Ronny Hedin wrote:
I must say, what is *really* missing in this thing is some real *plot*.
OTOH, knowing your taste in such things, I guess it will gradually
ick, plot?
show up in due time - but still, some hints of conflict would be nice.
As is, the story is not really going anywhere; just slowly oozing
forward without much direction, and feels more like an outdrawn
prologue than anything else. It feels like there's just got to be
something for all this stuff to lead UP to - but not even the slightest
glimpse of what that something could be.
There isn't actually anything I'm leading up to in particular. The
story has evolved into a more of a long drawn out character study of
Vejita or at least what I think of him and also the effect of Ranma in
the DBZ world.
Other than that - the characterizations, mainly, work fine (IMO). I
like the child-parent tension stuff, even if it *is* a little cliche.
Thanks, the next chapter will probably be even more cliched as one of
its focuses are on Vejita/Trunks.
<snip errors>
Ack, I should have proofread it at least once before I sent it off. As
always, too lazy to :P
*Oh dear,* Bulma thought as she saw the veins on the hand gripping the
paper pop out. She gave a look to Bra, admonishing her. Bulma shook
her head as her daughter simply smiled impishly back.
Heh. Poor Vejita.
Hehe, love messing with him :P
Bulma ignored her husband's words. He didn't really mean the things he
said. This was a man that nearly destroyed a school when Bra had a
paper cut when she was still in elementary school. Not to mention the
Heh.
Heh, one thing I *did* like about GT was Bra's relationship with her
father. I imagine her and Vejita to have a close relationship.
woman he first met was impossible. Bulma had to admit though that it
did wonders for her self-esteem.
admit, thought, that
Bit of fanservice, eh? ^_-
Wouldn't be me if there wasn't :P
---
Ronny Hedin, thark@mangakai.org, http://nabiki.newberry.edu/thark/
"Momomoto, famous japanese, can swallow his nose."