DB Sommer wrote:

% Finally got around to reading this.

I am eating lunch alone when Nabiki approaches me.

% Hmm. I do believe she bears something of a grudge against Dachi. This
should be interesting.

Oh, nonsense.  A grudge is just a place to park, but a business
opportunity is lewt.  Besides, she already made her point with the
Y15,000 pictures of onna-Ranma.

Now, Kotchi . . . _she's_ got a grudge.

  She favors me with
a lazy look, then folds herself onto the bench across from me.

"Hello, Kodachi," she says.

"Good day to you, upperclasswoman Tendo," I respond evenly.

"So how's your brother?"  She smiles slightly, a small twitch of the
lips.  "He hasn't been back to school."

"No, he won't be."  I refuse to share my family secrets with this
person.

% Good instincts.

Identifying Nabiki as a sleazeball is a little like identifying a banyan
as a tree.  She's got a whole sleazeball walk and sleazeball talk.  I
think she practices in front of a mirror based on tapes of _Wall
Street._ 
 

 An idea strikes me.  "He'll be studying abroad."

% Oh? I didn't realize his institutionalization was not common knowledge.
Makes sense, though.

Kotchi opted against the press release.

An eyebrow slides up her face.  "Really?  Where?"

"France."  Why not?

% Because Jerry Lewis is their national hero? ^_^

They'd love Tatchi, then.

"I don't want it."

"Oh, you're lying!"  She sounds delighted, as if it were a particularly
endearing trick I had just learned.

% Heh. I still really like the wording and phrasing of things throughout
this. Nice work.

Thank you.

"My dear Kodachi, I've seen you
look at him.  You practically wet yourself.

% Hmm. Sounds a bit crude for Nabby, but not by much.

Why, she's merely referring to Kodachi's excessive sweating, of course.
 

Ranma is outside the gates, and so is another boy, one with a backpack
and a folded parasol

% I like that. It's a better choice of wording than 'umbrella' in
Kodachi's case.

Technically, parasols are for sun and umbrellas for rain, but who's
counting?

"No.  All I know is Ryoga--his name's Ryoga--showed up and started
threatening Ranma.  My idiot fianc� thought it was about bread.  Can you
believe that?  As if somebody would come all this way just because he
didn't get the last piece of bread."

% As we can see, she doesn't know Ranma and the chaos that follows him
very well, yet. ^_^

"She don't know me vewwy well, do she?"

"I'm sorry!" blurts Ryoga, skidding to a stop next to us.  "I didn't
mean to I'm sorry please forgive me!"

"Stuff off," I snap,

% 'Stuff off?' Is that something she would say? Dunno. I think there's got
to be something better, though nothing comes to mind.

Well, I've already ruled out "go f*** a cactus." 

"You okay?" asks Ranma.  "You're bleedin'."

% Ohh. That's going to help calm her down. Attention from darling Ranma.
Of course Ryouga's going to really feel like crap once he realizes who's
hair he just sheared.

I think he's already got the picture.

"NO!" shouts Ryoga. He shoves Ranma away and plants himself between
us.  "I won't let you take advantage of this innocent young girl!"

% Heh. Typical Ryouga reaction.

"Excuse me, please," I say, as chill as winter wind.

% Kodachi: There is not one innocent thing about me. No. Wait. That didn't
come out right.

"This is not your
business."

"You see, I want him to take advantage of me."

"Don't trust him, Kodachi," he says hotly.  "He's probably plotting to
sneak you off to the nurse's supply closet!"  Pointing a finger at
Ranma, he declares loudly, "I challenge you for the right to date
Kodachi!"

% BWHAHAHAHA!!! That's a pretty quick move for ole' Ryouga.

Blind panic makes a strong motivation.

Thanks for reading.

-- David