Hey there. As if you didn't know, I've decided to send a fic your way. This 
is the first one I've sent, though It isn't the first one written. See the 
author's notes for that... Okay, enough of the small talk -- time for the 
show!
Oh, and for "Otakufic" read Self-Insertation fic, by the way.

The Big Red Burn
by Bono Video

The Big Pitch: A self insertation fic that can be better described as a 
revengefic inverted. I'm sent by mysterious woman to give Minako Aino 
(Sailor Venus) a whole new look at the alleyways :) Which draws me and some 
others into a war that was not quite over...

The Legal Crap: Sailor Moon charas have always been, always will, property 
of Naoko Takeuchi. Other charas will pop up inevitably, and are the 
properties of their respective creators and/or prodution studios. No 
infringement intended. Of course.

Any Questions, Comments or Criticsms?: Just call me on 
patkelly85@hotmail.com. Flames will be greeted warmly with a fire 
extinguisher.

*ffzzzkt* begin transmission. *ffzzkkt*

Video #1: The Job.

I didn't know it was possible. Ah, but I do now.
If the stories that will transpire across this digital HTML paper were not 
true, then I still wouldn't know. I would still be here, happily gunning 
down enemy snipers and learning the cuts and censors made to Sailor Moon off 
by heart. It's a pity they were.

It began when I was checking my Hotmail to iron out that damn spam. I 
spotted the name "Hitomi" on one of the mail. The Subject on the mail was 
"Help Me (And Get Paid For It)!". Not being able to pass up an offer from a 
girl, and getting paid in the process, I got down to reading the mail. It 
read:

Dearest Reader,

If you are reading this letter, thank you. I'm in desperate need of help 
after I was attacked. I giving you a job to do. Supplied with this E-mail is 
a picture of someone I want you to take care of. Not by death, but by a 
weapon of mine that'll put her out of her career. Permenantly. I will take 
care of travel on this trip, just click on the picture when ready. Oh, and 
don't bother backing out, because if you do, I'll have my goon behind you 
unable to use a PC ever again.

With all my love,
Hitomi.
P.S: Bring a bucket.

Goon? I spun around to see a large thin human(oid) looking at me violently. 
I'm being paid to do a woman? And I have to risk disability to escape?! It 
looked like there were no other options. I had to take the job. I accessed 
the attachment to Hitomi's E-mail to find out my bounty. My eyes widened and 
my jaw dropped in disbelief. My target was Minako Aino.

"But that's impossible! Minako is fiction, not fact!" But seeing the 
humanoid behind made me realise something. The two reasons why I'm after 
poor Minako. One, which was when I started reading the E-mail, was money. 
And two, which was after reading, was my own ass.

I turned to the humanoid and said "I'll take it. Just let me get a few 
things first." A minute later, I had brought some money(which the humanoid 
was able to convert to yen, for some reason) my black baseball cap, and a 
bucket, like Hitomi said. I wore mostly black, being my cap, t-shirt and 
jeans. I also wore a shirt bought at Camden Town with Chinese/Japanese 
characters on it. I sat at the computer, adjusted my glasses and twirled my 
cap so that it was backwards. Before I clicked on the picture, I said to 
myself in my most Bond-ish voice, "I always wanted to see Juuban in the 
winter."

When I clicked it... Nothing happened. Yet. The screen turned white, then 
showed the image of a swirling vortex. The humanoid put the bucket close to 
the monitor, handed me my money which I pocketed and retreated to a safe 
distance.

The next thing I knew, a pair of weird, gel-like hands burst out of the 
screen, grabbed my face and the bucket, then pulled me in. That's right, 
pulled me in. I felt myself scream through time and space, as I headed to my 
destination of a town that's not really there.

                            ****ooOOoo****

I was spat out in a back alley somewhere round the Crown Game Center(I just 
call it the Crown Arcade,shoter that way.), the best place to find a lady 
Soldier. I jumped up and started screaming sweet profanity at the the 
direction of the portal. It was then I heard the sultry, sexy voice of a 
woman who would twist this job into something that would make a brilliantly 
taut suspense/fantasy film. "Oh, save your energy, boy. You'll need it for 
Ms. Aino."

I spun round to see to who spurted out that remark. "And who, pray tell, are 
you?" "I'm Hitomi, your client." she said. I decided to check out Hitomi for 
myself. Not bad, a red-head woman who seemed to be made by the hand of God 
himself. Or a least a boundary-smashing geneticist.

Perfect hourglass figure, a face without fault, and a voice that could make 
every teenage boy who hears it try to whisk her to a motel. Her laugh was 
something that could melt the Artic (hell, Hoth even.). Have her the 
Titanic, and make her do that laugh at the iceberg, and she could alter 
history.

The thing was, it chilled my spine to the core as well. "You have broght a 
bucket, haven't you?" she said. "Uhh... Yeah.." I managed to get out, along 
with the bucket. Hitomi then took out a petrol can and poured the contents 
into the bucket. "Gas? The old 
'Pour-on-victim-light-a-match-and-burn-victim-to-Hell' gag?" I asked. She 
just laughed her sexy laugh "Close." she said "This is Maoniichuan. Spring 
water I believe you are familiar with." I stared at her in shock.

"I'm cursing her? To be a cat? Isn't that a little, for lack of a better 
phrase, TOO HARSH?!" "Oh cool down, boy. You're so tense and angry. After 
your job, we can relax at hotel tonight. I'll help you loosen up 
personally..." "Don't worry 'bout it. The name's Video, Bono Video, the 
motive is to save my own ass from your goon. What's your motive for cursing 
Minako?" "Simple." she walked up to me and started to whisper in my ear. 
"She turned me into a woman. I used to be a man." At that point, something 
happened to me that never happened before. In the real world at least. I 
shouted out "YOU USED TO BE A MAN?!!" and the floor gave way.

I felt myself falling through time and space, like Tetsuo travelling through 
the air for the first time in Akira. Then I suddenly felt myself hit a wall. 
I was back with Hitomi, pressed with my back against a wall. I had just 
expierienced an exaggerated form of expressing suprise. Maybe I haven't got 
the hang of being in an anim� world yet. I think I should practise 
expressing..."You okay, Bono?" She said, interrupting my thoughts. "Yes, 
Hitomi, I'm okay." "Good. Now's the time to show Ms. Aino some manners..."

                            ****ooOOoo****

I was following the Senshi at a safe distance, so no-one suspected that 
Minako was gonna be meowing when the time comes. When the group dispersed, I 
hid then sped after Minako. At a point in time, I thought that this was the 
perfect time to give her the Jusenkyo treatment. "Hey, blonde bombshell!" I 
gripped my bucket. "Yes? What is it?" "You ever liked catfood?" I brought 
the bucket up front, ready to throw. "Eeeeewww, no way!" Sorry, Mina-chan, I 
thought. "You're gonna love it now!" But I have to do it!

The water hit true, I'm afraid. Within seconds(or a single comic book 
panel), Minako had changed from a 15-year old blonde Japanese schoolgirl, to 
a small, cherry blossom pale coloured, mewling kitten. I looked at the 
helpless little kitty in despair, tears welling in my eyes. Was it all worth 
it? No... Poor Minako-chan, what have I done WRONG?!

I ran to the Crown Arcade, to the alley where I entered this world. All I 
found was a small envelope on the concrete floor. I picked it up and opened 
it. It read:

Dear Bono,

Unfortunately, I have left you in Juuban, and at the hands of the Sailor 
Senshi for life. You see, I wanted a boy like you to take the rap for one of 
a large number of incidents and crime across the Anime universes, in order 
to rule them all. The motive of Minako turning me into a man was a lie. You 
were simply an expendable tool in my crimes. People like you are so 
imaginative, no one will even belive what you are reading now. I hope that 
you find die an honourable death at Sailor Venus's vengeful hand, or failing 
that, becoming her little manservant for life.

Love,
Hitomi, Future Queen of the Anime Universes.
P.S: Sorry we never got to relax tonight.

NO!! Of all the things, of all the places, of all the times to double cross 
me, she did it NOW!!  I was in tears! I was at the verge of insanity! The 
only way to survive now was to be Minako's little slave and throw away my 
pride! If I cared about pride, that is. Nothing could save me now... Except 
for the intervention of 4 young boys, all were the ones I knew about. One 
was stretching a hand out to me. "Come with us. We can help you." he said. 
"No, man! I don't want your freakin' help! I can.. I gotta face my destiny 
by myself!" "But you have to face it with us. One way or another." I 
squinted at him to scare him off, but ended up reconising the partially 
darkend face. "S-Shin-Shinji?! What the hell are you doin' here, dude?! I 
don't need help from you!" Then another voice came from behind me. "If you 
resist," he said, "Then we have to take by force. And I don't want you 
getting hurt!" "Piss off!" "*sigh* You asked for it..." Seconds later, a 
trashcan slammed against my head, and everything went black.

<To Be Continued, As They Say>

*kzzzzt* End transmission. *ffffzzzzkt*

Author's Notes: So what did'ja think, huh?
I think it ain't too shoddy, for a second fanfic. Second, you say? Yup, 
second. the first was a Star Trek/Ranma 1/2 cross-over/self-insertation fic, 
the victim being The Ranma 1/2 Library's Frank Sanchez. It's lucky he never 
got to see it, because I realised boot-licking doesn't earn much brownie 
points on writing! The Big Red Burn was gonna be about a team consisting of 
Ataru Moroboshi, Mackie Stingray, Shinji Ikari and me. Since then, I've 
added a new anime character to the proceedings, but he's a secret till TBRB 
Video 2(clue: He's from Ranma 1/2). As for the main plot, it was the 
freakish evil copy of a revengefic (a writer travelling the anime universes 
to take revenge on characters who revenge on other authors),  spawed after 
reading Hunter Kid's revengefic, "From There To Here. I will write Video 2, 
but it may take some time... I'll be seein' you in the Dreamtime.

Bono Video.


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