Hi!
Missed the first part of this when it was released; saw some kind
of debate about it, but avoided it so as to not spoil the story -- sorry
if I raise any points already addressed previously. Just finished reading
both chapters (er, Cantos - why cantos?), got a little C&C to offer.
Guess I'm feeling a bit ambivalent about the story, so far. Some
parts are excellent -- others I have some contentions with. First the
good stuff.
Only a cursory mention of the actual writing of the fic is
necessary: it's good, it flows, it never impedes the progression of the
story. The shifting of POV is deftly handled, with the different voices
made convincingly distinct (some, mind you, better than others: the switch
between Akane and Ranma at the beginning of Part One was excellent; other
characters, such as Shampoo or Ukyou, don't seem to have that uniqueness
to them.) Some really nice descriptive touches, too: the pond, for
instance, where Akane had her first duel, was a nice touch -- I liked the
little bit of history you attached to it. I'll have to remember the
technique.
The fight scenes are some of the best I've seen in a long time,
and probably the best I've seen on the FFML. Avoids the punch-block-punch
method, or at least raises the formula with vivid and dynamic
description (none of the 'Akane and hook-girl exchanged a flurry of blows,
sneered at each other, then moved in again.') Ranma fanfics tend to be
overwhelmed with stories than are endless reams of fight scenes, and I
usually skim through them to reach the outcome: yours I actually _want_ to
read.
Of course, fight scenes get boring without a plot and stuff
between them (something a number of big-budget movies tend to forget,
unforgivable unless we're talking Jackie Chan), and since your fic, I
gather, isn't primarily an extended fight scene, this 'in-between stuff'
is rather important.
[writing interrupted by work. argh.]
And some of it, I like very much indeed. The beginning was
especially strong, where you resolve very quickly, but without
awkwardness, the matter of whether Ranma and Akane love each other -- and
what is preventing them from admitting it to each other. These character
scenes are what i think I like most in the fic: those scenes, the one
between friends/rivals Ranma and Ryoga, and that great one between Ranma
and Nabiki.
Coupled with the odd challenge, and the rivalry for Akane, and I
was very much intrigued, and drawn into, the story. I was a bit thrown
off by the hook-girl character (sorry, can't remember the name... Asagi?)
-- more on that later -- but in the fight scenes she proved an interesting
opponent, and her background was more than plausible.
(One minor comment: Ranma's little discourse on martial arts.
While I found it to be a bit OOC -- _very_ subjective, on my partt, I
admit -- the main problem I had was his diatribe on weapons. I've seen
you grind the same axe in previous works, and can't help but completely
disagree. Discounting martial-art-sports (ie. Kendo), training in weapons
is not a hindrance: it's a compliment to the style you're learning. At
least in my (limited) experience. Ranma concedes that, to a certain
degree, but only reluctantly. Have we ever seen Ukyou fight sans
Spatula?)
So: fights great. Great character stuff. Story heading into
interesting territory. And then...
Akane gets hurt. Goes to Tofu. The scene has a slightly odd edge
to it, and I start getting some misgivings. Something's not right.
Oh, that's right. Tofu, the evil one, master of shadows. Ominous
figures in the background. Great Evil, a la Lovecraft, hovering on the
peripheries. Yawn.
Sure, great stuff, but it's been done before. You did the
haunting evil thing with Bliss. Harnum's covering similar ground as well.
Japanese mythology was done par exellence by Krista. Sure, you switch to
a more celtic-type mythos, but it feels like a pastich of Gaiman's
Sandman/Books of Magic series, and Cthulu material -- with some passages
dropping funky-sounding names almost as quick as ST:TNG dropped
techno-babble. And the grand villain overshadowing everything -- the
Abomination, I think it was -- doesn't do much to arouse fear or concern;
it's too distant, too omnipotent, too surreal.
All that was at first reaction, mind you. Despite that, some
elements did prove surprising. The fact that Tofu's actions might be
aimed at actually saving life as we know it, instead of the usual
death-and-mayhem routine, is a nice twist; it works nicely off of
Cologne's similarly-oriented agenda (mind you, I don't buy his 'you're as
evil as I' routine.) I still don't like hook-girl -- sullen, withdrawn,
angsty teens rarely make for interesting people, let alone characters --
but the glimpses of her past (as shown through the scene with Ukyou)
started to add depth to her; did she have to become another pawn of
supernatural forces working through mortal tools?
Despite the things I mentioned above, I'll still read it to its
conclusion, of course: Big Evil Afoot or not, it's still an entertaining
read, and among the top stuff coming out of the FFML lately. I was
wondering, though -- why is it called 'Last Man Standing'? It seems more
concerned with the women of the Ranma 1/2 world...
Later!
-Mike Noakes
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"We are but of yesterday, and we know nothing *
for our days on earth are but a shadow. *
Will they not teach you and tell you *
and utter words out of their understanding?" *
*
Job 8.9-10 (NRSV) *
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E-mail: noakes_m@hotmail.com
Webpage: www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Subway/9701/