My summary of Akon
       or
 Welcome to Hell
       or
Lara Bartram forgot
   my Ice Cream

    by Rod M



Chronological view:

Friday:

- Me and Nigel, fella that wrote '8 Days a Week' from a long time ago,
  left for Dallas at 3:00 pm.  Along the way, I open a fortune cookie
  I'd neglected to open yesterday.  It said 'It is not too late to
  choose another path.'  Remember this, kids.

- arrived 7:00 pm, car overheating a bit oddly, felt sure that
  it was just the car stressed from the long drive.  Decided I
  was too tired to meet with Nick and the other fanfic panelists
  that night, so I just had a quiet dinner.  

Saturday:

- 11:30am Car's overheating, definitely a problem.  Car redlined
  several times, forcing me to pull over.  Feelnig mighty foolish
  wearing a somewhat thick shirt in 90+ degree weather.  After
  several desperate hops, drive the car back to the hotel.
  Got a ride from the hotel shuttle service to a rent-a-car place
  to arrange for  wheels. Eat lunch, scout area for an auto-repair shop.

- 1:00pm Call towers and find a garage to bring it to.  Tow trucks
  come at 2:45 pm. Problem - Fanfic panel is at 3:00 pm.

- 3:50pm, arrive late at fanfic panel.  All things considered,
  it goes well.  Nick, Lara, Willmore, Gaffney present, Lawson
  leaving just as I arrive to fulfill his minmay fetish.  Wonder
  who the fella on the far left is... at one moment I tell the crowd
  that I think Ritsuko is quite the.... sex goddess.  That goes over
  well, recieve high-five from unknown fellow to the left, reciprocate
  in kind.  Moments later, as someone brings Eyrie up, I finally
  realize it's Megazone.  I bite back any comments on NXE for the
  rest of the panel.  Gaffo, I think, notices me mumbling.

- 5:00 hang about with Travis Butler (The Prof), and sometimes
  Lara Bartram and Sean Gaffney, as well as some fellow from the Univ.
  of Houston whose name escapes me, terribly sorry.  Overall, pleasant
  company.  Joked with Lara that she didn't bring me 'moose tracks',
  a kind of ice cream she told me of once and had offered, in a 
  virtual sort of sense, to me on-line.  Finally met David Tai,
  but with everyone doing their own thing, I lose track of him
  quickly.

- 8:00 went out to eat chinese buffet with Travis & Nigel.  Nick's
  choice of a $20 a person japanese buffet was a bit too high for
  me, considering I had a nasty car repair bill likely to hit me
  sunday.  Ran into David again, almost break his $120 collectable
  Transformer.  Watched the Sakura Wars OAV, waited forever for the
  Street Fighter tournament to start, but when it was announced
  that it would likely start at 1:00 am, I gave up.  After the
  mess with the car and the hectic aftermath of the fanfic panel, 
  was too tired to care anymore about the SFA3 tourney.

  Brief rant:  tourney was scheduled for 10:00pm, but moved back
  because of the cosplay.  Why?  I don't know, but it kinda tells
  that the organizers didn't care about it that much.  Am I disappointed?
  Very.

Sunday:

- 2:00 pm, recieved the bill for the car repair, nearly $400.
  (They ripped me off, I'm sure, but I had no alternative)
  Pay off the car rental.... another $100 (cheapest rate my ass)
  Paid off hotel (another $100), felt extremely broke.  And
  I still hadn't bought a thing from the dealer's tables.

- 3:30 pm, found one lousy thing I wanted in the dealer's room
  that I could afford: A maya sakamoto jpop CD.  She's the voice
  of hitomi kansaki in escaflowne, the cd is great.  Decide
  that it's time for a formal retreat from this massive disaster,
  bid my farewells, drive on outtaa there.




The top 10 memorable things of Akon for me

10) Realizing I'd agreed with Megazone on something.  Kids,
    the world shall end now.  But dammit, Ritsuko is not a
    bitch!

9)  Cookie fortune: "It is not too late to choose another path"
    Oh yeah?  It is if you open the fortune cookie LATE.

8) Lara's catchphrase, "I don't care".  She was very well-spoken,
   had humorous tales to tell, but somehow it always went back to
   the phrase "I don't care".

7) They actually applauded when I told the crowd what I'd written.
   I was, to say the least, surprised.

6) Zen's spatula.  My God, he really does have one.

5) Gaffney's #1 fan.  Quite surprised at the enthusiasm shown
   there, yes.

4) Prancing Willmore.  Never have I seen an individual
   howl 'Pika-choo!' while skipping about merrily and
   rapidly.  Willmore needs less caffiene and a vacation
   to Norway.

3) Chrysler Cyris, or Cyrsomething.  Good lord, could that
   rental car haul.  Power brakes, power steering, power windows,
   it even had power assumption: driving more than 20mph?  It
   assumes you want the doors locked.  Tug on the door handles
   inside? It assumes that you really do want the door opened.
   This is how accidents happen.

2) Car-repair related expenses: $500.
   SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!
   (see also #9)


1) To the short-haired girl in the stunningly short blue skirt:

   Rrrrrrowr.  *wolfwhistle*  ha-cha-cha.  Yooooow.

   And I thought panty-revelaing skirts only existed in anime.


-Rod M.
  Yes, I am a pervert.