What a fine thing to find in the mailbox! Hey, maybe this week will turn
out OK after all...
I'm a little reluctant to put this part out. Originally it was moody
and had a disgustingly WAFFy ending. Kinda understandable, given the
subject matter, but I was trying for humor.
Well, I think you achieved it.
So it's been written
and rewritten. I hope it's still internally consistent, and at least
a little beliveable. I've looked at it too much to be able to tell
anymore.
That's what we're here for!
I've seen Gary's C&C, and trimmed out the places where we overlap... unless
I disagree with him. :) I also tried to trim the cited material more than
I usually do; hope it's enough, but not too much.
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Ranma 1/2 "The Nature of the Curse"
Hard Battle Story by Douglas MacDougall
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Originally posted 18 Apr 1999.
The latest parts and revisions of this story are available at:
http://www.thecia.net/~dougmacd/fanworks/
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Part 11 Don't You Know? It's Love!
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Where once there had been two boys, there was now a dripping wet girl and
a completely dry boy huddled behind her. Ranma shot Ryoga a displeased look.
{it's not easy to do that to someone cowering behind you; suggest}
Ranma shot Ryoga a displeased look over her shoulder.
inside. Placing his hands on Ranma's shoulders, he maneuvered her so that she
was between himself and Akane. Meanwhile, he tried to diffuse the situation.
defuse {?}
"It... It IS true, isn't it?" She dropped the bucket, spilling the
remaining contents, and covered her mouth. Her eyes were wide with shock,
{suggest} spilling its remaining
She knew that he had been masquerading as her pet! Why did she have to find
out NOW? If she hadn't figured it out yet, even after all the obvious hints
{suggest} Since she hadn't
And he'd finally given up on her! After the wedding, he had given his
heart to Akari, the sweet sumo-pig trainer. Akane never needed to learn the
truth. Her P-Chan would just disappear. Why did this have to happen? Why?!?
{Because the author is a meanie, that's why. :) }
Huh? He didn't marry her because the dojo was bombed out. And Kuno,
hadn't married her because the dojo had been bombed out. {?}
Kodachi, Shampoo and Ukyo would never have let it happen. Not to mention that
she was still in shock from losing the Nannichuan.
she'd still been in shock {?}
Wait, it wasn't... Akane didn't think she wouldn't marry her because
she'd slept with the pig, did she? Sure, she wasn't too happy it, but it
too happy about it, {? Boy, major pronoun trouble possible in that
sentence, but it's clear enough in context.}
wasn't like Ryoga DID anything while they were in bed, right? Of course.
Of course not. {?}
Akane wasn't like that.
Even if mom sleeps with a panda...
{snicker!}
Akane starting rocking back and forth, mumbling, "You hid it all this
time. I can't believe it. I wanted to be your... And now I find out you and
Ryoga have been sleeping together..." Tears started to fill her eyes.
{snork! Of all the things that Akane's thought was actually going on (instead
of P-chan), this is the wackiest. Original Flavor Gold Star.}
Akane grabbed her suddenly, and looked into her eyes desperately,
longingly. "I don't care if your girl-side's in love with Ryoga! I still
want you!"
{Wham! This slip under stress is about the only thing that could have kept
the situation from disintegrating completely. Nice.}
Ranma blinked again. For some reason this hallucination wasn't going
away. "What?"
{snicker}
Ryoga snapped his jaw shut. Sh- She didn't know! She hadn't discovered
his horrible secret. She just thought he and Ranma were hiding an affair
from... He didn't finish the thought as a wave of nausea overcame him. Sleep
with Ranma?!?
{What control they have, to escape the mother of all facefaults here. ;) }
"Um, please excuse us, Akane." Using his superior size and strength, he
bundled up the flailing girl and dashed just out of the dojo and into the
dashed out {? not sure what "just" is doing there...}
"And sleep together!" added Ranma.
Ryoga twitched at that. "Well, that doesn't necessarily mean... in the
same sleeping bag..."
{As he clutches the last shreds of innocence, like a wilting figleaf... :) }
She glared at him with her ice-blue eyes, causing Ryoga to let go of her
and take a step back. He never realized it before, but they, combined with
He had never
"Well what about me, huh? I tell her the truth, and she thinks I've
"Well, what
Ryoga continued to think up excuses. "We'll just say..." He waved his
arms about, casting about for an explanation. "That's it! We'll say it was
{Casting? Perhaps even fly-casting, eh? :> }
the koi fishing rod! That it didn't wear all the way off, or something."
"Hey, at least you can claim the rod MADE you fall in love. Akane thought
I was so lonely and couldn't a girl, so I settled for the next best thing!
couldn't {verb needed here} a girl,
I've had months to prove her wrong, but now I come off looking like a pervert
all over again!"
"After the way you grabbed me in the other room, you deserve to look like
a pervert." She sneered at him.
{suggest} pervert," she sneered at him.
Ranma balled her fists. "What'dya mean? I swore on Bushido, the
warrior's code, not to reveal your secret!"
"You did no such thing!" What kind of stupid stunt was Ranma trying to
pull this time?
"Don't you remember the first time you broke into the house and tried to
fight me? You dropped your umbrella. And even though it was raining, cold,
and the middle of the night, I followed you outside and brought you back in.
I made the promise right before I changed you back!"
"Moron, you didn't bring me back inside; I had to crawl in through a
window! Akane found me!"
"...!" Ranma's response died in her throat. She paused, pointed at him,
and was about to say something else, when she started to scratch her head.
"Oh yeah, that was the neighbor's dog."
{Wham! I've always wondered about that. Applause for sticking to a minor
point of canon that is opposed by a major fanfic cliche. Long cite here,
because I want others to get this too.}
As he started to pull himself up, when she added, "Come to think of it,
up, she {"when" unneeded}
Somehow Ryoga had seriously injured himself with those two falls. He
struggled back to his feet, using the wall for support "You jerk! Why do you
think I hate you so much! You've been holding that over me ever since you
{suggest} much?!
{I disagree with Gary here, BTW. I have no problem with the scene length or
pacing.}
Akane's eyes were shimmering with unshed tears. It tore at Ryoga's heart
to lie to her like this. But better this then to see her hate him. He
this than to
After thirty seconds of silence, Ryoga began to panic. "Ranma!" He
nudged her.
"I'm thinking!"
{listen to the gears grind, smell the hot oil... :) }
"I do," she finished lamely.
"O happy day!"
"We'll schedule the wedding this very minute!"
{READER facefaults.}
"We heard as we walked up, son. You should really wait for your wedding
days to give your vows, but, oh, I'm so proud of you! You're so manly!"
day
Instead, he had spent years honing his hearing to compensate for his
severe myopia. It hadn't worked as well as he thought. His hearing was
{suggest} as well as he'd hoped.
Using a little logic, though, he guessed that the voice had come from the
kitchen. Looking through the order window, he saw a figure working over the
stove. Ku-Lon. Only she was about 190cm tall, instead of her usual hundred.
Reluctantly dropping his circular glasses over his eyes, he took another look.
Still 1.9m. And wearing a boy's school uniform, of all things.
{190cm is pretty darn tall: about 6'3". Is Akira really that tall? It seems
unlikely...}
Mu-Tsu tore off the glasses and threw them at the ground, crushing them
flat. "Useless piece of junk!"
{heh.}
"Nope. It turns out my folks are Japanese."
{Ah, that explains "Akira". I'd wondered about that.}
"Left." Mu-Tsu adjusted his course, guided by Akira. "Left." "Right."
"You're there."
{suggest} "Left. Right. You're there."
"So Mu-Tsu, I already heard why Xian-Pu is in Japan. What about you?"
"So, Mu-Tsu,
"It's true. She plays the part of the unstoppable warrior, but inside she
wants only to be loved. She's scared that no one will accept her as a woman
rather than a warrior, so she tries to push them -- push me -- away. But I'll
show her! I'll love her no matter what. Sooner or later she'll see that she
needn't fear me running away, and she can accept me as she's always wanted
to."
{Good lord. He's starting to sound like Kuno. Plausible, though.}
"Or maybe she's really just trying to get rid of you," he muttered.
"C'mon, you've got to start looking for someone else. She'll never love you."
Mouse gave him a dirty look. "I mean, she'll just keep 'testing' you forever.
Mousse
Mousse responded with the simple truth. "She will be mine." Oh, yes.
{Look up the other definition of "simple", Mousse. :) }
"Well..." As Akira started to speak, Mu-Tsu heard the increased energy
in his voice and cooking. The spatula moved briskly but not methodically.
"She's eighteen, about one meter seventy.
{Again, heights are tricky, particularly in the anime, but I think 170cm
(5'7") may be a bit too tall. No big deal.}
Back in the village, while Mu-Tsu was devoted to his Xian-Pu, Akira seemed
to go out with any and all of the avilable girls. The older boy 'worried'
available
Snippets of Akira's description filtered through he daydreaming, and he
through his
Instead of helping her sister Akane get Ranma, Nabiki had sold her
services to highest bidder. Which more often than not included Xian-Pu. She
to the highest
A clatter of pans and metal from kitchen quickened Mu-Tsu's pace back to
from the kitchen
the kitchen. He walked back in to see silverware and cooking utensils on the
{suggest} to trip over silverware {still blind-as-a-duck, yes?}
floor. He started to pick them up and put them in the sink.
"That's disgusting, Mu-Tsu!"
{The cook doth protest too much, methinks. :) }
"Aren't boys supposed to marry girls just like the girls their fathers
married?" It was an old Amazon saying, with the genders reversed. He tried
his best not to start laughing.
{heh. I like.}
"Well it works. Everything she says DOES get done."
"Well, it
"Yeah, well Mother's got a strong personality..."
well,
"It's alright, Ranma. You fainted." Her tone was unusually somber.
She picked up the fallen towel, and placed it on a tray, next to a steaming
towel and
Dad and Mr. Saotome heard you say "I do," and apparently thought you were
"Dad {or perhaps} "Father {Akane appears to always use the polite "Otou-san"
form for Soun, even when he's being an idiot}
answering a... proposal. They said we should get married right away. I guess
that, combined with the rest of the stress you've had today just put you out."
today, just
"She doesn't know that you... Or rather, your girl-side is in love with
{Suggest} you... or rather, your girl-side... is
{or} you-- or rather, your girl-side-- is
"No!" Anymore. Man that sounded gross! As if he were EVER in love with
Man, that {...} As if he had EVER been in love
Akane eyes started to bubble, making Ranma wave his arms in desperation.
Akane's {"Bubble" may bring the wrong image; it certainly did in my case.
"Mist over", perhaps? "Overflow"?}
"And what about you, young man. Is there someone you like?"
man?
She returned her hand to her lap. "And so polite, too." She gave a
heartfelt smile at him, which drained away his unease. He would have thought
{suggest} She gave him a heartfelt smile which
Ryoga felt a cracking sensation in his bones as a chill passed through his
body. Mrs. Saotome thought of Ranma as a SON, right? He frantically thought
back to the Ranma's engagements. Had they all been arranged by Genma? What
did he really know about Mrs. Saotome?
He slowly backed away, eyes wide with fear.
{Smartest thing he's done all day. :) }
"Excellent. Just sit down and relax yourself. It's not every day we have
Mu-Tsu's big brother by to visit!" She grinned widely, showing off her
preternaturally white teeth.
{"big brother"?! Uh... that's, uh, interesting.}
"Ryoga." Akane seemed a little sad, but neither did she sound angry.
{Suggest} Akane did not sound happy, but neither did she sound angry.
{or} Akane seemed a little sad, but she didn't sound angry.
Kneeling, he placed his hands upon his knees, and bowed deeply, his
knees and
forehead almost touching the floor. "I'm sorry for... hiding this for so
long. It was never my intention to hurt you." In his mind, he imagined he
was apologizing about P-Chan instead of the falsified 'affair'. "Or to use
{Nice. Ryoga's adept at rationalizing.}
that magic rod on Ranma. It was all just a horrible accident."
{Good thing Akane never realized that Ryoga had been aiming for HER with
the koi rod...}
"But you didn't stop Ranma from making advances at you?"
After Akane asked the question, Ryoga's head came up in shock. Ranma had
a queasy look on his face, which Ryoga was sure matched to one on his own.
matched the one {?}
Ryoga swallowed. He had asked the other boy to lie in order hide one
secret, and was now asking him to hide the lie. "Uh..."
in order to hide
"Maybe you should ask his girl-side," added Akane.
"Hey!" barked Ranma, "It's not like we're two different people. I mean,
like I'm two different..." He grunted in frustration. "It's not like I'm a
{heh. Nice slip.}
split personality, or nothin'."
Akane touched her chin. "But... You mean BOTH sides of you were in love
with Ryoga all this time?"
Ranma's face turned blue, and Ryoga shuddered violently. Not at the
thought, but rather at the knowledge how close it had come to just that. The
knowledge of how
koi fishing rod had made Ranma fall in love with him, but didn't discriminate
between sexes. If it hadn't been for a lucky bandana strike, Ranma would
still be all over him today.
Assuming, of course, he had let Ranma live that long.
{The other dark aspect of the koi-rod story... good thing Akane doesn't know
about that, either. If Akane ever finds out all the things Ryoga's done,
even she might find it difficult to forgive him.}
Ranma quickly denied it, "No! Of course not. Uh, after the koi -- the
mark -- got pulled off, most of the magic was gone. There was only enough to
affect my girl-side. I mean," he coughed, "I takes a HELL of a lot of magic
"it takes
to make my boy-side do anything weird." He puffed out his chest.
{snicker. Yeah, right. Of course, HE believes that...}
Ryoga gave Ranma a half-lidded stare. He had bought that 'powerful' magic
for all of 1000 yen.
"Then how can you be sure that the next time you turn into a girl--?
girl--?"
A melodic voice chimed from the door "Oh, Ryoga!" Kasumi tilted her head
door.
and beamed at the younger teenagers. "How wonderful! Since Father and Uncle
{Might be able to omit "younger"; if a year has passed, then Kasumi's 20, and
hence not a teenager.}
"I, uh..." Truthfully, he didn't, but it would be rude to refuse Kasumi's
hospitality, and she did make the most delicious food. Besides, he still
didn't have Akari's number; where else would he go? He overcame his unease
and guilt towards Ranma and said, "Thank you Kasumi, I'd like that very much."
you, Kasumi,
"Perfect! Dinner will be ready in just a few minutes. I'll go get Auntie
Saotome and Nabiki." With that, she shuffled off to other parts of the house.
{I can't see Kasumi shuffling, somehow...}
Ranma and Akane quietly followed him over. Akane quickly took her spot,
ignoring Ryoga. Ranma looked at Ryoga with an unreadbale expression before
unreadable
sitting down, himself. Soon Nabiki arrived, and Nodoka and Kasumi brought in
down himself.
the meal from the kitchen. The two mother figures started to serve the meal.
{"two mother figures". Cute.}
The food was excellent, and as promised, there were plenty of extra
and, as promised,
servings. Nodoka and Kasumi talked with Ryoga, who was all too happy to be
distracted from Ranma and Akane. Those two ate together in silence. Nabiki
was caught up in her own thoughts, ignoring the conversation and mechanically
was caught {extra space}
"That's too bad. I might have been nice for Ranma and Akane to have a
It might
double wedding with their friend." She took a tip of tea.
sip
"It was just a big misunderstanding," put in Ranma.
Nodoka raised her eyebrows, but didn't ask Ranma to clarify what he meant.
{Fortunately. :) }
Akane stood up and straightened out her dress. Well, Ranma and I should
"Well,
"Great. I'll be up in a few minutes, okay?" He blinked as she walked
over to the kitchen. Popping her head out, he made sure that he had started
out, she
"What'dya do that for?" Ranma shook her head, whipping the cord of her
braid about, so it thumped against her neck.
{suggest} about so that it
"I know you said that you were in love because of the magic, but at the
time you were saying it, you were a guy. Of course, when you're a guy you
wouldn't want to admit you loved him.
him." (since the next para doesn't continue her speech}
"It's kind of weird, but it only makes sense that your boy-side would hate
Ryoga. You're a guy, and he's made your other half fall in love with him.
Of course, your manhood feels threatened. And he must hate to see his love is
{suggest} see that his
Ranma's mouth dropped open, and her pigtail went straight up, as her mind
went into shock.
{Suggest omitting both commas.}
"Even so, I'm sorry he dumped you, Ranma. He must have finally chosen
Akari over you, huh? No wonder you keep calling him a 'pig'. He's a two-
timer, just like Kuno." Akane looked angry.
{This is particularly funny/ironic because of the Akane/Akari situation,
and that time both girls (and Ranma) were at Ryoga's house. Ryoga IS a
two-timer. Applause.}
"See, if I really lo- liked him, I wouldn't say that -- that he's a
pathetic loser -- but it WAS the magic, and its gone now, so I CAN say it."
it's gone
"You don't believe me, do you?" Ranma licked her lips and swallowed to
remove the dryness from her mouth. "Akane... How can you think that? Why do
you think that I -- that my girl-side -- was in love Ryoga? I mean, without
love with Ryoga?
Ranma was slowly shaking her head in denial. "But... You know I'm a jerk,
Akane. I'm always insulting people, and using this body to get stuff. You
know, free eats and junk. And it's just so easy to make fun of Ryoga if I
pretend to be a girl..."
{guffaw! Man, I have to admire the setup that gets Ranma to say this.}
Ranma swallowed, not really knowing what to say. She didn't know which
surprised her more: that Akane thought her girl-side was.... attracted to
Ryoga, or that she was willing to willing to overlook it. She couldn't get
she was willing to overlook
her mind around it.
It was possibly the most perverted thing she could thing of, and here
think
Akane wasn't yelling, insulting, or hitting her. In fact, she was...
forgiving her? Just becuase Ranma said that she... That she... Akane was
willing to forgive her because she love--
Ranma's neurons started to fire irregularly.
{As well they might. :) }
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End Part 11 Next Time: "Ranma's Declaration"
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Lest anyone get the wrong idea, Tsu is not Mousse's family name.
"Say Ranma?"
"Yeah, Akane?"
"When you say that Ryoga's 'magic rod' made you fall in love with him,
you mean the koi fishing rod, right?"
Ranma scratched his head. "Yeah. What else would I mean?"
"N- Nothing! Nevermind. Just forget I asked..."
{FACEFAULT}
Keep it up, Doug. This is good stuff.
Thanks for writing and sharing!
Vince Seifert Network Analyst seifertv@csus.edu
Techie: http://webpages.csus.edu/~seifertv/
Fanfic: http://www.csus.edu/indiv/s/seifertv/toth/
CSUS hired me to build their LANs, not to give away the homeworld.