0:12--NERV Crisis Number 5
        Sitting upon the pinkish sand, Shinji contemplated the large lake
created by Unit 00's self destruct.
        "There you are!" using protruding bits of metal, Radditz leapt
across the lake. "It's been real quiet without you and Asuka. Well,
mostly without Asuka, but anyway..."
        Shinji drew his knees to his chest. "Asuka's in a coma, Touji and
Kensuke had to move, and Misato's locked herself in her room
drinking all the time. I can't talk to anybody."
        "Oh, I don't count as somebody?" Radditz asked, pretending to
be hurt. "And what about Rei? You seem to get along pretty well with
her."
        "I can't face Rei any more..." Shinji whispered. "She...she
reminds me too much of my mother..."
        Radditz shook his head. "You're a real picky guy, you know
that?"
        Suddenly, the sound of someone humming Beethoven's _Ode to
Joy_ could be heard. Shinji and Radditz followed the sound until they
came upon a young boy with gray hair and dark red eyes sitting upon
a large rock.
        "A song is good, don't you think?" The boy asked, smiling at
Shinji.
        Shinji blinked. "Huh?"
        "A song brings us joy," the boy explained. He hopped off his
rock and walked up to Shinji. "Greetings, Ikari Shinji."
        "You...you know me?" Shinji asked, surprised.
        "Of course. You're famous!" the boy extended his hand. "I'm
Nagisa Kaworu. I'm the Fifth Child."
        Shinji blinked again. "Fifth Child?"
        "As in after the Fourth," Radditz scowled.
        Kaworu continued to smile enigmatically. "Ah, Radditz! Pleased
to meet you too!"
        Radditz only continued to glower darkly. "Whatever."


        Later, as Kaworu test-synchonized in the simulated entry plug of
Unit 02, everyone (except Radditz, of course) was amazed at how
well the Fifth Child performed.
        "So what if he can synchronize almost perfectly with Unit 02?"
Radditz muttered to himself after the test was over. There was
something about Kaworu that irked Radditz greatly aside from the
boy's self-confident attitude and his piloting skills, but Radditz couldn't
quite figure out what. Above him, Kaworu skipped happily up the
escalator, all the while humming that same stupid tune he'd been
humming since the beach.
        "Ah! Excuse me," Kaworu's voice carried easily across the large
room. "You must be Ayanami Rei, the First Child."
        "Do I know you?" Rei asked quietly.
        "Nope, but I do." Kaworu walked closer to Rei. "You and I are
alike in more ways than one."
        'Okay, that does it!' Radditz thought angrily. Letting out a
growl, he flew up the escalator. As Kaworu turned around to see
who it was, Radditz grabbed him by the collar and rose high into the
air.
        "Is something wrong, Radditz?" Kaworu asked, apparently
unaware of Radditz's fury.
        "You, Mr. Think's You're So Awesome." Radditz shook
Kaworu hard. "What makes you think you can just waltz in here, take
my position as Unit 02's pilot, and get so cozy with everybody even
though you've hardly known them?"
        "Now that's the pot calling the kettle black," Kaworu chuckled.
        Radditz narrowed his eyes. "You want to become a big smear
on the ground?"
        Kaworu held up his hands. "No offense meant, Radditz. Like
you, I'm just doing my job. Now, could you let me down?" he
stretched his smile even wider. "Please?"
        Radditz glared at Kaworu for another five seconds before
slowly lowering both of them back to the ground. "Whatever you're
planning, I'm gonna be onto you, so don't try anything funny."
        "I'll keep that in mind," Kaworu said lightly before sauntering off.
        Radditz watched Kaworu leave until he vanished out of sight.
Turning back to face Rei, who had watched the entire thing quietly, he
offered her his hand. "Hey, want me to fly you home?"
        Rei gave Radditz a strange look. "No, thank you." walking past
him, she stepped on the escalator and made her way towards
Gendou's office.
        Radditz watched Rei's retreating back for a long time. "I'm an
idiot," he mumbled sullenly.


        Radditz returned home to find the apartment empty.
        'That's strange. I was pretty sure Shinji left before I did...'
his stomach rumbled ominously. 'Forget him, I'm starving.' Radditz
headed for the kitchen, thankful that Misato kept large stashes of
instant noodles around.
        After finishing his meal, Radditz watched television for the rest of
the night. It wasn't until nearly midnight that Misato came home and
promptly consumed more beers than recommended by the USDA.


        When Shinji failed to show up at school the next day, Radditz
noted it, but didn't give it much thought. During lunch, a few students
asked about Shinji, but Radditz didn't know any more than they did,
and told them so. After class resumed, Radditz barely maintained his
sanity by playing some sort of game Kensuke had installed on all of
the computers. He was on a particularly difficult level when a message
came in.
00>How is Ikari-kun?
        'Only Rei calls Shinji that,' Radditz thought. He immeadiately
paused the game and typed back a reply.
04>Haven't seen him since the Fifth Child showed up.
00>I think Ikari-kun is avoiding me.
04>Really?
00>Yes.
        'That's strange,' Radditz thought. 'I thought Shinji kind of
liked Rei.' And then he remembered their conversation on the beach.
04>Now that you mention it, I think he said something about not
being able to face you. Have any idea why?
        Rei did not reply for several moments.
00>I am not certain.
        Radditz was about to ask her what she meant by that when
someone tapped him on his shoulder.
        "Enjoying yourself?" the teacher asked sarcastically.
        "Ack!" Radditz quickly hid the window in which he had been
playing and brought up some old notes someone had thoughtfully
taken the first time the lecture on the Second Impact had been given.
        "Much better." the teacher returned to the front of the room and
began reciting the same thing he had repeated ever since the first day
of school.


        Meanwhile, Shinji was hiding in one of the many hallways of
NERV waiting for Kaworu.
        'I need to talk to someone..._anyone_ who can listen to me
before I go insane,' Shinji thought. 'Even if I've just met Kaworu,
he seems to be a lot friendlier than Radditz or Asuka.' He sighed,
remembering his last visit to Asuka. While her caustic personality
wasn't the easiest to get along with, it was still unnerving to see her in
such a catatonic state. And then there had been that kiss...
        "Fancy seeing you here!" Kaworu greeted cheerfully from
behind Shinji. "Were you waiting for me?"
        Shinji jumped a bit. "Er, um...I...yeah!"
        "I'm going to take a bath and wash off all this LCL." Kaworu
smiled warmly. "Care to join me?"


        Even though the water in the bath gradually grew tepid and
Shinji's fingers and toes resembled raisins more and more, he had no
desire to leave. Words tumbled forth from him as he told Kaworu
everything, from his mother's disappearance to what he had seen in
Terminal Dogma. Meanwhile, Kaworu listened patiently to the entire
thing, not once showing any sign of fatigue or making any kind of
comment. It was only when Shinji finished that he realized how much
time he took.
        "I...I didn't bore you too much, did I?" he asked sheepishly.
        "Not at all," Kaworu reassured Shinji. "I like listening to you."
        For the first time since he met Kaworu, Shinji felt a bit
uncomfortable, but he quickly passed it off as his shyness. "Er...right."
        "You fear contact," Kaworu continued, apparantly unaware of
Shinji's unease. Shinji made a tiny 'eep!' as Kaworu touched hands
with him. "But you shouldn't be afraid."
        "Kaworu!" Shinji squeeked, feeling himself flush all over. "I'm
not like that!"
        "Like what?" Kaworu asked innocently.
        'Was this guy born in a cave?' Shinji wondered. He shook his
mind. "Never mind." he stood up, being careful not to expose himself
before Kaworu, and headed towards the changing room to put his
clothes back on.


        Shinji stared at the pouring rain in dismay.
        'I'm gonna have to walk home in _this_?'
        "What terrible weather," observed Kaworu as he opened his
umbrella. "My apartment's not too far from here, and the rain doesn't
look like it's going to let up any time soon. How about spending the
night at my place?"
        Lighting flashed brightly close by, followed by a crack of
thunder.
        "Yeah! That would be great!" Shinji stepped under the umbrella
with Kaworu. "Thanks!"
        Kaworu smiled back. "The pleasure is mine."


        "I'm the host; I should be sleeping on the floor," Kaworu said
apologetically as he helped Shinji roll out a thick blanket.
        Shinji shook his head. "No, I don't mind. Besides, I'm the one
inconveniencing you." He smoothed out the wrinkles in the blanket
and slipped in. Kaworu got into his own bed as well and turned off
the lights.
        "Good night, Shinji."
        "Good night Kaworu. Thanks again for listening to me."
        Kaworu laughed, then let out a satisfied sigh. "I think I may have
been born to meet you."
        Shinji fell asleep before he could figure out what Kaworu meant
by that.


0:13a--Knocking on Heaven's Door and Getting Hell Instead
        "I'm home!" Radditz announced as he tossed his shoes into one
corner and his bookbag into another.
        "Welcome home," Misato slurred, causing Radditz, who had not
expected anyone to answer, to jump nearly three feet into the air.
        "What are you doing here?"
        "Getting drunk," Misato replied, opening another can and
downing it in one vicious gulp.
        "Well, that's obvious," Radditz said sarcastically, noting the piles
of beer cans scattered all over the room. "But what for? I thought you
got over Kaji weeks ago."
        "Kaji didn't know jack," Misato mumbled sullenly. "Every piece
of information he gave me was either incomplete or totally off." She
guzzled yet another can.
        Radditz carefully stepped over the empty cans and sat down
across from Misato. "You make no sense whatsoever."
        "I did a little reshearsh on the Fifsh Shild." Misato tried to sit up
a bit higher, but failed. "Turnsh out the kid is the Final Meshenger, or
shomeshing like that." she reached towards a fourth can and found it
empty. "Now doeshn't that beat all?"
        Radditz shook his head. 'Boy, I thought Misato was crazy
enough normally...' And then something clicked in his mind. "Wait a
minute." he leaned forward. "What do you mean, 'Final Messenger'?"
        "What's that sound like? It means the boy is an Angel, dummy!"
        Radditz jumped up, knocking over the chair he had been sitting
on, and cursed loudly in his native language, shocking Misato back
into some sense of sobriety.
        "What was that for?" she wanted to know.
        "Don't you realize what you just said?" Radditz asked
incredulously. "If that Kaworu guy is an Angel, what do you think he'll
be doing right now?"
        "He'd be...@$&@#!" now it was Misato's turn to let loose a
string of obscenities. She also jumped out of her chair and grabbed
her keys. "Come on, Radditz, we've got to hurry."
        "Thanks, but I can get there faster by flying." With that, Radditz
opened the sliding door which led to the balcony and took off into the
air. Misato stared at him for a few seconds before dashing out of the
apartment herself and heading towards her car.


        Kaworu floated to the cage holding Unit 02.
        "Well, then, shall we be off?" he asked cheerfully. Unit 02's eyes
began glowing brightly.
        Radditz ran into the room. "Hold it right there!"
        Kaworu didn't even bother to face Radditz. "This is none of
your business, Radditz."
        "Yes it is!" Flying into the air, Radditz charged at Kaworu, but
ran straight into an AT field. "You cheap bastard!" Radditz growled,
rubbing his nose. "You're too wimpy to fight me, so you use your little
barrier to keep me away!"
        This time, Kaworu turned around and wagged a finger at him. "I
am rubber and you are glue: words bounce off me and stick to you."
        'If he wants to play that way, then...' Radditz smirked. "Oh,
yeah? Your mother wears Army boots."
        Kaworu narrowed his eyes. "Now it's personal." The air
between Kaworu and Radditz shimmered a bit. "Catch me if you
can," Kaworu taunted before zooming away, Unit 02 staring up after
him. Radditz gave chase, and the two began a deadly mid-air battle.


        "No, way!" Shinji punched the walls of the entry plug. "Kaworu
can't be an Angel!"
        "That's the reality of things, Shinji. The Magi have confirmed a
Blue Pattern," Misato told him over the intercom. "Deal with it."
        "How could he betray me like that?" Shinji asked himself as he
dropped down the shaft Kaworu had entered moments earlier. "How
could he?!?"
        In the blink of an eye, Shinji caught up with Kaworu, who was
still locked in combat with Radditz. "You worry about Unit 02!"
Radditz shouted. "I'll deal with this guy!"
        "Right." Pulling out his Progressive Knife, Shinji whispered a
quiet apology to Asuka before blocking Unit 02's attack.
        Shinji, Kaworu, Radditz, and Unit 02 continued to fall, all the
way into the very heart of NERV. Upon reaching Terminal Dogma,
Kaworu reactivated his AT field again and floated up to the gigantic
being nailed to the cross erected there.
        "It's finally time to go home, Adam," he told the being, who did
not respond. "No, wait. This isn't Adam...this is Lillith! I've been
had!"
        Radditz, noticing that the AT field had gone down again due to
Kaworu's shock, flew up to the boy and gave him a hard right hook.
        "Thank you, Radditz, I needed that," Kaworu said, rubbing his
sore jaw. He turned towards Unit 02 and de-activated it. Shinji, now
free from having to defend himself, lumbered toward Kaworu.
        "Why, Kaworu?" Shinji asked in anguish. "Why did you do it?"
        "I'm just a pawn in a deadly game, Shinji," Kaworu replied
sadly. "All of us are." he smiled again. "But meeting you was worth it."
        "What do you mean, Kaworu?" the confused pilot asked. "What
are you talking about?"
        "My last words, Shinji." Kaworu faced Radditz again. "Freeza
says hi." Before Radditz could react in any way, Kaworu dropped his
AT field and performed a perfect dive from 35 miles above the LCL,
killing himself the moment he hit the water.


        Shinji didn't know whether to feel happy or sad that Kaworu
was dead. On one hand, Kaworu had been someone who had been
genuinely nice and friendly to him. On the other hand, Kaworu turned
out to be an Angel out to get all of them. Radditz kept most of his
thoughts to himself, but it was clear from the scowl on his face
whenever Kaworu was mentioned that the Fourth Child didn't think
much of the Fifth.
        Actually, Radditz was more worried about himself. As of
Kaworu's death, he had not contacted Freeza at all for fear of hearing
the inevitable 'Hurry Up and Finish Your Job' speech. Radditz didn't
really want to admit it, but he had gotten to like Earth and its
residents. Especially a certain blue-haired one...
        "Radditz? Hello?" Shinji waved a hand in front of Radditz's face.
        Radditz blinked. "Hm? Did you say something?"
        Shinji sighed. "Never mind..."


0:13b--Really Big, Expensive Special Effects and Senseless
Violence Too
        With the Seventeenth Angel defeated, and the only means of
initiating the Third Impact in the hands of NERV, SEELE resorted to
desperate measures. Soon enough, NERV found themselves about to
be attacked by a large army whose order was "Terminate, With
Extreme Prejudice".
        "We don't have enough firepower to hold them off, not even
with the EVA's!" Maya exclaimed with worry. "What'll we do?"
        "First, we need to make sure all of the pilots are safe." Misato
turned off the viewscreen so that she wouldn't have to look at the
advancing army. "I've already had Asuka placed in Unit 02 and sunk
to the bottom of the lake in front of the headquarters. Radditz is..."
Misato looked around to find the Fourth Child missing. "Where did
he go? Didn't he just come in with Shinji?"
        "He said he'd rather do something useful," Shinji answered for
Radditz.
        "And Rei is missing too...ugh." Misato shook her head. "Never
mind. We'll just have to improvise. Shinji, get into Unit 01 and launch
onto the surface."
        "More Angels?" Shinji wanted to know.
        "No, humans. You're going to be the cannon fodder."
        "Why am I not surprised?" Shinji muttered to himself.


        Meanwhile, in Gendou was headed toward Terminal Dogma
with Rei trailing slightly behind him. He walked at a particularly brisk
pace, and his eyes glimmered strangely beneath his tinted glasses.
Futher in the back, Ritsuko's body lay in a growing pool of blood,
having been shot by Gendou moments earlier.
        Reaching the door to Terminal Dogma, Gendou discarded his
gloves and slid his access card through its slot. He waited for Rei to
enter the room before entering himself, then closing the door behind
her.
        "This is it, Rei. The day you were made for." He held up his
hand, revealing a strange object implanted in it. "I have already united
with Adam. Now, I need you to take me to Lillith." Rei made no
indication whether or not she understood. Gendou took her arm
rather forcefully. "Time is running short, Rei. Your AT field will not be
able to hold you together much longer. Take me to Lillith."
        Rei still did not reply.


        Elsewhere still--the entry plug of Unit 02, to be exact--Asuka
still lay in a near-catatonic state. Above her, the sounds of combat
filtered through the water in the form of deep rumbles and booms.
        "Why am I still alive?" she asked herself out loud. "I'm not of any
use to anyone anymore."
        The entry plug shook violently as a depth charge exploded near
it. Asuka buried her head between her knees. "Mama..."
        The entry plug was suddenly illuminated in a strange light.
        Asuka...don't die yet...
        Asuka looked around in alarm. "Who's there?"
        Be strong, my Asuka...
        Asuka finally recognized the voice. "Mama?"
        I'm always here to protect you...
        Tears began welling in Asuka's eyes. "That's...that's right! I can't
die yet!"
        WILL YOU QUIT ANGSTING ALREADY? THAT'S
SHINJI'S JOB!
        Asuka jumped a bit, then sat bolt upright in her entry plug. "Yes,
Ma'am!"
        With a roar, Unit 02 started up and jumped out of the lake,
taking several ships by surprise.
        "Asuka!" Shinji waved from where he was fighting off the Eva
Production Series. "Am I glad to see you!"
        "Eyes forward, stupid!" Asuka reminded him, plowing into the
enemy Evas. "We can talk later!"
        "Right!" Shinji turned his attention back to his task.


        "YEAH!" Radditz crowed as he quickly made mincemeat out of
the invading soldiers. "You idiots just picked the wrong place to
invade!"
        The survivors frantically scrambled away in a desperate attempt
to escape, but Radditz caught up to them and went through them like
a hot knife through butter. When he finished, he dusted his hands off
and licked the tips of his fingers clean.
        "A great job, if I do say so myself," Radditz declared with
satisfaction.
        A sudden movement out of the corner of his eye caught his
attention. Turning, he managed to get a glimpse of a retreating figure
wearing a school uniform.
        The figure had pale blue hair.
        "Rei! Wait!" Radditz ran as fast as he could after Rei, but she
always seemed to be one step of him as she weaved through the
labyrinthine hallways of NERV. Just as he was about to reach the
door to Terminal Dogma, she seemed to vanish entirely. "Rei?"
Radditz began slamming his fist against the large metal door. "Rei!
Are you in there?"


        Rei's eyes darted toward the door as she heard Radditz
approach, and quickly darted back to Gendou, but he noticed it.
        "Ignore him," he commanded. "He is no longer needed for my
plans to succeed."
        Rei's eyes flashed. "And what about me? What happens after I
take you to your beloved Yui?"
        Gendou nearly facefaulted at this sudden outburst of emotion,
but quickly collected himself. "Isn't this what you've always wanted?"
        "You mean what you wanted me to think I wanted," Rei
corrected accusingly.
        Seeing that he was rapidly losing his psycological hold over Rei,
Gendou took a more physical one. "Take me to Lillith, now!"
        Rei responded by turning Gendou into a human pretzel. Then,
she picked up his tinted glasses from the ground.
        "I am not your doll," she said to the fallen Gendou, giving the
glasses a vicious twist as she did, so much so that the frames gave
and shattered. Letting the now broken shades fall to the floor, Rei
turned away from Gendou and toward the exit.


0:14--The End (For Real This Time)
        Freeza hit the chessboard so hard that the oft abused object
cracked in two.
        "Damn! Damn! DAMN!" Freeza clenched his fists. "I was so
sure I was going to win this time!"
        "You forgot about the endgame," Vegita reminded Freeza.
        Freeza glowered for a few moments. Then, a thought occurred
to him. "Say, what in the world was all of that chessplaying for,
anyway?"
        Vegita shrugged. "Beats me. I think it's supposed to be some
kind of Anno-esque mystery symbolizing something deeper."
        "Or it could be just two people playing chess," Freeza mused.
        "That, too," Vegita agreed.
        The two stared at one another for a few moments.
        "Say," Freeza began uncertainly. "Isn't the 'fic over already?"
        Vegita pondered this. "I think so..."
        "Then what in the world are we still doing here?"
        Vegita snorted. "You think I can read the Authoress' mind? As
far as I know, she might be keeping us here for the sequel she kept
threatening to write."
        Another uncomfortable silence passed before either one realized
the significance of Vegita's words.
        "You think she'd really...?" Freeza trailed off, staring at Vegita.
        Vegita gulped. "Start running. Now." 
---
Answers to some questions that may have come to your mind...

"Where did you get the idea for this story?"
I saw a fan-made icon with Goku's hair instead of the NERV leaf and
the logo: "Goku is in his heaven. All's right with the world." And then
it went downhill from there. ^^
(I think part of it was watching the earlier NGE episodes and laughing
my head off at the humor they had, and then watching the later NGE
episodes and feeling an intense need to make fun of the angst the
characters went through. :)

"Why Radditsu?"
Why not? :) Besides, there's enough stories with Goku has the hero,
ne? ^_^

"Where's the rest of the DBZ gang?"
Who needs them? (They fell into a Plot Hole. :)

"What's with the sudden changes of tones during some scenes of the
story?"
I'm really sorry about that, but no matter how I tried to keep the story
light, there still were serious aspects of the story that had to be dealt
with. (Be very, very glad that I decided to skip some parts, or the
story would have dragged even longer than it already was. ^^;)

"Is there really going to be a sequel?"
NO.
At least, I'm not writing one... ;P

"Man, this story sucks!"
PFFFT! :P
Er...I mean...could you be a little more specific? Do you mean the
concept, the character development, the plot (or lack thereof ^^;)... 
---
-"Dot"


-----== Sent via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==-----
http://www.dejanews.com/  Easy access to 50,000+ discussion forums