Here is my MST effort. Any responses will be answered Monday
cause I'm going to Project A-kon! Woohoo!!:)
Enjoy..
MST of Knight Squadron
by
FFirc MST crew (Gary, Lerche, Andrew, Zoogz,
Pi, Nightman)and David(fido) Lindquist.
Disclaimer:Mystery Science Theater(MST) and all
characters associated with them are the property
of Best Brains Production. They are being used
without permission. Knight Squadron was
written by Mr.X and is being used with his
permission. All other character are copyrighted by
their respective owners. They are ALSO being used
without permission.
Note:This takes place during the episode 'Prince
of Space'. I would like to thank Gary, Zoogz, Sean(Hotaru)
Gaffney and the other peple who made this fic possible.
Thank you.
"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
The scene opens with Pearl and Observer in the
Widowmaker(an intergalactic Winnabago). Behind
their craft, tethered by a long rope, is the
Satellite of Love. Both crafts are in a
wormhole. Everything is lit with a bright green
glow.
<Pearl>Well? See anything yet?
<Observer> No, nothing.
Pearl hits the steering wheel with her hand.
<Pearl>(angrily)If he causes my slot machines not to be
invented I'll...
Observer, with a worried look on his face, interrupts Pearl.
<Observer>Oh no....
<Pearl>(irritated)What? Do you have to go to the
bathroom? Because if you do, your going to have to hold it
because we are not stopping, mister!
<Observer>No..I have a feeling that something bad is about to
happen.
As soon as the words left his mouth, both Observer and Pearl
disappear.
They reappear in what looks exactly like the movie theater on
the Satellite of Love. Both of them are still in the same
positions they were on the Widowmaker, Observer sitting with
his brain in his lap and Pearl with her arms out grasping a
now non-existent steering wheel.
<Pearl>I think you are just..so...full....of..(shocked)What
the hell?
Pearl drops her arms down and looks around the room.
<Pearl>Where are we?
<Observer>Hmm...we seem to be in the Satellite of Love's theater
room.
Pearl hits Observer.
<Pearl> I can see that! Now how did we get here?!?
<Observer>Apparently we must have hit a dimensional
distortion. It must have dropped us here. There is no cause
for alarm though because it's only temporary ..I hope.
Observer acts like he is listening to something.
<Observer>Hmm..Someone else is coming.
Prof. Bobo appears in the seat next to Pearl. His
arms and legs are flailing about like he is falling.
<Prof. Bobo>AHHHHHHhhhh...huh?
Prof. Bobo looks next to him and sees Pearl.
<Prof.Bobo>Hello Lawgiver!(looks around)I like what
you have done with the Widowmaker.
Pearl begins to move towards Prof. Bobo in an apparent attempt
to throttle him. Observer is watching them. However before she
can touch him, the screen at the front of the movie theater
activates.
<Man's voice> (Booming) SO, MY GUINEA PIGS HAVE FINALLY
ARRIVED!.
The Pearl, Prof. Bobo and Observer look at the screen. On it
they see the very familiar faces of Mike Nelson, Crow and Tom
Servo. They are wearing lab coats and look somewhat more sinister
than usual. The three appear to be standing in front of a control
console, in a laboratory. Pearl and the others look surprised.
<Pearl>(shocked) Nelson? What in the wide wide world of clog
dancing are you doing there?!?
<Dr. Nelson>(Booming)GETTING READY TO BREAK YOUR WILL OF
COURSE!!(cackles madly)
Crow nudges him slightly.
<Crow>Umm..Sir?
<Dr. Nelson> (booming)AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...WHAT IS IT CROW? CAN'T
YOU SEE I'M GLOATING NOW?
<Crow>Of course you are sir...but your volume control
is on the fritz again.
<Dr. Nelson>(booming)NO IT ISN'T!
Tom Servo speaks up.
<Tom> Sir? As much as I totally loathe even being in the
general area of support for anything that walking junkpile
says....this time I have to concur.
Dr. Nelson starts to get angry at the accusations his two
assistants are making.
<Dr.Nelson>(booming)LOOK! MY VOLUME CONTROL IS JUST FINE! IF THERE
WAS A PROBLEM WITH IT, THAT INDICATOR LIGHT(Dr. Nelson points to a
blinking light on the console) WOULD BE BLINKING JUST LIKE IT
IS....WELL HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT? THE VOLUME CONTROL IS
BROKEN. I GUESS I'M SO USED TO HEARING MYSELF TALK I DIDN'T
NOTICE.
Crow and Tom begin to shout words of praise.
<Crow>Magnificent deduction sir!
<Tom>As usual Dr. Nelson, your brillance is truly amazing!
Dr. Nelson acts modest.
<Dr. Nelson> AW SHUCKS! I BET YOU SAY THAT TO ALL THE GREAT
SCIENTIFIC MINDS IN THE UNIVERSE....WELL LET'S SEE IF WE CAN
FIX THIS.
While Dr. Nelson and the bots try to fix the console, the three
in the theater recover from the shock..somewhat.
Pearl's eyes are still bulged out, Observer seems intrigued
by the whole thing while Prof. Bobo is ignoring the whole
thing and examining a toenail.
<Pearl> (whispers)DOCTOR Nelson?!?
<Observer>Hmm...in this universe, it seems that Nelson is the
one running the experiment and that we are the guinea pigs...
...Quite astounding when you think about it.
<Pearl>(whispers)Not astounding..... nauseating.
Their conversation is interrupted by Dr. Nelson's
exclamation.
<Dr. Nelson>AHA! THERE WE go...Hmm, is that better?
<Crow> (booming)JUST FINE DOCTOR...
<Tom> (booming)YEAH, SOUNDS PERFECT TO US!
<Dr. Nelson> sigh...
Dr. Nelson returns to work on the console.
Pearl uses this reprieve to tell Observer something.
<Pearl>Brain Guy, I want you to zap them..now!
Observer concentrates on Dr. Nelson and the
bots but nothing happened.
<Observer>(surprised)What the..?
He tries again.
<Observer>(confused) I..I don't understand
this?! It..It should work but...They must have
some kind of shield.
<Pearl>So for short, you are more useless than
usual. Great..Just great!
As Pearl grumbles, Dr. Nelson finally appears to
have fixed it and turns his attention back to Pearl.
<Dr. Nelson>So where was I?..Oh yeah..I remember
now.(Cackles madly) Okay...your fic for tonight is
a disaster called Knight Squadron by a Mr.X.
Pearl crosses her arms in defiance.
<Pearl>And if I don't review it?
<Dr. Nelson> Well then I'll just have to cut off your access
the George Clooney channel!
Pearl's face drains of color.
<Crow>Yeah! No more 'All Clooney! All the time!'
<Pearl>Well? What are you waiting for?!? Let's get this fic
on the road!!!
Knight Squadron Part I
A Bubblegum Crisis and Exo-Squad crossover
<Pearl> Well, we were warned...
Starring
The Knight Sabers
<Prof. Bobo> Why are they called the "Knight Sabers" instead
of the "Saber Knights?"
<Pearl> I don't know!! Go ask your mother!
Able Squad
Phaeton
The Exo-Fleet
The Imperial Navy
<Pearl> ExoSquad: I have seen the future. Bad haircuts all around!
By: MR. X
Send comments to MRX0001101@AOL.com
<Observer> X marks the slop, I suppose...
<Prof. Bobo> When Mr. X isn't writing he can be seen racing the
speedways of the world under the moniker Racer X.
<Pearl> And when he's not doing that, he's saving the world as
Mutant X...
This takes place before the episode "The Brood"
<Pearl>Well, brood is thicker than water..
(Scene: Megatokyo 2033)
<Prof. Bobo>MegaTokyo is a dark and lonely place...
<Pearl> What? Are they all taking lessons from Ryoga?
The Knights Sabers were mopping up their last rogue boomer job
<Pearl> What a sad day in history. The Knight Sabers are busted down
to ordinary janitors.
<Observer> Apparently, they're using Mackie as a mop...
<Prof.Bobo>..and they are moping as they mop...Ryoga taught them
well...
Nene: Sylia, I picking up a large disturbence just a few feet away,
near Priss's position
<Pearl> And what is Priss's current position, anyway?
<Observer> Linebacker.
<Prof Bobo> Sylia:Priss? Have you been eating refried beans again?
Sylia: Nene can you give more information?
Nene: Its a temperol distrubence
<Observer> There's a disturbance in the spell-checker
<Pearl> And the grammar-checker isn't so hot either.
<Prof. Bobo> Unless it's a disturbence in food, then it's
a "tempura disturbance"
<Pearl> Temperol?..Isn't that the non-stick stuff that's on the
space shuttle?
Priss notices that she is being sucked in
Priss: Help!
<Observer> So this fic sucks? Is that what they're telling us here?
<Prof. Bobo> Priss:Oh great! Now I need to change my underwear!
<Observer> Sylia: Uh, Priss, you're aren't wearing any underwear...
<Prof. Bobo> Priss:Damn!!
<Pearl> Are you sure this is a cross-over with the Exo-squad and not
with Overfiend?
Priss is sucked into the vortex
Sylia: Come on, we're going in after her!
<Pearl> Linna:Do we have to?
(Scene: Phaeton city)
The Knight Sabers find themselves in unfamiliar surroundings.
Basically it was a warzone, with bombed out buildings, craters,
etc.
<Pearl> Phaeton City, east of Muncie!
<Observer> You have to love descriptions that use "etc,"
Priss: Where fuck are we!
Nene: The better question is when?
<Pearl> Yes, when Priss gets under stress, she talks like
Shampoo.
Sylia looks at the street sign
Sylia: Phaeton City? What is this the Twilight Zone?
<Observer> No, this is Phaeton City! Didn't you read the
narration!!!
<Pearl> It's a Phaeton worse than death!
Then a squad of Neo E-frames greet them
<Observer> Hail, and well met!
<Prof. Bobo> Hello! We're the Neo-sapian Church of higher
conciousness...care to make a donation?
Neo: Surrender Terrans!!
Nene: I don't think that they are friendly.
<Observer> So they obliged, by handing over all the Terrans
they were carrying.
Priss: Duh! What was your first clue?
<Prof. Bobo> My first clue was that it wasn't the candlestick!
<Pearl> Well, nothing the narrator said....
Sylia extends her mono blade
<Pearl> EWWWW! Sylia has MONO!!!
<Observer> Priss: "Is this the time or the place for this,
Sylia? All these hostile E-frames and all..."
Sylia: Take them down!
Sylia takes down the lead E-frame, Linna with her grace turns one
into ribbons
<Pearl> Sylia:Linna, stop using Grace as a weapon!
<Prof. Bobo> Then Linna proceeds to tie her hair with one.
Priss: Hey Freak! This fist is for you!
<Prof. Bobo> Neo:But I wanted a bike!!!
Priss tears an E-frame apart with her bare hands.
<Observer> So Priss doesn't use guns anymore?
<Prof. Bobo> Is Priss out of her armor now? I didn't know she
was *that* strong.
<Pearl> Naah! Ever since Viagra for women, she's been pumped!
<Observer> Priss *is* the She-hulk!
<Prof Bobo> Priss:"Priss SMASH!!"
While distracted Sylia is shot in the shoulder
<Pearl> Distracted Sylia? What happened to the regular Sylia?
Nene: Sylia more bandits on the way!
Sylia opens a manhole cover
<Prof. Bobo> Sylia:We'll get the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to
help us!
<Pearl> Sylia:Maybe I can get away before they notice...
<Observer> Priss: That's quite a man hole you've got there,
Sylia.
<Pearl> You know, I won't even go there...
Sylia (groaning): Everybody into the sewer!
Priss: Sylia?
<Prof. Bobo> Priss: Okay, but if I see a wisened old rat down
there, I'm taking my chances with those bandits.
Sylia: I'm not in the bests of moods to argue!
Sylia clutches her shoulder as she climbs into the sewers
<Prof. Bobo> I wonder what would be the best of moods to argue
with Sylia, anyway?
<Pearl> I wonder if she's in a good mood then? Because bad moods
make it really easy to argue.
<Observer> I wonder when she grew a third arm...
Linna: Sylia, grab a hold of me. I'll help you.
Sylia puts her weight on Linna
<Pearl> Priss: Hey, Linna! That's MY spot!
Meanwhile the Earth Resistance was coming back from a mission
Tanaka: Napier, I picking up four lifesigns in the tunnels west of
us.
<Pearl> Meanwhile, in some vaguely indeterminate other part of
the fic....
<Prof Bobo> And someone else is looking for the Turtles...
Napier: Neo or Terran?
<Prof. Bobo> Tanaka: "Both! Neither! I don't know!"
<Observer> How about neo-terran?
Tanaka: I'm unsure.
Napier: Eve, Voodoo and Jinx, you're with me.
<Prof. Bobo> Lee! Ricoh! Youngblood!
<Observer> Shaggy and Scooby? You guys see if you can't find the
ghost!
<Pearl> The rest of you stay put...and for Godsakes NO SINGING!!!
Back where the Knight Sabers are Linna is examine Sylia wounds
Linna: I'm no doctor, but you're hit bad.
<Observer> That's okay, the guy who did this is no writer.
<Prof. Bobo> Sylia:Ummm Linna? Why do I need to take my pants
off to have you examine a shoulder wound?
<Pearl> Linna: Are you questioning my medical judgement?
<Prof. Bobo> Sylia:No...but.....
Sylia: We've better find medical help.
Priss: Quiet everyone, I hear someone coming
<Observer> Quiet! The plot might be coming!
The sound of E-frame servos got louder, Priss readies her weapons
<Observer> And the verb tenses became completely random.
Napier: Hold it! Are you four, Terran or Sape?
<Pearl> Napier:Are you known for your work in the theater?
<Observer> Napier:Were you born on Earth or are you Human?
<Prof. Bobo> Napier:We need to know because we have this quota
and if I kill two more Sapes I get a free lavalamp!
Priss is dumbstruck
<Observer> Nene:That's nothing new...
Priss: What the fuck are you talking about?!
<Prof.Bobo> Duh... what does "human" mean again, George?
Linna: Sir, your question is contradiction, we're terran and homo
Sapien. Now can you gives some help our friend is hurt bad.
<Observer> Yeah, you can tell that we're terrans by our wonderful
command of the language.
<Prof. Bobo> Why aren't they blowing them away like they did the
others?
<Pearl> Plot contrivance
Napier: Alright, follow us.
The Knight Sabers follow the Resistance back to their base of
operations and got Sylia to a makeshift medical area.
<Observer> So these resistance people trust the KS enough to
walk right into their base?
<Pearl> Well, it wouldn't be much of a fic if they all
slaughtered each other upon meeting, now would it?
(Scene: Medical area)
Linna is appling a wet washcloth to Sylia forehead, Priss walks in
<Prof. Bobo> Linna is apalling?
<Pearl>How good would you look after running around in a sewer?
Priss: How is she?
Linna: Not good, she burning up. She's got a fever and a raging
infection. that laser blast did some damage to her.
<Observer> They must have shot her with the new flu laser.
<Prof. Bobo> Her armor sure didn't provide much defense.
<Pearl> Priss:So...Did you get her wallet yet?
Linna and Priss walk out as Napier walked in
Napier: Miss, Excuse me
<Observer> Napier: "..but are those Dockers?"
<Pearl> Napier:Now that your friends have conveniently left you
alone with me, a stranger, it's PARTY TIME!
Sylia opens her eyes
Sylia (weak): Yes.
<Pearl> *Napier: "Why don't you slip out of that grimy
uncomfortable
hardsuit and slip into a dry martini?"
Napier: I have a few questions to ask.
<Observer> Napier: "Do you know the way to San Jose?"
<Pearl> Napier:Now then...what's your favorite color?
<Prof. Bobo> Sylia:Blue... no, yellow... AAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....!
Sylia (weak): I have one to ask. What year is this?
<Prof. Bobo> *Napier: "Why, it's 5318 according to the
Swahili..."
Napier: 2153. Why?
Sylia: (weak) Myself and my friends are from 2033. In a City called
Megatokyo. Just one more question. Does Genom still exsist?
<Pearl> *Napier: "Only in fairy tales and bedtime stories, Sylia"
Napier is puzzled
Napier: What is Genom?
Sylia: (weak) I'll save that for another time. I must save my
strength.
<Prof.Bobo> Sylia: For the night of passionate sex, you little
stud muffin, you!
<Pearl> Sylia:"I must rest until I get rid of this stupid (weak)
marker."
Sylia falls back to sleep
Napier walks out
Napier: J.J. contact Exo-fleet.
<Observer> J.J.: "That's DY-NO-MITE, boss!"
<Pearl> Napier:I never got *MY* questions answered!!!"
J.J.: You're on boss
Admiral Winfield's face appear on the screen
Winfield: What is it Napier?
<Observer> Napier:"It's your face. On the screen. But that's not
important right now."
<Prof. Bobo> *Napier: "Why did you stick me with a reject from a
70's sitcom?"
<Pearl> *Winfield: "Dammit, Napier! I was almost to the Kitchen,
too!"
<Observer>Napier:Sir? You wanted me to remind you to change your
undies?
<Pearl> "Damn my undies, man, this is WAR!"
Napier: Admiral, this not important but can you people give me all
information under the subject of Megatokyo and under time index 2033.
Winfield: Done. You'll have the information tomorrow.
<Observer> "Our ISP is down right now. It'll be fixed by
tomorrow."
<Pearl> *Well, you know that these guys aren't the American
government... it'd take them five days just to *find* the
information.
<Prof. Bobo> And five more to meet with lobbyists....
.Napier: Thanks.
Next day, Napier was looking at file about the Knight Sabers
<Observer> Napier:Well, it's nice that we know something about
these people now, considering that we've given them free run of
our base.
<Pearl> Napier: "Hmm, measurements, turn-ons... I'm all set!"
<Prpf.Bobo> Napier: Says here one of these women ran a women's
undergarments store. Perfect...
Eve: The Knight Sabers, huh?
Napier: Yeah, a group of mercnary, declaring war on the largest
corporation at the time
<Pearl> Now, of course, there are MUCH BIGGER corporations....
Linna walks in
Linna: Excuse me, my friend has taken a turn for the worst, I need
to get her to a doctor.
<Prof. Bobo> Napier: I can handle it. Where's that box of
leeches?
<Pearl> Napier:No...she just needs another treatment from the
Love Doctor!
Napier: I'm sorry, the only doctors here are in Neo force labor
camps.
Linna: What are you talking about?
<Observer> *Napier: "The doctors... you know, the doctors...
they're gone, and stuff..."
<Pearl> Napier:No. Doctors. Which word DIDN'T you understand?
Napier: Linna is it?
Linna: Yes.
<Pearl> Napier:Linna, there are no doctors.
<Prof. Bobo> Linna: But where are the doctors?
<Pearl> Napier:AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGH!
Napier: 50 years ago, a group of scienists created this race of
genitically enigneered race called the Neo-Sapiens, to be used as
workers in the mining colonies on Mars.
<Pearl> EXPOSITION TIME!!
<Observer> Napier: Then these two mice had the idea that they could
be used to take over the world. But they had to go back to the
drawing board when all the workers would say was 'Hi Ho.'
<Prof. Bobo> Neo's:Oh we've been..workin' in a Mars mine!...
Disgruntle for being treated like 2nd citizens, they
revolted, took control of Mars and overran much of Venus.
<Observer>Linna:This is all well and good but where are the
doctors?
Now last year a NeoSapien name Phaeton, use the Pirates of Saturn to
advance his plans by drawing the entire Exo-fleet and Imperial Navy
to attack the pirates, making a force larger than the Exo-Fleet and
the Imperial Fleet and attacking us while we were defenseless.
<Pearl> The Exo-Fleet and the Imperial Fleet were defenseless?
<Prof. Bobo> Yes...those nasty Neos took away all thier wood and
hammers too!
They took control of Earth, Venus and Mars. The Exo-Fleet
and the Imperial Navy are now gathering their forces.
Linna: Can you get a message to them to get Sylia some Medical
attention.
Napier shakes his head
<Prof. Bobo> Linna: "Okay, they're aren't any doctors, but you
can call a doctor, right?"
<Pearl> Napier: "But of course. I know of one that will be more
than happy to release your friend from her misery. Maybe he can
help on you as well.. His name is Kevorkian."
<Prof. Bobo> Linna:"Is he any good?"
Napier: No.
Linna: Well, the 3 of us have a decision to make, because Sylia's
life hangs in the balance
<Pearl> Napier:I say go for the mercy killing!
<Prof. Bobo> *Linna: "So what will it be, Knight Sabers? TV
night or
rent a movie?"
<Pearl> Napier:"I say go for the mercy killing!"
<Observer> Linna:What do you think, squire? A burner, or a
burier?
<Prof. Bobo>Linna:Hmm...If she dies..I wonder if I can have
her bunny slippers...
Napier: You are extremely loyal to Sylia?
Linna: Myself, Priss, and Nene, are willing to take bullet for each
other or for Sylia.
<Prof. Bobo> Linna:Or just for the hell of it.
<Observer> Linna: Mackie, on the other hand, we tried to
shoot him as much as possible...
<Pearl> Linna:Now getting shot with one is another matter
entirely...
In the main room of the base Linna, Priss and Nene have
a hard choice to make
Linna: We have a choice to make.
<Pearl> Linna:Bury Sylia, or cremate her?
<Observer> Linna: Should I go with the red vest or the blue t-shirt?
<Prof. Bobo> Nene: No, we have a HARD choice to make. Aren't you
listening to the narrator?
Priss and Nene look at each other for the moment
Priss: What?
<Pearl> Nene: "How much you think we'd get if we sold
her for medical experiments?
<Observer> Nene:If I said you had a beautiful
body...would you hold it against me?
Linna: In order to save Sylia, we will need join the
Exo-Fleet.
<Pearl> It's the XO fleet! Using the galaxy's most advanced form of
tic tac toe!
<Observer> Elevating it into a deathmatch...
Priss scowls
<Prof. Bobo> Nene:You know Priss? You look so sexy when
you do that!
Priss: I'm not joining the military all the rules and
regulations!
<Pearl> Yeah! They won't even let you wander around a
top-secret base unescorted!
<Observer> Linna:I don't know Priss....I think a
buzz-cut would look good on you..
Linna: Priss, Sylia's life is in danger. This is the
only way, we can save her.
<Observer> Nene:"We can rebuild her..."
<Pearl> Priss:"Well Sylia? Nice knowing ya!"
<Observer> Nene:"Make her stronger, faster..."
<Prof. Bobo>Linna: "We *can* build a better Sylia! Now pass
the rubber cement."
Nene: Even if Sylia is not dying, I'm in.
Linna: So am I. Priss?
Priss: All right, I'm in.
Linna: I'll talk to Sylia.
<Prof. Bobo> Nene: "Let her know we're ready to go down in a
blaze of glory!"
<Pearl>Priss:"We are?"
The Medical Area
Linna walks, sits next to her and applies the wet washcloth
<Prof. Bobo> Behold the miracle of future medicine; the wet
washcloth!
<Pearl> Why do they have a medical area and no doctors?
<Observer> Because it's an HMO.
<Observer> All they have is a team of highly trained people
to explain why you're not covered.
<Pearl> Oh.
Linna: Sylia?
Sylia opens her eyes
Sylia: (Weak) Linna?
<Observer> Linna: No, I'm a priest. It's time for your last
rites.
<Prof. Bobo> Father Linna?
<Pearl> Sylia:Why are you carrying that whip? AND WHERE ARE
YOUR CLOTHES!?!
Linna: Sylia, the others and I had made a choice. We can't save you
unless we join the Exo-Fleet.
<Observer> As we all know, if you repeat the same plot point
enough times, it becomes plausible.
<Pearl> Sylia:"Oh god I'm doomed!"
Sylia:(Weak) Do what you need to do.
Linna smiles
Linna: thanks.
<Pearl> Linna:"....You old bat!"
Napier's "office"
Linna walks in
Napier: Yes Linna?
<Prof. Bobo> Linna: They've assigned me as your new
secretary. Care for some dictation?
Linna: Contact Exo-Fleet. Tell them they have 4 new recruits.
<Pearl> Napier:"Oh, MAY I? Anything else you'd like me to do
for you? Rearrange some files? Shine your shoes?"
<Observer> Napier:"Okay..we will do the physical and the
stress test immediately...Now take off all your clothes and
lie down on the desk."
The next day a shuttle piloted by Able Squad pick up the Knight
Sabers, Sylia is carried on stretcher onto the shuttle. Marsala
carries the crates containing their Hardsuits
<Pearl> The Able Squad? Who's their backup, the Willing
Squad?
<Observer> The Ready Squad, I hope...
<Prof. Bobo> Nah, it's the Cain Squad. But they're not the
other squad's keeper.
Torres: Let's see what we got here.
Priss bolted from her seat
Suddenly, Prof. Bobo transforms into Azusa.
<Azusa> Jeanette is MINE! You can't have her!!
Pearl looks shocked as she leans away from Azusa.
<Pearl> What the hell is going on?!?
<Observer>Well, it's a side effect of the worm hole. You
see..the worm hole bends time and space in such a way that
the laws of reality twist as well. There by causing Professor
Bobo remarkably handsome body and personality to be replaced
with this human.
Pearl is confused and irritated. She talks as she turns to
face him.
<Pearl>Handsome body?What are you...
Instead of Observer, Pearl is looking at a bald, female
gorilla holding a bowl with a brain in it..
<Pearl>Ahhh!
<Observer ape>What?
Before she can respond, both Bobo and Observer turn back to
their original forms. Pearl decides to drop the matter
entirely.
<Pearl>(mutterring)The next time Bobo falls into a worm
hole.. I'm just going to get a dog! Yeah...and I'll call her
Ukyou!
Priss: Keep your hands out of those crates, or you'll wind up in the
hospital!
<Prof. Bobo>Priss: "And there aren't any doctors
there! Believe me, I know!"
Torres turns to Priss, and frowns
Admiral Payne: Excuse me Ms. Asagiri, thats Sgt. Rita Torres. She is
the Drill Sergant from Hell.
<Observer> Payne: "And over here we have the Lance Corporal
from Heck, and the Private from Peoria..."
<Pearl> Um... why is tha Admiral on a recruitment ship?
Priss: Well, time to send the bitch back!
<Pearl> Lucky thing she's still under warranty.
<Prof. Bobo> Priss: We want a male dog next time!
Torres position herself for a fight
<Observer> Would someone PLEASE teach this writer about
basic English grammar?
<Prof. Bobo> Narrator take speech class from Shampoo.
Admiral Payne: And now Ladies and gentlemen. LET'S GET READY TO
RUMBLE!!!!
<Pearl> WA HA HA! He became an admiral after being fired as
an announcer on FOX.
Marsh: Back off Sgt.
Torres: Lt?
<Prof. Bobo> Great taste! Less filling!
<Pearl> It's Torres Light!
<Observer> Sme. tell this wtr. not to use so mny. abbr.
<Pearl> Hey, if he's a rear admiral, does that make him a
Payne in thebutt?
Marsh: Back off Sgt!
Payne: Thanks JT, I just about to start placing bets.
<Pearl> Payne: It's not like *I* could've ordered them to
stop... being only a lowly admiral....
Marsh: Sorry spoil your fun. (turns to Linna) how is you friend?
Linna: If we don't get her to a doctor, she'll die.
<Prof Bobo> Linna: Or worse, she'll be (weak) for the rest
of her life!
<Pearl> Marsh:And this concerns me how?
Marsh: Don't worry, there's always hope.
(Scene: Sickbay on the Resolute)
<Prof Bobo> Sickbay on the Roulette?
<Pearl> "Well, looks like there's no hope!"
Sylia was rushed into the Sickbay in critical condition
<Observer> Where she was made to fill out forms for the next
6 hours.
5 hours later Admiral Winfield walks in
<Observer> Winfield: "Well, we have good news and bad
news. The good news is she's alive. The bad news is that we
accidently splashed experimental water on her. She's now a
guy."
<Pearl> Priss: "That's bad news?"
Winfield: How is Ms. Stingray?
Doctor: She'll be fine.
<Observer> Now that she's over her case of acute plot
contrivance.
<Pearl> Doctor: "..as soon as she stops thinking she's Cutey
Honey."
<Prof. Bobo> Sylia: "Honey FLASH!"
Winfield: Can I talk to her?
Doctor nodded. Winfield walks over to Sylia's bedside and sits down
Winfield: Ms. Stingray?
Sylia: Yes?
<Observer> (Winfield) Are you aware that here in the future,
all sexual harrassment laws have been repealed? Mweh heh
heh.
<Prof Bobo> Sylia: But my name is Cutey Honey, not Sylia.
<Pearl> Winfield:I'm sorry but you are not attractive enough
to join Exo-fleet...So out the airlock you go!
Winfield: I'm Admiral Winfield, I've received you're request for
enlistment. After reading your files, I've deciced you and your Knight
Sabers as members of the Exo-Fleet.
<Observer> You'll be assigned to the English Grammar
battalion.
<Pearl> With Shampoo as your head commander.
<Prof. Bobo> Winfield: "We're always looking for a few good
men... all the better that they're women!"
Sylia: I have a request, sir?
Winfield: Name it.
<Pearl> Sylia: "A real doctor, please? All this guy's done
is a Pap smear."
<Observer> Sylia:Could you see to it that Linna is thrown
out a airlock at the first avalable oppertunity?
<Prof Bobo> Sylia: Priss is mine!
<Observer> Sylia: Can you find us a hentai guy for us to
kick around? We left our last one at home...
Sylia goes into detail
<Pearl> (Winfield) But where am I going to get the squids?!?
Scene: Resolute's hanger)
Priss, Linna, and Nene were waiting for Sylia. Sylia walks in,
wearing an Exo-Fleet uniform (identical to JT's)
<Pearl> Jt: "Hey! GIVE ME BACK MY CLOTHES DAMNIT!!"
<Prof. Bobo> Wow, she's recovered in record time.
<Observer> Acute Plot Contrivance heals quickly.
Sylia: Ok, People, we're now a part of the Exo-Fleet. As an E-frame
squadron, I have already made out the chain command
<Prof. Bobo> Sylia: "And the whips of command as well."
Knight Squadron
Commander Sylia Stingray- Squadron Leader
<Observer> From Recruit to Commander...what, no basic
training?
<Pearl>I think she already passed the officer's "test" with
Winfield..
Lt. Cmdr. Nene Romanova- Electronic Warfare
Master Sgt. Priss Asagiri- Heavy Weapon and Assault E-frame
Sgt. Linna Yamazaki- Close range Melee
<Pearl> Private Mackie, comic relief
Sylia: Ok, that's break down. I will modifiy the hardsuits to handle
the vaccum of space and upgrade our weapons.
<Observer> Okay, wait up here. She just had a
life-threating shoulder injury. Now she's a mechanic's
aide, something she outranks by a long shot anyway? Another
thing... didn't the Knight Sabers join the Exo-Squad here to
get Sylia to a doctor? She's all healed... let's go now..
<Prof. Bobo>You haven't seen the medical bill....
I will also build the advanced
Motoroids.
<Pearl> Sylia: "Because that's what commanders should
do. Now bring me a crescent wrench and a car battery!"
<Observer> Winfield: "Don't you mean a fusion power pack?"
<Pearl> Sylia: "Oh, yeah... That!"
Priss: Alright, when do get to see some action?
<Observer> Certainly not in this fic.
<Prof. Bobo> Sylia starts undressing. "Right now sugar!"
<Fido> >Sylia smiles
<Fido> Sylia: Soon Sgt.
<Observer> Again w/ the abbr.!
<Pearl> Sylia: "Very... soon. Now drop and give me twenty,
sergeant!"
<Prof. Bobo> Priss:"WHO IN THE HELL IS THIS SGT. GUY?!??!"
To Be continued
Part II: Launch Knight Squadron
<Observer> Yeah right.
<Pearl> Can't wait.
<Prof. Bobo> Are we done yet? I still have to go to the
little ape's room!
Winfield: (voice over) If Exo-Fleet supply can build Hot-headed and
strong-willed individuals the way we build E-frames....
<Observer> Winfield: "...They'd all kill each other."
<Prof. Bobo> Winfield:"We'd win the war..but I would be out
of a job so..."
<Pearl> Yes, become an Admiral and YOU TOO can do mighty
voice-overs!
Sgt. Priss Asagiri would be standard issue.
<Pearl> And they would all wear blond wigs during combat.
With a temper as bad as Priss' she is the last person
you would want to screw with,
<Prof. Bobo>Not in my opinion! She would be the perfect
lifemate!
one would say what would happen inside a reactor until it explodes
<Pearl> Can someone PLEASE translate this into English?
<Observer>Sorry Pearl. Not even I can do that...
<Prof. Bobo> Winfield: I know, I've personally tested her
last night...
The trio watches as the screen that fed them the fic fades
out then fades back in to the lab. Dr. Nelson and his two
assistants are waiting expectantly for their response.
<Dr. Mike J Nelson> What did you guys think of the fic?
<Prof.Bobo> Urk!
<Observer> Gah!
<Pearl> What they said.
After a few minutes, Observer recovers enough to speak.
<Observer> Let's see... the grammar, spelling, and
punctuation were
poor....
<Pearl> ... the plot was forced, and not at all
interesting...
<Observer> ... the dialogue did little more than repeat the
plot points over and over...
<Observer> ... what am I missing?
<Pearl> and a some of it was out of character...
<Prof.Bobo> Actually....as far as fics go this is a good
outline....
Dr. Nelson, first asst. Crow, and second asst. Tom Servo
look
concerned.
<Dr. Nelson>Any ill effects?
Pearl, Observer, and Prof. Bobo shake their heads.
<Pearl>Not really..
<Observer> Except for our initial reaction, I don't feel
any after effects..
<Crow>Any feelings of weakness?
Pearl, Observer and Prof. Bobo confer for a monent then
answer.
<Observer>Unuh....
<Tom Servo>You don't want to tear your eyes out and run
screaming on you hands and knees before us in total and
complete obedience?
<Pearl>Nope...Sorry.
Dr. Nelson and his assistants stare calmly at the other three then
suddenly....
<Tom Servo> WAAAAAHHHH!!Another failure!
Tom begins to repeatedly hit his head on the table.
<Tom Servo>It's not fair!
Thunk!
<Tom Servo>You should be writhing in agony now!
Thunk!
Crow and Dr. Nelson begin to console Tom, then Dr. Nelson looks
up and glares angerly at Pearl and the other two.
<Dr. Nelson>(Angrily)Now see what you have done?!?
Dr. Nelson turns back to Tom.
<Dr. Nelson>(soothingly)There, there, Tom. It's okay..
<Crow>Yeah! We'll have them groveling at our feet in no time!
Tom looks up.
<Tom Servo>...*Sniff*..R-really?
<Dr. Nelson>Of course we will and you know what?
<Tom Servo> No what?
<Dr Nelson>Just to cheer you up, I'm going to let you play
with their atmosphere control.
Tom starts to hop around happily.
<Tom Servo>(sing-sing) I get to suffocate the guinea
pigs! I get to suffocate the guinea pigs!
In the theater, Prof. Bobo looks defiant, Pearl looks
horrified but Observer is just polishing his nails
looking bored.
<Prof. Bobo>(bold voice)HA! We don't need any of your
atmosphere!!
Pearl turns to Prof. Bobo starts hitting him. She is
talking while she hits him.
<Pearl>(Angrily)WE..(BAP)..NEED..(BAP)..
ATMOSPHERE..(BAP)..YOU..(BAP) IDIOT!!!(BAP, BAP, BAP)
Observer interrupts.
<Observer>(nonchalant)Oh, I wouldn't worry about it.
Pearl turns to Observer, still upset.
<Pearl>Oh you wouldn't huh? Well before I kill you, care to
tell me why?
<Observer>We aren't going to be here.
At the finish of his sentence, Pearl, Prof. Bobo and Observer
disappear and reappear back in the Widowmaker. They are still
traveling in the wormhole. Prof. Bobo is nowhere to be seen.
<Observer>(smugly)See?
Pearl slaps him on the back of his head.
<Pearl> Nobody likes a wise brain!
AS Observer tries to recover from the slap, Pearl gets a insightful
look on her face.
<Pearl>You know something. This whole experience has really
affected me. Being in someone else's shoes can really give you a
perspective you haven't had before. Sometimes that can makes you want
to reevaluate your life and maybe change parts of it. Maybe it's
time for a kinder, gentler Pearl....
Pearl looks at Observer. Observer stares back.
<Both> NAAAAAH!
END