In a message dated 4/21/99 9:31:26 PM Central Daylight Time, 
lwf58@earthlink.net writes:

<< This is just the beginning, of course.  I wanted to get this out to
 see what people thought of this version.  Even this one chapter could
 use a lot more writing.  There are so many elements that are just
 glossed over!  Still, I do want to get the bones of the tale laid out
 before I go back and do any serious expansion work, so it will
 probably have to wait.
  >>

Personally, I like this rewrite of the first chapter.  Also, you could always 
take those elements that were glossed over and use them for writing material 
in later chapters.  You don't want to lay everything out in part one and have 
nothing to write about if the story should go on into chapters 8 and 9.

I'll be waiting for the rest of the story.

James Holzhauer (aka Tobimaro [Ton-chan])
       ---waiting for ACen.
----------------------------------------------------
James Holzhauer (aka Tobimaro [Ton-chan])
      tobimaro@aol.com      http://members.aol.com/Tobimaro/index.html
      Lum nut, anime fan, and fanfiction reader                               
         
      "Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon 'Cause the cartoon has got 
          the boom anime babes That make me think the wrong thing"
        Barenaked Ladies "One Week"