Ranma � / Rift War Saga : The Unknown Art Prelude
Created by Long Ngo

Wow... a Riftwars fic. I haven't read that series in ages.

* * * * *

     Not understanding what the man was saying, "Nani?" asked Ranma.

Getting

the same gibberish again, Ranma turned around and started to walk away

when he

That's a bit rude of Ranma. But then again, with the load of strangeness in
his life, walking away from strange occurrences isn't that weird, I guess.

felt a wave of pain wash over him.  Getting up, Ranma looked behind him to
discover the man with the robe had threw some kind of special attack at him.

                                    thrown

Furious at having someone else attack him other than his usual rivals, Ranma

This phrase sounds not only strange... but a tad childish. I would be upset
if someone attacked me from behind wether it was a "standard" rival or not.
On top of which, Ranma should be just a little surprised since he didn't
even feel it coming.

* * * * *

     Knocking on the door of the Tendou Training Hall,  Ranma was greeted by
Kasumi.  Taking a huge step, Ranma gave the eldest Tendou daughter a big hug.
"I've missed you so much, Kasumi."

After ten years, Ranma would've certainly have grown up enough (I think) to
not be embarrassed about showing affection.

     *I was so happy that I didn't notice she had not changed at all from my
early memories.*

I would word this sentence this way:
       *I was so happy that I didn't even notice that she hadn't change a
bit.*

     Kasumi was shocked and then puzzled at the strange man's reaction.  *Do
I know him?*  After the man had placed her two feet back on the ground,

Kasumi
Uh... I'm sure Kasumi would be a lot more shocked by having a strange man
give her a hug.

eyes.  They were a grayish blue.  "Ranma?  Is that you?  What happened to

your

hair?  Why did you cut it?  Where have you been these past three months?"
Kasumi asked.  There were so many questions that she wanted to ask.  The
foremost was why did Ranma look like he was in his mid twenties.

     Nodding his head as in answer to her first two questions, he stopped
after the third was asked.  "Nani?  Three months?"

Heh... time dilation. This ought to be good.

As an idea, Ranma is no longer "younger" than Kasumi. Could make for some
interesting tension if Kasumi were to get into the Fiance game.

On the other hand, Ranma will probably have grown up enough that the other
fiances will seem very shallow to him. Kasumi may very well be the only
interesting choice... if he hasn't married already in Midkemia or
something. Ten years is a long time to wait... and to his point of view,
expecting Akane to wait ten years for him when she has no idea of his fate
is a big stretch.

On top of that, considering that Ranma now has a 10 year head start (plus
special Midkemia abilities) over the rest of the Nerima fighters, I imagine
that he could trash them quite easily now. 

All in all, I am curious enough to see what you write that I will keep an
eye out for this fic. Haven't seen or thought of Riftwars in ages.

See ya

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