Donald Arganbright wrote:

Hoi,

C&C is more than welcome.

Ask and ye shall recieve... put you pay the shipping and handeling

A few even clapped.  Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed one 

man
that had been sleeping the entire time near the back, a sword in >his
lap.  The man's broad-brimmed straw hat covered his face.

   "You there!" the boasting man called out, weaving around seats to
prod the sleeping passenger with the butt of his saya.  The man

stirred slightly before settling back to sleep again.
The man frowned.  How dare a commoner ignore him, and even have the
audacity to carry a sword!
"Impudent peasant!  When a warrior speaks, one should listen," the
self-centered swordsman shouted.

Your right about the audacity of carring a sword.  Any pesant caught
with a Katana, who is not a retainer or servent of a samurai, was
instantly killed on the spot.  There were few greater crimes.  The
samurai would not have cared about being ignored, he would fight Jubei
for having a sword.  Funny that Jubei (who is not a samurai, but a
ninja) uses a katana and not a ninja-to

Are you sure Juubei's a ninja?  He doesn't seem to act much like one.
I always figured he was a ronin.  

The strange man shrugged and turned to look over the expansive lake.

The other swordsman noticed the sword in his hand.

"You carry a sword," the armored swordsman spat in an offended
voice.  "How is it a peasant like you could come to carry a blade?"
"It's mine," was the nonchalant reply.  "It's been in my family for
quite some time."
   "Do you even know how to use such a weapon?"
   "I guess I do," the stranger said with a small smile.  "I'm still

alive, ne."

Too much talking, while you have Jubei's reactions and manerisms
correct, the other samurai would just attemp to strike him down.  Now

Of course that would rather screw the story.  Juubei would just kill
him, and everyone would get blood on their clothes.  I mean this is 
the classic, bar room, "Let's take this outside.  After you." joke.  
There's no point in trying to totally change it.  Instead, what could
make it work better?