Lara Bartram <lara@emunix.emich.edu> wrote:

	Had he said that out loud?  "Nothin'.  Don't worry about it, 
Chizuru."  Though he should have drunk himself into a stupor to 
stop the things that he couldn't change from haunting him.
	He had always thought school was a waste of time; what good 
did it do a martial artist?  After all, he was the master of 
his school, which meant he would teach it to people who wanted 
to learn it.  Who needed calculus and English to do that?
	Even with those reservations, he had somehow finished high 
school, fighting off the pressures from the two fathers, the 
fiancees, the enemies, his own hesitations...

I think this is too early in the fic for such a lengthy trip down memory
lane. The plot and major conflicts need to get going first.

	"I know what you told me, but I want to know where you've 
really been!  Who were you with?"  There was a look of 
unrestrained fury and terrible sadness on her face.
	Rolling his eyes, Ranma looked over at the window.  "Do we 
have to go through this again?  I told you I was out..."
	"But what you didn't say was that you were with some woman!  
Please don't lie to me like I'm just your mother!" Akane 
yelled, the fury overwhelming her disappointment.

Well, she's right... but I'd really like some indication of how she
knows this.

	"He's never cheated on you.  You've never cheated on him.  
So what's your secret?"
	Looking at Akane flatly, Nabiki couldn't believe what she 
was hearing.  "Akane, if he ever cheated on me, I'd have all 
his money and a little souvenir in a jar on the mantle.  He 
knows it."

Good gods... this is KUNO we're talking about here. Who's he gonna cheat
*with?* ^_^

[snip to end]

Sorry, Lara, but I don't think that this was one of your better efforts.

I don't really have a problem with the premise or the
characterizations... the problem for me is the way in which the story is
told. It's very talky -- even preachy in spots -- and it generally tells
a lot more than it shows.

Also, it has a bad case of what one might call "Favorite Character
Syndrome." That's when an author decides to resolve a situation by
having his/her favorite character(s) come in and tell the main
characters how to solve their problems, or just solve everything for
them. This is dissatisfying for the same reason that an "annoying new
character" is.