I'm a very lazy person, you see. It was a spur of the
moment thing to do, really, revising it....
	I'm glad you pointed it out, because I probably wouldn't have
otherwise noticed....

One last thing. The first time I read this, I had a disturbing vision.
Facing Belldandy is Skuld, psychotic and raving, "You belong with ME! Not
Urd and certainly not Keiichi."
Read this fic again brought it back. I leave it to the readers to speculate
what precipatated this scene.

Actually, that'd be a cool scene for something... I can almost picture the
Skuld in this one doing that, if she were just a little more extreme....
(mental note: remember this in case I get another OMG fic sometime, and
want it to be dark...)

Like I said, good fic. You should be proud of it.

Thanks! ^_^

Matthew Lewis is:
	Matt on IRC
	Sojiro_Seta on Kawaiimuck
	maybeso@ican.net
	a casualty of causality
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	"Khattam-Shud," he said slowly, "is the Arch-Enemy
of all Stories, even of Language itself. He is the Prince of
Silence and the Foe of Speech. And because everything ends,
because dreams end, stories end, life ends, at the finish
of everything we use his name. 'It's finished,' we tell one
another, 'it's over. Khattam-Shud: The End.'"

	-excerpted from Haroun and the Sea of Stories,
		by Salman Rushdie
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