The Ranma Revolution:
An Idiotic X-Over Spamfic
By: Dreiser
EPISODE ONE: You're Kidding, Right?
SCENE: A very dark room that is very... dark. There is a huge table
with several fat men sitting around it. At the head of the table is a chair
with its back facing the men. The chair suddenly whirls around to
reveal that Iris Chateaubriand is sitting in it. She looks extremely small
and kawaii in the large leather chair as she clings to her teddy bear.
IRIS: (Kawaii French accent.) I have recently discovered that there is
growing feeling of malcontent among non-Ranma anime characters.
We must do something about this.
FAT MAN #1: (Wipes his brow.) We have heard about it too Miss
Chateaubriand but there's nothing we can do! It isn't our policy to
interfere with the fanfiction writers creative--
IRIS: (Interrupts.) Enough! I won't stand for an uprising while I remain
in charge of this multiverse!
FAT MAN #21: (Frowns.) Well, we can't have them upset. At the
rate we're going all the anime characters except the Ranma cast will
turn against us.
IRIS: (Contemplates.) Then there is only one thing that we can do that
will grant the other anime characters their hearts desire.
FAT MAN #361: (Gasps.) You don't mean--!
IRIS: (Glares at him.) I do! We're going to let any anime character that
wants the chance to part of a massive anti-Ranma crossover fic! None
of the Ranma characters will appear in this fic less they face the
punishment of death! Or at least temporary banishment.
FAT MAN #007: (Head hits the desk. Moans.) We're doomed...
IRIS: (Sniffs.) Stop crying. My plan is brilliant and it will surely
appease the masses.
FAT MAN #1: (Hesitantly raises his hand.) But we don't have the
time to run this sort of operation. Who can we possibly get that would
have the proper managerial skills for the job and still be dumb enough
to accept our offer?
SCENE: A very messy apartment that is very... messy. There is the
vague outline of a figure buried underneath a large pile of blankets.
Beer cans are strewn everywhere. The phone rings shrilly and a hand
feels around until its find the phone. The faint sound of muffled
conversation is heard then the hand emerges to hang up the phone.
MISATO: (Muffled.) Damn politicians...
SCENE: A very dark room that is very... dark. There is a huge table
with several fat men sitting around it. At the head of the table is Iris
Chateaubriand. She is staring at the phone receiver that she holds in
her hand.
IRIS: (Blinks.) I guess we'll have to call her back later.
FAT MAN #72: (Cleans his glasses.) Well we can't start the fanfic
without getting someone to run it. Otherwise it will just get crazy and
turn into the Replacement Ranmas.
IRIS: (Looks at him.) Which means we'll get readers.
FAT MAN #72: (Continues.) Which means we'll... yes. Well. I
suppose you have a point there.
IRIS: (Sighs.) I don't want to cause another plagiarism scandal so we
ought to get someone to supervise this.
FAT MAN #13: (Pipes up slowly.) There is someone else...
SCENE: A very destroyed kitchen that is very... destroyed. The
Goddess Urd stares at a large cauldron that sits in the sink. It's
bubbling over with green toxic goo and she watches this with a
thoughtful expression.
URD: (Murmurs to herself.) Who would've thought that's what
happens when you mix nitroglycerin and paprika?
(The phone rings and Urd goes to answer it.)
URD: (Sexily.) Morisato household, Urd speaking. What's your
pleasure? (She pauses to listen as she twirls the phone cord around
her finger.) Uh-hmm... that sounds very interesting. (She pauses to
listen.) Right, well. I don't know if I'm much for supervising. (Her eyes
light up as she listens.) I can? You will? Well, then! You have a deal!
Just give me some time to take care of things here. (She hangs up the
phone and stares at the cauldron.) Now, what to do about this?
(There is a long pause then she shrugs.) Might as well leave it. Maybe
someone will mistake it for food.
SCENE: A very dark room that is very... dark. There is a huge table
with several fat men sitting around it. At the head of the table is Iris
Chateaubriand. She has just hung up the phone and is smiling.
IRIS: (Happily.) She has agreed to supervise our operation! Isn't that
wonderful everyone?
FAT MEN: (Weakly repeat.) Wonderful...
IRIS: (She smiles again and looks to her teddy bear.) I told you that
things would work out Jean Paul. This is going to be the most kawaii
crossover spamfic ever!
(The Fat Men exchange nervous glances and as Iris continues talking
to Jean Paul the scene fades to black.)
To be continued...
All characters in this spamfiction are from various anime series that I'll
list in order below. This is a nonsensical out of character piece of tripe
that I wrote when extremely bored. I felt drawn by some unexplained
force to write another dumb spamfic series and this is it. Hopefully this
project will help get the need out of my system. Please don't take this
stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun.
Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com
Not-so thrilling trailer line: What will happen next time?! Will we find
out why the ultra kawaii Iris Chateaubriand is in charge of the anime
multiverse?! Is Urd going to use her powers in supervising the fanfic
for her usual perversity?! And why did the author put Ranma in the
title if none of the characters are going to show up?! Yes, for readers!
CAST AND CREDITS:
Iris Chateaubriand... The Sakura Wars.
Jean Paul aka the teddy bear... The Sakura Wars.
Katsuragi Misato... Neon Genesis Evangelion.
Urd... Oh My Goddess!
Fat Men... My own twisted brain.
Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780
Thanks to Red Death all my fanfics are archived at:
http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm