-----Original Message-----
From: Rob Barba <ashita@cchono.com>
To: FFML <ffml@fanfic.com>
Date: 04 April 1999 21:14
Subject: [FFML] [fanfic][A!MS/A!MG/OMG!/Whichever way you prefer to call
it]Goddess?!?! Oh My.... Part One

Hello, Rob Barba!
I take it that this public C&C's all right? You didn't say, so I hope this is
okay by you.
All this purely IMHO, by the way.

Goddess?!?!  Oh My....
Part One: Past Imperfect
By Rob Barba

<snip, snip, snip!>

The only reason I'm dressed like this is because of the weather, Urd."That
comment earned the demon a patient stare from the goddess, until she
relented.  "Okay, so I have my days when I just want to kick back in my
apartment in Manhattan, smoke a joint, drink a glass of wine, and listen to
Enya.  There's my dark secret, okay?  I'm an Enya fan.  Are you happy?"

Enya? All right, I can take it -- Mara's a secret Enya fan. There's
something you don't see in every fanfic. That, and an Oh My Goddess!
fanfic where Urd and Mara sit down with a cup of coffee and have a nice
chat. Different. I like, I like!

   "Yes, but I prefer not to.  We goddesses like letting things run their
course, you know."

...But only when it's no fun, isn't that right, Urd? ^_~

   "If you insist, Ms. Blood."

I love that. Mara's made her last name "Blood". I wonder why...?

her newfound mistress.  Seeing what the tabby had done, Urd smiled
beatifically, commenting, "Well, she's not an owl, but it makes for a nice
offset, don't you think?"  Before Mara could comment with a what-the-hell,
Urd tsked and commented, "Isn't she so beautiful?  Just like the world

That's quite a few 'comments' for one paragraph? Maybe replace one or two
of those with something like "remark", "mentioned", "stated", "explained"
or even a plain old "replied"?

   Urd genuinely gave her brightest smile as she said, "You, Mara."

Wahahah!! I wish I could see the look on Mara's face after Urd said that!

   *"WHAT?!?!?!?!?"* Mara shouted.  *"ARE YOU NUTS!?!?!???"*

Yeah, I thought Mara would react just like that. Maybe a little more
colourfully than that but In Character for her, anyway.

they do know you better than most, right?"  Urd sighed, not in the sensuous
manner that she used to, but in a tone that was more like that of Belldandy.

*Shivers* Urd-chan! Come back! It's not too late!
A nice comment on her character development. Bit by bit...

By her own will, she summoned a pen into her hand, ready to commit to a
change that would affect her existence forever.  Clicking the gold and
silver stylus, she readied to put her signature in golden ink to the dotted
line.

By the way, I thought that the passage where Mara made up her mind to
become a goddess was well-thought out and not at all contrived. That's
critical in a fanfic where a character has a lifestyle change, to say the
least. Motivation.

   "Excuse me, but am I interrupting something?" a new voice said.  Into
the circle of light walked a young woman, apparently not much older than
Skuld.  She had long brown hair and eyes, the latter behind round
eyeglasses.  She wore a beat-up brown leather jacket, a gray sweatshirt, and
faded blue jeans, down to a pair of white midtop shoes.  Although you
couldn't tell from what she was wearing, she she didn't seem to have much

You seem to have a double "she" on the last line.

   "Sorry," the girl replied, "but I kinda prefer it where it is,
currently."  With no fanfare, she reached behind her and pulled out a
blue-steel 9MM pistol.  Pointing it in the general direction of the zombies
yet not really aiming it, she said, "I'll take that apology, now, if you
would."

Ah, now that's how I'd like to deal with demons. The old-fashioned, mortal
way. ;)

   However, no silver bullets or conventional projectiles bucked from the
muzzle of the weapon.  Shafts of silvery-blue light roared forth, each
crashing into the zombies and restoring them on contact.  Despite the

Well, okay, maybe that's not entirely mortal but still fun-looking, ne?

Author's Gospel:
This was based on an idea that was passed on to me from a friend and fellow
writer.  If you think that what you see here is different, wait until you
see what is next.

Ja ne,
Rob

Well, in conclusion, I'd just like to say that I enjoyed the fanfic a lot
(if it weren't already obvious) and I'd recommend it to anyone who thinks
they've seen it all in OMG! fanfiction. They haven't. And I couldn't find
a spelling mistake in sight.
The writing was effective in terms of clarity of description. I felt that
I could see just what was going on in the plot, the characters and their
surroundings. All done in an unpretentious, straight-forward style as
well. Yeesh, will this praise never end? Probably not. :)
In other words, read it. Mara becoming a goddess isn't something you see
every day.  Well, at least, I haven't seen anything like this.
Plus, Rob Barba knows how to write Mara. If you're struggling with her
character, this is a good fic to check out, IMO.

~Kayu-chan
~Looking forward to the next part. ^_^


Once again... Enya?